Crushes at school--wwyd?

[KpbS]

Need some advice here :)

DS1 is a young 4th grader in a 4/5 combo class. The first couple of weeks at school one of his friends leaned over to DS several times at lunch as whispered "I love you." He was surprised and mortified at the thought of her actually meaning it. ;) I asked if she was laughing or smiling when/after she said it and he said she was totally serious. I told him she most certainly meant she had a crush on him and nothing more. No biggie.

But yesterday, DS1 tells me that 2 more girl classmates told him at recess they also had crushes on him. I know it's probably normal but my question is what should I tell him to say in response? The tricky part is that it's a very small school and I know he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am not interested in encouraging him one way or another (there is one girl he likes a bit mostly as a friend) but mostly isn't interested in the girls that way yet. WWYD?

[kristenk]

I'll be reading this thread with interest! A boy in DD's class told her and some of her friends that he's in love with DD. We haven't really discussed anything, b/c she's not bothered by it and I don't think it really means anything to either of them. He has said it in a matter-of-fact way, not in any sort of moony way. Sort of like, "I'm wearing a red shirt today. I had scrambled eggs for breakfast. I'm in love with <DD>."

[sarahsthreads]

Hm. Not there yet, but could he just say something like "I'm really glad we're friends"? No implication that he's interested in more than friendship (like "I like you too" might imply), and it's not hurtful.

And I'm sure it's normal for girls to crush on boys a bit at this age (remembering waaaaaay back to when I was in 4th & 5th grade) though I'm sort of impressed with how audacious they are! I don't remember ever telling a boy directly that I liked him, but maybe other girls did and I was just extra shy?

Sort of related, so far with DD1 I just get questions about how old she has to be to have a baby. (She's only interested in boys in that she knows you need a mommy and a daddy to create a baby.) She flipped out on me when I (gently) suggested that she should maybe consider attending college and getting a job and a place to live (and ideally marrying someone for more than just his genes) before having a baby. I get that she's baby-obsessed because we have a new baby in the house, but sheesh...I'm going to make her start getting up with me every time I have to change or nurse DS in the middle of the night. Maybe that will cure her I-want-a-baby-now-itis?!? :ROTFLMAO:

Sarah :)

[ladysoapmaker]

I didn't really have this experience with the boys, however DD#1 told me her friends said that a boy told them he liked her and she told me she didn't like him. I asked why, "he's mean" was the answer along with some examples of his meanness. I asked her if it mattered if he liked her and she said no. So I said just ignore him and if he says anything to you then you can tell him to leave you alone. We are trying to be very matter of fact about situations like this and not to fall into the trap of "oh he pushed you or chased you, he must like you, be nice to him". On the flip side friends of ours' oldest DD (DD#1's BFF) has a crush on DS#2. we (all 4 adults) are trying very not to tease either BFF or DS#2. I must admit it gets more interesting when they are in high school. (and scarier).

Good luck,
Jennifer

[Clarity]

When my dd1 comes home talking about who is going to marry who or which friend likes another. I listen carefully and then I talk to her about how important it is right now to focus on being good friends. I tell her that they are too young to focus on "crushes" or to worry about marrying people.

I may say "Someday....after you have gone to college, you might find a man/woman that is special and treats you in various important ways and you might want to marry that person, but that's a long way off. Right now, what is important that you're a good friend." "What can you do to be a good friend?" Kindness? Listening? Sharing? etc. (Edit as needed for your situation.)

I also think that young ones confuse "love" and "like". So I might tell him that I bet she means that she likes him and would like to be friends. And then you can talk about the things that focus on friendship.

[infomama]

When my dd1 comes home talking about who is going to marry who or which friend likes another. I listen carefully and then I talk to her about how important it is right now to focus on being good friends. I tell her that they are too young to focus on "crushes" or to worry about marrying people.

I may say "Someday....after you have gone to college, you might find a man/woman that is special and treats you in various important ways and you might want to marry that person, but that's a long way off. Right now, what is important that you're a good friend." "What can you do to be a good friend?" Kindness? Listening? Sharing? etc. (Edit as needed for your situation.)

I also think that young ones confuse "love" and "like". So I might tell him that I bet she means that she likes him and would like to be friends. And then you can talk about the things that focus on friendship.
What she said.

[kboyle]

i've got no clue, but ds1 10/5th grade has some girl who pets his hair and yells at him that he doesn't talk to her enough...he just giggles and smiles at her. lol

[crayonblue]

Maybe he can just say, "Thanks?" :)

In pre-K, a little boy announced to the entire class that he liked DD1 and that he was going to marry her. Even at 4 yrs. old, DD1 was flattered, ha, ha! He was a stinkin' cute kid. :) He kept telling everyone that he liked DD1 and she was going to be his wife for two years of preschool. DD1 told me that the teacher suggested that he "like" everyone.

DD1 has had a few crushes. Usually what happens is she tells a friend, friend tells the boy, boy starts acting weird and ignores her and that is the end of that. Doesn't seem to deter DD1 from her next crush!

[KpbS]

Thanks for the advice, guys! I think a combo of "thank you" and "I'm really glad we are friends" is perfect! The crush count is growing and DS1 is tickled by all of the attention and popularity of it all. :tongue5: I warned him about staying out of any conversations about who likes him the most and told him it was likely that these girls would find a different boy to like next week. I am pretty surprised by their boldness, I have to say.

[HannaAddict]

I would not be surprised by the talk of crushes or "boldness" and remember, you are getting the info from a child so perceptions aren't always perfect. The kids here even in kindergarten talk about "crushes" and silly stuff, nothing really to respond to or get worried about. And many, many moons ago, crushes were common and in my day, we played 'kissing tag' with the boys chasing us girls and kissing us if we didn't get to the base, something that is not around any longer! \

[wendmatt]

I think his correct response should be "ewwwwww!"
Isn't that the normal thing for boys to say at this age?
I remember kiss chase too! it's not allowed now and a call to the parents happens if anything like that is seen and trips to the principal (happened last year in dd's 4th grade class).