Punishment for too much of a good thing?

[Simon]

Ds1 loves to read but it is interfering with other things in his life such as his ability to listen to us, follow directions, to see that people or situations around him require his help, etc. I know, some people would love to have this problem, but it is causing issues here. I don't think he's always doing it to be malicious like ignoring us on purpose, but he gets into a book and doesn't even hear us or gets distracted in the middle of a chore/task and quits and goes back to his book. It sure is a PITA.

WWYD? Take away the books? Its a logical consequence but feels wrong. Since he has about 4-5 books going at any one time its not like making him wait to move ahead in any one particular book would be much of a deterrent for him. Ideas? Anyone else deal with this?

[fedoragirl]

I can't provide any help as a parent but I was this kid and even till this day, I can "forget" to sleep since that is the only me time I have now. Once I get into a book, it's very hard to detach from the story. I remember my mom would allow me to read as much as I wanted as long as I did my chores and came for family meals.
I don't think it's wrong to take away the books for a certain amount of time. For example, you could say that till I have your attention and X is done, the book will sit on the countertop. You are then allowed to have it. Since your DS is old enough to understand the reasoning behind it, I would also add why you're taking away the book for that length of time so he doesn't think you're just being unreasonable. My mom did this at times and it did not squash my love of reading.

[BunnyBee]

I can get into a book and not hear people talking to me. If I had a DC who got that absorbed, I would touch their shoulder to get their attention. Getting distracted mid-task, I'd hold the book until the task is done. If DC sought out another book, that would be disrespectful. I would consider more drastic book removal stances at that time. But I'd have a conversation that sets out my expectations clearly at a neutral time. Maybe brainstorm with DC for solutions.

FWIW, hyperfocus can be a sign of ADHD.

[bisous]

I struggle with this and DS1. We have mandated that he must look us in the eyes and stop looking at his book when we talk to him. He is allowed to read during breakfast and lunch but he is not allowed to have a book at the dinner table as we see it as a social time. Asking him not to read has not deterred him in his love of books at all!

[Giantbear]

I was like this, actually still am, i get wrapped in a good book and nothing else exists. When i was in my teens, i would stay up for hours reading and be exhausted in the am. Would sitting with DS and designating reading times for him work? These would be blocks of time when he can read uninterrupted and would increase and decrease based upon his adherence to other house rules.

[BabbyO]

I was your DS1 when I was a kid. I agree with PP's. My parents said I had to participate in family dinner and have my chores and homework done before I could read. I would get in trouble if I didn't - not for reading, but for not doing my chores. I always tease my mom that she would yell at me FOR reading and yell at my sister and brother for NOT reading. That said, I'm still an avid reader and have been known to stay up WAY too late to finish a book! I don't think it is unreasonable to layout your expectations and after you do that, confiscate books until expected chores/etc are completed. I also agree with bisous who said they mandate that the child look you in the eye when being spoken to. I can still not hear a thing when reading!

[Simon]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I appreciate your insight as having been in his shoes. Dh and I are both big readers and as a kid I was similar to Ds and got lost in a book often. But I also did a better job of keeping track of time/things to be done. I got myself ready for activities (dressed, packed equipment and water, etc) and kept track of the time we needed to leave the house. Ds1 still needs lots of reminders and I have to stay on top of him or else it doesn't happen. Sadly he may have inherited Dh's total lack of a sense of time.

I will talk to Dh about setting boundaries for reading times.Currently Ds reads just about every minute he can. We are working on a family chore chart and maybe I need to make it a priority so I can say, "No reading until all your chores are done" and then have that visual reminder for him. He literally walks around with a book in his hand, open to his page, at nearly all times even while trying to do other tasks like tie his shoes. I frequently pry the book out so he can do the task more efficiently or just a better job of it. He has plenty of bookmarks but doesn't use them.

[MamaMolly]

My mom used to punish us by taking away our books. It was awful, but effective. She had our 'currency'. ;)

[elephantmeg]

I learned as a child that I could read more if I got ready quickly for something and then read by the door. Pointing out that my reading wouldn't be so interrupted if I did the work first helped. Now I use the text to voice on the kindle. It reads to me while I do other stuff. Even like brushing teeth, washing dishes, driving... I LOVE my kindle (only the keyboard ones have that functionality) but that might be another option. I'm considering letting DD borrow one for a long car trip. She loves to read but gets motion sick and love audio books so I think it will work well for her

[maestramommy]

No ideas because I was this kid. I would read while walking up and down stairs (during dismissal and such), on the bus, in the car, under my sheets, while I was supposed to be practicing piano, lol. My parents yelled at me, but otherwise nothing. I am like this with TV too, or texting. or typing on the computer. I'm DEAF.

DD1 was really sucked into Ramona the Pest on Sunday, she read it while we were waiting for our order at lunch. But when the food got here, Dh told her to put her book away, which she did.

[jenstring95]

OP, I could have written your post. I feel weird complaining that I have a kid that reads "too much", but sometimes it's true! It's actually not how much he reads, but that he reads when he should be eating breakfast, getting ready for school, etc. At those times, I make eye contact with him and tell him that he has to put the book down until he is completely ready for school. He also knows he can read in the car. Usually the threat of taking away a book is enough of a deterrent, but once in a while a book does go in time out.

[npace19147]

My DD1 is the same way. She can have multiple books going at the same time in different places in the house - so she has one she'll read during breakfast, then another one to read upstairs while getting dressed and brushing her teeth, and then a third by the door to read while putting her shoes on. I was that kid as well, but she goes even further.

We have a few absolute rules - no reading at dinner, no reading while crossing the street or going up and down stairs (probably leading to the multiple books/levels referenced above). Reading every night is part of her homework, luckily, but she has to do some of the rest of it before she goes to the reading. We also have a reading chair for her with a bedside light that she reads in before bedtime, but she is not allowed to have her book in bed with her, or else she would never go to sleep!