Can I just be grumpy for a second?

[vejemom]

I guess this is related to attempting to purchase a house. That's what set me off. But I just feel grumpy and blah about life in general at the moment. And I feel like I've unloaded so much on my IRL friends.

Why can't the two mortgage lenders agree on what I can borrow? I got a pre-approval letter from the one who is supposed to be the most experienced. I made an offer on a house and it was accepted. Great, right? Except the other lender I consulted with thinks that there are a couple of joint debts on my credit history (that get paid by my ex) that are an issue and that I'd be lucky to squeak through with an FHA loan. I've (I hope) revealed all potential credit problems to the lender that wrote the pre-approval. I've asked her several times if she's sure it will work. She insists it will. Why are they at polar opposites? Who am I supposed to believe? I have an inspection scheduled for Friday, and I sure hope I'm not wasting my money on an inspection for a house that it turns out I can't get a mortgage for.

Which brings me to my ex and his financial issues. How can anyone make so much money and be out of cash all the time? My ex moved heaven and earth to pay his first ex support on time. Even if it meant I was scrounging in the sofa cushions for milk money. Why is paying me suddenly optional? Because I'm a pleasant person and not apt to run into court about it? Why did he think it was a necessity to send his oldest to a $50K a year private school taking a bunch of stupid loans out to do it. Why did he agree to sign on loans for her to go to private college? Why is paying college tuition and taking girlfriends and teenaged kids out for dinner more important than paying to support your younger ones? And I'm mad at myself for not putting my foot down years ago and insisting he control his spending. Now it's come back to burn me.


And it has nothing to do with houses and finance, but damn it, I am overdue to find someone nice in the dating department. And I am soooo tired of attempting to juggle work and unreliable babysitters.

That is all. Thanks for listening :)

[BunnyBee]

I'm sorry. Hope closing goes smoothly and ex-H pulls his head out of his ass. Maybe it's time to get tough with him like his first wife. :(

[niccig]

I'm sorry. Hope closing goes smoothly and ex-H pulls his head out of his ass. Maybe it's time to get tough with him like his first wife. :(

Yes to this. I hope things go well with the purchase and that ex-H finds where he put his head. Maybe it is time to get tough so you and your kids are taken care off - child support isn't optional.

[KrisM]

I hope it all works out. Hopefully,it's just different companies doing things differently, so giving you different pre-approval amounts.

[vejemom]

Aw, thanks ladies. Yes, I do need to be tougher on him. I will need to do so research on how backed up support has to be before filing for contempt. I'm happy to help by selling the things that are supposed to be sold based on the decree, but I don't like to hear that the truck needs to go for $x or else he can't pay December. Not my problem. And people are always wondering why I work, given that his nutty schedule means he can't do anything with the kids on weekdays and the amount of money he makes. This is why.

Fingers crossed on the financing. After the more conservative lender called me with these additional questions yesterday I freaked out and left a message with the lender who issued the preapproval. I'm a Dave Ramsey person, and I've run the associated costs of the house with my budget a dozen times and the numbers do work. Hope they agree....

[lizzywednesday]

Aw, thanks ladies. Yes, I do need to be tougher on him. I will need to do so research on how backed up support has to be before filing for contempt. I'm happy to help by selling the things that are supposed to be sold based on the decree, but I don't like to hear that the truck needs to go for $x or else he can't pay December. Not my problem. And people are always wondering why I work, given that his nutty schedule means he can't do anything with the kids on weekdays and the amount of money he makes. This is why.

...

Screw being in contempt; call your lawyer and ask if you can file for a change in support agreement & have his wages garnished. It seems to me that's the only way you'll see the support money.

(Sorry. Unpaid child support is a huge hot-button issue for me because I went through it with my parents and then my BFF's ex.)

[jal]

Which brings me to my ex and his financial issues. How can anyone make so much money and be out of cash all the time?
Because the more you make, the more you spend...

I learned that from a Financial Guide for Young Couples someone gave me as a wedding present decades ago. In the book, the author, who spent time as a financial advisory, gave the example of three clients he had. The 1st couple made $25,000 a year and couldn't make ends meet. When he sat down to try to work out a budget, it certainly seemed they were not making enough. Then another couple came to him making $40,000 a year and couldn't make ends meet. When he sat down to try to work out a budget, again, they didn't seem to be making enough money. Then a third couple came to him that made $100,000 a year. Once again, when they tried to work out a budget, the couple didn't seem to be making enough money.

Basically, in every case, the combination of house payments, car payments, and various other things in each of these couples lives were exceeding their income. But the reason was because the couple making $100,000 bought a bigger house, more expensive cars, etc than the couples making $25,000 or $40,000.