Funeral ?: Is it rude to only go to the internment and skip the church service?

[ha98ed14]

Church service followed by internment at cemetary. Is it rude to meet them at the cemetary and skip the church service?

[specialp]

I don't know that it is rude, but it would seem odd to me and hard to time as that part of the service is very short - 10 minutes maybe at the funerals I have been to - so you would probably be the first people there and then have to wait for the family and everyone to show up after the funeral which seems a little odd, but again, not necessarily rude. We have gone to funerals before and not gone to the internment/burial, but I wouldn't do the other way.

[elizabethkott]

IME, if people are going to skip something, they skip the burial, not the service.

[squimp]

IME, if people are going to skip something, they skip the burial, not the service.

Me too. The burials I have attended are smaller and more intimate.

[kristenk]

If there's a reason you can't make it to the church service, by all means go to the internment. I think the family will appreciate any support at this time. It might be harder to time on your end, but I don't think anyone would think you rude for just going to the graveside portion.

[BunnyBee]

IME, if people are going to skip something, they skip the burial, not the service.

I agree. IME, the burial service is much smaller and only close friends and family go. There's no receiving line, and the immediate family comes from the funeral service and then has private time at the grave, then leaves directly after for home. I've never gone only to the graveside service but frequently attend only the funeral portion. If I can't make the funeral, I go to the visitation at the funeral home. I live in a predominantly protestant Christian area.

[wellyes]

Go to the funeral and skip the burial.
If that's not possible, go to the viewing instead of the funeral/internment.
If that's not possible, it's nice of you to show up at the internment. But don't expect there to be hand shaking or reminiscences or speeches.... it's short and almost business like.

But it's not rude, just, not ideal.

[Ceepa]

It's not rude, only consider the interment is often considered a more personal part of the services. But if you do not attend the funeral no one should be upset that you are present only at the interment. It's considerate to be supportive in any way you can.

[123LuckyMom]

It would be odd if you are not very close to the family. Usually only family and very close friends go to the internment. To pay your respects, you go to the service or another public gathering. If you feel odd about attending a religious service, see if the family is having a viewing or a reception of some kind at their home or the funeral home.

[wellyes]

It would be odd if you are not very close to the family. Usually only family and very close friends go to the internment. To pay your respects, you go to the service or another public gathering. If you feel odd about attending a religious service, see if the family is having a viewing or a reception of some kind at their home or the funeral home.

It might be regional, but, around here, everyone who goes to the funeral goes to the burial. If you don't plan to attend the burial, you have to park somewhere separate to not get the little flag on your car and join the 'parade'.

[Momit]

It might be regional, but, around here, everyone who goes to the funeral goes to the burial. If you don't plan to attend the burial, you have to park somewhere separate to not get the little flag on your car and join the 'parade'.

This is what we've experienced as well. I do recall a couple of times where the burial was a smaller, more private affair but usually there's a procession from the funeral home to the grave site.

[123LuckyMom]

It might be regional, but, around here, everyone who goes to the funeral goes to the burial. If you don't plan to attend the burial, you have to park somewhere separate to not get the little flag on your car and join the 'parade'.

That's good to know. Around here, when the funeral is held in a funeral home it is common for everyone to go to the grace site, but when the funeral is in a church or synagogue (I've been to both, unfortunately) only a few people go to the burial.