preparing for miscarriage

[KDsMommy]

I've had 5 betas at different intervals and the results are not good. My hCG is not rising even close to what is expected. I'm 6w5d and my hCG is only 249 :shake: We're going for a scan in an hour to determine our course of action, d&c or methotrexate injection to end the pregnancy. It all feels sort of surreal and I'm very sad. :cry:

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this in the best way possible?

[TwoBees]

I'm so sorry. I have no idea, but I couldn't read and not post. :hug:

[scrooks]

I don't have any advice but can read this without offering hugs. I've been there too. I'm so sorry!

[PZMommy]

I'm sorry. I had a miscarriage around 6 1/2 weeks. If I were to do it again, I'd have a d&c and be done with it. I chose the shot, and it was awful. I had contractions and severe bleeding. Ended up in the ER. I was sent home after they thought everything had been expelled, but then when i continued having bleeding and my hcg was still not back to 0, they did another ultrasound and discovered that not every thing came out, and I ended up with a d&c anyways. It made an already bad situation even worse. I've always said if I'm ever in that situation again, I'd just do the d&c and be done with it.

[elektra]

I'm sorry to hear that. I am assuming you are talking about how to handle emotionally. I got nothing for you. :( It's hard but then you just move on.
When I went through something similar, having to get a methotrexate injection for my second ectopic, I was very sad but didn't really give myself a day to regroup and just kept working, never taking a day off. I think I ended up even more distracted than I would have been be just taking at least a day off. So that would be my advice I guess- give yourself a little time to process/grieve.

[elektra]

I'm sorry. I had a miscarriage around 6 1/2 weeks. If I were to do it again, I'd have a d&c and be done with it. I chose the shot, and it was awful. I had contractions and severe bleeding. Ended up in the ER. I was sent home after they thought everything had been expelled, but then when i continued having bleeding and my hcg was still not back to 0, they did another ultrasound and discovered that not every thing came out, and I ended up with a d&c anyways. It made an already bad situation even worse. I've always said if I'm ever in that situation again, I'd just do the d&c and be done with it.
So sorry PZMommy.
If you are talking about what to do as far as course of action (as opposed to emotionally) I would also recommend a D&C, if they are able to see the embryo location on the scan.
In my case it was outside of the uterus and so a D&C may not have worked. The shot was harder for me emotionally too.

[kdeunc]

I am so sorry. I had a D&C at 7 weeks. I had to be in my sister in law's wedding out of town two days later. No one knew I was pregnant and no one knew I had miscarried so it was a rough weekend. Give yourself some time to heal emotionally.

[DietCokeLover]

I am so sorry. No btdt, but this is a loss and you should feel free to mourn the same as you would any other loss. Take some time for yourself and be kind to yourself. Hugs to you.

[specialp]

I'm so sorry. I've done it different ways and there really is no easy way. It's all hard and I am so very sorry you having to go through it. In your situation w/ your hcg # and if it has stalled or is decreasing and your progesterone is low, then I would wait it out naturally. If it was still creeping up, I'd opt for a d&c, but there is truly no wrong answer. It's picking the better of the bad and it is heartbreaking. I think with both my d&cs my #s were in a couple thousand (eta: i was further along) and I didn't have the emotional strength to wait it out. I know I had one where hcg was around 500 and decreasing. Doctor said it would take a week so I decided to wait it out and that was how long it took. :hug:

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm so sorry :hug:

[Myira]

No advice on the d&c or injection but I am so sorry. Sending lots of hugs :hug: Give yourself time and space, I had a spontaneous early mis-carriage after DD and I understand what an emotional roller coaster it feels like.

[jgenie]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :hug:

[wencit]

No words of advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am. :hug:

[westwoodmom04]

I'm so sorry. I've been in your shoes twice. The first I took the medication, the second the d&c. I agree with PZMommy, the d&c is the better way to go.

[ourbabygirl]

I'm so sorry. :hug:

[goldenpig]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve. Sending you lots of hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug:

[BDKmom]

Lots of P&PT and hugs to you.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm very sorry.

[DualvansMommy]

That's so hard! I'm sorry...prayers and thoughts for you. Be kind to yourself...hugs


Cate

[lovin2shop]

I'm so sorry! I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks without either the injection or the D&C. Had a missed miscarriage later on in another pregnancy, and had a D&C. The D&C was physically easier, so if you don't have any known issues with going under anesthesia, I would consider this method. I was nervous to go under as I had never had any kind of surgery before, so it is a risk to weigh.

[sste]

It is important to make sure you feel a sense of confidence and closure to the max extent possible in the decision. Get the scan. If you need a repeat scan in four days to give you peace then ask for that.

I believe the D&C is more reliably pain and stress free. There is a tiny anesthesia risk but it is tiny and the procedure is usually over very quickly. The medication usually works fine but when it doesn't it is a nightmare -- there are stories of people fainting all over the internet, I had a friend who had to be hospitalized and considered for blood transfusion. I also think the medication is more emotionally stressful for most people compared to being knocked out for a few minutes.

And I am so very sorry. :(

[sarahsthreads]

I am so, so sorry. I had a "missed" miscarriage (I should have been 10-11 weeks pregnant, but an u/s showed that the pregnancy stopped developing between 5 & 6 weeks) in late 2011. I opted for medication (but it wasn't an injection?) because it was so close to Christmas and the idea of having to go to the hospital and have a D&C instead of being home with my family was something I couldn't cope with in addition to the miscarriage. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, although it took a lot longer to take effect than they said it would and waiting it out was pretty awful.

My advice would be to find someone you can lean on IRL besides your DH, preferably someone who's been through a similar experience - because they're not going to sit there and tell you that it's all part of a plan or that you can try again, they're going to agree with you that it sucks and it's awful and it's not fair, and they're going to let you cry. I really had a hard time dealing with my grief until I opened up to a couple of friends - not actually my closest friends, but friends I knew had had a miscarriage before. The fact that I could cry to them as much as I needed helped tremendously. DH was grieving too and I felt like I couldn't ask him to shoulder the entire weight of my grief on top of his, though I am certain he would have if I had needed him to.

Again, I am so, so sorry. :hug:

Sarah

[Rainbows&Roses]

Sorry that things are working out this way for you. I just wanted to add that I had a methotrexate shot for a suspected ectopic and there is no stinkin' way I would get one ever again. I didn't even know they gave those for normal miscarriages. I had several d&c's and they were much better than the shot.

Hoping for a miracle for you.

[kdeunc]

I'm so sorry! I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks without either the injection or the D&C. Had a missed miscarriage later on in another pregnancy, and had a D&C. The D&C was physically easier, so if you don't have any known issues with going under anesthesia, I would consider this method. I was nervous to go under as I had never had any kind of surgery before, so it is a risk to weigh.

I had no anesthesia with my D&C. It was done in my OBs office with a cervical block. They also had the option of writing a script for some Valium before the procedure. So even if you don't want to undergo anesthesia a D&C may still be an option.

[citymama]

Sending big hugs and P&PT. Take care of yourself.

[Fairy]

I don't get why they kept sticking you four additional times. Maybe one more time, but five total without a scan? That sure adds to the stress, they should have scanned you. I'm sorry you're going through it. A D&C is hospital time, but it's in and out and an easy MAC, whereas the shot will take time to take effect and only prolong your emotional suffering. Sorry.

[Rarick0]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and opted for a D&C since I didn't want to prolong the whole ordeal and needed closure. Sending many hugs.

[pastrygirl]

I also had very low numbers at 6w, and decided to wait. It took about 2 weeks for me to m/c naturally, though I know some people don't and it ends up being an ordeal. I had given myself a set amount of time for it to happen, and if it hadn't, I would've opted for a D&C.

ETA: I'm so sorry. :(

[AngB]

I am sorry for your loss. Sending hugs.

I'm pretty sure if it's an ectopic pregnancy, your only option may be the shot under typical circumstances. I would probably not do the shot otherwise, I'd either wait for a "natural miscarriage" or do a D&C.
With a D&C they "could" theoretically do testing to try to find the cause (like a trisomy, etc.), but I don't believe that's a typical protocol for a first miscarriage- you could always ask though. I know someone that had incompetent cervix issues in a subsequent pregnancy after having a d&c from a miscarriage, that's really the main downside to the d&c from what I have heard but as long as they keep an eye on it if you decide to get pregnant again, the risk isn't that common.

There are lots of online resources for grieving pregnancy and neonatal losses. Some of my favorites are SHARE (www.nationalshare.org) and www.facesofloss.com . If you have already told the kids about the baby, there are also some good books out there for them (the one I can think of from the top of my head is "We Were Supposed to Have a Baby but we got an angel instead" -or something very similarly titled.)

[Zukini]

I'm so so sorry mama. It's tough to have a loss, early or otherwise.

I've had two m/c in the past year. First one was natural at 7w and at home, no medication except for pain. Second was at 9w (slow rising hcg which we were tracking because of previous loss, then dates way off on multiple anatomy scans) and we opted to have a d&c under anesthesia. I hate to say it, but the d&c was the much less miserable way to have to go through the process. I was in the surgical center to be prepped for a 630am procedure and was in the car ready for DH to drive me home by 8am. Minimal bleeding and not much physical pain to follow. I took a nap that day at home, and was moving about normally by the next day.

The emotional pain takes some time to process though. Don't be afraid or ashamed to open up about how you are feeling to your DH or close female friends or relatives. Folks may not always say the right things but it helps just to have that closeness and also the acknowledgement of what you and your family have indeed lost.

[ged]

I'm sorry for your loss. I went with medication route (pills, not an injection). It was beyond lousy, but I don't think any option is good, obviously.

[bisous]

I have no advice but only sympathy and kind thoughts. I hope you find the best course of action for you and your family.

[kaharris83]

I'm so sorry. There's nothing anyone can really say to take the pain away. Both times I chose the D&C as I just wanted it to be over and done with as quickly as possible. In my case I found it helped me to talk about it with my closest friends and family. Some people find that more painful. Do what feels right for you. Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.

[AnnieW625]

I had no options other than to have a D&E. It was tough. I took 5 weeks off of work (2 weeks prior and 3 weeks after) and I am glad I did. The first two weeks were the hardest knowing I wouldn't be pregnant anymore and people knew I was pregnant by then, and then the week prior was hard, but by the week marker of the surgery I was mentally ready to get on going and exercising. The next two weeks were great mental health reminders for me. The hardest part for probably 2 or 3 months afterwards was talking on the phone. I couldn't do it. Email was much easier.

I wouldn't have needed as much time if I wasn't 21 weeks along, but a loss is hard at anytime and I can't even fathom having more than one choice. I will keep praying for you and your fiance and your kids and hope things go smoothly for you in the future. Had we not had the issues with baby 2 I have to think that DD2 would not be here today so there is always hope and DD2 was not planned. :hug:

[JBaxter]

My first Miscarriage was at 15 weeks. was rough and I had a D&C. My 2nd we had a heart beat at 7(ish) weeks but the baby measured over a week smaller than my dates. We scheduled for a 2n u/s 2 weeks later but a week later I started bleeding Follow up u/s was no heart beat. I was given a choice to miscarry naturally or to have D&C. My choice was the D&C we were leaving in 3 weeks for a cross country vacation and It was the best decision for me/us. My fist was done in the hospital the send was scheduled for 2 days after at a surgical center. I was sedated for both.

[123LuckyMom]

We discovered I had already miscarried when we went for our nuchal fold test at 12 weeks. I opted to have a D&C rather than let my body cleanse itself naturally. I was devastated, and I just didn't want to bleed. I was afraid if I saw anything it would be too much to bear. The D&C was under sedation and not a big deal. The miscarriage was a big deal! I'm very, very sorry for your loss!

[Mali]

I'm so sorry.

[urquie]

No advice, but sending lots of P&PTs. :hug:

[queenmama]

When I miscarried naturally I saw everything. I was too shocked to process it at the time but later (and still today) it was (is) awful and heartbreaking to remember how that looked. Perhaps it would be healing for some, to see their baby and say goodbye. For me, it's very upsetting, and if given a choice, I would opt for a D&C.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you comfort during your grieving and a speedy recovery in your healing.

Lara

[trcy]

I have no advice but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss

[georgiegirl]

Many hugs. I am so sorry for your loss.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I am sorry for your loss.

[lmh2402]

no advice - just hugs. i'm so sorry for your loss

[ZeeBaby]

Very sorry for your loss.

[boltfam]

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

[KDsMommy]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. An ultrasound was done this morning and the tech saw nothing at all. My OB said that with levels as low as mine (249 at 6w4d) they wouldn't expect to see anything and there is a worry of ectopic. He strongly recommended the methotrexate injection. So I got the shot today. He said d&c wasn't a good option in my situation.

I'm doing ok. I'm a Guardian ad Litem and I had to be in court this afternoon and that really helped to distract me today.

I know it will take time to heal emotionally, and I really wish I could've just had a d&c and gotten it over with quickly.

I'm so sorry for all the losses you all have shared with me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

[emily_gracesmama]

Hugs and I'm so very sorry for you. I also did not have a good experience with the shot either. I took two of them for an ectopic. They didn't work and I had to have emergency surgery anyhow. I have also let things happen naturally and that was easier if your numbers are decreasing. They can track you all the way to zero.
Edit- I just saw your last post that they are concerned for an ectopic. With mine I was warned I would have pain but I had extreme pain which was unusual. If it seems extreme get to your dr. I was bleeding out of my tube and needed surgery. Luckily they saved my tube and I've gone on to have 3 babies. The bleeding out didn't occur for about 2 weeks after I got the first shot. Take care of yourself.

[AnnieW625]

......Perhaps it would be healing for some, to see their baby and say goodbye. .....

Lara

I had that option too. Neither Dh nor I could bear to do that.

[c&j04]

I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself.

[zag95]

Very sorry for your loss. That is tough- I had one at about 9 weeks. Thinking of you.