DS loves DH more

[psimpson3-5]

Lately it's been very clear that DS loves Daddy more. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. He calls for Daddy alllllllll the time. For example, just this morning DS was whining/crying for Daddy and arching his back when I was putting him in his car seat. What's worse is when DS wakes up overnight and I go in to help him get his water and find his pacifier (which typically gets him to go back to sleep), he hits me and cries for Daddy. DS refuses to let me comfort him. It's so bad in fact that when DH is traveling for work, DS won't to go back to sleep if he wakes overnight. On Wednesday DH was away for the night. DS kept me awake from 11:30PM - 1:30AM bc he woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep. Last night, DH was home thankfully, so when DS woke up around 11:00PM, DH went in to settle him. DS was saying "Daddy" over and over. DH said DS was upset bc he thought it was me and when DS realized it was DH he settled down. :irked:

Has this ever happened to you? Any thoughts on how to overcome this? I'm petrified bc DH is traveling again next week and will be away for 2 nights. I would like to get some sleep while DH is away. :help:

[lil_acorn]

I'm sorry -that can be so tough. We had that issue with DS for a while but in reverse. Everything was "no, mommy do it". Unfortunately I think it's just a phase and you have to wait it out. DS is much better now but it must have been 2 years that he was so mommycentric and is still like that 60% of the time.

[codex57]

It's normal. You'll get through it. Your kid might cry a little but he'll be fine. And it'll likely switch back and forth as to who his "favorite" is throughout the years. Soon enough, you'll be happy you're not the "favorite".

[AnnieW625]

It is just a phase. Your DS is not quite 18 months old. When your DH is gone he will revert back to you because he has no choice, but seriously both of my girls have gone through this phase many times in their life and I try my best not to let it bother me. I think it is completely natural and in fact I would be way more worried if they didn't have these feelings or daddy clingy-ness phases once in a while. I am sure my DH feels the same when it is reversed and they are in their mommy clingy-ness phase.

[hillview]

It's normal. You'll get through it. Your kid might cry a little but he'll be fine. And it'll likely switch back and forth as to who his "favorite" is throughout the years. Soon enough, you'll be happy you're not the "favorite".

:yeahthat:

[petesgirl]

I only wish this was our problem!! DS currently wants to be rocked all. night. Long due to a horrible cold and mom is the only one who can do it. I'm ready for daddy to be the favorite....

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm sorry. THis is a really normal situation though. I know my girls bounce back and forth over who they want. Currently DD1 is on a daddy phase and absolutely screams if I try to dress her. But it will pass and then he will be clinging to you constantly and you will long for the days when our DH could manage him.

Also, I would probably say somethign to my DH about saying things like "Oh, he was mad because he thought I was you but calmed down when he realized it was me." That is unkind and unnecessary.

[rin]

Piling on to say that it's totally normal, and that it will most likely switch up. DD1 was always a Mama's girl, and then recently (the past few months) she's been very into Daddy, only wants him to kiss her booboos, only wants him to snuggle her to sleep, etc. It stings, for sure, but at least in our family it really is just a phase!

Also, what we've done is that our girls get whoever comes in to them at night, and (unless they're sick or there's something that they seem genuinely upset about, in which case we soften up) they have to make do with that parent. DD2 in particular *really* only wants Mama these days, but sometimes she just has to make do with Daddy.

[psimpson3-5]

I'm sorry. THis is a really normal situation though. I know my girls bounce back and forth over who they want. Currently DD1 is on a daddy phase and absolutely screams if I try to dress her. But it will pass and then he will be clinging to you constantly and you will long for the days when our DH could manage him.

Also, I would probably say somethign to my DH about saying things like "Oh, he was mad because he thought I was you but calmed down when he realized it was me." That is unkind and unnecessary.

I think DH likes that DS prefers him over me. He likes rubbing it it. TBH, it realize it's just a phase, but it does hurt a little. I'm more annoyed about the lack of sleep. I wish there was something I could do to comfort him.

[rin]

I think DH likes that DS prefers him over me. He likes rubbing it it. TBH, it realize it's just a phase, but it does hurt a little. I'm more annoyed about the lack of sleep. I wish there was something I could do to comfort him.

At that age, I'm guessing your DS can understand a fair amount of what you say? I've had success when one of the girls is screaming (and I'm sure it's not because they're scared/hurt/etc) telling them that "Mama will go out if you keep yelling. Yelling hurts my ears. If you want me to stay in here, you need to stop yelling." My DD2 is a few months younger than your DS, and she understands this.

[indigo99]

Like pp, we have the opposite problem with me being the favorite of BOTH boys. Trust me, it's not much fun being the favorite. DH will just pace around while I'm frantically trying to get the boys ready for bed because they won't let him do anything. I have to do EVERYTHING. I can make deals with DS1, and he'll let DH put on the PJs if I'll brush his teeth. DH gets upset about it and doesn't feel needed. He says it comes across like a punishment/reward (let daddy do X and I'll reward you by doing Y), but of course that isn't how I say or mean it. I don't know what else I can do. DS2 just screams and wants me to do everything regardless. However, DH says that he acts much better with him when I'm not around. Things may be better while your DH is gone because DS won't be able to insist on having him do everything.

[TxCat]

Yup, it's a phase and will continue to cycle back and forth regularly. We often tell DD1 that she is stuck with whatever parent is there. If she keeps screaming, we walk out, and then she is usually ready for the parent that is there (ie, non-preferred parent is better than no parent).

:hug:

[BabbyO]

Like pp, we have the opposite problem with me being the favorite of BOTH boys. Trust me, it's not much fun being the favorite. DH will just pace around while I'm frantically trying to get the boys ready for bed because they won't let him do anything. I have to do EVERYTHING. I can make deals with DS1, and he'll let DH put on the PJs if I'll brush his teeth. DH gets upset about it and doesn't feel needed. He says it comes across like a punishment/reward (let daddy do X and I'll reward you by doing Y), but of course that isn't how I say or mean it. I don't know what else I can do. DS2 just screams and wants me to do everything regardless. However, DH says that he acts much better with him when I'm not around. Things may be better while your DH is gone because DS won't be able to insist on having him do everything.

Indigo, we are living the same life, aren't we? Stachio is 1 mo older than your DS1....our DS2's are the same age...and DH HATES when I bargain to get a break from doing EVERYTHING! I can't stand the screaming at bedtime so ANYTHING to stop the bickering between Stachio and DH or Stachio and Peanut...

OP - It is likely a phase, but perhaps it isn't. Stachio is 4 and still hasn't chosen Daddy as his favorite yet in our house. I think some kids just connect better with one parent. I can see that Stachio will probably always connect a little better with me - because he is EXACTLY like DH so they can clash. Whereas my personality is probably more complimentary to Stachio's.

I'm certain it is hurtful to have your child choose your DH over you...but hang in there. Hopefully things will start to change where your DS will accept your help when you're the only one around. I know my DH says that if I'm not there they are totally fine, hopefully you will start seeing that soon.

[trcy]

It's normal. You'll get through it. Your kid might cry a little but he'll be fine. And it'll likely switch back and forth as to who his "favorite" is throughout the years. Soon enough, you'll be happy you're not the "favorite".
Well said! DD went through a daddy only phase, it broke my heart. But she got over it and now I think DH & I are equal....depends on the day. Anyway, totally normal and it will pass. When I posted about her favoring DH here, someone said I should enjoy the break, so true. :hug: I know it stings though.

[codex57]

I only wish this was our problem!! DS currently wants to be rocked all. night. Long due to a horrible cold and mom is the only one who can do it. I'm ready for daddy to be the favorite....

I'm currently DD's favorite. Last night, she actually cried for mommy. At 3am. Let's just say I was happy to let mom be the favorite that time.

[crayonblue]

DD1 was very clingy to me for years and would push DH away. It always bothered DH but he kept trying. Now, DD3 is very much a daddy's girl and would be happy to have me out of the house most of the time! Funny how that doesn't bother me in the least. Probably because I paid my dues of being the "favorite" and now DH gets his turn!

OP, It can be really hard. But, it is a phase and it will change, I promise.

[sariana]

For the travel, would it help for Daddy to leave behind a lovey for your DS to take care of? Maybe if your DS is busy comforting Daddy's special teddy bear (or whatever), he will forget to cry for himself.

Before your DH leaves, he can explain to your DS that "bear" needs someone special to take care of him while Daddy is away. When your DS wakes at night, you can have "bear" ready to hand to him (if he's not already sleeping with him) and remind him that Daddy needs him (DS) to take care of "bear."

Military families do this. If your DS is able to understand, he also can give Daddy a special toy to take along on his trip(s).

We learned this tip from Elmo before DH deployed. So a bit different, but I don't see why it wouldn't work for short trips, too.

[AngB]

I think you work iirc but could you maybe do something really fun, just you two, as a bonding day before DH leaves? (Like the zoo or toy train store would be DS1's top picks.) I am the favorite x2 as well, but it really helps when DH and DS spend time together doing something really fun, just the two of them. I mean, I'm naturally the favorite I think right now because I SAHM and the boys spend 90% of their time alone with me. Little outings with the two of them seem to help them connect a lot better though, not to say that you aren't connected but I have noticed it helps in our case.

[BabbyO]

For the travel, would it help for Daddy to leave behind a lovey for your DS to take care of? Maybe if your DS is busy comforting Daddy's special teddy bear (or whatever), he will forget to cry for himself.

Before your DH leaves, he can explain to your DS that "bear" needs someone special to take care of him while Daddy is away. When your DS wakes at night, you can have "bear" ready to hand to him (if he's not already sleeping with him) and remind him that Daddy needs him (DS) to take care of "bear."

Military families do this. If your DS is able to understand, he also can give Daddy a special toy to take along on his trip(s).

We learned this tip from Elmo before DH deployed. So a bit different, but I don't see why it wouldn't work for short trips, too.

Ohh...good point. Last year when DH was gone on a holiday - Valentine's Day, I think. He went out and got one of those books that you can record your voice reading and gave it to the boys. It was a huge hit. (A bit pricey, though). Maybe something like that would be a nice comfort when your DH is gone.

[mackmama]

We were in a similar (but reversed) situation where DC was really favoring me over DH. DC would cry when DH came home from work, would tell DH to leave the room, wouldn't want much to do with DH at all. We started having DH do the nighttime routine with DC (I had been doing it for awhile), and I think that helped. Around that time my back started hurting a lot, too, so I was also having DH lift/carry DC instead of doing it myself. DC definitely resisted at first ("Up with Mama, not Dada") but eventually went to DH and that's really helped too. Maybe you could take over a few things that your DH normally does with your DS? As others have said, I think it's so normal to favor one parent over the other at different life stages. It can be hard not being the favorite - and it can also be challenging being the favorite!