Did you love your newborn right away?

[petesgirl]

I remember reading before DS was born that it may take time to feel love and attachments for your newborn. At the time I thought that would be impossible for me to not love my child at first sight. And I did love DS immediately and was totally in awe of everything about him. I felt so attached to him throughout the whole pregnancy.

But I think DC2 might be different. At 17 weeks, I don't really feel attached at all. I haven't had an ultrasound since 5 weeks so it might be different when we get the anatomy scan, but I'm starting to feel like even when DC is born, I might not really feel attached. Part of this is because DS was an extremely hard newborn and I am not looking forward to that stage.

[BabyBearsMom]

I worried about that with DD2 as well especially because I had a complicated pregnancy and hemorrhaged the whole time so I was terrified of a miscarriage and mentally distanced myself from the pregnancy. I also wondered how I could ever love anyone as much as dd1. And then she was born and I have loved her so fiercely from the moment I laid eyes on her. She is so perfect and sweet and cute. Her smile lights up the room. Now I marvel at how I could ever have even thought I wouldn't love her immediately.

[AshleyAnn]

I didn't feel the immediate love/bonding some people claim to have to their new babies. Idk if its because my marriage ended while I was pregnant and it was a rough experience or if its just how I am. I also experienced bad PPD. It took a few weeks before I really felt attatched beyond a duty sense. Were so attached now I doubt anyoje would guess I didn't just LOVE her immediately

[Jacksmommy2b]

I suffer from bad post partum anxiety so while I feel very protective of my newborns, I don't really fall in love with them until I stop having panic attacks. :)

I think it is super normal to not bond with a second pregnancy the way you did your first. It is amazing but so true, you think you can never love another human being the way you love your child, and then you have another and you just do. :)

[megs4413]

I didn't really bond or attach to DD pre-birth. It took me a couple weeks to really "get it" with her after she was born. I had a really, really rough pregnancy with her and she was my first so it took me a long time. it happened eventually, though. I do remember wondering at times when her parents were going to come pick her up (I felt like I was babysitting at first.) I imagine breastfeeding would have helped, but I didn't do that. I guess it's also important to note that the doc had left behind quite a bit of gauze when he stitched me up and so my first couple weeks of recovery went really, really badly with that in there...so maybe that contributed? in retrospect, it must have.

with DS, I knew what to expect. he was planned. I was bonded to him pre-birth for sure. I was not nearly as sick with him, either.

this time, pregnancy was unplanned. it was rough. I really only started attaching a couple weeks ago...I was not sure it would happen this time! But, truly in the last couple weeks I have really bonded with baby. I love her already.

So it can happen in all kinds of stages/ways. I would try not to worry about it too much, though I know I was worried about it this time. HUGS!

[flashy09]

I did with DD, but like you, I do worry with this baby that won't happen. I don't take the weekly bump pictures or enjoy being pregnant this time, I just think how tired I am and how my back hurts, etc. Part of me worries that DD will be super jealous and upset and I will regret having another. I think it's totally normal to worry about having the ability to love another DC as much and not be as into the second pregnancy. The first pregnancy is a huge life changer - you are going from no kids to a child and it's the main thing on your mind. Second pregnancy you have already made the life adjustment and the novelty of "wow, I am having a baby!" is not quite the same. Plus you have your first child on your mind all the time since he is taking all your energy and affection. So don't worry too much and try not to compare your feelings when the new baby is born because it's totally different dynamic this time around.

[ZeeBaby]

I attached to both girls right away. DD1 I felt like I had been dreaming about her for so long that I was just so ready for her. DD2 was a little different because DD1 was only 7 mos when I got pregnant. It took me awhile to accept I was pregnant but once I did my entire focus was on loving them both and having them learn to love each other. I did horrible vomiting with both pregnancies. Pretty much after ever meal. They were always on my mind.

[Mommy_Mea]

I never really bonded with either boy pre-birth. It was a little less abstract with DS2, since I knew what came after birth.

I had very bad post partum anxiety (PPA) with DS1 almost immediately. I had a very rough delivery and recovery and the hormone crash was awful and it was a long road out of that. DS1 was 10 months-1 year before I really truly loved him beyond a sense of duty. But I had read on the BBB a lot about PPD/PPA while I was pregnant with DS1 because of my history of depression and anxiety, so I was as prepared as I could be for that struggle.

DS2 I loved right away, instant bonding. But I had NO PPA with him and a very easy delivery, and no hormone crash. I was fully prepared for another round of PPA and the long road to really loving my child (but I knew how awesome it was once I loved him, and how that love just keeps growing).

So two very different experiences with my two boys, and I love them both so much, just happened at different times. All my friends/family who are going through their first pregnancies I tell my story, just so they don't beat themselves up if they don't fall in love right away. It will come.

[SnuggleBuggles]

When it's your first, it's all consuming. When it's not your first, you have more on your plate and less brain power to devote to baby. I found it helpful to keep a daily journal w ds2 before bed each night. Forcing myself to take a few minutes to reflect on the new baby was great. Once I got in the routine, I looked forward to it too. :)

[maestramommy]

Nope, not with DD1. I remember the first moment I clearly felt a bond with her, it was visceral. She was about 4 months old. With DD2, much sooner, within the first two weeks. DD3, even sooner. I worried about her during pregnancy more. Not because anything was wrong, but because I knew a lot more that could go wrong, I had read and heard about so many losses, I didn't take my pregnancy for granted like I did the first time.

[crayonblue]

Love yes, like no. I start liking my babies when they get past the no sleeping stage. I LOVE sleep.

[petesgirl]

Love yes, like no. I start liking my babies when they get past the no sleeping stage. I LOVE sleep.

Yes. :) unfortunately with DS that was around 15 months.

[Pennylane]

Yes, with all three of mine. Loved them the day I found out I was pregnant and it just grew!

Ann

[BDKmom]

I didn't have any trouble loving or bonding with DS. With DD, it was definitely different. I think part of it was, as PP have mentioned, I didn't have as much time to focus on the pregnancy because I was so busy and worn out from keeping up with DS. Also, I had always pictured two boys, so when I found out I was having a girl, that took a little getting used to. But, with DD, the loving part came fast and fierce the minute they put her in my arms. It was way more intense and immediate than with DS, and, honestly, caught me by surprise. I think because she WAS a girl. I identified with her in that sense. The bonding part, however, took much longer with her. Partially due to being so overwhelmed with two to care for. And I felt a little resentment that she took so much of my time away from DS. But that bond slowly got stronger as the months went by. If you don't feel it right away, just give it some time.

[twowhat?]

No. They were just things that I absolutely had to keep alive at first. I know that sounds horrible, but that really was how it felt for me. The whole falling in love while cuddling a newborn feeling? Never had it.

And I honestly can't remember when I started feeling it. It wasn't for at least a couple of months. Probably when they started smiling real smiles.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

DS: yes but it was intermittent. I did have those happy tears moments when i was nursing him, thinking he was the most beautiful baby ever, but it was often clouded by a huge feeling of being overwhelmed and downright exhausted and willing to sell my soul for just one good night's sleep. I remember when i was 3 weeks preg DH was traveling, i felt so overwhelmed and wondered what the heck i had gotten myself into and if it would ever end. the sleep deprivation aspect was downright torture, so i dont know...it makes it hard to enjoy and for the life of me i will never understand why it has to be this way, bc the newborn stage would be sooooo much more pleasant without the sleep deprivation-torture :). and yes, i had the same feeling - i felt like all i had the energy to do was nurse, nurse, and nurse some more and not get any sleep.

DD - i did feel bonded to her right after she was born, and i felt more relaxed as a parent but then the first month was just consumed by trying to get her out of the hospital, worrying over what was wrong (she had apnea episdoes, drs said she had a heart murmur, could possibly have a brain bleed, and other things), trying and trying to get her to nurse/weaned off the tube feedings so it was hard to bond with her. i remember nurses taking DH aside and them telling him they thought i had PPD.. by the time she finally got out i was relieved but then we had a newborn, a 1yo we had exhausted all our family help so we were on our own and then DH had to travel a ton..it was survival mode for a lonnng time.

now several friends just had babies, so many people post pics of their newborns, all blissful and happy and sometimes feel the pang of wanting a 3rd child just so i could have a chance to "do it right" and be that mom who just goes on and on about how in love she is with her baby, how sweet this stage is and how we have to savor each moment, yada yada yada instead of having to deal with the hospital and then going into just triaging to make it through the day.

eta:i should add that with DS, i really really bonded with him while i was pregnant. once i got past the puking stage i really loved feeling the kicks, decorating the nursery, etc. i had a pregnancy journal that i would write in every single day, record stats/weights from dr appts, i took a belly bump picture every single week...i went all crazy for that. I remember going places and really feeling like i had a little person with me. It was great. with DD though, i did NONE of that bc i was just too busy with DS who was a very active toddler. I had nothing ready by the time she came. I didn't feel bonded to her at all until she was born. like a PP said i think it's normal that for the 2nd you don't feel nearly as bonded bc you're too busy taking care of an older child.

[echoesofspring]

I have very vivid memories about bonding moments with DS, when he was a few weeks old. I was soooo glad that I was doing a mommy and me post birth class with our doula/childbirth instructor, she actually was the one who pointed out the change between us, and had told us it sometimes takes away. I do think part of the problem was that I was soooo exhausted with DS, multiday stalled labor, emergeny c/s, anesthesia, etc. With DD (scheduled c-sect) it was pretty immediate in the surgery recovery room. I have no memory of the recovery room with DS, even though DH says it was pretty similar both times (the hospital allowed DH and DC to be there with me).

[TxCat]

Felt immediate all-consuming love for both DDs immediately after birth. BUT, I did not feel particularly bonded to them during pregnancy, especially not to DD2, probably b/c it was a high-risk pregnancy from early on and I was always preparing for something bad to happen.