Thoughts on hosting a high school exchange student

[american_mama]

I'd like to hear people's stories and experiences hosting a high school foreign exchange student for a year. Specifically, I am curious about experiences arranging it directly with the foreign family rather than going through an organization, and expenses related to being a host.

The background is this: I have been friends for 25 years with a German man I met when HE was an exchange student in my hometown. I know him well: he and his wife and kids came to my wedding, DH and I have visited them in Germany twice, including once this year and I visited them on my own as well. I am considering offering for his teen daughter to be an exchange student at our house for a year. Their whole family is very internatinoal and is very talented linguistically, which is one reason I thought she might be interested in doing this.

My concerns are mostly about having a teenager in the house. That's just a phase of childhood I don't have a lot of current experience with. She;s also a very, very pretty teen who seemed from our spring visit to be very social and attract a lot of boy attention. I keep thinking that I'd be doing a lot of de facto parenting to this girl, or is that incorrect? Who does things like say aye or nay to social events, nights out, trips, electronics use, appropriate friends, etc. when you have a teen exchange student? Who comforts her if she's crying over loneliness? Would a teen feel odd being in a house with much younger children (mine are 11, 8, and 5 and the 5 year old is totally in love with her and would want to be with her all the time.)

Lastly, cost. How much would adding a teen to my house likely cost? There have been years in the past where we just couldn't have afforded to add another optional person, although I think we're in a much better place now. Who pays for things like big trips, new clohtes, fun purchases, etc? If an exchange student is placed through an organization, does the foreign family pay anything to the host family? If so, can you see the same thing being done in a private arrangement like I am discussing, or is that just too awkward?

DH is probably on board; I suggested this idea once to him and he said he'd been thinking the same thing. I just want some real life background.

[azzeps]

Hmm. It sounds exciting! But then come the logistics, and all the questions you are asking... maybe consider hosting her for a summer instead of an entire year? I think when you have the "safety net" of an organization, so to speak, the students receive some training before their arrival, and also have some support while they are abroad. And you have someone who can help if you have a homesick teen on your hands. At least that's how it was when I was an exchange student in HS, although I only went for 2 months in the summer. Also, how would she enroll in school? Is that the idea? I attended a HS with an international focus, so there were lots of exchange students and lots of support for them, but I'd imagine the average HS would not be so accommodating. It could be an awesome opportunity for your family, though. Hopefully someone here has actually done it! Or maybe consider a shorter visit... that could be less costly, less risky for all parties. Good luck!!

[o_mom]

A friend did something similar. I think their student only came for a semester, not a whole year. She had no real trouble with her socially or otherwise. She did say that she was disappointed that the student was not really a kid person and her kids were disappointed that she didn't want to spend much time with them (they were about the ages of your younger two). There was no issue enrolling her in our public HS and overall it didn't seem to be too bad for them. I don't know the financial arrangements they made, but I am pretty sure that she had her own spending money outside of paying for food.

[Momit]

No advice but I'm curious to read responses. We have also considered doing this with a friend's son, and also with 2 kids DS's age when the kids are older (like DS could go there for half the year then the 2 kids would come with us for half).

Not sure if there would be benefits to doing it through an agency and just requesting a specific child (if that's even possible) - I know for an au pair it gives them things like insurance etc.

[AnnieW625]

If I had the space I would do it in a heart beat. I knew a few families who did it in high school as host families and they had a marvelous time. I have found some of the exchange students I was friends with on Facebook as well. The families I knew who had daughters were in the same grade or at the same school so no other little kids at home. One family even did it twice. A friend of mine spent a summer in Sweden and loved it. My grandparents hosted a teen from Sweden in the late 70s and even though they had no kids in the house (well my uncle was in college) and my grandparents were in their 40s and early 50s it was still a great experience for them from what I have heard. Not every teenage exchange student turns out to be Long Duck Dong (http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjh3TxOHCxE);)

[mom2binsd]

I was an exchange student and it was one of the best years of my life. We hosted a boy from that country (Denmark) that I got to know through my exchange program. I would do it, but during the school year so she has access to lots of kids her own age, it would be difficult for you to provide a pool of teenagers for her to socialize with, and at school there are so many age appropriate activities.

Some things to consider. Costs, she will need a cellphone, computer access without risk of little kids deleting homework etc..., space of her own (I think your kids are too young to share a room with her).

I can post more later as to what made my host family so wonderful and what things my parents ran into with our exchange student (was 90% positive).