Learning Language - Boys vs Girls

[psimpson3-5]

DH, DS, and I recently went on vacation w/friends. The couple has a daughter (AV) who is 6 wks older than DS (who is 17 mths). After the vacation, I find myself getting increasingly frustrated with DS. I feel as though he is just too wild to learn. He won't sit still long enough to learn virtually any words. In addition his pronunciation isn't clear for most words. When I compare DS to AV, she is overall much more calm, speaks clearly, and says a heck of a lot more words than DS.

While I've spent time w/kids of all ages and gender, and I realize all kids are different, I can't help but think that there is a big difference in boys vs girls. I recall my niece, and she was much like AV. My niece even used the word "metamorphosis" in the proper context at age 2. DS on the other hand was always more active than AV. He learned to walk and crawl long before she did.

Maybe it's us; maybe we're just not doing a good enough job w/DS. I realize as a FTM I should probably just CTFD - see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-vienna/latest-parenting-trend-ctfd-method_b_3588031.html - but I just wish I could get DS grow his vocabulary. Any thoughts/ideas?

[sariana]

My son is much more articulate than my daughter. She is more athletic and socially adept. But my son has Asperger's and is a pretty classic example of "little professor" syndrome. He uses language that is more sophisticated than his age. But when he was 14 months old, he had spoken only about 4 words, NOT including "Mommy" or "Daddy." I was worried then, but when he started to speak, he just took off.

I think language acquisition has more to do with personality than gender. If your son is especially active, then he is busy exploring other things. That does not mean he cannot learn words, only that he's not interested right now. My DS did not walk until 16 months. My DD was 14 months. DS still is clumsy and unathletic. DD is not.

Sorry if this seems disjointed--I got interrupted and tried to add more at the beginning later.

[bisous]

I have three boys. Two are SUPER verbal. One is still a major chatter box and it is a problem, seriously. I do think there might be something to the idea that girls can be more verbal, boys can be more...whatever, but as the mom of 3 kids of one gender I think the differences between kids are greater than the broad divide between genders. Does that make sense?

[Philly Mom]

I have a DD and she had almost no words at 18 months. Kids progress at different speeds. At 2, DD has a pretty wide vocabulary and her sentence structure is quite good. Sometime between 20 and 22 months she started to just pick up words. I promise you we do nothing special but talk to her. She is in daycare so I see lots of kids around her age (within 2 months either way). Gender does not seem to be playing a big role in language or physical development. It really just depends on the kids. Perhaps some of the girls are a bit more verbal (but that is not universal in any way). I would not get frustrated as that would be self-defeating. He will get there on his own time. If you are truly concerned, call your local services and have him evaluated. If he has three words though, they will probably tell you he is more than on target.

[rin]

Looking back at home movies, I realized the other day that my eldest daughter was speaking in 2 and 3 word sentences at 15 months, and was identifying letters of the alphabet by 16 months.

On the other hand, my younger daughter is now 15 months and has MAYBE 3 words (if I'm very generous in counting "ba" as "ball", "fff fff" as "woof", and her multipurpose "dees" as "this"). Her pediatrician is not yet concerned (although I admit I have a hard time not being even a little concerned).

I agree with sariana that it has much more to do with personality. Boys do skew later than girls, but I would try hard not to stress about it!

[anonomom]

I think your sample size is way too small to support a conclusion that the difference between your son and AV is gender-based. :) As PPs have noted, different kids develop at different rates. Unless you're concerned that he may actually be delayed (something you can raise with your pediatrician), I'd say just keep a careful eye on things. He'll get there when he gets there. In the meantime, read to him when he'll let you and talk to him as much as you can.

[chottumommy]

I have 2 boys and they are miles apart in language development. DS1 was talking in paragraphs by the time he was 2 and started reading by the time he was 3.5. He had very good pronunciation even when started with a few words at 14-15 months. DS2 on the other hand started talking in 2-3 word sentences only when he turned 2. Even now, I sometimes have some difficulty understanding him at 2.5. I think its more their personality than gender. DS2 is a climber and hardly has anytime to talk (all his focus in on destroying).

[mommylamb]

Definitely don't stress about it, and try not to compare your DS to others (easier said than done). I have 2 boys, and DS2 (19 months) is far more verbal than DS1 was at a much earlier age. DS2 has had a number of words since before he turned 1, and can now say simple sentences like "here you go" (which sounds like one word: hereyago) and "I want hot dog". DS1 could only say about 15 words at this point, and then had a language explosion and was talking in complete sentences and was very understandable to anyone by the time he turned 2.

Strangely, DS2 can't say Dada. He calls DH Gaga. Who knows??

[petesgirl]

My sister is a speech pathologist and has told me that in general girls do develop language skills earlier. But then every child is also on their own development curve! The thing I keep hearing over and over is that reading to a child is huge in language acquisition. My DS is also very, very active. He will usually sit through 1-2 short board books and then he is up nd climbing around but I keep reading a few more books anyway, even though he isn't sitting right next to me. And I know it is helping because I hear him repeat short sentences from the books I read as he is trying to fall asleep at night. :)
At your DS's age, I would try not to stress too much, he is still so young!

[KrisM]

My second is my daughter. At 2 she only had 2 to 3 words together. DS2 had 5-6 word sentences by just past a year. I don't think it's necessarily a boy/girl thing. Just different kids do things at different times.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I don't think it's necessarily a boy/girl thing. Just different kids do things at different times.
:yeahthat: At age 2 DD was not saying sentences. Just single words, maybe 2 words. I think she really combined 2 words at 2.25? Now she's 2.5 and saying way more. Sentences are definitely disjointed though. Teachers aren't concerned and are saying it's normal.

DS on the other hand, was speaking full-fledged sentences by 20 months. By 2nd birthday he would say things like "Oh, it looks like it's going to rain today, Mom." My DD at 2.5 can't even say that now...she'd say "Clouds!! Rain today?"" which i honestly think is more normal :) It totally depends on the kid.

[fedoragirl]

I skimmed through the other responses but agree that you should not get stressed or frustrated at all. Very easy to say, I know.
DD was saying 2 word sentences at 10 months and now at 3.5, she is very articulate and speaks 2 languages fluently and can understand a 3rd language completely. She just refuses to speak it.
DS hardly said a word other than mama till he was 18 months. I fell into the trap of believing that boys speak later than girls, or that second kids speak later, etc. etc. I am sure it is true of some people but once DS was 18 months, he suddenly started speaking words--not sentences but lots and lots of words. He just turned 2 and he speaks complete 3-4 word sentences. His intonation and clarity is superb. I often pick up my jaw from the floor and kick myself for ever doubting him. So, don't stress about it. And definitely don't compare. That's a downward spiral.

[mom2binsd]

I would not stress about it too much, and even active "wild" kids will still be acquiring language as they are playing.

I don't necessarily think that girls speech develops earlier, but as a SLP, we tend to see many more boys in speech therapy than girls.

My DD was super articulate, almost hyper verbal before age 2....she didn't walk till 17 months though.

MY DS barely said a word by age 2, like mama, dada and few others, but less than 10 words....he signed a bit...but was content and happy...I'm an Speech Pathologist so I was somewhat concerned, but could tell comprehension was fine as well as other developmental areas. Sure as heck, by about 28 months the words started coming, not as clear as his sister, but they eventually worked their way into clearer speech....and now if he would stop telling me every single player on his fantasy football team, and how many points they scored, and who they played....ugh.....

[hellokitty]

First piece of advice, don't compare your kid to another kid. It will drive you crazy. As others have pointed out, they can vary so much, even sibs. My oldest and youngest had a speech delay and both needed ST. My middle one was verbally advanced and I could have a conversation with him by the time he was 18 mo old. So, just keep reminding yourself that they are all different, and that is ok, they will turn out fine.

[BabbyO]

I have 2 boys and they are miles apart in language development. DS1 was talking in paragraphs by the time he was 2 and started reading by the time he was 3.5. He had very good pronunciation even when started with a few words at 14-15 months. DS2 on the other hand started talking in 2-3 word sentences only when he turned 2. Even now, I sometimes have some difficulty understanding him at 2.5. I think its more their personality than gender. DS2 is a climber and hardly has anytime to talk (all his focus in on destroying).

This is very close to our 2 boys (similar ages, too). Stachio could speak so clearly at 2 yo. We have video of him at 18 mo clearly saying many words, naming his colors, making all the animal sounds, and even singing the alphabet - about 75% correct. He also cheered the Packers to a superbowl victory yelling "Yeah Touchdown" and "Go Packers!" clear as a bell when he was just 19-20 mo. A speech therapist friend said he was WAY ahead of his age group.

Peanut, OTOH has just started saying more than 1-2 words (turned 2 last week), still doesn't know his colors, thinks all animals say Neigh or woof or meow (depends on the day). But he can screw the cap on and off small jars and the tooth paste by himself, is WAY more mobile on things like jungle gyms/rock walls/climbing, etc. He is clearly my physical/mechanical kiddo while Stachio is my verbal kiddo.

[JBaxter]

All boys here. My oldest was carrying on full conversation well before 2 ( he could sing the Hebrew ABC's from his barny tape at 2 and we aren't Jewish) DS3 was in speech therapy from 25 months till he was 4.5. Jack was talking but not well till he 3.

[JBaxter]

All boys here. My oldest was carrying on full conversation well before 2 ( he could sing the Hebrew ABC's from his barny tape at 2 and we aren't Jewish) DS3 was in speech therapy from 25 months till he was 4.5. Jack was talking but not well till he 3.

[BunnyBee]

The only thing you as a parent can do to "teach" speech and vocabulary to a 17 month old is to talk to them. Unless you're locking him in a box away from human interaction, your parenting is not affecting his speech development. If he's a typically developing child, the speech will come. If your mommy gut is telling you something is wrong, you can get an eval, but don't base that off one child.

Edited: When you say he won't sit still to learn any words, are you trying to sit him down and make him repeat things? Kids learn by interacting with their environment. I would not attempt to force a toddler to sit and "learn." Let him go about his business. Narrate your world as you go. Mommy is making lunch... Be as descriptive as possible. Yes, you feel insane talking to yourself, but alone all day with a 17 month old is not in itself sanity-inducing. ;) Going against the "don't compare your child to others" thing, there were probably things your DS did "better" than their DD. Maybe he's climbing more, or running. Whatever! The point is that kids acquire skills at different rates. My DS walked later than my oldest DD, but he started running, not walking. He talked later too and took longer to begin conversing. Now he is perfectly bright and verbal and those extra few months mean NOTHING. :)

[indigo99]

I have the worst memory for when/what DS1 did, but I do know that he was only saying about ten words when he turned 2. DS2 is two today, and he uses complete sentences including adverbs and adjectives. There is a HUGE difference between the two. DS1 can memorize things like letters and numbers better than anyone though, and DS2 doesn't seem to have a knack for that. Out of the kids in DS2's class, I think he's the best at talking so far.

You probably do this, but one of the best ways to encourage his speech is just to play with him. Play what HE wants to play though and follow his lead. If you get a puzzle, and he just wants to play with the box then do that. Also, take fair turns speaking. If he is only using single words then you use very short prompts and responses with only a few words. I know that I often go overboard talking at my kids when I'm trying to teach them. They'll tune you out if you do, but if he sees that you're really interested in what HE is interested in then he'll be much more interested in what you're saying.

[smilequeen]

While there are certainly differences, I think they are less than people like to make them out to be and the differences between individual children are much greater than the gender differences.

I have 3 boys...

DS1 was a very early, very articulate talker. He always talked more and better than most of the girls. He still has a great vocabulary. He's always been pretty calm.
DS2 has been in speech therapy since he was 3 and still has an expressive language delay (he's 6). He's also always been fairly calm.
DS3 speaks even better than DS1 did at this age. He's in bed right now and he won't.stop.talking. But he's a wild man. Sweet and cuddly, but a wild man. Never stops talking, barely stops moving.

They are all different.

[psimpson3-5]

I seriously can't thank you enough for all of the responses. I feel much better, definitely reassured that we're doing all the right things. We do read to DS every night, several books in fact. Although he's very picky about which books he wants us to read! I think overall we need to do a better job of narrating what we are doing. I don't think we do this enough. Also, based on your responses, I need to stop comparing and be patient. Thank you!!!!

[american_mama]

I think your generalizations that boys are slower to learn language and more active compared to girls is generally true. Not that there aren't exceptions,but in general, I think they are true. However, I wouldn't worry that your son is behind at all or unable to learn, certainly not at his young age. He sounds absolutely fine.

I will contribute that my son is 5 and I have several times compared him to girls his age and been struck by how much clearer they speak, so I know the feeling. It may be legit - my sister recently thought his speech sounded poor and I have requested a consultation with the school speech therapist. More likely, it is all within the range of normal. I also once thought a boy in his preschool class spoke so much more clearly and mature than him. I don't know where my ears and brain were that day, because every other time after that, I thought that little boy clearly had some speech delays. So sometimes we just overreact when it comes to our kids.