WWYD: softball for the hubby

[Mopey]

Hi guys,

I would love some opinions on thinking this through.....

My hubby has been asked to rejoin his Sunday softball league. He loves to play, has played for many years and I know would love to play again (especially after a disappointing summer season with his regular during the week team - but it's a short season). Also, he'd be starting at shortstop, which would be awesome for him.

The sticky part for me is work and family time: he is gone for most of Sunday (about 7am to 2pm-ish, sometimes longer) which could make working very tricky as I would have to shuttle Miss Mopey around if I have work to do, or would take away from family time and it would be just another day alone with her. On top of that my hubby is not the type to want to go out the night before (we did miss lots of social things over the years) which could bum me out when I want to have a date or go to a party. We also have plans on three Sundays already.

But I don't have the needtobeactive gene - and he does, seriously. So I know on top of loving it, it is good for him. He is also the most amazing hubby and he does everything he can to help me out (including staying late to chase Miss Mopey around this morning with a call on mute so I could shower :heartbeat:). And I am the one to go for drinks with friends a couple of times a month. He only plays ball (unless he hits the batting cages with friends during the week because I force him to make plans).

So you can see my angst - I want him to have this for himself, but am totally paranoid that it's going to make life tougher....and all I'm trying to do right now is make things easier. The season would be over mid-November, fyi.

Any btdt? All advice & ideas & opinions welcome. TIA!!!

[infomama]

Short term sacrifice on your part, huge gain for him (and probably some for you too since he will be having fun/being active). Support his interest and things will be back to normal mid-Nov. Give and take.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

given what you wrote i'd totally say OK and be supportive of it. And i'm someone who thinks that a large number of husbands need a kick in the you-know-what and need to limit their activities and man up and help out more. :) BUT the fact that it's only one day a week (even if it is for a large part of a day), it's for a few months AND it's something active, plus he has already been supportive of you going out for Moms nights a few times a month already...I would totally encourage it.

I have similar BTDT that 4 weeks ago both DH & I joined a local yoga studio. We wanted to start doing yoga classes just to get in shape and destress. We have no family in town to help babysit and we both work full time and so when i said we would try to each go twice a week i wondered if we would stick with it and if it would just be another failed attempt (we joined a gym a couple years ago and canceled it bc we barely went). Well the other day we both realized that we had each gone to 10 classes, and every single day this week at least one of us has gone to a class. And we both felt way better, less stressed, etc. yes, in many ways it is hard....when we go the other has totally pick up the slack...for example if i leave early in the morning DH has to handle getting the kids ready and take them to school. If DH goes in the evening, i have to handle baths, putting kids in bed, etc. It's hard but we make do! While it does eat up chunks time, i think at least for me, the physical exercise makes me (and DH) a happier, better parent.

[niccig]

Short term sacrifice on your part, huge gain for him (and probably some for you too since he will be having fun/being active). Support his interest and things will be back to normal mid-Nov. Give and take.

I agree. I do think the two of you could brainstorm ways that you can off-set the time he is gone so it doesn't get in way of your work though. Maybe DH takes on something you do, to give you more work time.

[SnuggleBuggles]

When ds1 was 2, dh started playing a sport every Saturday in the summer, all day. Did I love it? No. But, he really, really did. I'm glad I let him do it. He also continued on to do it every season, in fact, but summer was the biggest time suck (just one- 2 weeknights/ week otherwise). Good luck!!

[YouAreTheFocus]

My DH has a somewhat time-consuming "extra", he's out 2 nights/wk. TBH I've never been thrilled about it (and have posted about it in the past), but for me, I really can't imagine putting my foot down and telling him no, he can't do something that is important to him (and the power aspect of that would also be weird to me). Although I did nip it in the bud when he wanted to add another 2 night/wk activity, that seemed excessive. I don't have any outside activities, nights out with friends, etc, but that's not his fault.

[cvanbrunt]

If three Sundays are already out then it really is only 6 or so days. Let him go, he needs it and loves it. But be sure he knows he has to take over parenting when he gets home on the days you must work.

[BunnyBee]

6 days? Sure! Hire a sitter to help out for work times. Every weekend all year? Uh. I couldn't do it. Unless there were another caregiver. I may be a crappy, wimpy mom, but I need weekends.

In a couple of years, he can coach Miss Mopey's softball team. Then these 6 half days will look like nothing. ;)

[wellyes]

My husband plays hockey league 2 nights a week, I don't love it even a little, but I "allow" it. In the sense that I don't forbid it. If I had a twice a week hobby that was important to me, I can't imagine me being OK with my husband forbidding it, know what I mean? And that is year round, a 2-month sport isn't so bad. Especially if he's reciprocating with moms-nights-out several times a month.

My question is, why on earth is a softball league 7 am.- 2 p.m.?? Is it softball plus lunch and drinks or something? I know a lot of families where one spouse runs, or bikes, or plays a sport -- but it's not usually a SEVEN hour thing every time.

[Mopey]

Thanks for the ideas everyone. Unfortunately I work most nights and most weekends usually (taking a coffee break before I finish the next cake and then have to start on another clients breakfast meeting; worked all day/night yesterday). It's just kind of a bummer that I am usually missing out on something, and my hubby is very nice to most always do bath time in the evenings and he usually deals with her when I have to work on the weekends (they are at a little league game with my sis and the baby now) so that's already done. He does play one night a week for about four months of the spring/summer. FWIW, the Sunday time includes traveling pretty far out into Queens and back. Plus they are always double headers. Three in a row if I'm lucky ;)

I guess I'll just have to hope for the best with work. It looks like it will be the hubby and I who barely see each other as I work every Saturday and then he'll be gone Sundays (and yes, a nap is very likely after a big shower, so more of the day gone). Don't mean to complain, just having a little pity party about my schedule as I missed out on a big fun combo bachelor/bachelorette party of good friends last night and have been feeling like an alone Mom :( Okay, complaint over.

[Twoboos]

I guess I'll just have to hope for the best with work. It looks like it will be the hubby and I who barely see each other as I work every Saturday and then he'll be gone Sundays (and yes, a nap is very likely after a big shower, so more of the day gone). Don't mean to complain, just having a little pity party about my schedule as I missed out on a big fun combo bachelor/bachelorette party of good friends last night and have been feeling like an alone Mom :( Okay, complaint over.

Whoa here - is that nap for Miss Mopey or for Mr. Mopey? If it's HIS nap, you lost me - that's not OK in my book. He can play, he can be gone, but if he's too tired after then maybe it's all too much for him and he should take a pass.

FWIW, I am in the camp of "I'd let him but I wouldn't like it." And if it started to spill over into home life after, I REALLY wouldn't like it! When's the last time YOU had a nap?! ;)

(Sorry if I seem aggressive here. DH has a thing every single Friday night, and I have grown to hate it over the years, and now my kids are growing to hate it too. I am in the only person in America who dreads Friday nights. So my feelings about this are probably spilling over into my response!)

[BabyBearsMom]

Short term sacrifice on your part, huge gain for him (and probably some for you too since he will be having fun/being active). Support his interest and things will be back to normal mid-Nov. Give and take.

Yeah that

[mikala]

Whoa here - is that nap for Miss Mopey or for Mr. Mopey? If it's HIS nap, you lost me - that's not OK in my book. He can play, he can be gone, but if he's too tired after then maybe it's all too much for him and he should take a pass.

FWIW, I am in the camp of "I'd let him but I wouldn't like it." And if it started to spill over into home life after, I REALLY wouldn't like it! When's the last time YOU had a nap?! ;)


I feel the same. It's a long enough event without nap time afterwards. He can have a nap if he can convince Miss Mopey to join him. ;-)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Thanks for the ideas everyone. Unfortunately I work most nights and most weekends usually (taking a coffee break before I finish the next cake and then have to start on another clients breakfast meeting; worked all day/night yesterday). It's just kind of a bummer that I am usually missing out on something, and my hubby is very nice to most always do bath time in the evenings and he usually deals with her when I have to work on the weekends (they are at a little league game with my sis and the baby now) so that's already done. He does play one night a week for about four months of the spring/summer. FWIW, the Sunday time includes traveling pretty far out into Queens and back. Plus they are always double headers. Three in a row if I'm lucky ;)

I guess I'll just have to hope for the best with work. It looks like it will be the hubby and I who barely see each other as I work every Saturday and then he'll be gone Sundays (and yes, a nap is very likely after a big shower, so more of the day gone). Don't mean to complain, just having a little pity party about my schedule as I missed out on a big fun combo bachelor/bachelorette party of good friends last night and have been feeling like an alone Mom :( Okay, complaint over.

i totally get what you are saying. :hug: i think this is one of those "you just can't have it all" things. I have a couple friends who are SAHMs but have their own business and work on orders on nights/ weekends. I know some has griped that weekends sometimes the DH and kiddos are out doing fun things like going to the zoo or whatever while they have to stay home and work. I can sense that must be hard, but then the benefit is that they get to SAH and see kiddos during the day/week. OTOH, there's me who work FT and don't typically work weekends (except for today, lol)..so while i do have weekends open typically, i don't see my kids that much during the week. either way it's hard. and yeah, while dh and i are pretty good at tag-teaming things with the kids/house what sucks is that we don't have tons of time to spend together.