Locking young children in their rooms at bedtime.

[petesgirl]

Do you do this? This conversation came up at the in laws a few days and MIL said it was the only way she ever got any sleep (she did have 8 boys...) but I asked my mom and she said we were never locked in, but she did admit to spending hours trying to get us to sleep. I have talked to a few friends and it seems to be a pretty common practice.

Eta: I'm asking because DS hates (and I mean hates!) sleeping. DH and I have tried all the nice, no-cry solutions for helping him sleep but when he was still getting up 4-5 x a night at 16 months we resorted to CIO. And within a week he was sleeping 9-11 hrs per night with no fussing at bedtime. I feel like when he is able to get out on his own we will be back to sleepless nights.

[lmh2402]

no. no way, no how

as things currently stand, there is just no way i could ever imagine myself locking any child in a room

BUT, i haven't had to deal with issues of DS leaving his room. and DD is still crib-bound

i have learned to never say never...so i guess only time will tell

but for now, i never have and can't imagine i ever would

ETA: when DS was about 4/5 months old, i vividly remember the young boy in the apartment below us - his room was directly below DS' room. many times i would be nursing DS in the middle of the night and the little boy would be downstairs pounding on his door - his parents locked him in, sobbing and screaming and crying for his mom & dad

it was awful to listen to because there is something extra chilling about listening to the sounds of sobs like this in the black of night.

[kep]

No way. The threat of fire is way too high IMO. I can see maybe, maybe temporarily while working with a young, newly out of the crib toddler. In a completely child-proofed room with a video monitor. Even then I'm still uncomfortable.

[kaharris83]

DS1 has had a gate at his door since he went to his toddler bed. The gate is shut at night. He has never screamed at it or complained. We put it there because we were worried about him trying to leave the house in the middle of the night. We have since tried to take it down and he gets upset and says he needs it there to sleep.

Not sure if that counts as locking him in or not. We shut his door when we go to bed at night to keep the cats from sleeping with him since he has asthma. But we don't lock it. He's a great sleeper.

[sariana]

No. Too afraid of fire.

[wellyes]

You can also get sleep at night by giving each kid a shot of vodka, doesn't mean I'd do it!

[JBaxter]

I did and have no qualms about it. I turned the door know around on Jack's door so it would lock from the outside. If there was a fire at night I would have gone there first no matter what. He was and escape artist like I have never seen.

[boogiemomz]

I did and have no qualms about it. I turned the door know around on Jack's door so it would lock from the outside. If there was a fire at night I would have gone there first no matter what. He was and escape artist like I have never seen.

:yeahthat: It was a total lifesaver and I'm not sorry. It wasn't about getting her to sleep, it was a safety issue. The odds of her climbing out of her crib/bed, leaving the room and falling down the stairs or climbing over the bannister (her door opened right up to the top of the stairs and we had a half second story, so the upstairs hallway was open on one side to the floor below) were much higher than her getting trapped in her room in a fire, and I would have gone straight to her room in the event of a fire regardless.

[JBaxter]

Yup was about 230am when I heard the sliding door chime alarm go off. He was going to let the dog out. No gate or knob protector worked for him. If he watched you undo a child latch he figured it out.

[elliput]

I had a knob cover on the inside of the door to keep DD from opening it when she was 3-4 yo. The was the time frame when I was pg with DS and shortly there after. DD was a terrible sleeper and would squirm around for what seems like hours before she would calm down. I had to do something to get a decent amount of sleep.

ETA- as DD is autistic, having her secure in her room during this time was also for her safety. Several times I found her roaming around the house in the middle of the night, getting into things in the bathroom and kitchen. I was also concerned about her trying to leave the house. I don't think she ever tried at this age, but it gave me peace of mind anyway.

[kboyle]

I gated Charlie in his room, and tied a scarf from doorknob to doorknob for max and Ernie so they could open it a crack but not escape. I had no problems with it. At 3 max once woke up in the middle of the night for 'snacks' and climbed the kitchen counter and ate Cheetos, in the morning the knife block was laying on its side on the counter...when he had gotten down he knocked it over...had he fallen and grabbed something that knife block (and all it's knives) would have landed on him...after that scare I locked him in. We moved a month before this incident and I think the new house/new surroundings caused him to behave odd and sleep bad for a couple months. Ernie got locked cause he fell down the stairs more than a few times in the morning.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Ive never done it but I won't judge those who do. I dont really see how it's that different from Ferberizing a toddler in a crib.

Im lucky after we put ds in a crib we didnt have issues any issues and he is a great sleeper. I know a few parents locked the door on their 3yos room for thw first week after getting out of the crib.

[Cam&Clay]

For DS1 I put a gate on the door when he had trouble staying in his bed. He could open the door and stand there and pout. We earned removal of the gate by staying in bed all night. As soon as he got up for anything other than a middle of the night bathroom run, it was put back on. I thought it was a happy medium.

I hate closed doors. We close DS2's door now because he doesn't want the cats in there during the night. I would much rather have it cracked a bit. He has never once gotten out of bed. He's weird that way.

[wellyes]

I dont really see how it's that different from Ferberizing a toddler in a crib.

You Ferberize a kid while you're awake for like 30 minutes max, not while you sleep!

I don't really judge those who do it, though. I grew up hearing horror stories about the halfway house for teens my grandma ran out of her home. She locked the kids in day & night. Scary stuff for the kids affected, and for her own kids growing up hearing pounding and screaming all the time.

[Tondi G]

I never locked my kids in their room. I wouldn't have been opposed to putting a baby gate there. I know someone who's child climbed the baby gate and they didn't feel comfortable with a regular door locked, so they installed a screen door... that way everyone could see in/out but it kept their kiddo safe from potentially falling down the stairs.

[specialp]

I haven't, but my parents did that to my door. they turned my door around and the lock was on the outside. My door was directly in front of their's so just the width of a narrow hallway. I would get up in the middle of the night/early morning and once climbed the closet that was in the bathroom and started playing with my dad;s razors. So, they did the door thing for a while, but eventually my mom just made a bed for me in her room so she could lock her door and I slept in her room until a ridiculous age. Honestly, she probably should've stuck to the door thing.

[petesgirl]

You Ferberize a kid while you're awake for like 30 minutes max, not while you sleep!

I don't really judge those who do it, though. I grew up hearing horror stories about the halfway house for teens my grandma ran out of her home. She locked the kids in day & night. Scary stuff for the kids affected, and for her own kids growing up hearing pounding and screaming all the time.

I ferberized DS for more like 2-3 hrs at a time, but no I wasn't sleeping because he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

[specialp]

And now after reading all the replies and rereading OP, this wasn't about trying to get me to go to sleep. I apparently went to sleep fine, but it was to keep me from wandering the house and harming myself when no one else was awake.

[petesgirl]

Yup was about 230am when I heard the sliding door chime alarm go off. He was going to let the dog out. No gate or knob protector worked for him. If he watched you undo a child latch he figured it out.

I hadn't thought of escaping from the house, but yes, at 2 DS can undo all the latches on our 3 outside doors.

[JBaxter]

Tried the gate with Jack ( worked with the other 3) he climbed it. I even switched out our lever style door knobs for a round one with the knob cover he to the knob cover off. Jack has taken everything I've known about parenting boys and tossed it out the window. I had to unscrewed the light bulb I found him sitting in the top drawer of his dresser after he emptied it. So not only was he locked in he was locked in in the dark.

[boogiemomz]

It's for sure no different than putting a knob cover on the door (for kiddos for whom the knob cover was actually effective). DD laughed in the face of knob covers and pretty much every other child proofing apparatus we ever tried, so turning the knob around and locking from the outside was our only hope. And it was actually quite a bit safer, even in the case of a fire, because she had been known to push in our knob locks and lock doors--she frequently locked us out of the bathroom and we had to unlock it with a tiny allen wrench. We always kept small allen wrenches above the door jambs for that reason, but if the lock had been inside her room and she happened to lock it and a fire broke out, we would have had to fumble around to pop the lock with an allen wrench or break the door down. It made perfect sense to me, and still does, that it was safer all around to have the lock on the outside. Better we can lock her in than she can lock us out.

[mommylamb]

I've never had to do it, and I hope I never have to. But, I wouldn't judge those who do. I can see how you could get that desperate.

[erosenst]

When DD moved out of her crib at 2.5, I spent two loooongggggg nights holding her door closed from the outside for several hours. From then until she was...7?...she never left her room. (She'd call us in the morning when it was time to get up.) It was two of the most miserable nights of my life - but the payback was HUGE.

Think a lot depends on your kid. If that hadn't worked after a night or two more, I clearly would have moved to another solution like a 'kid proof' door handle or gate.

[MamaMolly]

I have a friend who did it, and I think it was the right thing for her. She had an escape artist, too.

[kbud]

I did and have no qualms about it. I turned the door know around on Jack's door so it would lock from the outside. If there was a fire at night I would have gone there first no matter what. He was and escape artist like I have never seen.

This is exactly what we did with DD#1. She was an escape artist and I wouldn't have put it past her to wonder anywhere in the middle of the night. She also slept walk. I never really understood the fire fear as she was about 18 months when we started. She had learned how to do the child safety knobs. We stopped around 3-4 years of age. During that time she wouldn't have been old enough to get herself out on her own anyhow. For her the risk was much greater that she would end up getting hurt by getting out. We used a crib tent with her until she was about 2-3. I've had so many people not believe we did that. To her it was nothing. It was what she was used to. It was not a cruel "we'll lock you in your room" but simply what we did. She was used to it and never thought anything of it. Those who say never, never had my escape artist as their child;) We never really had to do it with DD#2.

[kbud]

It's for sure no different than putting a knob cover on the door (for kiddos for whom the knob cover was actually effective). DD laughed in the face of knob covers and pretty much every other child proofing apparatus we ever tried, so turning the knob around and locking from the outside was our only hope. And it was actually quite a bit safer, even in the case of a fire, because she had been known to push in our knob locks and lock doors--she frequently locked us out of the bathroom and we had to unlock it with a tiny allen wrench. We always kept small allen wrenches above the door jambs for that reason, but if the lock had been inside her room and she happened to lock it and a fire broke out, we would have had to fumble around to pop the lock with an allen wrench or break the door down. It made perfect sense to me, and still does, that it was safer all around to have the lock on the outside. Better we can lock her in than she can lock us out.

Your DD and my DD #1 sound so much alike! We did the same thing hiding the wrenches above the door. One day she staked everything she could fine in her room up against the door to climb up to get the wrench to get out. She got stuck on top and I couldn't get in because of the tower of items stacked behind the door;)

[Momit]

We never did and I never would. It didn't even occur to me to do it, then a friend mentioned having done it when her some was little. She said to this day he's a terrible sleeper, needs the light on, gets up all the time for a drink or whatever and she attributes it to him being locked in when he was younger. I would also worry about fire or another emergency. DS has always been a good sleeper so it hasn't been an issue.

[Philly Mom]

I plan on it when DD is out of the crib. It is a safety issue. I don't want her wandering the house by herself in the dark. We have stairs just outside her bedroom door. Easy place to trip and fall down. I was actually in a fire as a child and had my parents run and get me so I know the fire risks but I also know that even at 5, in the middle of the night, I needed my parents to get me up and out of the house and I was a very independent child. Also, in a fire it is safer for the parents to direct kids where to go because hopefully they are more level headed in the crisis.

[Pennylane]

Nope, didn't and wouldn't have even considered it. If needed, I would have put a gate up though. Something about locking the child inside just doesn't seem right to me.

Ann

[megs4413]

I've never had an escape artist so this doesn't apply to me, but I'd have to wonder if I was in a situation where I did, if (despite the fire concerns) there would be safety concerns with a child loose in the house at night under the age of say...3. Mine stayed in their cribs FOREVER (neither ever even attempted to climb out) so we didn't come across this, but my guess is there is no way to foolproof toddler-proof a house to allow for unsupervised overnight roaming. my heart goes out to those of you who have had to try to come up with an answer to this conundrum. I don't think i'd do it just for convenience's sake, though. It would have to be a matter of safety. I also think i'd attempt to install a locked half door first (like they have at daycares) to where it could quite easily be opened or breached in the case of fire.

[queenmama]

You can also get sleep at night by giving each kid a shot of vodka, doesn't mean I'd do it!

Why not? :P

I haven't locked a kid in the room but I'm not saying "never." Henry is a gem of a kid and we never had to baby-proof anything from him. Agnes will be the one, though, to test every boundary and get into everything. I'm planning a Dutch door for her bedroom (when she graduates from our bed) since it'll be higher than a gate.

Lara

[mikala]

We used a gate at the door for a couple months after DS moved to a big boy bed. I was pregnant and very exhausted and he was giving up his nap some days. It became a safety issue because I'd fall asleep as soon as he went down for nap and wouldn't hear him leave his room like a little ninja if he woke up early. He was generally good but at 2 he knew how to open all of the exterior doors. His room was child proofed and I could still hear him clearly if he called out for me. By 3.5 the gate was gone and there wasn't a big transition to his newfound freedom.

I don't understand how a door latch or gate is much different than keeping a kid in a crib with the door shut. In both cases it seems more like the issue is whether you can hear the child and respond to legitimate needs. I can hear my kids from almost anywhere in the house even without a monitor.

[StantonHyde]

I know of someone who had a toddler that got of his room and then out of the house in the middle of winter. He couldn't figure out how to get back or ring the doorbell. The milk delivery guy found the child frozen on the doorstep. If you have an escape artist, darn right I would lock them in!!

[pb&j]

For one child, yes, for one child no.

I always unlocked after the child was asleep, though said child had a few episodes of sleepwalking that made me rethink that for a time. There was no way this child would have settled down and stayed quietly in their room - keeping DC confined was the only way sleep could happen. Otherwise, there would have been wandering, etc.

The other child would never dream of leaving their bed, let alone their room, without permission. A much different experience. I could see that if you had only this sort of child, you'd think that room-locking was cruel and unnecessary. However, having had one of each, I totally get why people turn the doorknobs around.

[bostonsmama]

I don't think I could ever keep DD's door locked overnight as I'm super paranoid about fire and emergencies, but we have resorted to tying DD's door handle closed with a scarf during the remaining evening hours we're awake. We *ALWAYS* put her video monitor on, too, and her room is pretty toddler-proof. We always give her the choice to stay in bed with her door unlocked, but she is just so persistent (or curious or sleep resistant??) that she has to push the limits. She's kept us up to midnight...even 5am some nights. We had to do something. We tried routine (and still do that), incentives, charts, toys, consequences/punishment/taking away a fun trip to the park/zoo/library, taking away her lovies, offering a favorite breakfast or trip the next day, even "CIO" toddler style. Nothing has worked...and still nothing is working consistently. She wails and cries my name through the crack in the door until she throws up or pees on the floor to get cleaned up. There's no way we can just lock a door and walk away, leaving her in there...and no amount of letting her "CIO" has ever remedied her of her crying fits. So, we do a combo of tying her door and consoling her after 5min of yelling/crying. Recently it's only taken about 1, maybe 2 returns to bed after we lock her door, but sometimes it's 20-25 returns to bed. What can you do? She won't sleep in our room (we've tried). She won't fall asleep if WE sleep in her bed with her (this is a ticket for a 5am bedtime). She falls asleep best alone in a quiet, dark room, it's just convincing her that she's tired and can stand the separation from us until she wakes. She is a super happy, well-attached child during the day. I wish I had a better solution, so my heart goes out to the mamas who have to use this. None of my friends have kids who get out of bed at 3. They are so lucky.

Just wanted to add that as soon as we see her pass out/go to sleep, we slip the scarf off the door handle for the night. It gives me so much more peace of mind if she truly needed us. But I am a lucky mommy in that once DD is asleep, she stays asleep a long time. She is not a night or morning roamer, and I almost always wake up & get my morning coffee before she's up. I don't judge those who lock all night, though. Most kids will grow out of that before they have a memory of it.

[Kindra178]

We used an over the door lock in the twins' room once they could climb out of their cribs and continued until they were in twin beds for a short while. We never kept it locked overnight, but we certainly locked it around bedtime, for about an hour or so. Before we installed this lock, they climbed out of their cribs or beds, messed with each other, kept ds1 awake, went to the bathroom a million times, needed water (we now send them up with water bottles), a hug, needed to tell us something, etc. Because there are two of them, it went on and on forever. They were exhausted the next day too.

[blisstwins]

absolutely not

[petesgirl]

I know of someone who had a toddler that got of his room and then out of the house in the middle of winter. He couldn't figure out how to get back or ring the doorbell. The milk delivery guy found the child frozen on the doorstep. If you have an escape artist, darn right I would lock them in!!

This is awful. :(

[HannaAddict]

Nope. Wouldn't do it.

[AJP]

We have escape artists too, but only do a gate at the door when they transitioned to beds. I'm not sure i could lock them in, but then again, I had good sleepers in general so what do I know. My twins had a gate in the hall right outside their rooms. This gave them access to each others rooms, but they couldn't play in the bathroom, go down stairs, to the laundry room or our bedroom. After bothering each other for a few weeks the novelty wore off and they settled in. My DS has a gate at his door. He goes to sleep fine, but wakes up early while I'm walking the dog and would rather wander the house than go to DH in our bed. He has no fear, so it's the only way to keep him safe. When his sisters open his gate I find him doing all sorts of crazy things.

[AJP]

I know of someone who had a toddler that got of his room and then out of the house in the middle of winter. He couldn't figure out how to get back or ring the doorbell. The milk delivery guy found the child frozen on the doorstep. If you have an escape artist, darn right I would lock them in!!

This is so, so sad!

[MelissaTC]

We used a knob cover on the inside knob and closed the door. We had an escape artist. We also had to contend with stairs and a sleepwalker. We had a gate but he figured how to manipulate the gate so he could get to the stairs. It was the safest thing for him.

[lizzywednesday]

I hadn't thought of escaping from the house, but yes, at 2 DS can undo all the latches on our 3 outside doors.

Our DD has been able to undo all our locks and latches since about 18 months, though she's only been tall enough for the last year.

We just put a digital alarm on our front door and are considering one for the door that leads from our utility room to the garage. It's loud, so it startles her enough to get her to stop moving, and it buys me time to reach her before she does anything unsafe. It's also loud enough that it would wake us if she tried in the middle of the night.

DH is opposed to even shutting DD's door at night, so I don't think we'd do the lock-her-in thing, though his parents installed a Dutch door (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_door) in his childhood bedroom to keep him contained.

[dogmom]

With my DS I never need to think about it. My DD would wake up, wander the house for about a 9 month period, we used the knob cover which as far as I'm concerned is like locking the door. I think most people I know who lock bedrooms do it only for a period of time, unless they have sleep walkers. As a friend of my said, "If my choices are locking my kid in his room or coming down at 4 am and finding him sitting on top of the stove randomly turning burners on I will pick locked door." (True story.)

To all of those so worried about fire, exactly what do you think an unlocked door is going to help with? The problems with fires and kids is they hide in a closet or under a bed, young kids do not evacuate. I think the chance of a fire happening AND a child actually getting to safety on his own is pretty small compared to a wandering child hurting themselves at night when you sleep. I think it's a trade off of risks.

[o_mom]

We never have, but I have no problem with people who do. A wandering toddler can be very dangerous.

From a safety point of view, I don't think a toddler/preschooler (which is when I assume this would be most likely) is going to get themselves out of a fire, so that doesn't bother me. All the stories of firefighters finding them hiding in closets/under beds or even the tests where they don't wake up to a smoke alarm make me think that having them contained in their room where you can go right to them is better. I assume that most people are not talking about padlocking the doors or requiring keys to get it, but just turning the handle around. Many bedroom door handles with the button-style lock will just pop open when you turn them from the side with the lock, so it should not be any delay to get in.

We also close the bedroom doors at night for fire safety, and have since birth, so a closed door is not a big deal around here.

[AnnieW625]

We used a gate with DD1 from about 2 until she was 3. We used it with DD2 for about 6 months from 2 to 2/1/2.

We have oval door knobs which you can't find covers for so if we'd had an escape artist I would have switched the lock to the front of the door.

[BabbyO]

We haven't but in general my kiddos are not escape artists. I thought about it for a while with Stachio because he's constantly prolonging bed time by getting out of bed, BUT he also gets up and goes potty in the middle of the night sometimes, so we don't lock him in for that reason. Lately he's been getting out of his bed, but the only place he goes is the couch. We live in a ranch, so we don't have to worry about falling down stairs. We do have a dutch door with a door knob safety thing on it for our basement, though.

[smilequeen]

I think you do what you have to do to keep your kids safe.

We locked DS3 in his room for about 2 weeks not that long ago (he's 2.5 and has been out of his crib since just past 2). He's been a great sleeper for a while (not as an infant!) but he went through a phase where he was waking up and wandering at night. He'd go into his brothers' and wake them up in the middle of the night and we were all miserable and I was worried he'd fall down the stairs (no more gates here as my kids are all fine on the stairs) or get into something dangerous. We have a baby monitor in his room still, so I locked the doors. I went to him if he woke up instead of having him wander the house. He was past that phase, sleeping all night again, within 2 weeks and I stopped doing it. I don't feel remotely bad about it. I'd feel bad if I locked him in there kicking and screaming and crying for me, but not for keeping him safe and allowing his brothers to sleep.

[cookiemonster80]

:yeahthat: It was a total lifesaver and I'm not sorry. It wasn't about getting her to sleep, it was a safety issue. The odds of her climbing out of her crib/bed, leaving the room and falling down the stairs or climbing over the bannister (her door opened right up to the top of the stairs and we had a half second story, so the upstairs hallway was open on one side to the floor below) were much higher than her getting trapped in her room in a fire, and I would have gone straight to her room in the event of a fire regardless.

Exactly this- DD1's door wasn't locked, but had a child safety knob on it so she couldn't get out. Her door opens right to the top of the stairs and is also in a high traffic area. DH gets in from work at 2am and DD is such a light sleeper it would wake her up with him just walking by. She has never once thought twice about it- I'm sure if she was distressed or upset about her door being closed I wouldn't do it now. But we took the knob off a few months ago and she has been trained to not come out (really to not get off her bed until we come to get her).

[tabegle]

I would not do this. It's just not an option in our family.

I saw on FB where A friend did this and I inadvertently did a mommy-drive by on her. DH had recently worked on a case where an unfortunate accident happened in a family, DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) was involved, and the door locks being turned around in the children's rooms became an issue.

[BunnyBee]

There's a big difference between parents here and the general public. Here, turning the knobs around would be done as a last resort/safety option and the kid is fed, clothed, loved, and in a nice, clean, kid-proofed room. Elsewhere, it could be done as a convenience. Sleep training? Nightmares? What? Just lock the door. KWIM?

[codex57]

I would not do this. It's just not an option in our family.

I saw on FB where A friend did this and I inadvertently did a mommy-drive by on her. DH had recently worked on a case where an unfortunate accident happened in a family, DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) was involved, and the door locks being turned around in the children's rooms became an issue.

Is there a difference between locking them in and locking them out of your room? What bad thing can happen by locking them in?

[specialp]

I would not do this. It's just not an option in our family.

I saw on FB where A friend did this and I inadvertently did a mommy-drive by on her. DH had recently worked on a case where an unfortunate accident happened in a family, DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) was involved, and the door locks being turned around in the children's rooms became an issue.

Yeah, I'm curious about the facts of this, too. What accident happened that was caused by (or contributed by) the locked door?

[o_mom]

Is there a difference between locking them in and locking them out of your room? What bad thing can happen by locking them in?

Yeah - Or even locking the doors to the house in a way they can't open them, or putting a knob cover on the inside or putting a baby gate in the doorway or a dutch door set up, etc. Those are all equivalent to locking the door to their room (if they can't climb) and apparently more socially acceptable.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Yeah - Or even locking the doors to the house in a way they can't open them, or putting a knob cover on the inside or putting a baby gate in the doorway or a dutch door set up, etc. Those are all equivalent to locking the door to their room (if they can't climb) and apparently more socially acceptable.
:yeahthat:, i don't get the difference either. while i wouldn't do it (and my i let my 3yo who frequently comes out of his room at 2am to sleep in our bed), i don't think it's equivalent to child abuse or anything like that.



To all of those so worried about fire, exactly what do you think an unlocked door is going to help with? The problems with fires and kids is they hide in a closet or under a bed, young kids do not evacuate. I think the chance of a fire happening AND a child actually getting to safety on his own is pretty small compared to a wandering child hurting themselves at night when you sleep. I think it's a trade off of risks.

YES. I don't get this either. I mean, in case of a fire, do you really think a 3yo would be mature enough to understand what is happening and get out of his room safely, even if the door was unlocked??? I'm having doubts over here. It seems the more likelihood scenario is kid starts coughing/crying and parents hear that and come get the kid out of the room. Yes, there's a danger that in case of fire, the door is stuck and can't be opened...but that can happen if the door is unlocked as well.

the first time we had DS in a bed, while we didn't lock the door, we set all of our alarms, i admit we werea really paranoid about DS getting outside of the house somehow. he is very tall and knows how to unlock and open the backdoor for example.

[JBaxter]

I do know when you have a foster child in maryland you may not lock them in their bedrooms. Its regulations. But you may also not have bunk beds for foster children no matter what the age.

[wellyes]

YES. I don't get this either. I mean, in case of a fire, do you really think a 3yo would be mature enough to understand what is happening and get out of his room safely, even if the door was unlocked??? I'm having doubts over here. It seems the more likelihood scenario is kid starts coughing/crying and parents hear that and come get the kid out of the room. Yes, there's a danger that in case of fire, the door is stuck and can't be opened...but that can happen if the door is unlocked as well.

Most times parents lock kids in, it's because the kid is an are escape artist, right?
I'd just be scared of a scenario where the child could have gotten out of the room in an emergency, but couldn't because of something I did to prevent it.

[kep]

Okay, I'll address the fire issue. Please understand this is from a parent's perspective with non-escape artist children. DH and I are both former firefighters, and have seen first hand how insanely quick fire spreads. Every second matters. I want as few barriers between my child and I as possible. Anything that adds extra time on to me getting to my child is a negative in my book. I had not heard of flipping the door knob around, and with doors with locks that pop open when the knob is turned, fine. If my child escaped regularly I would be way more comfortable locking them in. Statically the odds of a house fire are low. I would absolutely take steps to prevent dangerous situations from occurring while I was sleeping. My good friend has a non-verbal, flight-risk autistic son. I totally get upping household security.

Yes, if at all possible, I know everyone one of us would run first to our child's room in case of a fire. However, what if you are overwhelmed with smoke? Physically unable to get to them? Trapped by an engulfed hallway? Please make sure that however you secure your child in the room, that it is very obvious (and quick) to free them. No one, esepcially firefighters, want a situation where there are unable to enter a child's room due to a locked door. Picture no visibility (even with flashlights), and thick gloves.

[tabegle]

Is there a difference between locking them in and locking them out of your room? What bad thing can happen by locking them in?

To me, it's just inherently wrong to lock a child in their bedroom. I totally get a parent's concern for sleep walkers and kids leaving the house in the middle of the night. I don't know how to address it; it hasn't been an issue for me. Maybe I'd feel differently otherwise. Every family has to figure things out for themselves. Honestly, I think I'd prefer to "not know." I know ignorance really isn't the right approach though.


Yeah, I'm curious about the facts of this, too. What accident happened that was caused by (or contributed by) the locked door?

I think what happened is a parent was changing a child's diaper on a high surface, and for the first time ever, the kid rolled off when the parent wasn't RIGHT THERE. Really sad. (DH's personal opinion was that this really was a good family with one bad judgement call). With the injuries involved, it was required that DCFS be called. When DCFS did a home visit, having the locks turned the wrong way on the bedrooms (for older siblings) was a "bad mark against them."

[chottumommy]

For their safety, I wouldn't mind doing it. For sleeptraining and such where the kids are crying and the door is locked, I wouldn't. I didn't ferberize either. Don't judge others but its not for us. We don't have locks on the kids bedroom (we didn't change it, came with the house).

[dogmom]

I do know when you have a foster child in maryland you may not lock them in their bedrooms. Its regulations. But you may also not have bunk beds for foster children no matter what the age.

I just had friends who had a foster child for 10 months. During their foster parents classes there are many things you can not do with a foster child, like for example never spanking. As it was explained to them it is one thing if one chooses to spank a 2 or a 3 yr old, or even just yell or raise voices, to your child they have an established relationship with you. Doing that to a foster child that has no relationship, had an unstable environment, having been exposed to abusive situations is very different. Likewise I can see how locking them in their bedroom is very different than choosing to do that for your own child for some period of time for safety. The moderators of the class were very clear that rules foster children were different. Like my male friend could not bathe their female 6 yo foster child. When his wife went out of town for work, he was the WAHP, I would help him out by supervising bath times. No one was going to drag him in for giving his 7 yo daughter a bath.

As far as fire issues. I can understand something that would slow down getting a door open, such as a slide or bolt lock. But a button lock that is turned out is what I think most parents use, or just a knob cover on the inside. I mean, I had to put window guards on my son's windows, and they were the recommended ones, but would slow me down in a fire also. I had to weigh relative risks there.

[squimp]

I have noticed some hook and eye type locks at the tops of bedroom doors on the outside when househunting. I always wondered why they were there, and it sort of gave me the chills, but now I understand better. We've never had to consider locking our DD in her room, so this thread has been enlightening.

[MMMommy]

I think what happened is a parent was changing a child's diaper on a high surface, and for the first time ever, the kid rolled off when the parent wasn't RIGHT THERE. Really sad. (DH's personal opinion was that this really was a good family with one bad judgement call). With the injuries involved, it was required that DCFS be called. When DCFS did a home visit, having the locks turned the wrong way on the bedrooms (for older siblings) was a "bad mark against them."

I am confused. Did the "locks turned the wrong way" have anything at all to do with the actual incident with the kid rolling off when the parent wasn't right there? Namely, did the kid roll off, the door was locked, and the parent could not get to the kid fast enough? Or was the "bad mark against them" because of the locks turned the wrong way merely incidental to the DCFS home visit? The way I interpreted it was that the locks had nothing to do with the kid falling off the high surface.

[kaharris83]

I think what happened is a parent was changing a child's diaper on a high surface, and for the first time ever, the kid rolled off when the parent wasn't RIGHT THERE. Really sad. (DH's personal opinion was that this really was a good family with one bad judgement call). With the injuries involved, it was required that DCFS be called. When DCFS did a home visit, having the locks turned the wrong way on the bedrooms (for older siblings) was a "bad mark against them."

In our house we've turned every doorknob that could lock from the inside out because DS1 locked himself in his room and I had to take his knob off to get him out once. So for us we had to turn our knobs that way to keep us from getting locked out of a room he was in. We don't lock him in his room though. We do use a gate at his door like I said earlier.

[tabegle]

I am confused. Did the "locks turned the wrong way" have anything at all to do with the actual incident with the kid rolling off when the parent wasn't right there? Namely, did the kid roll off, the door was locked, and the parent could not get to the kid fast enough? Or was the "bad mark against them" because of the locks turned the wrong way merely incidental to the DCFS home visit? The way I interpreted it was that the locks had nothing to do with the kid falling off the high surface.

Sorry for being confusing. The locks had nothing to do with the kid falling off the high surface.

[JBaxter]

Chance of house fire LOW Chance of Jack getting out and roaming the house or getting out of the house 6 nights out of 7. Wasn't a choice for us.
Okay, I'll address the fire issue. Please understand this is from a parent's perspective with non-escape artist children. DH and I are both former firefighters, and have seen first hand how insanely quick fire spreads. Every second matters. I want as few barriers between my child and I as possible. Anything that adds extra time on to me getting to my child is a negative in my book. I had not heard of flipping the door knob around, and with doors with locks that pop open when the knob is turned, fine. If my child escaped regularly I would be way more comfortable locking them in. Statically the odds of a house fire are low. I would absolutely take steps to prevent dangerous situations from occurring while I was sleeping. My good friend has a non-verbal, flight-risk autistic son. I totally get upping household security.

Yes, if at all possible, I know everyone one of us would run first to our child's room in case of a fire. However, what if you are overwhelmed with smoke? Physically unable to get to them? Trapped by an engulfed hallway? Please make sure that however you secure your child in the room, that it is very obvious (and quick) to free them. No one, esepcially firefighters, want a situation where there are unable to enter a child's room due to a locked door. Picture no visibility (even with flashlights), and thick gloves.

[Jen841]

We did it by putting on knob covers inside when they were boomerangs and would come out at nap/bed time as quickly as we put them down. Once asleep we would open the door. My kids require dark rooms to fall asleep so gates were not an option due to natural light in the house at nap and early bedtimes. In addition, at those times I needed to avoid eye contact with them and we could not find ones that fit snug enough for my little bulldozers.

All doors have squeak in our house when they open, and I refuse to put WD40 on them. I hope the squeaks get louder as they get older so I know their comings and goings :)

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm really lucky in that DD1 has always been an amazing sleeper since we moved her to a regular bed, so this has never been an issue for us. But I definitely would not judge another parent who might need to do something like this.