Update in #10: Let's see if this lasts - family chore list

[niccig]

We've stopped having a cleaner come every 2 weeks. I told DH that meant we would need to talk about splitting up the cleaning. Fine he said, but I really think he thought I would pick up the slack. Today I called a family meeting with DH and DS. I outlined what needs to get done daily, weekly, biweekly. It's just the basics to keep the house somewhat clean, no big projects like the windows.

We're discussing who will do what. At one point I had more than DH or DS and big things like the bathroom and the kitchen (I don't mind doing those as particular about how they are done). I said how I can't do much more as some nights I'm only getting 4 hours of sleep because of school work. DS pipes in with "yes and we don't want you to get less sleep." DS chose the laundry (clothes, sheets and towels) with help from DH with the clothes (DS can do sheets/towels on his own), mopping kitchen floor and pooper scooping. Then when discussing dusting, DS says "we should all do that so we can get it done more quickly then do something fun as a family." DH could hardly say no after that. DS was all eager to take things on, DH less eager.

I made it very clear I am not picking up the slack and I am not nagging. I'll remind DS of his jobs and will help as he needs it (eg making the beds), but I am not doing their jobs.

I'll report back on how it's going..

[WatchingThemGrow]

Wow! That's awesome! Did you write it up? How is everyone going to keep track of their stuff?

[ArizonaGirl]

:popc1:

I will be subscribing to this thread to see if it works, I may have to try this at home...

[niccig]

Wow! That's awesome! Did you write it up? How is everyone going to keep track of their stuff?

I put the list on the fridge in a sheet protector in 3 columns for daily, weekly and biweekly, with everyone's name beside the chore they're responsible for. I'll write the dates for each week and then we can cross off when we have finished something with a marker pen. I know I'll have to remind them as first time with regular chore list.

If they don't hold up their end of the bargain, then I think I'll stop doing my chores - I'm responsible for all grocery shopping and cooking. I plan to have another meeting to assess how it's going and tweak as necessary.

I cannot do everything, there just isn't enough hours in the day. And honestly, both of them have had it very easy. DS is 8.5 and I was doing way more at that age. My family never had a cleaner. DH has had a house cleaner for longer than I've known him. Well, we can't afford it right now, so we all need to pitch in.

[niccig]

:popc1:

I will be subscribing to this thread to see if it works, I may have to try this at home...

I'm expecting push back for the next few weeks. DS is still excited. He got up from the table, and stripped the sheets off our bed and put them in the washing machine. He made the bed with clean sheets without any help. Later in the day he was ready to go to his sleepover and I told him I wasn't driving him until he picked up all the toys in the family room so Daddy can vacuum tomorrow and the sheets were ready to go into the dryer. He complained. I told him he needed to do his jobs before fun time. He did it.

I think DH will be more difficult. I can't remember the last time he vacuumed. Tomorrow the two of them need to do the laundry. I'm to do the bathroom, mop all the hardwood floors and grocery shop.

I'm going to have to stay on top of both of them with reminders and help direct as needed. I'm also giving up control over when things get done in the week and how it gets done. Eg. they may not dust as well as I do, but it'll be better than nothing.

[niccig]

Day 1.
I cleaned the bathrooms and did a really quick dust of family room, DS and DH put the laundry on and we folded it all together - much faster with 3 people! DH showed DS how to pooper scoop, then DH vacuumed then I did the hardwood floors. DS wants to mop the kitchen floor. Then we're done. I'm hoping we'll get more done here and there during the week so not so much on 1 weekend day.

DS complained a bit, but got in and did it w/o too much fussing.

[craftysierra]

Sounds great! My husband is transitioning to a more consistent schedule and with our new house we need a new plan I love the idea of lists in sheet protectors on the fridge. I think I will borrow this idea.

Sierra

[niccig]

1 week
DS needed some prodding to do his cleaning chores. DH didn't, he did the laundry and vacuumed. I need to work with DS on the 15 min pick-up at end of each day, as that really helps to keep things tidy. Today he lost some toys and will only get them back if picks up tomorrow evening w/o a fight.

This weekend is our biweekly list + weekly, so it's a lot more to do. We need to split the biweekly into 2 lists and alternate the lists, so it's not so much on one weekend.

[hillview]

wow well that is hopeful nice work mama!

[niccig]

Update.
We still have our family chore list and it's working out OK. Some weekends we don't get everything done due to being busy, so things get moved to the next week. I still need to tell DH and DS that we need to get things done. I normally say "this weekend we need to do x, y,z " and I try to not nag, but I'll remind them if it's Sunday morning and still on the list. I hate being the "driver", but I'm starting to realize I need to accept this role for the time being. DS isn't old enough to remember to do these things, and it's not on DH's radar at all - though I am hoping with time that both will start to take initiative.

We have some bigger projects that I just can't do myself. DS and DH helped with cleaning outside windows. When I talked about doing it, I didn't give the option of helping or not, my wording was "WE need to clean the windows". Previously, I would have done it on my own and it would have taken a full day. With their help, it was 2.5 hours. I made sure to tell them how their help made it much quicker and that I just don't have the time to do it all myself anymore. Some grumbling from DH, but it got done. DS asked if he got more allowance, I said no as *I* don't get paid to wash the windows. It's part of our family jobs.

I wouldn't say our house is any cleaner, we still have a lot of things that need to get picked up and we've had weeks when it's too messy, but I'm learning to live with that as we do get things done when we have time. And even with the cleaner, the house would get messy between her visits. I need to be better about a daily pick-up. We've been busy since just before Christmas, so this weekend will be clean up time to get all the decorations put away and the house cleaned.