Need BBB advice for someone who's facing a separation

[fedoragirl]

I have a new friend who has a 4 yr. old son and is facing a separation from her DH. I know most of her side of the story and am at a loss as to how to advise her since she asks me for advice all the time. I thought the BBB might be able to help me help her with this one dilemma.

She wants to return to her home country with her son and the husband is amenable to that. However, she thinks it might be better for her DS to continue with the current preschool and living situation provided her DH moves out but continues supporting them. She is a SAHM. When her DS is school-aged, she would like to return to her family. She thinks this will be the least disruptive and traumatizing to DS and asked me if this was a good idea. I really don't know. I do know that they are not yet headed to court and neither has retained a laywer. They both want to do this privately and I don't know the laws here. I don't even know if it's a good idea to do all this without laywers. The DH has promised to give her everything in writing. Is that good enough?

[Philly Mom]

German law and procedure is very different from here. I think she needs to talk to a German lawyer to find out.

[niccig]

German law and procedure is very different from here. I think she needs to talk to a German lawyer to find out.
:yeahthat: She also needs to keep in mind the Hague Convention on Abduction of Children. You can't take a child out of their resident country w/o permission of other parent. I would want to make sure that permission is in writing and includes child is to live in home country. Definitely consult with a lawyer on all aspects of that.

I know a couple where the wife waited until visiting her family overseas in EU to say she was leaving her DH and keeping kids in EU country. He went to USA embassy immediately, was able to file saying she had abducted kids w/o his permission as keeping them in the EU country etc etc. She was told by her lawyer that she had to return to USA to do divorce and custody as she had violated treaty and wouldn't win. She had to go back to USA, got divorced and her ex-H will not allow the kids to leave the USA again. She messed up BIG time.

All that to say, your friend needs legal advice.

[mom2binsd]

I don't think I see the logic in staying for preschool, I think if they are working on their marriage, then yes, staying makes sense. But to delay moving to the home country until school age (if child is 4, would she consider moving for K at age 5), I think I would want to get the child settled. The longer she and the child stays the harder it will be on the child I would think. I guess I don't understand, is the father going to also move to the different country.

I think it is ALWAYS important when money and children are involved to use a lawyer, no question. Him saying he'll put it in writing means nothing.

[fedoragirl]

I think it is ALWAYS important when money and children are involved to use a lawyer, no question. Him saying he'll put it in writing means nothing.

Ok, this is what I wanted to clarify. I realize the laws here are different but she is fearful of hiring a lawyer because she doesn't have any money of her own and feels she'll be misrepresented in the courts because of misunderstandings in language and culture and also courts here tend to favor their nationals or so she tells me. I guess her DH wants to avoid spending money and the hassle of going to court or hiring a lawyer but I suspect he may get one without her knowing.
Her child won't go to school till he's almost 7 so she still has some time to ease the transition for him. I guess my best advice would be to insist on hiring a lawyer.

[123LuckyMom]

Just because a lawyer helps her create and file documents does not mean she will have to go to court. A lawyer will just ensure that the documents will stand up in court should her husband someday choose to violate the terms of their agreement. If she and her husband agree on all the aspects of the agreement, the lawyer's fee will be low, because s/he will not have to spend much time on it at all.

[BunnyBee]

There are collaborative divorce attorneys here in the US. It's possible Germany could have similar. She may be able to check with her home embassy for advice or leads on attorneys familiar with laws in both relevant countries.