I am fat

[basil]

I'm 5'5" tall and I weigh 158 pounds. I weighed 120 when I got married and 140 when I got pregnant and my son is 2 now.

In the past 2 years I've tried Weight watchers, south beach, paleo, atkins, and sparkpeople. I nursed for 1.5 years in order to try to drop the weight. Most recently I ate between 1200-1300 calories every day for 3 weeks straight and the scale didn't move, didn't budge, not one pound. 158 every day. And then it was my son's birthday and I ate cake and party food and there were guests in town and we all went out to dinner, etc., and I couldn't maintain 1200 a day with all that. And after all that hunger of 1200 cal/day I didn't lose a single pound. (Sparkpeople said I was supposed to be losing 2 lbs per week at this level, and I was measuring everything and not cheating)

I'm at my wits end. I need exercise but for the life of me I can't figure out how to fit it in my schedule. I already wake between 5:00 and 5:30 every morning because my son gets up at that time. I pick my son up at daycare and I get home between 5 and 6 pm. My DH often works opposite shift so I am giving baby baths and it takes about an hour of sitting with my son so he falls asleep. So I don't eat dinner myself often til 8 pm. Then I fall asleep at 9.

I don't know what to do. I can't stand being like this. All my friends are size 2 or 4 and I'm pushing a 14 in some brands. I see me walking with my son or my husband or my friends in a reflection on a window and I just look like a big cow. I buy a lot of clothes because I keep forgetting how fat I am and then hating how they look. I can't figure out how to get past this, but yet I can't figure out anything that I can really stick with that would really work.

I wish there was some amount of money I could spend to fix this. I wish there was a pill. I wish I didn't like food and sleep so much. I wish I weren't so lazy and gluttonous.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Have you had things like your thyroid checked? I gained weight and have had a bear of a time losing it (admittedly only tried exercise and calorie counting, also 1200-1300/day)- turns out I have Hashimotos and possibly polycystic ovarian syndrome. I highly recommend a complete physical and blood tests.

I know how you feel. I used to be so much smaller and I tend to forget that I am not that person right now. Some people have never known me the way I think of myself.

PS_ you aren't fat. Please try not to beat yourself up so much. Baby steps with things.

[petesgirl]

Oh, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I am in the same boat. Never lost my baby weight for DS1 and can't fit into most of the clothing I own. I also have a really hard time losing weight, it just seems that diet changes and exercises don't do anything for me.

[ArizonaGirl]

I'm right there too I am 5' 3" and I weigh 159 pounds.

It is so hard with little ones.:grouphug:

[Fairy]

It's more your BMI that you should be looking at, but a healthy weight for you on average is about 135, maybe 130, and that's just by the book. At 158, you're like maybe 23lbs overweight? Ain't that much. I'm not saying you're not overweight, but "fat?" Hmm. Not sure what you're eating at 1200 a day, but I know what I eat at that level. You can eat 1200 calories all you want, but your body might be processing different foods differently. Are you eating alot of complex carbohydrates? Are you eating enough protein? Here are things that might help:

* No white carbs. Ever. EVER. That means bye bye pasta, potatoes, and added cane sugar.
* Drop grains as a rule. Allow yourself 2-3 servings of whole wheat, oats, or quinoa a day. Brown rice or wheat pasta are acceptable; Note a serving of wheat pasta is 1/2C. Good luck with that.
* Watch your portions, a serving of chicken is 3oz, not 8.
* Only lean poultry, meaning BREAST. Ground turkey is pointless if it's not ground turkey breast
* Drink only water. That said, I drink black or green tea half the day, it's a habit. But the only othe rthing I drink is water.
* I lied, I have s'bucks mochas 2ce a week or so, but they're stripped down to 140c (skim, 1/2pump, no whip)

You think you can't exercise, cuz god, when can you do it?! Go to www.shrinkingjeans.net. It's a fabulous site, and they have monthly workouts that are about 10 minutes tops, and they focus on specified areas. If I can do it, and I'm a real cow compared to your fatness, then you can too.

Good luck.

[MamaMolly]

Sigh, I would be happy to be 159 right now. :(

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I am so sorry. I get the frustration. FWIW, i was only able to lose the baby weight by the time DD was 2 years old and had not been nursing for about 9 months. My DH struggles with his weight a lot.. His doctors are always telling him that he needs to lose weight, his BMI is in the obese category but it's hard. I do not think my DH eats too horribly but we just have no time for exercise it seems. But then he feels bad about it. For him, it's more of a health concern (blood pressure, etc).

oh and my siggie is now inaccurate..after just a week at my parents' i gained 6 lbs...iwasn't able to do gluten free and i guess i ate a ton due to the lack of sleep/stress related to traveling with kids (if i don't get enough sleep, i gain weight so fast..it's weird).

I'm struggling to eat better and work out but it's so d*mn hard. I love running but that's out now bc it's summer in TX and my DH travels. and yes I have a jogging stroller but pushing 65 lbs when it's 105 degrees is a form torture, not a workout. i took the kids to the park the other evening when it was 102 and i was proud of just not collapsing in the end.

eta: i am about 5'5.5" and i was about 160 when my DD was 1 year old. I was solid 130 (give or take 5 lbs) for about 15 years prior to that. i never dropped the preggo weight at all, despite nursing like crazy, and it was one of the most maddening things ever. i did eat about 2500 calories a day though (bc of nursing..i felt like i was starving all the time and had to constantly eat). i woudl think 1500 cals a day and not losing weight would warrant a thyroid check!

[Fairy]

Sigh, I would be happy to be 159 right now. :(

Me, too. That would make me feel like the skinniest girl on this earth.

[basil]

I don't know why you're being snide.

I'm well aware of BMI, I don't know why you would tell me in my own BP how overweight I am!!?!

I'm not stupid. I know the difference between ground turkey and turkey breast. I measure all portions. I don't drink calories aside from a few spoonfuls of skim milk in my coffee.

I've tried giving up carbs. I've tried giving up meat. If I don't eat a normal sized dinner (~600 calls), I can't sleep at night.

I don't think 10 minute work outs are going to make a difference.

Good luck to you.

[KrisM]

It is hard. I am working on it as well. I'm 5'5" and my goal weight is 160. Seriously. I have a long way to go. I have found time to exercise and was walking 3-4 miles a day 4-5 days a week and after 5 weeks, I had lost 1 lb. Really? Only 1? So very frustrating!

You can do it. Your son will start sleeping better. He'll go to bed without you, sleep in a little longer,etc. Sure, you might not lose it this month or even this year, but it'll happen. Don't feel fat. Don't stress too much. It's super hard not to though.

[happymom]

I'm sorry. That is so frustrating. Not sure if you want advice so feel free to ignore, but I wonder if you would be successful if you went to a dietician/nutritionist who can work with you personally rather than just giving a set # of calories. Is this an option? The reason I suggest it is because I recently lost 45 lbs- finally!- after trying many diets unsuccessfully. I went to a diet center (which is definitely $$$) and they helped me figure out exactly what to eat (as opposed to x number of calories, it was x amount of grains, dairy, protein, etc). I went in 2x a week to be weighed and for them to review my food diary. And btw, I did not exercise at all.

I understand how upsetting it is to work so hard and do all the right things and not see the scale budge at all. So not fair. Hugs to you! I hope you can find something that works for you soon.

[Fairy]

I don't know why you're being snide.

I'm well aware of BMI, I don't know why you would tell me in my own BP how overweight I am!!?!

I'm not stupid. I know the difference between ground turkey and turkey breast. I measure all portions. I don't drink calories aside from a few spoonfuls of skim milk in my coffee.

I've tried giving up carbs. I've tried giving up meat. If I don't eat a normal sized dinner (~600 calls), I can't sleep at night.

I don't think 10 minute work outs are going to make a difference.

Good luck to you.

Dude. Whoa. You were in the BP, for sure. But I was trying to help by offering some suggestions. You said you were at the end of your rope, and I tried to offer some things that have been successful for me, especially that website that has fantastic workouts for people like me, and it seems you, who don't have any more hours in the day. The workouts are actually very effective for strength training, they're really fantastic; I never said they were aerobic. Jeez, I was just trying to help. I never tried to point out how overweight you are, I was actually trying to point out how little overweight you are. Guess that backfired. As for the ground turkey, ALOT of people don't know that ground turkey is, by default, not breast. I wasn't pointing out you were stupid, or I'd be stupid, too, cuz till recently I didn't realize that it was whole bird and not just the breast.

You sound very stressed -- I should know, I live in headless chicken mode day in and day out and get very little sleep, so I get it, but I think you were taking it out on me. I'll take it as my bad on this one, you were in the BP, and if you wanna call yourself fat even as I tried to help, then that's your right, and I'm often one of the first ones to say, in the BP, stop trying to help. My bad on this. Shamu signing off.

[eagle]

:-( i dont think fairy was being snide at all. her mentioning bmi, and stressing the difference between ground turkey and turkey breast was just stressing the difference because many people, not necessarily you, simply make assumptions.

i cant speak for her, really, but i read her post as merely trying to be helpful, not in any way nasty.

i also believe that 10 minute workouts are better than nothing. every little bit counts. if its difficult to have an hour where you can work out at a gym, you have to make do and carve out 10 minutes here and there. try to stay active. park farther away. take stairs. when taking bathroom breaks or water breaks, walk around 5 minutes.

you wont lose 10 pounds in a month by doing this, but it helps. youre being active.

maybe ill play psychiatrist here but i think maybe youre really down about your weight and that is clouding the way you are reading what i believe is a helpful post.

but maybe im just overly optimistic. perhaps fairy was being nasty and snide after all. but i cant help the way i am.

[sidmand]

I didn't read Fairy's post as snide at all. It is the BP and so you may not have been looking for suggestions but that's all she was doing. And she was saying that that's not fat...just a bit overweight. That wasn't being snide. Sometimes you just want to vent and that's A-OK but I don't think someone trying to be helpful warrants an attack...even in the BP.

[citymama]

I'm sorry, OP. I know how very hard it is to fit exercise into your schedule.

I read Fairy's post and thought she was trying to be helpful, not snide. She was trying to put weight into perspective andake practical suggestions she thought could help. At least that's how I read it. Heck, I immediately bookmarked that link, which sounds awesome!

Things sounds very stressful. Hope things look up soon. Are you able to get to bed earlier so you have enough sleep?

[TwinFoxes]

I didn't read Fairy's post as snide at all. It is the BP and so you may not have been looking for suggestions but that's all she was doing. And she was saying that that's not fat...just a bit overweight. That wasn't being snide. Sometimes you just want to vent and that's A-OK but I don't think someone trying to be helpful warrants an attack...even in the BP.

:yeahthat: Fairy has been open in the past about her desire to lose weight. I truly think she was trying to be encouraging, and sharing what has helped her. Maybe you were just looking to grumble and not wanting advice, but I believe Fairy when she says she was trying to help. Good luck to you. :hug:

[basil]

Fine, I appreciate Fairy wasn't trying to be obnoxious. It just seemed, at the time, like she was pointing out how fat I was and then suggesting I just wasn't doing things right or wasn't trying hard enough or didn't know enough, which is hard to hear when I've been obsessing about this off and on for two years. I already think that I don't have enough willpower, so it hurts to hear from other people too.

It's just me reading it through my eyes at this time, which is 3.5 hours past my bedtime and my DH is at work and I can't even talk to him. Sorry. :(

[MontrealMum]

I read Fairy's post and thought she was trying to be helpful, not snide. She was trying to put weight into perspective andake practical suggestions she thought could help. At least that's how I read it. Heck, I immediately bookmarked that link, which sounds awesome!


:yeahthat:

If you're familiar with Fairy's internet "voice" you'll know that the above post is in keeping with that --- folksy, helpful, funny, and self-deprecating. And maybe you're too sleep deprived to have fully understood what she wrote? She wasn't calling you "fat". She was trying to point out how not-very-fat you are. Perhaps the weight issue is too raw for you to discuss at this point? In all honestly, you're not facing anything that many other mothers haven't faced at some point. Many are still facing it. That certainly doesn't make it feel any better at all, but perhaps it's best to take a deep breath before confronting the issue online. I am not saying that in order to diminish what you're feeling, but to let you know that this place can be a goldmine of information. There are tons of moms here with extremely helpful advice about weight loss and exercise; tips, pointers, tons of experience. They won't be likely to jump in if they think they're going to get their heads bitten off.

Personally, I'd like to gently second SnuggleBuggle's suggestion to get your thyroid checked.

[specialp]

:hug: Sorry OP. I hate seeing women being so hard on themselves re: weight, especially with such demanding schedules, little ones, and little me time, but I completely understand how frustrating and depressing it is when you don't feel you look your best and your best efforts do not pay off. I do hope you talk to your Dr. and get a few things checked out. It is entirely possible that something is going on w/ thyroid that is defeating all your efforts. I'm so very sorry you're hurting about this. :hug:

[AnnieW625]

I have an initial goal weight of 160 as well. In an ideal world my goal weight would be 145. I am 5'6" as well. The longer it takes to come off the longer it will stay off. Good luck.

[TwoBees]

I don't think Fairly was being snide at all, but I do understand this is the BP and sometimes people just want to vent and aren't looking for advice.

I think you may also need to take a look at your self image, and try to see the positive things in your life not the negative. Stress can lead to weight gain, even if we are doing everything in our power to lose it. You probably see yourself as much heavier than other people see you.

I agree about getting your thyroid checked.

[arivecchi]

FWIW, I was not able to really lose post-baby weight until DS2 was about 2.5 yo and I was able to purchase an elliptical to work out at home. I get up at 5 am to work out at home. You may want to look at my fitness pal. That's how I lost my baby weight (though I am trying to lose 10 pounds that have crept up again).

Agree with PP that fairy was just trying to be helpful. She would not kick someone when they are down. Just not how she is.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless! I would also like to offer some advice from my personal experience, but I do know this is the BP, so just skip the rest if you want to!

I think your body may be feeling starved and storing every last calorie it can as fat. This happened to me. In an attempt to lose weight, I drastically reduced my calorie intake. I was also on a crazy schedule, and, like you, was often not eating until late at night right before bed. I WAS exercising a lot, and I still wasn't dropping weight. I also wasn't gaining much muscle. My trainer went over my diet with me, and she revolutionized my life!!! She had me at least double my food intake. I had to start eating breakfast. I would eat two eggs and some turkey sausage. Before each workout I had to eat at least 20 g of protein. I snacked throughout the day on small portions of nuts and cheese, are salads for lunch, and South Beach type meals for dinner. I was eating a healthy, protein rich and good fat rich diet, and the pounds started dropping off. My metabolism had shut down, and I had to get it running again.

I know you are not exercising, but I really think you should increase your food intake. You don't need fancy equipment to start getting exercise. If you have stairs in your home, you have a stair master. If you have bottles you can fill with liquid, you have weights. Even just increasing your walking, like parking far away from the door of the market, can help. I hope you start eating, though. I think that alone will help! I wish you lots of luck!!!

[kep]

I have a lot more to lose than you do, but I have found through tracking that I have a very specific calorie range I need to stay within. Lowering it even a little results in my body hanging onto every calorie. Can you carefully track, maybe using MFP or something similar and experiment with your intake? Don't be afraid to eat more. Also, I would see your dr and rule out any underlying medical issues (thyroid) that might be hindering you.

I'm sorry you are seeing so little reward for your hard work!

[BabyBearsMom]

:yeahthat: Fairy has been open in the past about her desire to lose weight. I truly think she was trying to be encouraging, and sharing what has helped her. Maybe you were just looking to grumble and not wanting advice, but I believe Fairy when she says she was trying to help. Good luck to you. :hug:

I'm sure Fairy wasn't trying to be snide. She is always one of the most helpful and kind posters out there.

OP, I totally feel for you. It is so so so hard to lose weight. I WOH FT and trying to fit exercise in my day was really hard, but my BMI put me in the "obese" category. Honestly, my goal is to get to a size 14, I just want to stop having to buy plus sized clothes. It is hard when everyone around you is thinner. My SIL is a size 00 after having two kids. I feel like a whale in family pictures. I find that I avoid pictures of myself with the girls because I am horrified by how I look, but then I think "don't be selfish. Do you want your kids to grow up with no pictures of you together?" I also worry about how my weight will impact the experiences my kids will have as they grow up. Right now, if I don't lose this weight, I don't think I can fit on a ride at an amusement park or meet weight requirements to go zip lining or something like that. It is humiliating. I ended up deciding that a few things had to give. First, I decided that I would drop off my kids as soon as daycare opened and I wouldn't start work until 9am so I could fit a workout in beween. So this means that my kids are in daycare about an hour earlier than they would otherwise be and I am at work about an hour later, and that sucks, but my health ended up needing to be a priority over that hour in the morning with the kids and that hour in the morning at work. It means I work through lunch every day and feel mommy guilt that my kids are usually the first kids dropped off in the morning. I haven't seen the pounds drop too much, but I see a huge difference in my body and my energy level. I'm trying to focus on the improvements to my waist line and ignore the scale. But I know how hard it is. Please be kind to yourself.

[icunurse]

I can relate. For the last five years, I have been unable to lose weight, even with neurotic calorie counting and working out four times/week. My doctors keep assuming that either I cheat with food or I need to work out more, despite me bringing in detailed food diaries. Fortunately/unfortunately, all of my labs come back normal (thyroid, hormones, etc.). I can eat 1200 calories a day and not see the scale move for weeks - and, trust me, I have plenty of weight to lose, more than you. It is frustrating and hard not to quit, but I don't because, if nothing else, I need to try and be healthy. But when even my DH states that I am working way too hard to see zero weight loss, you know something isn't right....or at least isn't fair.

That said, you are not fat. You might feel overweight, even if BMI or whatever says you are high-normal, but, please, don't beat yourself up by calling yourself fat. It is an ugly and cruel word to use in reference to yourself. I know how hard it is to stand next to super skinny family (my two SIL are size zero), but don't miss out on your life or affect your children's lives because of your doubts. This has taken me a long time to accept myself, but along the lines of what a PP stated, I found myself looking through pictures and finding that, if I died tomorrow, my kids have no pictures of me. And I am guessing that they would want a picture of me, no matter how I look. So I smile and hope that they see my love and happiness with them vs my size 14 pants and muffin top. I'm hoping....

All I can tell you is to get in whatever exercise you can when you can, even ten minutes (it has been proven that short periods of time added over the day are just as beneficial as a long exercise session). Keep accurate track of your calories (maybe try MFP). For 158lbs, depending on your activity level, it doesn't take many more calories to maintain your weight, so a strict food diary might help. But just try to be good to yourself and not let this take ver your daily life. Like I said, I can completely understand how you feel and it sucks....a lot... But I am guessing that your DH and kids love you the way you are, however you are.

[Dream]

I totally hear you. I'm getting tired of this weight gain and always trying to loose, it feels like a never ending thing. I just weighted myself today and I'm at 177.1 LB. After loosing the baby weight from DD2 I was at 157LB and I hardly eat.

I'm thinking of trying Shakelogy, it was posted here a day or two ago. And planning on restarting Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I have to do it in the morning.

[Still-in-Shock]

Sigh, I would be happy to be 159 right now. :(
Ditto. sigh.

There are people who will tell you that weight is just a number, but it is hard to really believe that when your mirror is telling you that you aren't at your best.
I agree with getting a checkup. There are lots of conditions that can cause you to gain or retain weight. Thyroid is the most well known, but I had excess calcium in my blood due to an overactive PARAthyroid gland. (Parathyroids are called that because they are next to the thyroid, but they are totally separate.) In my case, my body was working so hard to stay in equilibrium, that I had no energy left over for things like exercise, memory, etc. But there are other conditions as well, so a thorough screening of all your fluids sounds like a good idea to me.

Hang in there, you will figure this out!

[jal]

Have you had things like your thyroid checked? I gained weight and have had a bear of a time losing it (admittedly only tried exercise and calorie counting, also 1200-1300/day)- turns out I have Hashimotos and possibly polycystic ovarian syndrome. I highly recommend a complete physical and blood tests.

Ditto that... sounds exactly like my wife (who has hashimotos, has symptoms of pocs, and is over-weight).

[Sweetum]

hugs, mama.
you just described me and my thoughts.
Yes, get your thyroid checked. "Laziness" may not be that - it could be lethargy, and that is a thyroid related symptom. also get your vitD levels checked.
I totally understand not being able to spend just a few minutes on that treadmill or whatever exercise equipment. But guess what? DS at 4+ is now totally ok with me in the garage on the treadmill while he watches a TV show, and if it gets done before I am back, he knows to wait and play or color or whatever. And DS has huge anxiety issues (Autism) and he is fine, so, hang in there and there will be a day (I never thought it would come) when you can do that too. And once you're in the groove, you're in it. It'll come but maybe not now, but eventually. I know the feeling of people looking at you and then DH and thinkin how did this guy end up with this woman (from actually overhearing conversations, it's my SIL and MIL).

[misshollygolightly]

*Hugs*, OP. I feel like I can hear the frustration and discouragement in your words. I'm so sorry you feel this way. You're not alone--lots and lots of mamas here can empathize. I don't know whether this could work with your schedule at all, but walking can be a really great way to get in some exercise (ESPECIALLY if you're pushing a 2-year old in a stroller). Any chance you could stick your son in a stroller and get in a brisk walk around the neighborhood early in the morning (when your son wakes up) or just before you put your son to bed at night? I don't know what kind of work you do...is there any way to get a little exercise during your workday? Not sure if it is realistic in terms of $ and time, but I bet a good personal trainer at a local gym (bonus if the gym offers childcare!) could get you started on a workout routine perfectly tailored to your needs. Even if you just went for an hour twice a week, that might give you a good jumpstart in the direction you want to go.

[abh5e8]

hugs op...i'm so sorry you are struggling with all of that! it stinks.

have you read any of the work by Dr. Lustig? he has a great you tube video (but kinda long and dry) and a wonderful book. he explains why restricted calorie diets tell your body you are starving and thus to store more fat. he explains how its not the number of calories but the kind (and source) that cause you to feel sluggish, tired and to gain weight. i think the info would be really helpful to you, if you are up for reading (or watching).

[BunnyBee]

You're not fat! Be kind to yourself. You are beautiful and worth more than what the scale tells you.

[chlobo]

Big hugs. Weight loss is so hard. And having to try to cram things in to an already daunting scheduling probably seems pretty impossible. Can you be a little easier on yourself? With young kids and work you are in a particularly tough spot right now. As women, it's easy to beat ourselves up. Harder to love ourselves.




I don't think 10 minute work outs are going to make a difference.

.

There's been a lot of research done about high intensity training for short periods of time and it actually being pretty good - High Intensity Interval Training. So something to look into.

And I second the person who said to have your thyroid checked. You might also want to have a workup to make sure there isn't some physical cause for this.

[Indianamom2]

Sigh, I would be happy to be 159 right now. :(

I'd be doing a jig! You're definitely not alone. How pathetic is it that I bought an exercise bike from Amazon....a month ago....and it is still in the box waiting to be assembled.