What is wrong with this mom??

[petesgirl]

This isn't a BP as much as just need to get it all out of my brain....
DH's brother got a girl pregnant when they were seniors in high school. They did manage to graduate but neither has any college ed or very good job or social skills. What they do have is 4 kids, ages 6- almost 2 (with 2 and 3 born in feb and dec of the same year!). Anyway, BIL now has a job at wal-mart and SIL has been working for some pyramid scheme type place where she gets money based on how many people sign up to sell product. She travels a lot, leaving 4 kids with the ILs. SIL and BIL separated about a year ago and BIL moved back in his parents. Well, we just found out that SIL got kicked out of her apt because she hasn't been paying rent and totally trashed the place. So, she is moving in with a friend and the 4 kids are..you guessed it...moving in with the ILs. ILs love their grandkids and have done a lot as far taking care of their basic needs so far...but they are tired! They had 9 children on their own and 3 teenage boys are still living at home! MIL has mentioned to me several times how she loves the kids but just really needs a break. Well, now she is basically going back to being the mom of 4 young kids!

I guess I just don't know what on earth will happen to these poor kiddos! I don't know if SIL will ever get her act together and BIL can't exactly raise 4 kids by himself on wal-mart salary...Ugh. I'm so disgusted by them right now.

[queenmama]

I'm so sorry for these kids and for your ILs. I'm sure we all know grandparents like this, even if not within our own families. It isn't fair to anyone.

Lara

[Sweetum]

I am so sorry for the kids.

[brittone2]

I'm so, so sorry. We are also totally dealing with a BIL/SIL who are running MIL into the ground. In our case, MIL babysits several days a week but does not have the children living with her. However, it is clearly too much for her, and she'll tell us, but not BIL/SIL. Her 90+ yo mother now lives with her full time, so she never gets a break. It is a trainwreck that is awful to watch :( Dh and I are incredibly worried about MIL's health and well being, and it is so hard to see the direction things are going. MIL told BIL/SIL that she couldn't handle juggling the care of a second child if they had one, and of course they did it anyway and then asked if she could handle it after the fact. She has since said to us numerous times she's worried about them having #3, and recently BIL revealed to us that they will likely have a third. MIL's health continues to deteriorate :( MIL recently lost her husband, which means she now has no reliable help with her mother, and has to juggle cooking for both of them, etc. when she doesn't get home until 6-6:30 pm from babysitting.

I try to focus on empowering MIL to carve out time to do the things that matter to her to alleviate some of her stress and improve her quality of life. We try to gently empower her to know that it is okay to set boundaries and limits on what she can do, but BIL and SIL have her convinced they have no other childcare options :( Sucks. I know my parents have a few friends who have been in situations similar to your ILs, and one thing that would come up was that even when the dad was at home with the ILs, he would basically sit there and expect them to care for the children. I'd have her set those expectations, limits, and boundaries as soon as possible...if he isn't working, he'll be caring for the children, doing bedtime, baths, etc. vs them providing 24/7 care.