Help me with my 2 yr old...

[petesgirl]

We are having 2 issues (not huge, but don't want it to become huge) :

1) how do I get him to come when I ask? Example : we are playing outside tonight. I say 'in a few minutes we are going inside to take a bath.' then when I say it is time to go in for bath, he tries to run the other direction. In the end, I always just pick him up and carry him. He doesn't usually fight me too much after that, but I would rather he come on his own.

2) I am trying to give him choices so he feels like he has control over some things but it kind of backfires. Example : i ask if he wants to eat from a blue bowl or a green bowl. He chooses green. I get it all ready, but suddenly he wants blue and ends up throwing a fit until I put all his food into the blue bowl. I try to remind him he chose green first, but we just end up in a power struggle.

Advice??

[amom526]

We are having 2 issues (not huge, but don't want it to become huge) :

1) how do I get him to come when I ask? Example : we are playing outside tonight. I say 'in a few minutes we are going inside to take a bath.' then when I say it is time to go in for bath, he tries to run the other direction. In the end, I always just pick him up and carry him. He doesn't usually fight me too much after that, but I would rather he come on his own.

2) I am trying to give him choices so he feels like he has control over some things but it kind of backfires. Example : i ask if he wants to eat from a blue bowl or a green bowl. He chooses green. I get it all ready, but suddenly he wants blue and ends up throwing a fit until I put all his food into the blue bowl. I try to remind him he chose green first, but we just end up in a power struggle.

Advice??

For the first scenario, I would make my warning something more tangible, becaus a 2 year old doesn't understand minutes. I would say, you can push the car 2 more times, or something specific like that. Then I would say its time to go in, and if he doesn't respond, I'll use choices- you can walk, or mommy will carry you. Then follow through. They won't always come on their own at this age, but you seem to have the right idea.

For the second issue, I totally hear you! I would give in one or two times, but if it happens repeatedly it gets old! For things like this, I find that Ds needs a warning about the specific issue. So our current issue is that he won't eat his food if it gets squished or broken- so before we start eating, I say "if it breaks or gets squished etc. we are still going to eat it". If he still throws a fit, I calmly give the choice of eating or come out. You can tell your son that once you make a choice, that's what you get. Remind him before he makes his choice. If he still throws a fit, I would just tell him he can eat or come out. You need to follow through, but he should get the message pretty quickly.

[Katigre]

In both of these scenarios you are giving him too much free will and autonomy before he's been equipped with the skills to use it well. Dial back the choices and options and you'll both be much happier


We are having 2 issues (not huge, but don't want it to become huge) :

1) how do I get him to come when I ask? Example : we are playing outside tonight. I say 'in a few minutes we are going inside to take a bath.' then when I say it is time to go in for bath, he tries to run the other direction. In the end, I always just pick him up and carry him. He doesn't usually fight me too much after that, but I would rather he come on his own.

2) I am trying to give him choices so he feels like he has control over some things but it kind of backfires. Example : i ask if he wants to eat from a blue bowl or a green bowl. He chooses green. I get it all ready, but suddenly he wants blue and ends up throwing a fit until I put all his food into the blue bowl. I try to remind him he chose green first, but we just end up in a power struggle.

Advice??
1. You have to teach him by speaking and modeling simultaneously. Don't give him an opportunity to run. Warning a few minutes before is good. Then when it is time to go in, go over to him and take his hands as you say "it's time to go in, walk with Mommy" or carry him in. This is teaching him that your words have meaning. You can practice him coming to you when called through fun games so he associates coming with enjoyable things.

2. He's showing you that choices do not make him happier right now, so cit the choices until he's able to handle it better. Otherwise you're creating power struggle where he wants security.

Check out this article. It revolutionized my toddler discipline and helped my kids listen SO MUCH BETTER. I love the goyb ("get off your butt") parenting technique.

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id23.html


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[Simon]

In both of these scenarios you are giving him too much free will and autonomy before he's been equipped with the skills to use it well. Dial back the choices and options and you'll both be much happier


1. You have to teach him by speaking and modeling simultaneously. Don't give him an opportunity to run. Warning a few minutes before is good. Then when it is time to go in, go over to him and take his hands as you say "it's time to go in, walk with Mommy" or carry him in. This is teaching him that your words have meaning. You can practice him coming to you when called through fun games so he associates coming with enjoyable things.

2. He's showing you that choices do not make him happier right now, so cit the choices until he's able to handle it better. Otherwise you're creating power struggle where he wants security.

Check out this article. It revolutionized my toddler discipline and helped my kids listen SO MUCH BETTER. I love the goyb ("get off your butt") parenting technique.

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id23.html


Sent from my Android phone using Swype

:yeahthat: This is all good advice. We do GYOB and did with our oldest.
We give a 2 minute warning and then approach our child when its time to go. A hand on the shoulder, a reminder that we're leaving and what comes next. Much of the time my 1yo will wave to the toys and walk away with me while my 3yo is the one having a harder time right now. So, we say good bye and I "help" them leave by prying toys out of their hands and carrying them away if I have to. I sympathize about how it is hard to leave but we're done. With my older toddler, I will talk about how its important to learn how to leave by cooperating with me because I won't take him to the park if I think he won't be able to leave nicely. He is starting to understand that relationship but needs reminders.

[wellyes]

I think that a 2 year old who come to you when you say it's time to go is a very rare creature. By age 3 we start "Come to me by the time I count to 3 or else _____" Keep the consequence minor and natural. More "or else we won't have time to stop at the water fountain on the way home", not "or I'll throw away your toy". I still use 1-2-3 with my 5 year old.

I avoid choices and narrate instead..... Not "do you want the green plate or the yellow plate?" but "I'm going to put your food on this yellow plate when it's cooked. Could you please blow on it when it comes to you to help cool it down?". That allows a degree of comforting passivity if that's what he needs, or gives the opportunity for conversation ("no I want the green plate!" "What is the nice way to ask for a different color?" "May I have green plate instead of yellow?" "Yes, of course" etc).

[123LuckyMom]

I agree that your son is too young for choices and coming to you when called. The point of giving choices is to enable your child to feel he has autonomy and power. You are getting into power struggles, which absolutely defeats the purpose of giving the choices! At this stage he really does need more guidance and direction. I read the GOYB parenting and agree with what I read, except for the part about not saying please. I always say please and thank you. That's just polite. It doesn't make the behavior optional, but it does make the interaction respectful.

[BabyBearsMom]

In both of these scenarios you are giving him too much free will and autonomy before he's been equipped with the skills to use it well. Dial back the choices and options and you'll both be much happier


1. You have to teach him by speaking and modeling simultaneously. Don't give him an opportunity to run. Warning a few minutes before is good. Then when it is time to go in, go over to him and take his hands as you say "it's time to go in, walk with Mommy" or carry him in. This is teaching him that your words have meaning. You can practice him coming to you when called through fun games so he associates coming with enjoyable things.

2. He's showing you that choices do not make him happier right now, so cit the choices until he's able to handle it better. Otherwise you're creating power struggle where he wants security.

Check out this article. It revolutionized my toddler discipline and helped my kids listen SO MUCH BETTER. I love the goyb ("get off your butt") parenting technique.

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id23.html


Sent from my Android phone using Swype
:yeahthat: This exactly. A lot o this is just typical two year old stuff that they will grow out of. With the second item, I give DD1 choices when she asks for choices. So in our scenario, I wouldn't say "which bowl do you want" but if she told she wanted the blue bowl, I would honor the request.

[echoesofspring]

These are great suggestions, we struggle with the same thing and I've been feeling like what I'm doing isn't working.

I'd love to read the article linked to above, but it seems like the server is down...