Wedding question WWYD

[urbanmommy]

Two of my cousins are getting married within a month of each other and kids are not invited to either wedding. Both weddings are out of town and require significant travel plus 2 nights in a hotel.

We don't have anyone that can watch our dds for the first wedding so I'm going without dh to that one and he's staying at home with our girls.

The second one is about a 6 hour drive but on the way for us to drop the girls off with dh's family ( about a 4 hour drive). But because of dh's work we wouldn't have much time for travel. So I could either go to the second one alone and fly or we could drive with the girls, drop them off, drive another couple hours, go to 2 1/2 days of wedding festivities then hightail it out of there, pick up the girls, and drive home. Ugh.

Could I just not go? Honestly, this would be my preference but I'm worried it might offend my aunt and uncle.






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[GoBlue]

Ugh. I hate when family events dictate how I spend my free time.

My question is this: do you have to go to 2.5 days of wedding festivities? Can't you pull a "we left the girls with my ILs, so we can only stay for the day". Cut it down to a rehearsal dinner and then main event, and then leave? That seems more reasonable, and at least you will have shown up. My experience is that people give you a fair amount of latitude when you have small kids (your younger DD is still a baby in my book) and if they don't, then well, at least you know where you stand.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Could I just not go? Honestly, this would be my preference but I'm worried it might offend my aunt and uncle.


In that case I would totally just not go. Given that it's a no-kids wedding, out of town for you, and it would be require tons of arrangements, time, and $$$, they should be more than understanding.

I guess the good thing about getting married later than everyone else (we were 29) is that by the time we had kids (31) most of our friends/cousins were already married. If we ever got an invitation to a cousin's wedding that was OOT, no kids allowed and not in same town as grandparents (5 hr drive), there is no way on earth we'd bother to go. DH's flew across the country for his cousin's wedding which was no-kids, but he totally wouldn't do that these days.

[PZMommy]

I'd say if it is an out of town wedding and a no kids wedding, you could easily not attend the weddings.

[kara97210]

My question is this: do you have to go to 2.5 days of wedding festivities? Can't you pull a "we left the girls with my ILs, so we can only stay for the day". Cut it down to a rehearsal dinner and then main event, and then leave?

:yeahthat: If your family is like mine, their will be major guilt if you don't attend a family wedding, but a rehearsal dinner and wedding should be enough.

[bigsis]

My question is this: do you have to go to 2.5 days of wedding festivities? Can't you pull a "we left the girls with my ILs, so we can only stay for the day". Cut it down to a rehearsal dinner and then main event, and then leave? That seems more reasonable, and at least you will have shown up. My experience is that people give you a fair amount of latitude when you have small kids (your younger DD is still a baby in my book) and if they don't, then well, at least you know where you stand.
Another :yeahthat:

[ckso]

It depends how close you are to them. But since you don't want to go anyways, and it being out of town and no kids wedding, I wouldn't go. Honestly you shouldn't feel obligated either.

[AngB]

I'd say if it is an out of town wedding and a no kids wedding, you could easily not attend the weddings.

:yeahthat:

[hellokitty]

It depends how close you are to them. But since you don't want to go anyways, and it being out of town and no kids wedding, I wouldn't go. Honestly you shouldn't feel obligated either.

I totally agree with this. I've skipped several cousins', weddings. They all live in the west coast and we barely know them. Flying out family out there and lodging alone is expensive and the time difference always screws up my kids. Even if they are invited to attend.

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[123LuckyMom]

I think if you go to one cousin's wedding, you can't dis the other cousin! I'd go I your own again to make it easier, and so long as you attend the actual wedding and the main party, you can skip the rest if the stuff.

[cvanbrunt]

I wouldn't feel bad about not going to either. I agree with PPs; no kids and out of town is waaaayyyy to big a hassle. Send a gift and save the airfare for something else.

[dogmom]

I lot depends on your family dynamics. If you are close to your cousins you could send them an email making if very clear that you understand their no children at weddings plans and don't want to change them. I would beg off, say how bad you feel, tell them you would like to celebrate with them some other way after the wedding. If you don't feel like that would fly I would talk to your parents or someone else that you think would have a feel for the situation and run it by them. It's not like the couple will actually spend time with you at the wedding! So I think a nice letter saying how happy you are they are getting married before hand really does go a long way.

And if they choose to get the nose bent out of shape, that is their problem! Really, wait until they have kids and get stuck in these situations. I feel embarrassed about many decisions I made before children with my parent friends.

[kristenk]

I think it makes it difficult for you to skip one cousin's out-of-town no-kids wedding when you are attending another cousin's out-of-town no-kids wedding!

I think I'd do the whole family trip, in your position. The kids will enjoy staying with their grandparents (and if they wouldn't enjoy it, I would totally bail on the whole wedding thing) and you and DH get some time to yourselves.

[tabegle]

I'd say if it is an out of town wedding and a no kids wedding, you could easily not attend the weddings.

:yeahthat:

[Philly Mom]

I think you either have to go to both or skip both and I think you should go to both if you have a good relationship with them. I am not super close with my cousins, we grew up on opposite coasts but the only time we see each other is at weddings, funerals, bar/bat mitzvahs (which have not happened in more than 20 years). I enjoy spending time with my cousins and my siblings and therefore would never skip a wedding even if it was a big pain. At this point, the last two weddings had kids because so many of us have them, but we are all in our 30s and 40s. I do not blame anyone for not having kids at their wedding. We did not have kids at ours and I am glad I did not have to consider it. People made sacrifices to come to my wedding, just because I have kids, does not mean I get to take away celebrating the most important day in someone's life.

[div_0305]

I'd say if it is an out of town wedding and a no kids wedding, you could easily not attend the weddings.

:yeahthat: Exactly! I hate when kids are excluded. Likely--the wedding couple will one day be in the same position with kids, and realize what a pain they put guests in who were not allowed to bring their kids. If the wedding festivities are so grand that kids are not wanted, just don't go is how I feel. I did that for a wedding just an hour away from me. My kids were neither infants nor criers, and if either did cry, I'dve taken them away before causing a distubance.

[Pear]

Out of town no kids wedding? Unless it is for a sibling I would stay home and send a nice gift.

[AnnieW625]

If the second location has the potential for being a nice weekend away for your and your DH then I would drop the kids off with DH's family and have a great weekend. I might be in the minority here, but it might be nice for you and your DH to have some time away even if it is kind of rushed. Enjoy your time!

[California]

No kids + out of town = easy out, IMO. Totally understandable if you decide to stay home. Did you know about the earlier wedding first? If so it's completely reasonable to go to the one you knew about first, and not the second one.

[ZeeBaby]

I am pretty close to my cousins and I have been to all their weddings. Both before and after kids. One wedding was in the Bahamas and we still went. I would say attend both weddings. Times with family are so few and far between. I always feel it is important to get together. I would definitely leave the kids with the grandparents unles they are somehow not appropriate.

[bisous]

I'd go to the first (as you are already planning). I'd try to do SOME of the festivities at the 2nd wedding but 2.5 days is a long time. Family is really, really important to me. Additionally, I really enjoy getting together with family members and I love weddings! All of those things would cause me to put those weddings on a high priority. I certainly think you have an "out" if you don't feel the same way, though.

[A1icia]

Ugh - I hate going to out of town weddings. It can be such a pain and costs so much.

I think if you go to one you probably need to go to both but agree that I would try to just attend the minium to make the travel easier.

Personally I would skip everything but the actual ceremony and reception. Go to your inlaws, spend one night there then drive the final 2 hours the next day and attend ceremony & reception and then leave first thing in the morning to go get lids and go home.

[Tondi G]

Ugh - I hate going to out of town weddings. It can be such a pain and costs so much.

I think if you go to one you probably need to go to both but agree that I would try to just attend the minium to make the travel easier.

Personally I would skip everything but the actual ceremony and reception. Go to your inlaws, spend one night there then drive the final 2 hours the next day and attend ceremony & reception and then leave first thing in the morning to go get lids and go home.

This is what I was thinking!