pre-k social stuff - help me script for DS

[lmh2402]

i've posted before about DS' personality - he's a total pushover in social settings

this year is no different. he's enamored with this group of boys - they're all 4.5/5. to be honest, they're really not all that nice to him, as far as i can see

i've bent over backward to try and foster other relationships with/for him, but he is simply drawn to these other kids

tonight at dinner he asked me if i would let him go to "y's" birthday party. y's birthday is six months away.

i asked why he was thinking about that now.

he said b/c today at school y told him that DS was the only kid he wasn't inviting to his party

of course, i want to strangle y. toss his little body to the wolves

but since that is obviously not an option, i instead tried to tell DS that if y is saying mean things to him, that he should tell y that he's not being nice and that he doesn't want to be his friend when he's not being nice. and then to walk away.

DS started crying saying that he couldn't walk away b/c they were in line and if he walked away he would get in trouble.

and then he started asking a million questions about why y doesn't want him to come to his party.

ugh.

this is so not the first time we've dealt with this kind of thing and clearly won't be the last.

i want to teach my son to have a little bit more of a backbone and thicker skin. easier said than done b/c i WAS just like this growing up and i feel like there was a vicious cycle with regard to low self-esteem.

any tips for how to help him/teach him?

thx

[wellyes]

First, I'd be on the phone with the director pronto. He should not have to deal with that alone at preschool.

When my DD was having some similar problems, I got a bunch of books out of the library about how to be a good friend. Like this one: http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Friend-Friends-Families/dp/0316111538/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1379461737&sr=1-1&keywords=be+a+friend They all explain how to be a good friend AND how to recognize when someone is (or is not) being a good friend to you. DD was *fascinated* by these books. She does not have that problem any more, I don't think it was all the books, but they helped.

[lmh2402]

thanks, i ordered this book

it's pre-k in the public school

so...i don't think this is principal level, right? maybe i'll email the teacher and ask if she noticed anything

[maestramommy]

thanks, i ordered this book

it's pre-k in the public school

so...i don't think this is principal level, right? maybe i'll email the teacher and ask if she noticed anything

Start with that. Also, (I know this is silly because kids talk all the time), Y should NOT be telling kids whether they are invited to his bday party in class. We aren't even allowed to pass invitations in class unless the whole class is invited. It has to be done entirely off campus.

[lmh2402]

thanks, melinda

y's bday isn't for months. and i'd be shocked if DS wasn't invited to his party - he's been invited the last two years

y just seems to have it out for DS lately. as soon as we get out of the car in the morning, y is right there yelling in DS' face that they're playing tag and he (DS) is it

or he chases him and pushes him over and over again

he's with his sitter, not his mom or dad

and all the kids are running around, so i feel lame saying anything about the morning stuff, but i have noticed a strange fixation by y on trying to make DS uncomfortable lately

ugh. anyway, thanks

[Momit]

It's sad that kids have already learned to be so mean and cruel at age 4.5. Geez. Hugs to you and your little man, OP.

[pinkmomagain]

thanks, melinda

y's bday isn't for months. and i'd be shocked if DS wasn't invited to his party - he's been invited the last two years

y just seems to have it out for DS lately. as soon as we get out of the car in the morning, y is right there yelling in DS' face that they're playing tag and he (DS) is it

or he chases him and pushes him over and over again

he's with his sitter, not his mom or dad

and all the kids are running around, so i feel lame saying anything about the morning stuff, but i have noticed a strange fixation by y on trying to make DS uncomfortable lately

ugh. anyway, thanks

I think there are certain kids who seem to sniff out the kiddos who lack assertiveness. My middle daughter also seems to get on other kids' radar sometimes. I am now making a real effort to work, actually, with all my girls on assertiveness as I see that they all have issues with it. Probably learned from their mama! I've gotten better, but it takes a lot of effort on my part and have a hard time teaching it. But I'm trying!

eta: I do agree that a teacher should be told about the way this child is acting towards yours. This kid needs to be called out on his behavior.

[ahisma]

I'd say something to the teacher. We had a somewhat similar situation at DS1's school years ago. In this instance, the teachers handled it poorly IMO. We wound up switching schools and it was 100x better.

But, I do think that good teachers can turn a situation like this around. DS had a kid who he had a rough history with in his class last year, but the teacher a amazing and got it squared away in the first week. They'll never be best friends, but they treat each other with a lot of respect and have successfully been on the same teams for a few things since then.

[HannaAddict]

Hi,
We have been through this recently, with an older child who has gone relatively uneventfully to school with ours for a few years, but suddenly right off the bat this year, started riding our child, saying very mean things, the exact tag deal, shoving and saying "your it" at pick-up when our kid wasn't playing and just generally being a real pain (these are just a few examples). We handled it by making a very polite phone call to the parents and mentioning the most recent specific incident, and saying we would like to nip it in the bud before it escalated. The other parent was VERY appreciative we talked to them first, said they would let their child's teacher know, and they were not defensive at all - I feel like they must have had this issue before. We said we were sorry to call, had never made this type of call before, that we know kids are kids and this is all normal "kid stuff" that happens, but that there had been a definite change in tone and frequency and we were working on our child to not get upset or react too. I don't think this is anything that should go to the principal at this point and I wouldn't take it to the teacher unless I did it very, very informally. In preschool, I might mention to the teacher the two or three discrete incidents you have witnessed (we saw several of the things the kid did and our kid was very stoic) or that your child has told you about, and ask the teacher to just keep an eye out for it. But I would vote for mentioning it in a non-threatening way to the parent, so they can deal with it and it might resolve. In our case, the next day our child said the kid was back to "normal Todd (not the real name)" so the parents talking to their child had an immediate positive impact and they are grateful we let them know, rather than label their kid as basically bullying with the school. I think nowadays, since it is easier, we our tempted to jot off emails to authority figures or the school versus just talking to the other parents about it first, as parents did when I was a kid. Teachers and principals were rarely involved at this level when I was a kid. As for teaching your kid to have a backbone, he is little, he wants to be in the cool crowd like most kids do. I'd work on social skills if you think he needs that. I'm sorry though, it hurts my heart to hear how sad he was and know exactly how awful that feels. Kids do this all the time though (the birthday months away who is in/out) and have for years, doesn't make it right one bit. Since the other kid is being brattier as a pattern though, I would call the mom or dad and just mention it is a change from last year. Good luck.

[crl]

For pre-k I would totally raise that with the teacher. That's what pre-k is all about, learning the social stuff. I remember in ds' preschool the teachers really working with the kids on things like, "you're not my friend" and how to deal with sharing and so on.

I am sorry he is so upset by all of this. I agree that it is not nice behavior and I would be so sad to see my child upset by it.

Catherine

[lmh2402]

thanks, guys

so i took a passive aggressive approach and asked the teacher (via email when emailing about something else last night) if she noticed anything strange socially with DS - mentioned that he had told me a few things that were upsetting him (did not mention any names)

she wrote back about the other stuff and then her last line was, "no haven't seen anything. will let you know if i do."

she didn't ask for further details.

should i say something more direct - tell her about y specifically?

i hate this kind of stuff. y's mom is super nice. like super, super nice. but not around a lot and we're not friends. i mean, she's really friendly, but it would be very random and awkward for me to say anything to her.

i hate to start any trouble, but i saw it again this morning. DS tried to get in on a game the kids were playing before school and y ran him off the grass. he came back to me crying. ugh.

[crl]

I would absolutely say something direct. How else will she know you have concerns? At this age it's not tattling or whatever. This is what preschool teachers are supposed to do, IMO. I would give the teacher concrete examples and ask how she can help the situation. I would expect her to work with y on not excluding kids, etc and I would expect her to work with your ds on standing up for himself and to encourage him to come to her when things aren't going well.

Catherine

[squimp]

We had rules in K that kids were not to talk about parties in class. Period. They were good rules and are still relevant now that DD is in 4th grade. I would ask more directly.

This is also a good time to talk about friend choices. Kids who are nice, kind, who would you want to be friends with, how do we treat our friends, etc.

[lmh2402]

We had rules in K that kids were not to talk about parties in class. Period. They were good rules and are still relevant now that DD is in 4th grade. I would ask more directly.

This is also a good time to talk about friend choices. Kids who are nice, kind, who would you want to be friends with, how do we treat our friends, etc.

thanks, guys

i will talk to the teacher more directly

the above - i've been trying and trying to talk about good friends. being a good friend to others and knowing when someone is a good friend to you. there are kids that seem to really like DS - they are NICE kids. we have play dates with them - he likes them. he wants to play with them. but the second the other kids are around, he is like a moth to a flame. i can't seem to divert his attention.

hoping that book i ordered helps some.

thanks

[lizzywednesday]

I would absolutely say something direct. How else will she know you have concerns? At this age it's not tattling or whatever. This is what preschool teachers are supposed to do, IMO. I would give the teacher concrete examples and ask how she can help the situation. I would expect her to work with y on not excluding kids, etc and I would expect her to work with your ds on standing up for himself and to encourage him to come to her when things aren't going well.

...

:yeahthat:

Talking around the issue and not giving specifics doesn't help the teacher address concerns. It's a class of how many children? 15-20? That's a lot of social dynamic going on.

Mentioning the child(ren) by name who are giving your DS a hard time in class helps the teacher figure out where and with whom she should give an extra eyeball or guiding hand.

[hillview]

yes I'd say something totally very specific. I'd come up with an approach WITH the teacher that you can both use. That sucks and I am so sorry. Ds2 was bullied at age 4 in school It was awful. I am so sorry. I would have no issues with telling DS to say to y "you are being mean and I am not going to play with you" and then walk away.

[TwinFoxes]

so i feel lame saying anything about the morning


thanks, guys

so i took a passive aggressive approach .



she's really friendly, but it would be very random and awkward for me to say anything to her.

i hate to start any trouble.

I am saying this kindly, I think your son is exhibiting learned behavior. Somehow you've got to model for him that it's ok to stand up for yourself, and even for others. He shouldn't be physically pushed around. He's getting picked on and you're his primary advocate. Good luck. :hug:

[ahisma]

I think you need to tell the teacher directly, then follow through to ensure that it is handled.

As an example: When my son was in Young 5s (pre-K here), there was a boy in his class who bullied him badly. Shoved him down the the playground, was mean repeatedly, really singled my DH out. The teacher was oblivious to it. We talked to her about it repeatedly - including once when this boy encouraged others to take turns kicking my DS.

The next year, we were shocked to see that they were placed in the same classroom. We met with the principal and learned that the principal had no idea. Per school policy, some of the events had risen to the level of reportable incidents (in student files), so we had assumed that the principal knew. We wound up deciding to keep them in the same class, with the principal's promise that we could move him if needed.

We never had a single problem that year. The teacher spotted the issue on day 1 and worked with them. They are friendly now. I don't blame the other boy, or his parents. He was a kid trying to learn how to be a kid in school and, well, the stuff that he tried worked for him and went uncorrected. The moment that a teacher stepped in and corrected it, he did a 180.

[mackmama]

Oh this stuff is so hard and I'm so sorry for your sweet DS. I would say something directly to the other kid's mom. I know that's uncomfortable, but as a PP said I think it's important that the other parent is also informed. Hang in there. I hear the mama lion coming out- and I think that's a good thing since your DS needs you to be his advocate right now.

[sste]

Actually, this "you can't come to my bday party" is VERY common in the late part of the threes preschool year and the fours preschool year. My DS came home one day and told me he said that to another little boy. I made what was my only phone call during his entire time in this pre-k to conference with his teachers about his mean comment and whether DS was bullying kids or being mean to them. I was really horrified, in a complete state. In my case the teachers all told me no, no mean behavior, and they thought he said that because a few kids had been saying that in the classroom (with correction by the teachers) and DS heard it and got the bright idea of repeating it when he was upset with a kid. In fact, they thought the kid he said it to might have said it to him first. They said this particular comment comes up every year and it is a very natural way for kids who are just developing social skills and realize the power of this comment but don't truly grasp the impact of it.

I would talk to the teacher. With my DS when slights or shoves happen to him, I always, always tell him that kids are still learning, that X kid is still learning how to use nice words or control their hands unlike DS who usually does a good job at that. I emphasize it is nothing personal (and usually it is not). I often give a sad little sigh, like oh poor slow X other kid that hasn't caught on yet.

We do also role play with DS how to handle things--saying "I don't like that" in a strong voice or I will confess when a kid was goading DS about a lock combination, I explained to DS about teasing that way, how his curiosity was playing into it, and made him practice saying, "I don't care about your stupid lock!" and walking away. My DH thought that was a little strong actually!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I am saying this kindly, I think your son is exhibiting learned behavior. Somehow you've got to model for him that it's ok to stand up for yourself, and even for others. He shouldn't be physically pushed around. He's getting picked on and you're his primary advocate. Good luck. :hug:

:yeahthat: this jumped out at me too. i really think you need to be more direct..i would talk to the teacher and mention it, that way she can address it with the kid as well as with your DS.

i say this as a person who was often the target of bullies from kindy on. i distinctly remember in kindergarten, a girl was often super mean to me and would call me ugly all the time, and would say "i'm not going to invite you to my birthday party. but if you say you're ugly, i'll invite you to my birthday party!" i was like your DS, so desperate to be liked and so i practically did whatever she said so i could be invited (i was, in the end) and of course that egged it on. in retrospect, the issue was as much my problem as it was hers...like PP said, kids who lack assertiveness are bully magnets. IME, kids who bully have their own issues and when they sense a kid is willing to do whatever they want to get their approval, well, they totally exploit that like crazy. not that excuses it, of course.

I am also working on this at home with DD as i often see DS boss DD around and DD doens't always stick up for herself. I remember when they were in adjoining classrooms at school, DS would sometimes pick on DD (he woudl never pick on any other kid, just her). DD's teacher taught DD to stand up for herself and to say "No! Stop that. I don't like it." The other day i saw a kid try to steal one of DD's plates of food at breakfast and i saw DD snatch it back and say "No..that's mine!" and i was like, so so happy it finally got through!! So I think the teacher can really help if she is aware of the situation. But i agree parents modeling the behavior helps too. My DH is also a very passive person (he would be too afraid to complain about bad customer service, for example, or being shortchanged for something) and we agreed we really have to change to model better behavior for my DC.

[alexsmommy]

I agree with all of the pp's, talk to the teacher. Pronto. DS2 struggled with not fitting in in pre-K. Turned out he was being targeted by a group of boys, but one boy was the ringleader. The same day DS2 broke down not wanting to go to school, I called the teachers on our way in. They had just noticed it that same week and had moved around the weeks theme to friendship, kindness and anti-bullying. They said they had already called the ringleaders parents. Though I was irritated there had been no call to me, I was pleased by their swift response once they were aware of what was going on. I agree pre-K is for learning social stuff and kids will have missteps.

Ironically, the chances of DS2 being with this child in class again was super slim, but no only was he in the same school, and the same class, it was a class the other child had to lottery into (Spanish Immersion, because we had a sib already make it in, we knew DS2 would be in it). I was :47:, but the teachers had clearly done a great job. Though I talked to the K teacher, she never saw any issues and DS2 has never said it was an issue. Though this child is not what I'd call a good friend of DS2's, he isn't an issue either.

Good luck. It hurts so badly when someone is mean to your baby!

[fedoragirl]

I am reading this thread with great interest because we have similar issues with DD. I would be interested to hear how you teach your DC to be assertive other than saying, "Stop that. I don't like that. " We've done that but DD continues to stand there and wail so the other child (most often, her younger brother) has more time and inclination to continue bothering her.
We have done role playing. We've scripted.

[TwinFoxes]

I am reading this thread with great interest because we have similar issues with DD. I would be interested to hear how you teach your DC to be assertive other than saying, "Stop that. I don't like that. " We've done that but DD continues to stand there and wail so the other child (most often, her younger brother) has more time and inclination to continue bothering her.
We have done role playing. We've scripted.

With a three and a two year old, I think adult intervention is needed. I think it's a lot to ask of them both to settle things on their own. I'm not saying jump in every time, but it's hard for a two year old to even comprehend what the heck an adult is saying. Let alone understanding what an upset three year old is saying. Everything is still so new to them both. I found I had to script for both parties. "She says she doesn't like that, so the nice thing to do is say 'I'm sorry' and stop doing that".

[westwoodmom04]

I bought How to Bully-proof Your Child years ago when a much older child was teasing my daughter on the bus. The situation was resolved quickly (she told her teacher and the older child was told he would lose his bus privileges if the teasing continued, so it didn't) so I never read it, but it gets excellent reviews on Amazon. That's more of a longer-term solution, in the shorter term, I would speak with either the teacher or the child's parents as prior posters have suggested., whichever you are more comfortable with.

[HannaAddict]

thanks, guys

so i took a passive aggressive approach and asked the teacher (via email when emailing about something else last night) if she noticed anything strange socially with DS - mentioned that he had told me a few things that were upsetting him (did not mention any names)

she wrote back about the other stuff and then her last line was, "no haven't seen anything. will let you know if i do."

she didn't ask for further details.

should i say something more direct - tell her about y specifically?

i hate this kind of stuff. y's mom is super nice. like super, super nice. but not around a lot and we're not friends. i mean, she's really friendly, but it would be very random and awkward for me to say anything to her.

i hate to start any trouble, but i saw it again this morning. DS tried to get in on a game the kids were playing before school and y ran him off the grass. he came back to me crying. ugh.

We were not friends with the other parent in our case either. Didn't see either parent much, general short pleasantries. It actually made it easier to bring up to her, versus telling a close friend their kid is being not nice. Hard.

I wouldn't email, I'd mention it to the teacher if you really don't want to call the parent. I do think preschool is more appropriate than older kids to involve the teacher before the parents, but hate that the parent might feel like no one told them first. It sounds like she's nice and probably has zero idea since the sitter is doing drop off and pick up it sounds like from your first email. If it is a nanny or sitter paying attention, you could even mention it to her. But we have some great professional nannies who do pick-up and have responsibility for their charges that they pick up at preschool.

[pinkmomagain]

I'm just going to jump back in and recommend that you deal with the teacher and not the parent. I've been a parent for 17 years and in all those years I think I called a parent one time. Not that my kids did not have several issues come up, but my rule of thumb is if the behaviors are happening in school (or bus, playground, etc.) it is the teacher's responsibility to address it. Parent to parent can trigger defensive attitudes and conflict with parents that are not helpful for resolution. The neutrality of the teacher I think works best in these situations -- they are actually in the environment in which the bullying is happening and are better trained (hopefully) to deal with it. If for any reason things are not resolved at the teacher level, then of course onward and upward to principle level. This has never happened for me though.

I judiciously broke my rule one time just a couple of years ago. My middle dd came home on the middle school bus crying because two girls were giving her a hard time. This dd is my bully magnet (so to speak) from time to time. I knew one of the moms very superficially but felt like the timing of addressing it was important and I needed to nip it in the bud. So I tracked down her number and called maybe 15 minutes after it happened. The mom was mortified (but not surprised) by her dd's behavior and there have been no incidents since.

[Green_Tea]

I'm just going to jump back in and recommend that you deal with the teacher and not the parent.

I couldn't agree more. If it's happening at school, the adults at school should be the ones involved.

[crl]

I couldn't agree more. If it's happening at school, the adults at school should be the ones involved.


I absolutely agree. At this age there is likely very little a parent can do. The teacher is adult on the scene and the one who can actually do something about this behavior. If another parent approached me about my child behaving this way I would be mortified, but there would be very little I could effectively do about the situation. IME talking to kids this age way after the fact just doesn't have much effect. They need on the spot coaching.

Catherine

[arivecchi]

I am saying this kindly, I think your son is exhibiting learned behavior. Somehow you've got to model for him that it's ok to stand up for yourself, and even for others. He shouldn't be physically pushed around. He's getting picked on and you're his primary advocate. Good luck. :hug: I have to agree. I know some kids have to be "taught" how to be confident. Project confidence to your child so that he can feel like this is not an insurmountable problem. Practice situations from school and do tell the teacher directly what is going on. I know that my DS gets a huge boost in confidence when he is facing a difficult situation and we work together on his response. If he is really stressing about stuff at school, I email the teachers to alert them, so we can both address the issue.

[HannaAddict]

I absolutely agree. At this age there is likely very little a parent can do. The teacher is adult on the scene and the one who can actually do something about this behavior. If another parent approached me about my child behaving this way I would be mortified, but there would be very little I could effectively do about the situation. IME talking to kids this age way after the fact just doesn't have much effect. They need on the spot coaching.

Catherine

It sounds like much of the problem happens at drop off a d pick up, not when it is the teachers' responsibility. I think it would be fine to involve the teacher but also think the pendulum (in general) has swing too far the other way with parents emailing teachers before doing anything on their own. Parents aren't all defensive, we don't need neural parties for every interaction and as parents, we don't need to make a mountain out if a molehill (not saying that is the case here). Some teasing and bratty behavior is normal and it is also normal to correct the behavior and help the kids. These incidents seemed not to rise to a big response for me, I'd mention to the teacher or parents but didn't think there needed to be a "neutral" party for this level if stuff. And our teachers appreciate parents communicating directly with each other as adults. But for preschool, if you tell the teacher your specific concerns she can help you. Just surprised no one seems to communicate with other parents - shrug.

[crl]

It sounds like much of the problem happens at drop off a d pick up, not when it is the teachers' responsibility. I think it would be fine to involve the teacher but also think the pendulum (in general) has swing too far the other way with parents emailing teachers before doing anything on their own. Parents aren't all defensive, we don't need neural parties for every interaction and as parents, we don't need to make a mountain out if a molehill (not saying that is the case here). Some teasing and bratty behavior is normal and it is also normal to correct the behavior and help the kids. These incidents seemed not to rise to a big response for me, I'd mention to the teacher or parents but didn't think there needed to be a "neutral" party for this level if stuff. And our teachers appreciate parents communicating directly with each other as adults. But for preschool, if you tell the teacher your specific concerns she can help you. Just surprised no one seems to communicate with other parents - shrug.

For me, drop off lasts less than five minutes. So the teachers are responsible for my kid as soon as I have walked out the door while most parents are still dropping off. So if my daughter is doing something like this, I am not there to see it. If I were, I would do something right away of course. But I don't see her interact with other kids for more than thirty seconds so if she is behaving this way Iam not there to witness and invervene. I firmly believe that for the preschool set, invention needs to be at the moment, not later. So I just don't see what good it does to complain to other parents about behavior that happens out of their sight at this age. For older kids I would have a different view.

Catherine

[AnnieW625]

I would let the teachers know, but really boundaries and friend issues can start with 4 yr. olds. My DD1 who is a follower and often still now even at 7 feeds off of leaders because she thinks it is best to be a leader. When DD1 was 4 there was a little girl that DD became friends with and for the most part the little girl was really nice, but the girl was a born leader and DD well was a born follower and started saying stuff to please the other girl in regards to who could play with who and what not. The leader girl even flat out said at DD1's 5th birthday party that "X wasn't invited to DD1's birthday party for Y reason (I can't remember what Y was)" but as soon as that came out of her mouth I told her "X was invited, but X is camping this weekend." Last year I even caught DD being kind of mean and not including her best friend because one of the leader girls had gotten to DD1. I told DD1 then that we don't talk to our friends like that and even now I do think that DD1 needs to better stand up for herself and not believe everything that the leader girls said and it helps to have this conversation with her every once in a while. Just this past Monday one of the leader girls told DD1 that she couldn't be a character from a movie (Disney's Teen Beach Movie) for Halloween because the character in the movie doesn't wear glasses so DD1 told me that she hates her glasses. I told her that was completely wrong and that lots of girls in the 1960s wore the same kind of glasses DD1 wears now (she has retro styled kids bright pink Ray Bans).

[squimp]

IME the teachers set the tone. We had a fabulous kindergarten teacher and she set the tone for interactions that I can still see today among DD's classmates 4th grade. We don't talk about parties at school. We don't tell friends "you can't play with us". Not everyone is going to be the best of friends, but we are not mean to our classmates. The kid scuttling my kid off the grass should know that is not the way we treat others who simply want to play.

No way would I contact the parents about something that is happening in pre-K. Those kids are still learning, and the teachers job is to help them learn how to treat others. The teachers need to know this is happening.

[magnoliaparadise]

Just wanted to send you hugs. I know how awful it is when you see your DC being mistreated or bullied. Last year, my DD (then 4.5) was not bullied per se, but definitely went through a kind of lap dog period with a 'friend' whom she was trying to become close to who dissed her a lot and made fun of her subtly (the girl would roll her eyes, act very impatient, or say 'that's not funny'; 'you said that already'; how come you always copy me?', 'you aren't my best friend, Z is'). Not 'mean girl' per se, but not at all nice and I really didn't want my DC to play with her frankly.
I posted about it here.
My DD was always coming home with her head below her shoulders and crying out that she just wanted her friend to be best friends with her. It was honestly a little like watching a friend dating who is sad about unrequited love. I felt so sad.
I did mention it to the teachers - in a non-judgemental way as more of a 'please keep an eye out for this'.
I also role played and bought books about what friendship means and how you want people in your life who are good to you.
It's all part of learning - that friendship got better and my DD less desperate to be a best friend of the girl, which helped a lot. Now, 6 months later, she doesn't talk about her and really doesn't care. She's moved on and is happy with new friends (and is at a new school).