Something else to feel guilty about- smartphone while nursing

[cookiemonster80]

This article really hurt my feelings- I totally was on my iphone all.the.time while nursing DD2.

I get that this is a fleeting time that you should be staring into your babies eyes and bonding. But honestly- nursing is the ONLY break I got from holding a screaming, refluxing infant. (and I use the term "break" loosely here) Add PPD and the severe isolation from any social support group due to her reflux issues, it was the ONLY time during that 9 month HE!! that I was able to connect with anyone on any sort of level at all- if DD wasn't screaming, I was sleeping- period. And well, the attitude of the piece is so hurtful to me, I guess that it brings up such a hard time for me where I was just coping day to day and telling me that I was being selfish for using my phone during nursing sessions, is just well- makes me want to cry.

That is it.


http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2013/09/breastfeeding-moms-biggest-distraction.html

[catsnkid]

The author needs to get over herself. I watched TV and read constantly as my child nursed *all-the-time* those first few months.

[nfowife]

It's just some blogger's opinion. Do you know this lady? Why let her view hurt your feelings? I didn't have a smartphone while BFing either of my first 2, and I would usually doze off, go online at my desktop!, read a book or magazine, or watch TV when they nursed. Yes, sometimes I would gaze at them and interact but mostly I did other things. I mean with a newborn you can be nursing for HOURS every day. Stop feeling guilty!!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Oh.My. God. I just skimmed the article and my eyes were rolling so hard I had to stop. I'm at work so i don't have much time, but are you sure this isn't a spoof?? I can't imagine someone actually writing this with a straight head. The woman seems full of herself. Seriously, don't feel bad. I hate reading this sort of crap that is just meant to guilt-trips Moms over not being better moms and make the author feel better about herself.

A few months ago of my SAHM friends posted a link to this rebuttal (not to this one, but another one shaming moms on their phones, the "dear mom on the iPhone"), which was AWESOME and all my friends IRL could really relate to this one. I related to it too, especially when i was SAHM. Read this one instead.
http://friedokra4me.blogspot.com/2013/03/dear-mom-on-iphone-i-get-it.html

ETA: I dind't have a smart phone with my DS, i think nor DD, though with DD i used the iPad *heavily* and watched TV a ton while i nursed her. I did have an iPod touch that i used a ton to record DD's stats, nursings, pumping sessions, etc.

I think someone here also said there's been research showing that TV watched by mom while newborn is nursing doesn't negatively affect them or something. I mean, seriously...there's guilt over not nursing, then now there's guilt over not doing the right things while nursing??? When does it end???

[Philly Mom]

I played Words with Friends and read on my Kindle. I also watched tv. No guilt. It was relaxing for me when I was very stressed. I still sometimes read while my daughter is nearby (just re-read the 7th Harry Potter and could not put it down even though I have read it many times) and look at email and sometimes even answer email.

[AnnieW625]

I didn't have a smart phone when I had either of my kids, but I seriously would have not known what to do if I didn't have the TV on when I was nursing both of my kids at 4 am. I never would have gotten caught up on Young and The Restless or The Office episodes I had recorded if I hadn't watched them then. During the day I would nurse the kids in their room more often than not unless it was 7 am and then I'd watch the news. I had to nurse DD2 in her room because if she was asleep while nursing I couldn't take the chance of moving her because she'd wake up. Had I had a smart phone when I was nursing my kids I probably would have used it too. Don't feel bad. Everyone copes differently and no parent is perfect and remember mommy bloggers are just mommy bloggers. Sometimes I think they aren't real people living in a real world and they should live in the real world with the rest of us.

:hug:

[Globetrotter]

Ignore her. Until she spends a day in your shoes, she has no right to judge your life.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Well, I see she says this:


I’ve now nursed three babies a total of 52 months (and counting)...

I've nursed two babies for 72 months (and no more nursing will be going on), so I feel that makes me qualified to say this is ridiculous. I've read books, watched tv, looked at internet, answered the door, flipped the magazines, who knows what while nursing, and I feel great about it.

[Ceepa]

This is not an article, this is a blog post. Written by a random person. Telling the world about her thoughts on life.

Try not to get discouraged by it.

I'm feeling like the tide is turning on mommy bloggers. The blog post that blows up ... the rebuttals ... the spin-off discussions. It's getting old.

[squimp]

Bleh. I can't get past all the font shifts and different colors of text. Might be hard to type from up on that high horse! Don't let her bother you. You were there for your child, being a mom.

[SnuggleBuggles]

5-8 hours per day of just sitting there w no distractions? I couldn't do it. My happiest day was when I learned to nurse ds1 1 handed so I could hold a book.

[bisous]

I feel like peaceful distractions while nursing make me a better mom. I feel like everybody wins. I do try to watch myself now that I have a smart phone. But I'm more worried about the times that I'm on BBB or facebook and older little people are trying to actively talk to me and get my attention NOT while they are peacefully, happily eating, KWIM?

[kaharris83]

Am I the only one who finds themselves looking for a LIKE button on posts? I agree with all the PP. Try not to feel guilty about all of your choices. You are making great choices for yourself and your kids!!

[mommylamb]

I want to know why she wasn't bonding with her children, and instead spent time to write that blog post to make the rest of us feel like crap. Boy, it must get tiring when you spend so much time patting yourself on the back.

[carolinacool]

I want to know why she wasn't bonding with her children, and instead spent time to write that blog post to make the rest of us feel like crap. Boy, it must get tiring when you spend so much time patting yourself on the back.

Word.

Except I don't feel like crap. But I did bottle feed breast milk and formula, so she probably has NO time for me. :rotflmao:

[georgiegirl]

I will admit I didn't read the blog post, but nursing fussy babies to sleep was much more enjoyable once I got a smartphone. I think it was beneficial for my sanity.

BTW, I'm on my iPad with a newborn on my breast (sleeping.)

[crayonblue]

What a load of malarkey!!!!! OP, do not be discouraged. This is one mom trying to feel better about herself by heaping guilt on others. It's crap. If you are feeding that baby, you are bonding whether you are staring at the child or staring at your phone! I didn't have a smart phone when I breastfed my girls but I turned on the TV a LOT. Really???? We are just supposed to stare at the baby? Pfffttt.

One thing I have learned is that MANY MANY people on the internet present themselves very differently than real life and the WORST of these offenders are people who slam others and are high and mighty about some particular issue. For example, I know someone who is a rabid organic freak on the internet. In real life? She is probably 300 lbs. and eats fast food. So this lady may not surf the web on her smart phone while nursing but for all we know she sits on the 'net all day long (other than nursing time) and writes blog posts.

My mom nursed me for 18 months back in the 70s and I'm sure she read a book or listened to the radio. I am just fine. :)

[BunnyBee]

I'm not going to read it. If it's a personal blog, she's probably writing something controversial and hoping it gets picked up so she gets lots of hits and therefore $$$ from advertising.

(And I'm typing this on my smartphone while nursing! Ha!)

[bostonsmama]

I didn't want to waste time reading the blog (as I read a million books, checked FB, made phone calls, etc while nursing my newborn, who also had colic and reflux and probably nursed way more than most children--for over 2 years). However, I will say that it's harder and harder to make statements about what we would wish for in a perfect world had we the chance to do it over. I've felt similar feelings of, "Wow, poor mom. Here she is at the park with her amazing toddler and she can't get off her darn smart phone and just play with her kid." Do I make other poor choices that might appear as neglect of my child? Sure. But I think we're all grappling with our addictions to media and online culture, how it's shaping our society and families (for better or worse), and it doesn't surprise me that someone is verbalizing a certain sadness about it. In an age of both staunch polarization and say-nothing political correctness, it's become impossible to make value judgments without offending someone.

Take her post with a grain of salt, b/c if you feel like you're bonding with your child in a million other ways, it's not a problem to feel guilty about. If nursing was the only time you had to bond with your newborn (although--I hear you, that time was a blur for me b/c I seriously felt like her colic was destroying my maternal instincts), and you "blew it" by never making eye contact with your child, it would be different. I find it okay for all mothers to give me their "In retrospect, I wish I had..." statements. I like to ponder how they apply to my life and see if I can reframe some periods of child-rearing that I find difficult. It's a bit harder with blog posts, though, b/c the statements linger as "fact," become part of social conversations, and seem to have a more lasting impact than a seasoned mom mentioning to you part of her child-rearing experience.

[bisous]

See, I'm not going to spend my time judging this mom. I didn't get the vibe that she was self-righteous so much as she had an opinion that she missed out once she got her smart phone. She is welcome to her opinion, I'm okay with her sharing it! It is her blog after all. But I just don't happen to agree in this instance and I think many of us feel the same way. If she's like me (I have a blog) she's blogging once the kiddos are in bed. :)

[elektra]

Give me a break.
Don't spend another second feeling like you need to justify wanting to spend your nursing time doing other things besides gazing into your baby's eyes the entire time. Puh-leeze.

[janine]

It's just some blogger's opinion. Do you know this lady? Why let her view hurt your feelings? I didn't have a smartphone while BFing either of my first 2, and I would usually doze off, go online at my desktop!, read a book or magazine, or watch TV when they nursed. Yes, sometimes I would gaze at them and interact but mostly I did other things. I mean with a newborn you can be nursing for HOURS every day. Stop feeling guilty!!

Yes, this is just some random blogger which basically ='s someone on their couch feeling entitled (well not all). You are doing fine, we all need an outlet somewhere!!

Oh and I supplemented with formula and let my kids watch TV --, lord knows what some bloggers would say about that!

[StantonHyde]

hmm, so all the times I ran around after DS while nursing DD must be REALLY damaging!! DD actually had divided attention. Oh no!!! And in the middle of the night--what about all the times my eyes were closed??? Good gravy. There are so many things to worry about. And when your kids get older, you realize that all the worries you had when they were little are nothing compared to what you worry about when they hit the teens etc. gahhhh!!!!!!

[flashy09]

There is only so much bonding and gazing at the suckling child one can do. I found nursing pretty boring and a great time to relax and mess around on the internet or watch bad tv. The last session before bedtime I rocked her and nursed her in her room and that was nice as well, but no way could I do that all day.

[Pyrodjm]

PUHLEEZE, I had a reflux baby that nursed every 1-2 hrs for at least 20 mins and from 6-10pm almost every evening for 6 months. I watched TV until my eyes practically bled and I was glad to have a distraction from the fact that my butt was asleep, I was hungry, had to pee and the knowledge that as soon as I moved to care for any of those issues she would start screaming her fool head off again. The distraction saved my nursing relationship with my '08 baby. Without something to whisk my mind away before I lost it completely, I'd have likely thrown in the towel on bf'ing.