We're looking to hire a nanny...would this bother you?

[dukie41181]

So we have been interviewing potential nannies (without much success I might add :( ). We had another one today and my husband has a policy that he will connect with anyone who watches our girls on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Well, he looked her up during the interview (she helped point out her profile) and when we looked at it on the way home found references to marijuana as well as photos of underage drinking and smoking marijuana and bongs. This turned us off despite the fact that she interviewed quite well. Would this bother you? We have had difficulty finding someone and I wonder if maybe we are being too picky. Having said that, our nanny will be transporting our children to activities and I am concerned about the potential level of substance use and whether it would become an issue relating to reliability and God forbid she ever come to work high or something. Am I other thinking this one? Can we talk this out?

TIA!

[Green_Tea]

Is the nanny herself underage? Were these pictures she herself posted (or did she "like" them or was tagged in them), and do they show her actually doing this stuff? Is she a college student? What are her references like?

It does sound like a turnoff. Did she know ahead of time that you'd be checking her account?

[AngB]

It's not so much that she is drinking underage or smoking pot, but that she is dumb/bold enough to post on FB, etc. about it...I would not hire her.

[crl]

It's not so much that she is drinking underage or smoking pot, but that she is dumb/bold enough to post on FB, etc. about it...I would not hire her.

Right, that shows a lack of judgement to me. But is this stuff she posted herself or stuff other people posted? Is she in the pictures?

Catherine

[dukie41181]

She is underage (20) and some photos were just of empty liquor bottles and the most disturbing was of her holding a bong, exhaling a GIANT puff of smoke. She also had posts about eating pot brownies after getting her wisdom teeth removed. When we looked again tonight the posts and photos had been deleted. We haven't called her references yet because we stopped when we saw this stuff this afternoon. She did not know ahead of time that we ask for this but clearly knowing we had access, the stuff was removed.

[rin]

It would definitely bother me, but it wouldn't necessarily be a deal-breaker. Honestly, I would be mostly concerned about her judgment posting pictures like that on a social media site (although it would probably depend on what exactly the pictures showed). IMO there are plenty of people who drank when underage/party on the weekends as adults and smoke(d) pot who are perfectly responsible employees.

If she's younger and doesn't have much professional experience, she may not realize exactly how damaging that kind of social media presence can be, but it might not necessarily mean that she's irresponsible/has substance use problems/etc. If you had a good feeling about her in person, I'd consider having a straight conversation with her about what you saw on her Facebook page and clarifying your expectations.

But yeah, it would bother me.

[megs4413]

So we have been interviewing potential nannies (without much success I might add :( ). We had another one today and my husband has a policy that he will connect with anyone who watches our girls on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Well, he looked her up during the interview (she helped point out her profile) and when we looked at it on the way home found references to marijuana as well as photos of underage drinking and smoking marijuana and bongs. This turned us off despite the fact that she interviewed quite well. Would this bother you? We have had difficulty finding someone and I wonder if maybe we are being too picky. Having said that, our nanny will be transporting our children to activities and I am concerned about the potential level of substance use and whether it would become an issue relating to reliability and God forbid she ever come to work high or something. Am I other thinking this one? Can we talk this out?

TIA!

I'm probably going to be in the minority, but it would definitely bother me. If nothing else, it demonstrates some immaturity and boneheadedness to have posted that type of thing where prospective employers (not to mention the whole world) can see it. I'm pretty straight-laced, though.

[SnuggleBuggles]

She's a college kid. I know some of you didn't do stuff like that in college but some of us did. We did it on our free time but were uber professional and responsible the rest of the time. Bad judgement to post online but I think that many of that age do it without thinking all the time. I would call her references and not rule her out, personally.

[Green_Tea]

She's a college kid. I know some of you didn't do stuff like that in college but some of us did. We did it on our free time but were uber professional and responsible the rest of the time. Bad judgement to post online but I think that many of that age do it without thinking all the time. I would call her references and not rule her out, personally.

:yeahthat:
While I would be bothered, I also think that asking for access to her (private) FB page/Instagram/Twitter on the spot kind of sets her up. Lots of young people are successful and responsible students and employees, but have FB/Twitter/Instagram accounts that would curl your hair. If she has excellent references, I wouldn't rule her out.

[AngB]

After reading your 2nd post, I'm torn. I think I would interview a few more people and see how much you like her in comparison. It wouldn't be 100% a deal breaker, but she is 20, not 15, she should know better not to post stuff like that by now. At least she had the sense to delete it later, but I'd prefer someone with more common sense. While kids these days have social media that didn't exist when I was 20, they also have been hearing for years and years that they need to be careful what they post online.

[JBaxter]

Since i harp on my boys about what the post on facebook I would decline to hire her for the stupidity of posting that crap But thats me.

[Hemlock]

I'm probably going to be in the minority, but it would definitely bother me. If nothing else, it demonstrates some immaturity and boneheadedness to have posted that type of thing where prospective employers (not to mention the whole world) can see it. I'm pretty straight-laced, though.

:yeahthat: It would absolutely be a deal-breaker for me. I would keep looking for someone with better judgement and more maturity.

[cntrymoon2]

That would 100% be a deal breaker for me. Bold enough to post photos and evidence of using illegal substances? No way.

[ahisma]

It's not so much that she is drinking underage or smoking pot, but that she is dumb/bold enough to post on FB, etc. about it...I would not hire her.

This. Exactly. We have had nannies that I am positive smoked pot. I didn't care one bit. They were great people, responsible nannies, etc. None of them would have posted about it online. That's really dumb. Regardless of your personal view about pot laws and the drinking age, breaking a law isn't something that a responsible person should be freely advertising.

[DietCokeLover]

There is no way I would consider her. I would never have any sense of peace about her caring for my children.

[petesgirl]

That would 100% be a deal breaker for me. Bold enough to post photos and evidence of using illegal substances? No way.

This is my view also. But again, I'm a very straight - laced person. I just wouldn't want that kind of example for my kids. My only question is how long ago were this pictures taken? Are they recent?

[dukie41181]

We see asking for that access and looking immediately after an interview really provides a glimpse into the life of the person we have interviewed. Being as this is someone who will be spending a significant amount of time with our girls and in our home, we would like to know as much as possible about the person we may hire.

[dukie41181]

Yes, recent. Some photos were up to a year old and some were a few weeks ago. And written posts in the last few weeks too.

[Green_Tea]

It sounds like she's not the right fit for your family, and you should keep looking.

[petesgirl]

Yes, recent. Some photos were up to a year old and some were a few weeks ago. And written posts in the last few weeks too.

Personally, I would look for someone else. And I think that is smart to ask for access to those accounts. It makes sense to me why you would want to get a true picture of someone, I mean these are your kids after all.

[Indianamom2]

:yeahthat: It would absolutely be a deal-breaker for me. I would keep looking for someone with better judgement and more maturity.


That would 100% be a deal breaker for me. Bold enough to post photos and evidence of using illegal substances? No way.


There is no way I would consider her. I would never have any sense of peace about her caring for my children.

:yeahthat: 100% a deal breaker for me. If my own husband engaged in this sort of activity, he would not be allowed to care for our children either. All it takes is one lapse of judgement for something horrible to happen. I'm certainly not going to trust my kids with someone who has already shown multiple lapses and is apparently proud of it, or thinks it's cool. No way, no how.

[rin]

It sounds like she's not the right fit for your family, and you should keep looking.

:yeahthat:

I don't think you should let anyone on an online forum convince you that your gut is wrong when it comes to childcare for your children. I personally would not rule her out based on what you've described, but it sounds like you are definitely troubled by it.

If you do decide to keep looking, I think it would be generous/helpful (although totally not your responsibility!) to let her know exactly why you decided not to hire her. She sounds like a pretty typical college kid and this might be a good wake-up call for her as to the kinds of things that employers may ask for.

[Globetrotter]

I never did this sort of thing so perhaps i have little empathy for her, but I find it highly irresponsible that she posted the pics online so it would be a deal breaker for me. OTOH, at least she had sense to delete them

[crayonblue]

Deal breaker for me.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It sounds like she's not the right fit for your family, and you should keep looking.

Right. It's obviously a deal breaker for your family so time to move on.

[Still-in-Shock]

Do you remember how old those posts were? If they are recent, I would try to find someone else. If she has poor judgment about what to post, then she may have poor judgment about when and where she can drink and smoke dope. The fact that she pulled the pictures shows that she knows that they are problematic, but if she was really on the ball, she would have realized that she needed to remove this stuff before she interviewed.

Yeah, I agree that it used to be more common, but she is interviewing for a childcare position. I don't think you are being too cautious.

[ellies mom]

:yeahthat:
While I would be bothered, I also think that asking for access to her (private) FB page/Instagram/Twitter on the spot kind of sets her up. Lots of young people are successful and responsible students and employees, but have FB/Twitter/Instagram accounts that would curl your hair. If she has excellent references, I wouldn't rule her out.
:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.

[BunnyBee]

I have friends who partied through college and even grad school. They turned out to be responsible adults. I'd leave my kids with them without any hesitation NOW, but I would not leave my kids with college-them.

Maybe you'd have hired her if she had cleaned things up before the interview, but now that you know, you will always have those pictures in your head of her. It would be a deal breaker for me.

[rin]

:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.

I agree with this completely; I also would not be comfortable with that level of scrutiny, and would find it intrusive. However, there are jobs where that kind of scrutiny is required (and where I would never work); IMO as long as the employer is up front about their requirements, then it's just a clear indication that there's not a good fit.

As a parallel example, I do not use illegal drugs, but I do not want to work somewhere that conducts random drug testing; I feel that is a violation of my privacy and do not want to work for an employer that feels they have the right to my personal medical specimens on demand. However, I don't deny that it's the prerogative of an employer to make that be a requirement of employment.

To me, requiring access to an employee's personal Facebook page is similar; I would not be at all comfortable with that and would not want to work somewhere that required it, but I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with asking for it.

[crl]

:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.

I do have to say that I agree with this as well. I would be taken aback to be asked for this and might refuse to provide it. But since you asked and she provided the access. . . .

Catherine

[Staraglimmer]

Umm I'd run, not walk away. Like others have stated, she lacks good judgement and boundaries. I would never want someone who uses drugs to watch my children. I especially would not want someone with her attitude about drugs around my kids at all.

[Still-in-Shock]

The fact is most employers do ask for access nowadays. It may be less common for a nanny position, but if you are in marketing or sales, it's mandatory. And it will become more common in other fields in the near future.

[okinawama]

Deal breaker for me. Without a doubt, it would be a bad fit for my family and I personally, would be worried when my children were in her care. If I were hiring for pet sitting of house sitting I'd probably feel differently....but with my kids?! No way.

[KpbS]

Adding to the chorus, no way, no how. I am very anti-drug, even recreational drugs.

[PZMommy]

Deal breaker for me!

[wellyes]

She's a college kid. I know some of you didn't do stuff like that in college but some of us did. We did it on our free time but were uber professional and responsible the rest of the time. Bad judgement to post online but I think that many of that age do it without thinking all the time. I would call her references and not rule her out, personally.

Right. I love to think I'd never have been so dumb to post ridiculous things on Facebook but honestly, who knows. I'm glad there weren't digital cameras in everyone's pocket back in the day.

I don't know. In college, I knew lots & lots of successful handwork kids who had that sort of recreational fun, and some lazy, dimwitted ones who didn't.

It's a good sign she had the sense to remove the incriminating evidence almost immediately.

She did NOT post this on a public forum, right? You asked to her to accept a friend request on the spot? I know Facebook isn't "private" but it's not like she was posting these photos for the world to see.

The really savvy kids are on Tumblr now anyway........... or, maybe that info is so 5 minutes ago, who knows.

[ett]

It would be a deal breaker for me.

[Globetrotter]

They turned out to be responsible adults. I'd leave my kids with them without any hesitation NOW, but I would not leave my kids with college-them.

this is a critical point. It doesn't mean she will never be a responsible adult, not by any means, but perhaps now she is into the party scene and I would hesitate to have her care for my kids in a one on one setting. For a job in retail or fast food or whatever, this wouldn't bother me so much, aside from the lapse in judgment.

[elektra]

It would bother me, yes. And I have no problem with pot and have smoked it myself back in the day. But I was not responsible for watching anyone's kids at the time.
I also google prospective people I am hiring and check out what they have on their public Facebook profiles. (I would not ask for their private profile on the spot though.)
One of our nannies was with us through 3 years of her years of college. We are Facebook friends and she has always been professional, and I have been impressed with how she has handles herself, seeing that I was much ore immature at her age. She was not a partier and I really like that. If she did go out and drink, or smoke pot, it never affected her job, she never posted about it on Facebook that i could see, and so I did not concern myself with what she did on her free time. However, I really do not think that was the case.

[tg_canada]

I'd say she lacks judgement...because she didn't have the sense to tell you that she wouldn't provide access to personal social media sites during the interview process. You telling her it was a requirement of employment, fine; she could decide if she could accept that as a term of employment. But ambushing her during the interview process, is unacceptable IMO.

I would have politely denied and not accepted a position with you if offered. I'd know we could never have a trusting working relationship. And my Facebook page is virtually empty, maybe a handful of pics and a non-personal post every couple months so you seeing it wouldn't have been the worry.

Would you have asked to see her cell phone and read her texts too? Or asked to call her boyfriend and inquire about her? Those things aren't much different.

ETA: if I have misunderstood and you did not ask to friend her on the spot and this was public information she had out there and not "friends only", then my post does not apply. ;)

[blisstwins]

I would not consider her further.

[Snow mom]

:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.
This is me too and I would have refused to let you "friend" me or even give you the name I FB under during an interview (and honestly my FB is super boring--mainly pics of my kids) but the request to dig through my non-publicly accessible life would be WAY OVER THE LINE. In general, if you can't legally ask on an application I feel like you shouldn't be digging in non-publicly accessible online areas and then judge. I'm sure you have the right as an employer to drug test but there are so many other things you could learn from a persons online presence that you can't legally discriminate about. I don't think the fit is right for your family but I would stop asking and only look at what is posted publicly and talk to references.

IMO she didn't show the big lack of judgement because her FB was private and she's a kid who was put in a bad spot in being asked for access during an interview for a job she presumably wanted. College kids use FB very differently than we do so its kind of like asking to follow her around 24/7 for a couple of years.

And just for potential defense of the kid in question, do you know the difference between a bong and a hookah? Because the later is really popular (and totally legal) with the college girl demographic.

[Cuckoomamma]

Deal breaker for me. Not saying she isn't a wonderful girl and person, just not right to work with my kids. I agree with telling her why.

[wellyes]

And just for potential defense of the kid in question, do you know the difference between a bong and a hookah? Because the later is really popular (and totally legal) with the college girl demographic.

Oh, good point!

[hellokitty]

I would keep interviewing others. It doesn't matter to me that she interviewed well, even though her Facebook shows her as a party girl. I knew ppl who were like that, and I would not trust my kids with them.

[llama8]

It would bother me and I would eliminate her from the list of potential applicants. Although many college students dabble with marijuana, there are many that don't. I wouldn't want her watching my kids.

[MamaMolly]

Deal breaker. My step sister is only two years older and she had enough sense to create a 'clean' FB account for her family and employers and a 'real' one of her friends. It is extremely common for kids to do this.

[Kindra178]

I'd say she lacks judgement...because she didn't have the sense to tell you that she wouldn't provide access to personal social media sites during the interview process. You telling her it was a requirement of employment, fine; she could decide if she could accept that as a term of employment. But ambushing her during the interview process, is unacceptable IMO.

I would have politely denied and not accepted a position with you if offered. I'd know we could never have a trusting working relationship. And my Facebook page is virtually empty, maybe a handful of pics and a non-personal post every couple months so you seeing it wouldn't have been the worry.

Would you have asked to see her cell phone and read her texts too? Or asked to call her boyfriend and inquire about her? Those things aren't much different.

ETA: if I have misunderstood and you did not ask to friend her on the spot and this was public information she had out there and not "friends only", then my post does not apply. ;)

I really agree with all of this. I am facebook friends with my high school and college aged family members, and see the stuff they post. Early college (ivy league or similar type college students) and high school kids seem to post everything while later college students have changed their privacy features and don't post as much. I asked my nephew about this and he said it was because employers are looking at their FB pages.

Honestly, demanding immediate access to facebook and other social media sites is totally unfair. Kids of privilege, who have been given advice about not posting stupid stuff to facebook, may have passed your test. Kids with less guidance, less money and less career advice/help might not know any better, especially at age 20.

When I was college, every "Party Pic" of me and my friends contained multiple beer bottles and cigarettes. We all were very good students and are pretty successful today. Some of my friends even nannied during college. Just because they drank multiple beers and smoked pot on the weekends doesn't mean they did this when they were working during the week.

If she is a great candidate otherwise (references), I wouldn't necessarily rule her out.

[oneontheway]

I might consider her if she was applying for an office job but personally I would not consider her to watch my kids. Good luck with your search. I know how difficult it is to make the right decision especially if you aren't getting great applicants.

[Pennylane]

Yes it would and I would not hire her to take care of my children . If at 20 she is not smart enough to know this is not appropriate to post on social media than I know she is not smart enough to take care of my dc.

Ann

[dukie41181]

:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.

For the sake of clarity, all the stuff we saw was public and required no permission to see. She doesn't have a Facebook but just twitter and Instagram which if someone can find your profile they have the ability to see everything without your accepting a friend request like on Facebook. I just wanted to be clear that we aren't strong-arming anyone into anything and we would never require someone to accept our friend request before hire on Facebook.

[anonomom]

As a former nanny, I'm torn on how to reply. I am not anti-drug, but I am very much anti-law breaking. In undergrad, I was tempted to try pot, but would NEVER have done so while I was working for a family. Even when I was 19, that seemed really irresponsible and there was no way I'd ever have risked it. The fact that your potential nanny smokes up doesn't bother me as much as the fact that she thinks it's acceptable to brag about it on a public forum. That's the part that would be a deal-breaker -- the blatant disregard for the law.

If the info you saw was public, that's 100% a deal-breaker. Nobody that stupid should be working with children.

[dukie41181]

Everything we saw was public and did not require a friend request to view. Heck, all of you could go find it right now if you knew her name :)

[dukie41181]

I'd say she lacks judgement...because she didn't have the sense to tell you that she wouldn't provide access to personal social media sites during the interview process. You telling her it was a requirement of employment, fine; she could decide if she could accept that as a term of employment. But ambushing her during the interview process, is unacceptable IMO.

I would have politely denied and not accepted a position with you if offered. I'd know we could never have a trusting working relationship. And my Facebook page is virtually empty, maybe a handful of pics and a non-personal post every couple months so you seeing it wouldn't have been the worry.

Would you have asked to see her cell phone and read her texts too? Or asked to call her boyfriend and inquire about her? Those things aren't much different.

ETA: if I have misunderstood and you did not ask to friend her on the spot and this was public information she had out there and not "friends only", then my post does not apply. ;)

I know I've posted this above in a few posts too, but everything we saw was public on Twitter. There was no friend request made or asked for. What we saw is what everyone in the world could see...we just happened to be considering her for a nanny position. We have done a lot of interviewing and have never prematurely connected on social media. We do however talk in our interviews about the fact that we do connect on social media with those we do hire. No I e single person has ever outwardly had an issue or turned down the job.

[wellyes]

Good gracious kids these days are dumb. I am amazed what I see on the fb accounts of my young teen cousins. Nice, normal kids. Maybe they should add 'boundaries and discretion' to middle school curriculum.

[ang79]

Deal breaker for me (though DH might not mind as much). I'm pretty straight laced though and would never consider doing those things myself, let alone posting it for the whole world to see (including potential employers). If she is that free spirited about those things, whose to say she won't be as free spirited about other safety measures while watching your children? Or that she will make reference to such things in front of the kids, giving them the impression that its OK? Not a good role model that I would want my children to be around on a full time basis.

[egoldber]

Well, in all fairness, I know a lot of adults who have no idea how FaceBook and Twitter work in terms of default privacy settings. And those companies don't necessarily make it easy to figure out what those settings are or to change them.

[Philly Mom]

I am pretty straight laced but I would still consider her but only after having a very frank conversation about my expectations and a zero tolerance policy for both the behavior or the effects of that behavior. If she is mature enough to have the conversation with you and be engaged in it, I would have no problem hiring her. I would also have no problem firing her if she showed up to work hungover or her clothes smelled.

[123LuckyMom]

Since those pictures were totally public, I would either rule her out due to indiscretion (not necessarily the content of the pictures, but the fact that she unashamedly displayed that content for anyone to see) or else consider her poor judgement a strong point against her as I interviewed other nannies. Casual drinking and even pot smoking in college shouldn't necessarily raise red flags that she would be irresponsible with the children. Her decision to post those photos in a public forum... that absolutely would cause me to question her judgement.

I would continue interviewing but not rule her out of the list of potential hires altogether.

Please do this young woman a favor, though, and whether you hire her or not, let her know how those photos impacted your impression of her. She did have the good sense to remove the photos after you saw them, but you will not be the last to google her name or check her public participation in social media. I don't know of many employers who wouldn't do so. She should be aware from now on that whatever she posts out there in public might as well be appended to her resume!

[westwoodmom04]

:yeahthat:
Personally, being asked to provide access to my private FB, Instagram and Twitter feeds, would a deal breaker for me. You are welcome to search for my name and you may see whatever shows up to the public. But asking to see what my actual family and friends sees goes well beyond anything I'm willing to provide to an employer even at the expense of a job. Because quite honestly, I don't see that being an employer I'd want to work for.

I agree with this, this is too intrusive, especially the twitter. As for whether you should disqualify her based on her public posts, it seems like that's what you would be most comfortable with. Personally, I would put less weight on Facebook posting and focus more on interviewing her references. That provides more meaningful information about job performance.

[mom3boys]

Honestly it would probably not bother me that much, at least I would not 100% rule her out. It was dumb of her to post/leave herself tagged in those pics especially during a job search but maybe she didn't realize what level of privacy settings she had. I personally find it difficult to understand what my "non-friends" see. Many successful, responsible people smoke pot during their off time, that doesn't mean she would show up to her job stoned. I sort of assume most 20 year-olds are drinking and smoking pot.

FWIW, my niece is 19, in college, and has posted/been tagged in plenty of pictures on her FB with alcohol clearly visible everywhere (not bongs though as far as I remember). Granted I am her "friend" so I have more access to her site, but I am also her aunt and she has all her aunts and uncles as friends and I think her parents too. She is a nanny to 3 kids for the summer and is one of the most responsible young people I have ever met in my life.

[Ceepa]

That would be a deal breaker for me. I would not hire her to be our nanny after seeing those pictures.

[lyt202]

For me this would be a deal breaker because of the poor judgment involved in posting those pictures on a publicly accessible site.

[secchick]

Dealbreaker for me. Blatant disrespect for our laws is kind of a sticking point for me, and I would not want someone potentially high taking care of my children.

[Binkandabee]

She is underage (20) and some photos were just of empty liquor bottles and the most disturbing was of her holding a bong, exhaling a GIANT puff of smoke. She also had posts about eating pot brownies after getting her wisdom teeth removed. When we looked again tonight the posts and photos had been deleted. We haven't called her references yet because we stopped when we saw this stuff this afternoon. She did not know ahead of time that we ask for this but clearly knowing we had access, the stuff was removed.

If the fact that the pictures were there in the first place wasn't enough, this would seal the deal for me. No way would I have her watching my kids.

[niccig]

When I used to hire college students to work in the college library, we checked their myspace pages (it was several years ago). It hasn't changed that many young people have no clue about what to post/not post on social media. Then they turn around and want to be taken seriously at work. If you do decide this is a deal breaker, you can do her a favor by telling her why. It won't stop the behavior but she'll learn to be more careful about what she puts on social media.

[AnnieW625]

She's a college kid. I know some of you didn't do stuff like that in college but some of us did. We did it on our free time but were uber professional and responsible the rest of the time. Bad judgement to post online but I think that many of that age do it without thinking all the time. I would call her references and not rule her out, personally.


:yeahthat:
While I would be bothered, I also think that asking for access to her (private) FB page/Instagram/Twitter on the spot kind of sets her up. Lots of young people are successful and responsible students and employees, but have FB/Twitter/Instagram accounts that would curl your hair. If she has excellent references, I wouldn't rule her out.

I have never smoked pot as it doesn't appeal to me and I get a massive headache from smelling too much of it, but agree with both of these statements. I would hate to give up on a good nanny just because of this stuff. If I were gutsy enough I would ask her about it. I didn't grow up in an internet world, but I am 1000% sure that had I been a college student during this era I am sure that a few silly photos of me being irresponsible would have shown up on Facebook at one time or another (now as an adult I get way more pissy when I am tagged in a photo and it is just my rear end. I read my sister the riot act for that one).

I have not read all 7 pages of responses.

[PZMommy]

Good gracious kids these days are dumb. I am amazed what I see on the fb accounts of my young teen cousins. Nice, normal kids. Maybe they should add 'boundaries and discretion' to middle school curriculum.

When I taught 5th grade, we did discuss this issue numerous times during the year. Many of my students had FB and were not 13. I never friended any of them as that would be crossing boundaries, but many had public pages. Also our local FBI has a whole Internet unit, and they will gladly send someone out to speak to your class about Internet safety and how what you post can affect you not only now, but years from now when you want a job or to go to college, ect.

[rin]

For the sake of clarity, all the stuff we saw was public and required no permission to see. She doesn't have a Facebook but just twitter and Instagram which if someone can find your profile they have the ability to see everything without your accepting a friend request like on Facebook. I just wanted to be clear that we aren't strong-arming anyone into anything and we would never require someone to accept our friend request before hire on Facebook.

I have to say, that's a little strange to me. How many 20 year olds have a twitter and Instagram account, but no Facebook? TBH, that makes me suspect that she flat-out lied about having a Facebook account.

Anyways, dead horse and all, but I think that she's not a good fit for your family.

[daisysmom]

Short answer, I wouldn't hire a nanny who regularly partied like those pictures indicate. My single-child 6 year old DD is super impressionable, and I really think it would be hard to enforce that the nanny could not talk about that lifestyle around her. Frankly, my DD is becoming a huge "rules enforcer" kind of kid, commenting when I speed, telling DH and I that we can't drive if we finish a glass of wine/beer, so I would worry in some ways that the nanny would undermine her own authority for my DD and there would not be the kind of respect and trust that there needs to be in a care relationship like that. If she was an occasional babysitter, I wouldn't care honestly. But the nanny relationship -- IMO-- it is a more "educational" relationship. She is the stand in mom.

This is not at all swaywed by the kind of partying that I did when I was the nanny's age. I wasn't caring for a child then.

Honestly, I am also troubled by the smoking. Our second nanny's mother smoked, and the nanny promised that our DD (from 9 months to 3.5) was never around smoke even though the mother came to our house and our DD went there several times a week (the mother supposedly always smoked outside). DD got numerous coughs/colds, bronchitus, bronchiolitus (sp?), and pneumonia twice. Now at 6, we are dealing with athsma. The pediatrician said she is a classic case of a child that was exposed to second hand smoke. And now my DD claims to remember seeing the nanny and her mother smoking many times. Non smoking, and nonfamily and roommate smoking is a necessity for me.

Finding the perfect nanny is very hard - we went years in that cycle and now that we are in after-care, I am so glad to be done with nannies. It is just hard to basically hire your "stand in".

After spending a week at the beach with my 16 year old nieces and younger kids, I learned that facebook for them is passe, and they used fake names for it when they used to use it. Instagram is what they use incessantly now.

[AngB]

When I taught 5th grade, we did discuss this issue numerous times during the year. Many of my students had FB and were not 13. I never friended any of them as that would be crossing boundaries, but many had public pages. Also our local FBI has a whole Internet unit, and they will gladly send someone out to speak to your class about Internet safety and how what you post can affect you not only now, but years from now when you want a job or to go to college, ect.

Very true. A couple years ago my now 16 y.o. brother posted as a status update, "I want to stab [his best friend's name]". For some reason they both thought it was a hilarious joke. [Middle schoolers :rolleye0014:]. I was on the phone to both my mom then him as soon as I saw it. He had the nerve to get mad at me for tattling on him, and my mom for making him delete the comment (with the threat of taking away his home internet access if he tried to 'unfriend' me, etc.) He didn't really get it as a middle schooler but he gets it now especially as he has a job and will be applying to college soon. For a 20 year old I would be a lot less forgiving of the lack of judgment. It's not like the technology is brand new anymore.

[boltfam]

Dealbreaker for me. Blatant disrespect for our laws is kind of a sticking point for me, and I would not want someone potentially high taking care of my children.

:yeahthat: I'm a rule-follower, for the most part, and this would be a deal breaker for me.

[Sweetum]

I have a slightly different angle - I am very tight with what I pst about DS so I would be concerned that she would post something inappropriate or pictures without my permission or even just take pictures with her phone or whatever. It's again the poor judgement that I have a problem with.

[TxCat]

I think I would go ahead and talk to her references but continue to look for other candidates. I'm not sure I would ever feel totally comfortable hiring her after seeing her pictures but I wouldn't absolutely rule it out just yet.

As to all the comments that a 20 yo should know better - yes and no. I've been absolutely astounded at some of the bone-headedness of medical residents and advanced practice nursing students that I've trained in the last couple of years. Many of them (otherwise exceptionally bright, hard-working people) posted pictures and posts regularly that detailed going out on drinking binges the night before work (keep in mind, these people have to come to work at 6 or 6:30 am), posting about being hung-over the next day at work, risqué/racy photos, etc. I, and other "old" crotchety types would regularly take them aside and remind them that not all of this was private, especially when they had hundreds of friends, and created a really unprofessional image. And these were 27, 28 year-old so-called "professionals." So, this is a long way of my saying that I'm not surprised that otherwise bright, capable young people have failed to realize that employers and professional contacts/colleagues may increasingly use social media to research them.

[alexsmommy]

I am constantly shocked by what some level headed, responsible... but fun loving 18-23 year olds will post on social media. I agree that they need to get the message that the demographic that hires them has a very different relationship with social media, and a very different response to what they post. I also agree that she was not the brightest to not have a "public" page for older adult family and Google searches and a private page with this type of stuff.

However, I'd rather know my nanny was up to this and be able to have a very frank discussion of what was ok and not ok with my kids and 12 hours PRIOR to being with my kids (no hung-over sitter) and have her sigh a contract vs. some media savvy nanny creating a "I'm just sweet and innocent as pie" public page that I see and have no idea she was up to this and more and not be able to discuss it with her. Then having her get drunk and show up with a hangover to keep my kids.


I know my DSD friends (19-20 y/o's) have some great jobs that require high responsibility and I know they engage in things they should not. I also know DSD has said, "Oh XXX wasn't there because she had to work tomorrow." So I don't think engaging in this type of activity would be a deal breaker per se, but her reaction to the conversation that would follow and her references would weigh heavily in my decision.

This must have been a huge lesson for her and I'm glad she got it as 20 if she is indeed responsible hard-working person who made a mistake that many of her generation do, but having fun in her off hours. I truly hope that you saw a hooka because posting yourself using an illegal drug on an open page is DUMB.


Twitter... well, the stuff I see on there is crazy - and it's a generational thing. The lingo, the cursing the retweeting offensive stuff, I'm not in agreement, but I do know many "good" kids who post stuff that will probably embarrass them at age 30.


This whole thread is making me love my 50 year old nanny!

I did babysit/nanny. I did drink in college (prior to age 21). I was smart enough to NEVER want to be hung over while watching kids or do anything that risked my reference for my next job.

[jk3]

That would not be a deal breaker for me. I agree that it's not a great idea to post pictures like that but I would assume that the vast majority of college students party during their time off. Is she great with kids? Does she have strong references? How does she interact with your children? I would not ask to see an applicants FB or Instagram account during the hiring process.

[kijip]

I have to say, that's a little strange to me. How many 20 year olds have a twitter and Instagram account, but no Facebook? TBH, that makes me suspect that she flat-out lied about having a Facebook account.

Anyways, dead horse and all, but I think that she's not a good fit for your family.

Actually, this is not rare for youth. Younger people are seeing it at less and less hip and using Instagram and other sites instead. Facebook's biggest problem will be maintaining relevance for youth. Facebook's growth area is people 55+.

Also, while not in the too young and hip for Facebook crowd, I have Facebook but it is very small and hidden. I use it to stay in touch with people I would not have the opportunity to otherwise and to schedule events/get togethers with local friends. I deactivated my old account and don't really let anyone know I am there unless they fit a pretty small perimeter of who I want to interact with on Facebook (cousins/extended family, very close friends and high school peeps mostly). If asked by a potential employer for it, I would say I do not have a public Facebook presence. They can see my Linkedin and Twitter, but that's all folks. Never been an issue.

[HannaAddict]

I have to say, that's a little strange to me. How many 20 year olds have a twitter and Instagram account, but no Facebook? TBH, that makes me suspect that she flat-out lied about having a Facebook account.

Anyways, dead horse and all, but I think that she's not a good fit for your family.

Actually, tons of twenty-somethings (and the teens) don't bother with FB because you and me and their 80 year old great- grandparents have a FB account! They are on Instagram, not FB, and maybe that is even passe. FB is for the old folks!

[HannaAddict]

Actually, this is not rare for youth. Younger people are seeing it at less and less hip and using Instagram and other sites instead. Facebook's biggest problem will be maintaining relevance for youth. Facebook's growth area is people 55+.

Also, while not in the too young and hip for Facebook crowd, I have Facebook but it is very small and hidden. I deactivated my old account and don't really let anyone know I am there unless they fit a pretty small perimeter of who I want to interact with on Facebook. If asked by a potential employer for it, I would say I do not have a public Facebook presence. They can see my Linkedin and Twitter, but that's all folks. Never been an issue.

Posted at the same time, great minds and all that. :)

[HannaAddict]

This is me too and I would have refused to let you "friend" me or even give you the name I FB under during an interview (and honestly my FB is super boring--mainly pics of my kids) but the request to dig through my non-publicly accessible life would be WAY OVER THE LINE. In general, if you can't legally ask on an application I feel like you shouldn't be digging in non-publicly accessible online areas and then judge. I'm sure you have the right as an employer to drug test but there are so many other things you could learn from a persons online presence that you can't legally discriminate about. I don't think the fit is right for your family but I would stop asking and only look at what is posted publicly and talk to references.

IMO she didn't show the big lack of judgement because her FB was private and she's a kid who was put in a bad spot in being asked for access during an interview for a job she presumably wanted. College kids use FB very differently than we do so its kind of like asking to follow her around 24/7 for a couple of years.

And just for potential defense of the kid in question, do you know the difference between a bong and a hookah? Because the later is really popular (and totally legal) with the college girl demographic.

I agree. I think it is totally fair to check someone's name, see what pops up, and if you are uncomfortable with it, move on. A nanny should be the best person you can find, that fits your values, and you can't "unsee" this info. But I also think many, many people are deluding themselves and think that if they don't see crap on FB or Instagram, it isn't happening. We had a lovely nanny from the christian (conservative) college and goes to the mega cool church, volunteered in the church nursery, and super responsible. But she had done all sorts of things my boring, godless, liberal, self never even thought about doing in college, as well as all her very good, responsible friends who were trusted and good nannies. She was a fantastic nanny though, except for the secret proselytizing to my children, that wasn't so secret because they told us about it!

[kijip]

I agree with Hannaaddict. Just because it is not online doesn't mean it is not there. I think that anyone hiring a 21 year old to watch their kids should have their eyes wide open that more than likely, there is something about that 21 year old that is not kid appropriate. Fortunately, most keep it totally separate from their work. I was an 18 year old nanny and am sure my employers wouldn't have liked pictures of me at punk and hip hop shows. But they had a reliable, competent, reasonably responsible and in my case totally drug and substance free employee. But straight edge college kids are the exception and not the rule.

[sntm]

Even for college student, just because she drinks and smokes pot absolutely does not mean she would do it around your kids. If she came across as responsible I'd assume she knows the difference between socializing and working. I agree that I wouldn't be comfortable with an employer that asked for my social media access and I think that it should be one of the illegal hiring questions. I mostly post things about my kids but won't accept friend requests from patients - it's too ibtimate

[TwinFoxes]

The fact is most employers do ask for access nowadays. It may be less common for a nanny position, but if you are in marketing or sales, it's mandatory. And it will become more common in other fields in the near future.

Slightly off topic. but I'm not sure that's true. Some states have already passed laws against asking for FB access, and the federal government is looking at whether or not it's legal.

As for the OP, I don't know! I find it hard to believe that she hasn't been told by someone not to post partying pics, I don't buy the "kids are dumb" theory. And yeah, other applicants may smoke pot, but you KNOW this one does. It's tough!

[westwoodmom04]

Is this a full-time nanny? If so, 20 is too young in my opinion anyway. You are less likely to have this issue with older candidates.

[BabyBearsMom]

The fact is most employers do ask for access nowadays. It may be less common for a nanny position, but if you are in marketing or sales, it's mandatory. And it will become more common in other fields in the near future.

Most employers really can't. Here is a summary of laws against it by state (http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/telecom/employer-access-to-social-media-passwords-2013.aspx). For an employer, it is very unwise. Let's say that you look on their facebook and find out that this person is pregnant and you didn't know it. And then you decide not to hire this person for completely appropriate reasons. It still looks like you didn't hire her because she the candidate was pregnant and she may sue for discrimination. I work with a lot of HR people and they won't touch your social network with a 10 foot pole. This is not meant to indicate that OP wasn't justified in her request to see the page, she isn't required to be an EOE employer. Personally, I would not hire the nanny. I expect my daycare to drug test the people who will be working with my children, why would I accept a nanny who wasn't drug free?

[AnnieW625]

Most employers really can't. Here is a summary of laws against it by state (http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/telecom/employer-access-to-social-media-passwords-2013.aspx). For an employer, it is very unwise. Let's say that you look on their facebook and find out that this person is pregnant and you didn't know it. And then you decide not to hire this person for completely appropriate reasons. It still looks like you didn't hire her because she the candidate was pregnant and she may sue for discrimination. I work with a lot of HR people and they won't touch your social network with a 10 foot pole. This is not meant to indicate that OP wasn't justified in her request to see the page, she isn't required to be an EOE employer. Personally, I would not hire the nanny. I expect my daycare to drug test the people who will be working with my children, why would I accept a nanny who wasn't drug free?

This is my feeling on the whole matter as well. I know my sister is a teacher and she has two Facebook pages, one that is insanely private and another one that she posts other stuff on but is free of curse words and the random BS about life she posts on her real one.

[megs4413]

Most employers really can't. Here is a summary of laws against it by state (http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/telecom/employer-access-to-social-media-passwords-2013.aspx). For an employer, it is very unwise. Let's say that you look on their facebook and find out that this person is pregnant and you didn't know it. And then you decide not to hire this person for completely appropriate reasons. It still looks like you didn't hire her because she the candidate was pregnant and she may sue for discrimination. I work with a lot of HR people and they won't touch your social network with a 10 foot pole. This is not meant to indicate that OP wasn't justified in her request to see the page, she isn't required to be an EOE employer. Personally, I would not hire the nanny. I expect my daycare to drug test the people who will be working with my children, why would I accept a nanny who wasn't drug free?

I think the legal arguments have mostly been over employers' demanding password access to private accounts. In this case, this was publicly searchable information. I think it is unwise for anyone looking for a job today to not consider the possibility that you will be googled at the very minimum. I don't know how I feel about it personally, but there you have it. The EOE only protects certain groups. it's definitely an interesting hot topic.

We don't hire anyone without connecting via social media, but that's our industry so it's critical to job performance. Of course, we also don't force anyone to give us passwords or friend us or what have you. their private online life is private, but their public online persona is fair game.