lmintzer
09-22-2013, 11:53 AM
I still don't feel comfortable posting some of the details here (just because this is so public), but I could use some support. I have had a horrible year personally. I've had some medical problems (which are manageable but were very stressful at first) and other issues that have left me feeling lonely and unappreciated.
My birthday is coming up next week, and I'm finding that it's bringing a lot of feelings up for me again. I remember so hoping last year that by this birthday, I would be in a better place. And I'm really not.
On top of that, my kids' schedules/extra-curriculars are killing me this fall. I know that the fall is the busiest time, and it will all calm down some come November. But right now, my older son has literally 15 hours/week of soccer (combination of Travel and school 7th grade team). My 4th grader also plays Travel soccer. Both boys have piano and each play a 2nd instrument. Both have religious school--on somewhat different schedules, considering that my older son is preparing for his Bar Mitzvah in April. Which is SUPER exciting and special, and there are aspects of planning which are really fun (see my post in the Lounge). But that upcoming big event is not only a ton of work--like planning a wedding in some regards--but brings up some family issues and challenges that will be very difficult. Not to mention, my oldest is intense, so making sure he keeps himself together while so busy is a lot of emotional work in itself. Yes, I could have said no to school soccer, but it's something he really wanted to try. So I decided to let him--he knows is this is a "test run," and if it's too much, then no more school sports in the near future.
I have been a stay-at-home-mom for my boys for the last 8 years (since moving cross country), leaving behind what could have been quite a good career as a clinical psychologist. I may go back to work at some point, but I am overwhelmed thinking about how this would fit in. I am a very involved mom, and I do not want to give this up. Time is passing more quickly than I would like. They are growing up too quickly! However, I never expected the amount of negativity I experience about being so highly educated and choosing to stay home. Sometimes the criticism comes from people in my life whom I would have hoped would support me--sometimes it comes from--get this--our plumber (?!?), the nextdoor neighbor (?!). Really? It's often kind of indirect criticism--just those comments that hurt just a little. I guess on some level I, too, must be conflicted, or they wouldn't hurt as much. It's just hard to believe that there are some out there who literally feel that I'm failing to make a contribution to this world.
My birthday is coming up next week, and I'm finding that it's bringing a lot of feelings up for me again. I remember so hoping last year that by this birthday, I would be in a better place. And I'm really not.
On top of that, my kids' schedules/extra-curriculars are killing me this fall. I know that the fall is the busiest time, and it will all calm down some come November. But right now, my older son has literally 15 hours/week of soccer (combination of Travel and school 7th grade team). My 4th grader also plays Travel soccer. Both boys have piano and each play a 2nd instrument. Both have religious school--on somewhat different schedules, considering that my older son is preparing for his Bar Mitzvah in April. Which is SUPER exciting and special, and there are aspects of planning which are really fun (see my post in the Lounge). But that upcoming big event is not only a ton of work--like planning a wedding in some regards--but brings up some family issues and challenges that will be very difficult. Not to mention, my oldest is intense, so making sure he keeps himself together while so busy is a lot of emotional work in itself. Yes, I could have said no to school soccer, but it's something he really wanted to try. So I decided to let him--he knows is this is a "test run," and if it's too much, then no more school sports in the near future.
I have been a stay-at-home-mom for my boys for the last 8 years (since moving cross country), leaving behind what could have been quite a good career as a clinical psychologist. I may go back to work at some point, but I am overwhelmed thinking about how this would fit in. I am a very involved mom, and I do not want to give this up. Time is passing more quickly than I would like. They are growing up too quickly! However, I never expected the amount of negativity I experience about being so highly educated and choosing to stay home. Sometimes the criticism comes from people in my life whom I would have hoped would support me--sometimes it comes from--get this--our plumber (?!?), the nextdoor neighbor (?!). Really? It's often kind of indirect criticism--just those comments that hurt just a little. I guess on some level I, too, must be conflicted, or they wouldn't hurt as much. It's just hard to believe that there are some out there who literally feel that I'm failing to make a contribution to this world.