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View Full Version : What would you do? family drama (VENT)



ckso
09-09-2013, 07:08 PM
DD1 is turning 5 in a few weeks and I asked her if she wanted a birthday party since I threw one for her little sister 2 months ago. She said yes but she only wants her cousin. I thought "great", that should be easy enough since all the cousin she's talking about live nearby and there's only 6 of them (3 families). I'm planning on doing the party at my mom's house in the evening after 6pm.

EXCEPT, with everyone busy school and social schedule, I was only able to do it on 9/21. All the other days they already have plans. But my sister doesn't want to do it on the 21st because her daughter (one of the cousins) is moving and going to college on the 22nd. She's only going to a local college that's about 30 min drive but wants to live in the dorms for the college life experience. My sister is saying that she wants to reserve the 21st for last minute packing or purchasing of supplies. She didn't say anything about her having plans to do anything either so she has no plans. But that she wants to do another date. But if i do another date that she wants to do, DD's favorite cousin Jane (course nobody knows she's technically her favorite but she is) wouldn't be able to come.

So I reason with my sister (she has 2 kids) that maybe she can pack or do whatever ahead of time (my sister is not working and her daughter have no school) and that worse case she still have all day morning and afternoon on the 21st? That apparently pissed her off so she wrote everyone an email and said she's can't make it, have fun.

I asked DD and she's ok with it because she said my sister's son is hardly ever comes anyways (and my sister can't guarantee he'll come anyways as he is in his early 20's). I was going to let it go until my BROTHER emails us and starts proposing other dates that through prior emails we already said it doesn't work. So I called him and he said why am I choosing Jne (who is 2 people counting her fiance whom DD also adores) over the 4 people for my sister? So I tried to explain that my sister doesn't have anything planned and she can technically make it but he just kept saying "she already said that date doesn't work" etc.

So frustrated I just said What? I'm supposed to pick? Choose my sister (who by the way is very flaky and even if we go according to the date she wants, there's no guarantee she won't call me a few days to say something came up) or choose Jane? He just said what I'm doing isn't "right"

What would you do?? Doing it after 9/21 would automatically mean I'm excluding the cousin that's going to college so that still wouldn't work.

ellies mom
09-09-2013, 07:16 PM
Go with Jane and the other cousins that are your daughter's age. She is going to have more fun with them than the older cousins.

I get that she maybe busy getting everything ready for the next day but seriously, 30 minutes away? It isn't like she is going to college 1000 miles away. She can just bring buy anything that gets forgotten the next weekend.

anonomom
09-09-2013, 07:16 PM
Say "I'm sorry, I tried to find a date that would work for everyone, but that was impossible. This is the date that works best for our family. We'd love to see you there and we'll miss you, but we understand that you have other things planned." Repeat as often as needed until they stop harassing you about it.

Really, I think it's nice that you tried to get a consensus on the date, but this is your party. Choose the date that works for you and stick with it.

PZMommy
09-09-2013, 07:22 PM
Say "I'm sorry, I tried to find a date that would work for everyone, but that was impossible. This is the date that works best for our family. We'd love to see you there and we'll miss you, but we understand that you have other things planned." Repeat as often as needed until they stop harassing you about it.

Really, I think it's nice that you tried to get a consensus on the date, but this is your party. Choose the date that works for you and stick with it.

:yeahthat: I would do this exactly!

elliput
09-09-2013, 07:22 PM
Say "I'm sorry, I tried to find a date that would work for everyone, but that was impossible. This is the date that works best for our family. We'd love to see you there and we'll miss you, but we understand that you have other things planned." Repeat as often as needed until they stop harassing you about it.

Really, I think it's nice that you tried to get a consensus on the date, but this is your party. Choose the date that works for you and stick with it.

This exactly. The party is to please your DD, not your sister.

AshleyAnn
09-09-2013, 07:26 PM
Sounds like your sister is being a touch dramatic. Do the older "kids" really want to go to a 5 yr olds birthday dinner anyway? Sounds like a typical family duty event for them whereas the younger cousins would enjoy it as would your DD. I'd go with the date you've selected that works with Jane and let your sister prioritize her life herself.

ckso
09-09-2013, 07:53 PM
Thanks guys. I'm just so frustrated that my brother actually sided with my sister. And I hate for there to be bad feelings. I thought it was so sweet that DD really wanted her cousins and not her friends.

I get going to college is a big deal but she's really close enough to commute if she really wanted to. My sister try to tell me that the school says she can't go home within the first 3 weeks of school. Really?? This is college not boarding school. My sister can drive over there too if she really forgot something.

kellyd
09-09-2013, 08:59 PM
It is sweet that your DD wanted her cousins there, and I get your frustration. But is it possible that her daughter moving out is getting to your sister? I remember how sad/happy/excited/sad my own mom was when I went away for school and I was only 45 minutes away. Maybe your sister does want anything to rush that last day with her daughter at home. My oldest is only 5, so thinking ahead to how I'll feel 13 years or so from now it's hard to imagine.

BunnyBee
09-09-2013, 09:23 PM
I wouldn't be ticked that your sister wants to spend her "last night" with her daughter, but it's crazy that she expects you to reschedule your DD's party for her.

TwinFoxes
09-09-2013, 11:00 PM
I wouldn't be ticked that your sister wants to spend her "last night" with her daughter, but it's crazy that she expects you to reschedule your DD's party for her.

:yeahthat:

ckso
09-10-2013, 01:24 AM
It is sweet that your DD wanted her cousins there, and I get your frustration. But is it possible that her daughter moving out is getting to your sister? I remember how sad/happy/excited/sad my own mom was when I went away for school and I was only 45 minutes away. Maybe your sister does want anything to rush that last day with her daughter at home. My oldest is only 5, so thinking ahead to how I'll feel 13 years or so from now it's hard to imagine.

Maybe she's having trouble dealing...I don't know. They just came back from a month long vacation to Asia as part of her high school graduation and her sons college graduation so they definitely spent some bonding time together

As maybe she wants to spend alone time with her on her last night as opposed to sharing her with the family? I don't know. Even then why make me the bad person and get my brother to turn on me and get mad at me

My siblings kids are older and I fell like they don't understand that birthday parties can be a big deal for a little girl. I want her to feel like its a party and not another family gathering at grandma house but with cake.

MMMommy
09-10-2013, 01:35 AM
I wouldn't be ticked that your sister wants to spend her "last night" with her daughter, but it's crazy that she expects you to reschedule your DD's party for her.

:yeahthat:

Your sister might be wanting to spend time with her college bound daughter on her "last" night, or she may really be thinking they need to use that time to prepare for the next day move. Even if the college is only 30 minutes away, it may be a very special and momentous occasion for them. Regardless, I don't think your sister should be making such a stink about the date you picked for your DD's party. It is your party, your choice of date. She should not be guilting you for having it on that day just because she cannot make it. You can't please everyone, and if she can't go, that is just too bad. You keep the date that you want.