boolady
10-04-2013, 01:37 PM
I know that I'm always complaining about my FIL. I know. And this probably isn't the biggest thing in the world to be getting so worked up about, but I am keyed up. I just need to get it out somewhere.
DH tells me on Wednesday night, his birthday, that he wants to invite FIL over for dinner this weekend because he was talking to FIL, and FIL "wants to come over to celebrate his birthday with him and wants to see DD." Ok, fine. I get the wanting to see DD, that's very nice. The "wanting to come over to celebrate with DH" is interesting, since it doesn't involve inviting us to his house, it apparently only involves inviting himself to our house. Ok, I can deal. I guess he's "celebrating" with DH even though he didn't get DH a card and doesn't get him a gift, even though we are expected to do both for FIL. I am convinced that this is because FIL's birthday is in a week and he's really hoping that we're "celebrating" him as well. So I really don't mind him coming over for dinner, even though I don't think his motives are pure.
Last night I ask DH if he extended the invite. He says yes, for dinner on Saturday, then tells me that FIL said he'll arrive at our place "between 1:30 and 3:00." Here's where I start steaming. First of all, DH, I told you that DD has a soccer game at noon, so at 1:30, should FIL actually show up in his estimated time frame (more on that in a sec), we'll be walking back in the door, having not even had lunch yet. Second of all, pardon me, but WTF am I supposed to do to entertain FIL from 1:30 until dinner and beyond? He comes over, expects nothing but completely undivided attention from DD, as if she's still a baby who can sit on his lap, and gets pissy if she wants to go play. Buddy, she's almost 7. It's a good thing that she likes to play and doesn't want to sit and watch car racing with you. He can't accept this though, and will tell her that she's not being nice and not spending time with him. If we were talking about a 1/2 or 45 minutes of uninterrupted time, I'd agree with him. Five, six, hours and beyond? Not so much.
So I ask DH how it came to be that FIL is coming for dinner at 1:30, and doesn't that create a logistical problem since I don't even know what I'm going to make for dinner yet, and probably would have used the time from post-game lunch until what I thought was normal arrival time for dinner to go shopping and get dinner started. He says that that's when FIL said he was coming. DH's inability to deal directly with his father is unbelievable. Why can he just not say, "How about heading over around 3 or 3:30?" No. FIL gets to invite himself over AND set the timetable for everyone's day.
Finally, and I know this is probably long and boring, but time frames and FIL mean nothing. So, since he set 1:30 as the early limit, someone will have to stay home that entire time when in reality he could appear anywhere between 1:30 and 4:00. As a family with two WOH parents, this is the killer. We really only have our weekends together, and now it will be spent playing the "where is FIL" guessing game. I'm not sure why FIL can't nail down his arrival time to, say, an hour window, since most repair techs can. As usual, we're all subject to whatever he feels like doing when he gets up tomorrow. It's going to be a beautiful day, and we'll all spend it at home, waiting on FIL.
And am I totally nuts? (That's somewhat rhetorical...) I said to DH, "Well, that means that I'd better make sure I have some snacks for FIL around, don't you think?" and he said no. Really? Can you imagine being a guest at someone else's house for potentially five hours before the meal and not being offered something? I guess I'm being too rigid. I just really didn't anticipate essentially serving him two meals and having the entire day taken up by his coming for dinner at his own invitation. I'm tired of it, and I'm tired of it causing tension between DH and me, which it always does. I'm sure I need to let it go, but he's a very difficult and high-maintenance guest, and he makes me tense. Rant over.
ETA: I know this post has way too many quotation marks.
DH tells me on Wednesday night, his birthday, that he wants to invite FIL over for dinner this weekend because he was talking to FIL, and FIL "wants to come over to celebrate his birthday with him and wants to see DD." Ok, fine. I get the wanting to see DD, that's very nice. The "wanting to come over to celebrate with DH" is interesting, since it doesn't involve inviting us to his house, it apparently only involves inviting himself to our house. Ok, I can deal. I guess he's "celebrating" with DH even though he didn't get DH a card and doesn't get him a gift, even though we are expected to do both for FIL. I am convinced that this is because FIL's birthday is in a week and he's really hoping that we're "celebrating" him as well. So I really don't mind him coming over for dinner, even though I don't think his motives are pure.
Last night I ask DH if he extended the invite. He says yes, for dinner on Saturday, then tells me that FIL said he'll arrive at our place "between 1:30 and 3:00." Here's where I start steaming. First of all, DH, I told you that DD has a soccer game at noon, so at 1:30, should FIL actually show up in his estimated time frame (more on that in a sec), we'll be walking back in the door, having not even had lunch yet. Second of all, pardon me, but WTF am I supposed to do to entertain FIL from 1:30 until dinner and beyond? He comes over, expects nothing but completely undivided attention from DD, as if she's still a baby who can sit on his lap, and gets pissy if she wants to go play. Buddy, she's almost 7. It's a good thing that she likes to play and doesn't want to sit and watch car racing with you. He can't accept this though, and will tell her that she's not being nice and not spending time with him. If we were talking about a 1/2 or 45 minutes of uninterrupted time, I'd agree with him. Five, six, hours and beyond? Not so much.
So I ask DH how it came to be that FIL is coming for dinner at 1:30, and doesn't that create a logistical problem since I don't even know what I'm going to make for dinner yet, and probably would have used the time from post-game lunch until what I thought was normal arrival time for dinner to go shopping and get dinner started. He says that that's when FIL said he was coming. DH's inability to deal directly with his father is unbelievable. Why can he just not say, "How about heading over around 3 or 3:30?" No. FIL gets to invite himself over AND set the timetable for everyone's day.
Finally, and I know this is probably long and boring, but time frames and FIL mean nothing. So, since he set 1:30 as the early limit, someone will have to stay home that entire time when in reality he could appear anywhere between 1:30 and 4:00. As a family with two WOH parents, this is the killer. We really only have our weekends together, and now it will be spent playing the "where is FIL" guessing game. I'm not sure why FIL can't nail down his arrival time to, say, an hour window, since most repair techs can. As usual, we're all subject to whatever he feels like doing when he gets up tomorrow. It's going to be a beautiful day, and we'll all spend it at home, waiting on FIL.
And am I totally nuts? (That's somewhat rhetorical...) I said to DH, "Well, that means that I'd better make sure I have some snacks for FIL around, don't you think?" and he said no. Really? Can you imagine being a guest at someone else's house for potentially five hours before the meal and not being offered something? I guess I'm being too rigid. I just really didn't anticipate essentially serving him two meals and having the entire day taken up by his coming for dinner at his own invitation. I'm tired of it, and I'm tired of it causing tension between DH and me, which it always does. I'm sure I need to let it go, but he's a very difficult and high-maintenance guest, and he makes me tense. Rant over.
ETA: I know this post has way too many quotation marks.