BIL and SIL making me crazy!!!

[mikeys_mom]

BIL, SIL and their 4 kids are living overseas for the year. It might become permanent or they might move back here this summer. BIL's job is still based here so he's back and forth about once a month. They own a house here and are renting it out for the year. It's like their are neither-here-nor-there. I understand it's not easy for them but DH and I are not their property managers and personal assistants! This was not a forced move. It was voluntary on their part.

They have been gone a little over two months and the constant requests for "assistance" are never-ending. First, there is all the various "things" we are storing for them - extra set of tires, hockey bags, golf clubs, etc... Like I need their stuff on top of my own stuff I'm constantly trying to keep neat. Then, there are the requests to pick up things to send back with BIL. Then the messages - return our cable modem because we just got charged for it, now return our home phone modem because I didn't have a chance last time I was in, etc...

This week has been the kicker. Got an email from SIL asking if we can store her deep freezer because tenants don't want it anymore and their storage unit is full. She suggested we can store her tires on top of it. Umm, ya...no... We've got a ton of stuff in our garage and need to be able to squeeze both cars in during the winter when it snows, otherwise we are stuck shoveling them off daily. There is no room for a deep freezer, even with tires on top of it. I discussed it with DH and while we *could* fit it somewhere in the basement, it will be in the way and I'm sure that we will have to shlep it here. When I told DH about SIL's request he rolled his eyes and said that BIL (his brother) asked him to go to court for him today to fight a ticket (parking, speeding - don't remember). There is a specific appointment time for the court and DH has a work meeting at that time so BIL said - just go afterwards. Seriously?!?!? As if DH's time is meaningless and he should just go and try to figure this out for BIL. Just pay the darn ticket and be done with it. :32:
I told DH not to go. Not sure what he'll end up doing.

Truth is, BIL and SIL are nice and sweet (well, SIL is sweet :)) and we get along with them. Kids are close with ours. We complain about MIL together, etc...It's just gone a bit too far now.

[crl]

Whoa. That's way too much to expect of you! I'm sorry they seem to be so clueless about how much they are imposing.

Catherine

[Mopey]

Wow. That is a lot. And I love to be helpful. Yikes :(

I kind of hope your hubby didn't go :bag

[mommylamb]

I think it's definitely time to start saying no. Nicely of course. But they need boundaries. If their storage unit is too small, they need a bigger one. It would be one thing if it was just the tires, or just the golf clubs, but not tons and tons of stuff. And, the court thing is just bizarre. I didn't realize they would allow you to send someone as a proxy. If I were the judge I'd laugh at that. Hopefully stuff like the modems will be a one time thing, and once they're all returned they won't come up again. But really, it's ok to tell them no. You need to give yourself permission to do that.

[mikeys_mom]

Thanks everyone for making me feel less guilty about saying no to SIL. She has always helped me out when I needed it - watch one of my kids for an hour, give me extra sugar late at night while I'm baking and realize I'm out, etc...I understand that she's in a bind right now with the tenants but I also don't feel like I need to constantly inconvenience myself over their move and it's very different than the ways we used to help each other out when they were living a few blocks away.

DH didn't got to court today because he had another conf. call after the first one and says it's likely just a waste of time to go so late after the assigned court time. Yes, I feel a secret joy in DH not making himself crazy over this request.:bag

[ABO Mama]

They need a bigger storage unit, and be done with it. And a property manager.

[elektra]

Definitely a bit too far. That really sucks.

[hellokitty]

Wow, that sucks. I think it's time to put your foot down and tell them to get a property mgr and a rent a storage unit that is big enough for all of their junk. Reading your post makes me nervous. My parents are going to be moving closer to my brother sometime in the next yr and their house is in bad condition (and they refuse to update it), so I know it will literally sit on the market for yrs. It is an hr away from me and I feel very sure that they will constantly ask me to drive out there and look after it. It really makes me mad that they are IMO going to take advantage of me like that, and I flat out already told them not to expect me to do all of this for them when it's their own (poor choice), not to fix their property to sellable condition or else sell at a lower price. They are PO'd at me about it, but I am so afraid of ending up in your position. I hope that they will be reasonable and realize that they have crossed the line and are just taking advantage of your kindness.

[Tondi G]

They need to tell their tenants ... sorry the freezer is there... find a way to work around it. Your SIL and BIL are taking advantage of you guys .... not cool!

[petesgirl]

Well... My MIL is very willing to store things at her house for anyone, under the one condition that she gets to use whatever she wants. And if you leave it 'stored' there long enough and she likes it enough it just, becomes hers.

But seriously, that is all adding up to too much!!

[Sweetsunshine]

Yeah they're asking too much. Definitely allow yourself to say no without any guilt! This is going beyond a quick hour of babysitting or borrowing a cup of sugar, or anything else like that. They are the ones who should feel guilty for even asking and putting you in this position!

[MamaMolly]

I appreciate your post so much, but from the other side. We are the ones often overseas and usually for 2-3 years at a time. I really hope I haven't been like your BIL and SIL! :bag

[trales]

I would suggest a bigger storage unit, or they explain to the tenants that what is in the house stays and is their responsibility, and then I would suggest a property management company. Or you could offer to sell the freezer and split the profits.

[crayonblue]

Sounds like a couple of my BILs. "How about if you do x, y and z for me? It would just be easier if you did it." Uh huh. Easier because you get to sit on your lazy ass.

We have a storage rule at our house. Fine, we will store your belongings but they may or may not be here when you want them back. No family members have taken us up on storing things for them since implementing this rule!