Birthday party: Food allergies question

[daisyd]

We're having DS1's first "real" birthday party (with friends invited) and we're serving a pizza lunch and cake. Do you routinely ask about food allergies when you host your child's birthday party? If you know some of the guests have food allergies how do you handle it?

One of the children at DS1 's party is from his K class. I know the mother slightly. She has said she'll bring the child's food. I know another of DS1's friend's is allergic as well. Should I reach out to this child's mother asking about the allergy and provide a separate meal for him? TIA!

[vonfirmath]

It would be nice. But don't be offended if she'd rather provide the meal herself. A lot of allergy parents would rather not Depend on someone else to navigate their allergy correctly, especially someone they know only slightly.

Depending on the severity of the allergy, it could matter whether you use the same utensil both in something containing the allergy and something that didn't! And, for gluten, whether your pans/cutting boards had EVER been used for something contain gluten.

And pizza is a hard one because it contains a lot of allergies and is not easy to "fake"

[AnnieW625]

I think it would be nice if you wanted to do so, but sometimes it is just easier for the parents. We have a set of twins who are siblings for one of DD1's classmates and when it was the classmate's birthday last year the mom brought food her twins, one of whom is gluten free. In general I usually try to bake home made nut free treats and I haven't had any issues, but then we know very few vegans, vegetarians or kids with food allergies.

You really could open up a can of worms on this because there are a million different options that for mainstream people like Rice Krispy treats, but try and serve one to a strict vegetarian or a vegan and they will say "no thanks" because marshmallows have gelatin, which is animal based. Some kids can't have chocolate or M&Ms due to food coloring or being vegan so if the chocolate chip or M&M cookies aren't made with natural food dyed colored chips or carob chips then that treat is out too. I am not trying to be snarky, but sometimes even the best attempts to provide a different meal for a food allergy or food sensitive kid can go horribly wrong and then you will have baked a separate meal or treat for nothing.

[Globetrotter]

I wait for the parents to bring it up, unless I already KNOW someone has an allergy. I avoid nuts unless I'm sure noone is allergic. Sometimes the parents will just bring something.


And, for gluten, whether your pans/cutting boards had EVER been used for something contain gluten.

I didn't know that about gluten. really?? wow

[Jacksmommy2b]

It is really sweet for you to think of offering a separate meal for the allergy kids :)

Only my baby has ana food allergies, but if we were invited somewhere I would just mention her allergies to the host when RSVPing just to be sure the host would not be offended if I brought food/cake for her.

Food allergies are such a pain and I would never expect a party host to try to accommodate her needs and TBH, I would be really hesitant to trust anyone to research or prepare her food.

[daisyd]

Thanks everyone. I feel better about taking up the mother's offer to bring something for the child.

[bigsis]

Food allergies are such a pain and I would never expect a party host to try to accommodate her needs and TBH, I would be really hesitant to trust anyone to research or prepare her food.
:yeahthat: There is a lot more to think than just the ingredients and it's hard to know/practice this unless (g)you walk this walk every single day.

FA moms are used to bringing their kid/s' own food at parties. Now if we see something that our child can partake, then we go for it, otherwise, we stick to our own.

[goldenpig]

That is really sweet of you. Not necessary, but nice of you to ask about allergies. Most FA parents will bring their own food for their kids. DS1 has a dairy allergy (intolerance, not anaphylactic) so I usually bring chicken nuggets and a vegan cupcake because he can't have pizza and cake. But I have to admit sometimes I'm in a rush and forget. :bag
One tip that can be helpful is if you're serving packaged snacks like crackers, cookies, chips etc., save the box so that the parent can look over the ingredients to see if their kid can have it or not. And I probably would avoid serving anything with nuts unless you know for sure there are no allergies.

[BabbyO]

Just reiterating what others have said. I almost always inform the parent that my kids have an allergy and I'll be providing food for them. That said, I try to find out what is being served so that I can match what the other kids are having as closely as possible. I definitely agree with goldenpig about keeping the boxes for ingredient lists.

[MamaMolly]

I think it would be nice if you wanted to do so, but sometimes it is just easier for the parents. We have a set of twins who are siblings for one of DD1's classmates and when it was the classmate's birthday last year the mom brought food her twins, one of whom is gluten free. In general I usually try to bake home made nut free treats and I haven't had any issues, but then we know very few vegans, vegetarians or kids with food allergies.

You really could open up a can of worms on this because there are a million different options that for mainstream people like Rice Krispy treats, but try and serve one to a strict vegetarian or a vegan and they will say "no thanks" because marshmallows have gelatin, which is animal based. Some kids can't have chocolate or M&Ms due to food coloring or being vegan so if the chocolate chip or M&M cookies aren't made with natural food dyed colored chips or carob chips then that treat is out too. I am not trying to be snarky, but sometimes even the best attempts to provide a different meal for a food allergy or food sensitive kid can go horribly wrong and then you will have baked a separate meal or treat for nothing.

As a FA mom I don't think you are being snarky at all. It is what it is, and you are absolutely right. Sometimes it feels like you might end up serving ice water if you try to eliminate any and everything that someone might be allergic to or want to avoid. :)

I used to bring all of Lula's food to parties. Now that she's outgrown egg and milk it is a lot easier to avoid just peanuts. I do police the food at parties and monitor what Lula gets served but that's my job, not the hosts.

[indigo99]

We had a mother ask what would be served at our party. It was kind of weird the way she did it though "will you be serving anything other than pizza and cake?" without mention of an allergy. DH said that was the problem though, and she did end up bringing them their own food. The other allergy kid just left halfway through (came and played and then left before the pizza, cake, and gifts).

[div_0305]

I'll add to the chorus as I felt the same way when we first started school parties. But all FA parents I know want to provide their child's food for the party--so much easier and safer! I'm a FA parent myself, but the allergens are not common, so the common choice of party food--pizza is fine for DS.

[AnnieW625]

We had a mother ask what would be served at our party. It was kind of weird the way she did it though "will you be serving anything other than pizza and cake?" without mention of an allergy. DH said that was the problem though, and she did end up bringing them their own food. The other allergy kid just left halfway through (came and played and then left before the pizza, cake, and gifts).

I know a now 6 yr. old who didn't start eating pizza until she was 5, and had my DD1 been offered hot dogs at a party before the age of 5 or 6 she would have completely declined as well. My DD1 doesn't like cake so she politely declines. Sometimes I think that if people ask about dietary issues then they assume there is a food allergy. I would never ask though if unless it was a food allergy reason. DD1 knew that if she didn't eat the food that was offered at the party she was SOL until we got home though.

[crl]

It is really sweet for you to think of offering a separate meal for the allergy kids :)

Only my baby has ana food allergies, but if we were invited somewhere I would just mention her allergies to the host when RSVPing just to be sure the host would not be offended if I brought food/cake for her.

Food allergies are such a pain and I would never expect a party host to try to accommodate her needs and TBH, I would be really hesitant to trust anyone to research or prepare her food.

I agree with this. When ds was allergic to milk, I just told the host that ds had allergies and asked if she would mind telling me what she planned to serve so I coul bring something similar for ds (if they were serving pizza, I would bring dairy free pizza, etc).

So nice of you to consider though. :)

Catherine

[BabbyO]

As a FA mom I don't think you are being snarky at all. It is what it is, and you are absolutely right. Sometimes it feels like you might end up serving ice water if you try to eliminate any and everything that someone might be allergic to or want to avoid. :)

I used to bring all of Lula's food to parties. Now that she's outgrown egg and milk it is a lot easier to avoid just peanuts. I do police the food at parties and monitor what Lula gets served but that's my job, not the hosts.

ITA. I never want to put the burden on the host/hostess for my child's allergies. I usually let them know just so they aren't taken by surprise or offended that we are providing our kid's food.

Even as a FA parent, I prefer if other people with dietary restrictions are either explicit about brands I can provide or that they provide their own food. My boys can eat off of shared utensils and plates - but I know others can't. My kitchen is not set up for super sensitive allergies and those who have anaphylactic reactions.