Which is better as a bridesmaid in an out-of-state wedding, pregnant or with newborn?

[babystuffbuff]

Our pregnancy plans are on a collision course with my sister's wedding next fall, in which I am a bridesmaid. I will be flying from the east coast to the midwest and participating in the usual rehearsal dinner/ceremony/pictures/reception, plus it is a tradition in our culture to have a big family party the day after the wedding as well. DH will be there for the actual wedding day, but may or may not be able to attend the other events due to work, so I could end up traveling one or both ways on my own.

I would think it would be better to be pregnant, as long as it's still early enough for me to safely fly - babies are so much more portable when they're still inside! And I wouldn't have to deal with nursing/leaking, not to mention that it will be the start of flu season and I'll be with a lot of extended family who would want to snuggle the new kiddo. But the idea of holding off even longer than we already have kind of bums me out and while I dearly love my sister and am happy to participate in her special day, I don't necessarily want to let her wedding direct my life that much. I'm sure my mother would much prefer her grandchild to be on the outside since we don't see them that often, but she doesn't get a vote. :P

I obviously know my control over this is very, very limited, BUT I'm a planner by nature and I would appreciate any thoughts. It seems problematic either way - though I'm sure it will be completely fine no matter how it works out and I will have stressed over nothing. TIA!

[georgiegirl]

I was the matron if honor in my sisters wedding when DS was 10 weeks old. It worked out fine, but the wedding wasn't formal or anything.

[rin]

I would not plan my pregnancy around my sister's wedding; so much can happen and who knows if the wedding will end up happening on schedule, who knows if you'll be able to get pregnant quickly, etc. I would make my family plans according to my own family's needs/goals and then figure out the wedding details later.

[mikala]

I would not plan my pregnancy around my sister's wedding; so much can happen and who knows if the wedding will end up happening on schedule, who knows if you'll be able to get pregnant quickly, etc. I would make my family plans according to my own family's needs/goals and then figure out the wedding details later.

Well said. You never know what life will bring. Even if you were to somehow conceive exactly on schedule you never know what timetable baby will follow.

[KrisM]

I would not plan my pregnancy around my sister's wedding; so much can happen and who knows if the wedding will end up happening on schedule, who knows if you'll be able to get pregnant quickly, etc. I would make my family plans according to my own family's needs/goals and then figure out the wedding details later.

I agree with this, other than I would probably take the month off of trying to conceive that would make me 9 months at the wedding. I wouldn't worry about 8 month pregnant or 1 month baby.

[DualvansMommy]

I wouldn't plan the pregnancy around your sister's wedding. a lot can happen, and you won't know until you start trying (if you haven't already) dh & i had a lot of trouble conceiving for years before getting fertility assistance, so there was couple of years prior saying we wanted to wait as i thought it would be easy getting pregnant!

[Tondi G]

I agree with this, other than I would probably take the month off of trying to conceive that would make me 9 months at the wedding. I wouldn't worry about 8 month pregnant or 1 month baby.

I agree with this too. If things happen right away then you'll have an infant... if they take a little longer than you anticipate then you'll be pregnant. I wouldn't plan growing my family around another persons wedding. It will all work out either way. Good Luck TTC!

[MamaMolly]

In a perfect world where you could plan all this stuff out I'd go pregnant but not past30 weeks or so. I know others have flown up to or past their due date but this is MY perfect world, so they don't get a vote. ;) I flew with Lula when I was 32 weeks and she came early at 36 weeks. We were moving, and I had no choice in the matter as far as dates because it was an international flight and the airline wouldn't let me fly later than 32 weeks. With Dolly I flew at 36 weeks (yes, very anxious!) but it was only for about an hour flight. She came on her due date.

Having had a surprise preemie (perfectly normal healthy pregnancy, no signs of early labor), I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if she'd been born in a city away from my DH and my home. We only ended up staying an extra 3 days in the NICU but there are mamas here who've been through much, much longer NICU stays. You need to take the medical care you can receive at the city of the wedding venue. Just in case, God forbid.

The thing about having a newborn is that they are precious and EVERYONE will want to touch and snuggle. If your baby gets a fever over 101.4 and is less than a month old the doctors will automatically admit the child to the hospital, and the baby will have to get a spinal tap, urine catheter, blood drawn, and an IV. We learned this the terrifying way when my sister brought my sick niece :irked: to visit Dolly when she was 21 days old and she caught niece's cold. It was a harrowing and expensive three days in the hospital. Thank God for our insurance because it was something like $20K. For a cold. Plus all the trauma the baby had to go through.

So my perfect world would be that you are about 20 weeks and nicely round so that everyone can enjoy patting the belly and you and baby are nice and safe.

[bisous]

If you could plan it out perfectly I'd MUCH rather go pregnant than with a newborn. My babies are ever so compliant when they are still in the womb, lol and NOT so much as littles. Like others mentioned it does get tricky to plan it just right though and everybody is different. My SIL is a mess while pregnant while pregnancies are relatively easy for me. On the other hand, I'm a total mess postpartum for MONTHS while she just bounces around a few days after birth...

[bostonsmama]

I would rather start trying now and have a 3-month-old during her wedding. By then you'll have shed some baby weight, your child will be that much closer to sleeping through the night, and everyone will want to hold him/her, so you'll get plenty of free time to mingle and support your sister! I would never do a wedding within 1.5 months before or after my due date (before you can't fly, and after you're puffy, feel fat, and look like death warmed over from sleep deprivation). I looked and felt great 3 mos post partum! I've even flown w/ a 3-mo-old, and it's super easy. They just sleep and nurse/drink bottles. You could even have a cocktail or two (pump/dump if nursing) to celebrate. To me, pregnancy is such a risky time of potential side-lining nausea, bed-rest, pre-term labor, doctor's appts, etc...and depending on how early/late in fall the wedding is, I wouldn't worry too much about sick people coming to a wedding. I took my DD Black Friday shopping just days after birth, and we hit all the Christmas parties, traveled in February across the continent...and DD never got sick. Slings and breastfeeding are great for that.

[babystuffbuff]

The thing about having a newborn is that they are precious and EVERYONE will want to touch and snuggle. If your baby gets a fever over 101.4 and is less than a month old the doctors will automatically admit the child to the hospital, and the baby will have to get a spinal tap, urine catheter, blood drawn, and an IV. We learned this the terrifying way when my sister brought my sick niece :irked: to visit Dolly when she was 21 days old and she caught niece's cold.

I'm sorry you had that experience. :( I work at a children's hospital, so I'm well aware of the dangers of colds, RSV, etc. in newborns. We get those cases in our NICU all the time in the colder months. Another reason not to go with a young one.


I would rather start trying now and have a 3-month-old during her wedding.

That is a good idea - but to make things even more complicated, we are traveling overseas next summer and I don't want to be past my second trimester at that point. The airlines have restrictions on international travel during later pregnancy, and plus it just sounds miserable and risky. I got very sick while traveling last year and ended up in the ER in Paris, which is not an experience I'm eager to repeat. Even if I got pregnant tomorrow, that would give me a June due date and we are leaving July 1.

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone.

[citymama]

I cannot emphasize/agree enough with the advice that you should not plan your pregnancy around the wedding. Do not even think about it. Seriously. Go make a baby when you and your DH are ready - nothing else matters! I still regret delaying both kids due to extended family/job considerations - although happy of course that we ended up with the kids we have!

[Philly Mom]

In your situation with a trip to Europe planned and a sister's wedding, I think you need to wait until you will be at most 28 weeks at the wedding. If you try now, you will collide with your trip to Europe and possibly be too far along to travel or have a baby with no passport. There doesn't seem like a perfect date that could magically appear so that you aren't at risk for giving birth right around your sister's wedding. Since you knew about the wedding first, there will be hard feelings if you miss it because you are too far along. I missed my brother's wedding because I was too pregnant and it was on the other coast. I was pregnant well before he set the date and I was upset that he made the date after I could travel. Fwiw, my BFF took her newborn and two other kids to her sister's wedding when the baby was a couple weeks old. She brought her mil with her to help out so she could be part if the wedding celebrations. She had no problems and thought it was pretty easy. The wedding required a 2 hour car drive so she was not at home for it.

[calebsmama03]

DD was 7 weeks old at my sister's wedding, out of state (1200 miles away) and it was just fine. I used Lilypads breast pads to keep the leakage under control (and had sposie pads on as back up) and just nursed shortly before wedding and took several breaks during reception in the bride's "suite". It was no problem at all. I also had borrowed a fancy sling to use for holding her.