What is it with men commenting on my choice for reconstruction?

[Binkandabee]

It SERIOUSLY pisses me off. My boss and my ob/gyn both have made snide comments recently about my reconstruction. My boss said that if he were me, he wouldn't do reconstruction at all and my Dr. said I was vain for doing reconstruction. Where do these men get off questioning my decision and talking to me like that? I never asked to be put in this position, I was plenty happy with what I had. Granted, it's taken 3 surgeries thus far and may take one final one.....but, I'm darn picky at this point. Given given the fact that my breasts are totally numb, I am not going to settle....they are going to look phenomenal. That's my trade off. I don't think that unreasonable at 36 years old.

[petesgirl]

Um, yeah, a big MYOB to both of them!!!

[niccig]

It SERIOUSLY pisses me off. My boss and my ob/gyn both have made snide comments recently about my reconstruction. My boss said that if he were me, he wouldn't do reconstruction at all and my Dr. said I was vain for doing reconstruction. Where do these men get off questioning my decision and talking to me like that? I never asked to be put in this position, I was plenty happy with what I had. Granted, it's taken 3 surgeries thus far and may take one final one.....but, I'm darn picky at this point. Given given the fact that my breasts are totally numb, I am not going to settle....they are going to look phenomenal. That's my trade off. I don't think that unreasonable at 36 years old.

WTF!!! Your boss should not be commenting on your breasts at all. And you OB/GYN should keep his PERSONAL opinion to himself!

How about I dumbfounded look and a "I beg your pardon. Are you criticizing my choice about MY breasts?"

I'm sorry.

[mommylamb]

That is such ass hole behavior! I'm sorry, but if you were just having your boobs done and hadn't had cancer, it wouldn't be any of their business. It's seriously terrible that they're making these comments under the circumstances.

[Binkandabee]

I did manage to retort to my boss a snippy "....says the 73 year old man". With my Dr., I just turned and walked away and do not plan to go back to him ever again. He was acting like a crazy person at that appointment. The reconstruction comment was the last of a string of inappropriate comments he made to me that day. I think he's lost his mind!

[abh5e8]

yep, totally uncalled for and rude. i'm sure your boss is just miffed at your time off work (would be my guess) as my boss is always annoyed anytime i ask to use MY paid time off, for any reason. i would not go back to a doctor that sat and told me to my face that i was vain. i'm sorry they are treating yout that way!!!!

[BunnyBee]

That's disgusting. I'd file a complaint with the medical board over the doctor. The boss, whoa, inappropriate! If he doesn't normally act like an ass... But just WHOA! Maybe re-address the issue with him directly Monday?

I'm so sorry.

[crl]

That's awful. Both of them should be ashamed of themselves. :hug:

Catherine

[Indianamom2]

That's awful. Both of them should be ashamed of themselves. :hug:

Catherine

I'm not a very reactionary person, but in both scenarios, their conduct is absolutely horrendous. Neither man (or any woman) has ANY right to make any comments like this. I would absolutely NEVER go back to that doctor...unless it would be to ask him if it would be "vain" for him to get reconstructive surgery if his p**** was removed. I bet he'd have a different opinion! I'm sorry you've been treated like that.

[crayonblue]

I cannot believe anyone would question you. CANNOT believe it. And I totally agree...I would go for the most amazing pair imaginable!

[BabyBearsMom]

Tell your boss that is sexual harassment. Ridiculous!

[Seitvonzu]

you deserve hot boobies! they deserve .....well, let's just say they probably aren't going to get it--but UGH. gross. shut up men!

[TwinFoxes]

I don't know if I've ever actually told someone to shut the F*** up, but boy if there was ever a time to do so! Unbelievable. Good for you for getting bodacious ta-tas!

[JBaxter]

I would be kicking some ass. Damn straight you deserve hot boobies.

[elektra]

Whoa. That is seriously effed up. I am so sorry they were such asshats! They are completely out of line and WRONG.

[StantonHyde]

ok, were they saying this because the reconstruction is going poorly? Like they can't believe you have put yourself through this on top of everything else?? Cuz I can see people (men and women) thinking that. I actually know someone who had to delay her chemo because she had so many issues with reconstruction. I didn't say anything TO HER but did mention to a mutual friend that I would have waited to do the reconstruction just so I could get to the chemo. (but it doesn't necessarily work that way as I understand it now)

But, umm, I just kept my mouth shut--because they ARE NOT my boobs. And, for you, hell yes--I would totally go for great boobs once I was at reconstruction. Crap, I would want ones that sparkle after everything you have been through!!! What, you are supposed to stop at one surgery and just deal with it? I don't think so!!!!! I would want SPECTACULAR boobs and would not settle for anything less. So there.

They are big fat jerks. May birds poop on their heads daily.

[arivecchi]

I cannot even imagine! That is such inappropriate behavior!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Tell your boss that is sexual harassment. Ridiculous!
:yeahthat: It really is. I would be tempted to report it. Seriously, that comment is so, so, wrong on so many levels. I mean, am flabbergasted over this comment. Sorry you have to work with such an a$$hole.

[khm]

Um, whuck?

I worked with two lovely ladies who had breast cancer. One lost one breast, so her surgeries were obviously to match the other. GO HER.

The other woman had both breasts taken. She hemmed and hawed upon deciding her new size. We CHEERED HER ON. She decided to go with her original size..... plus a healthy bit. ;) GO HER. After all that, after all the pain and trauma she got to pick whatever the heck she wanted - bigger, smaller, rounder, whatever - and all we could *possibly* do was cheer her on. And we did.

GO YOU.

[KpbS]

I'm so sorry. I can't believe ANYONE said that to you. Shame on them!!!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Globetrotter]

How dare they. First of all, it's none of their business. Secondly, it's highly inappropriate and insensitive!

[echoesofspring]

What??? So so wrong and insulting and inappropriate and disgusting and out of bounds....and so not any of their business. I think you could have valid professional complaints against either of them if you chose to.

I'm so sorry you had to endure that and I hope you look AMAZING when it's all behind you.

[flashy09]

Wow, that is MIL territory, not doctor or boss!!

[larig]

Poop on both their heads. None of their friggin business, and GO, YOU!!!:cheerleader1:

[twowhat?]

Um. Document.

[lizzywednesday]

Jeez, reconstruction is hard enough without people being sh!ts about it.

Your body, your research, your "battle," your choice, no comment.

It's not vain to want to feel like a human being again, Binkandbee. Reconstruction helps one do that and I hope you get the best pair you can pay for.

[Giantbear]

It SERIOUSLY pisses me off. My boss and my ob/gyn both have made snide comments recently about my reconstruction. My boss said that if he were me, he wouldn't do reconstruction at all and my Dr. said I was vain for doing reconstruction. Where do these men get off questioning my decision and talking to me like that? I never asked to be put in this position, I was plenty happy with what I had. Granted, it's taken 3 surgeries thus far and may take one final one.....but, I'm darn picky at this point. Given given the fact that my breasts are totally numb, I am not going to settle....they are going to look phenomenal. That's my trade off. I don't think that unreasonable at 36 years old.

Personally, i am always in favor of phenomenal looking breasts. Don;t give these folks the power over you, their opinions only matter if you let them, so don;t let them. If it makes you feel better, then that is what matters.

[liamsmom]

I cringed as soon as I saw the thread title. I really hoped this was about a home project and not, you know, ugh. I am so sorry that happened!

I know you your plate is clearly full right now, but please consider reporting your boss to HR and your doctor to a medical board (or even post a bad Yelp review). Odds are they make inappropriate comments to other women as well.

[doberbrat]

I'm utterly speechless. Esp at your boss.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else.

[TxCat]

So sorry you are dealing with that - that is completely wrong of both of them.

I would also go for an awesome reconstruction.

[BabbyO]

I'm not a very reactionary person, but in both scenarios, their conduct is absolutely horrendous. Neither man (or any woman) has ANY right to make any comments like this. I would absolutely NEVER go back to that doctor...unless it would be to ask him if it would be "vain" for him to get reconstructive surgery if his p**** was removed. I bet he'd have a different opinion! I'm sorry you've been treated like that.

Shame, Shame on them. The bolded was my first thought. I would definitely consider reporting the boss for sexual harassment (or at least having it officially documented). I would report the doctor. Totally inappropriate.