Did your DH go to all your ultrasounds?

[basil]

I'm having my NT scan next week, which is my first ultrasound of this pregnancy.

I scheduled it at a time that was convenient for me, since DH's work schedule wasn't out yet. Turns out he is supposed to work that day (he works irregular hours).

It's hard to get ultrasound appointments here, and my schedule is pretty booked so I don't think I can reschedule it.

He thinks it's no big deal for me to go alone. I think he could call in a favor from one of his partners to cover him for an hour or so so that he could come. (He is the type that will jump to help someone else out, but then feel uncomfortable asking someone to help him).

I'm worried that there will be something wrong and I'll be all alone. He thinks everything will be fine and he can look at the pictures later.

He went to all the ultrasounds of my DS, but he had a different job then that was a little more flexible.

[BabyBearsMom]

My DH went to the first ultrasound with both girls because I had a loss before DD1 and we found out about it at the first ultrasound, so he wanted to be there JIC. He also went to the anatomy scan ultrasound. With DD2 he ended up being at several ultrasounds because I had a severe hemorhage and I kept having to go to the ER or a high risk doctor to have her checked on (I had a large clot in my uterus and they had to keep an eye on it), but there is no way he could have gone to all of the ultrasounds for DD2 because I had to go for so many due to the clot. Once we knew she was fine, he didn't go anymore.

Could someone else come with you? My mom went with me to a few appointments when DH couldn't go and we were worried about DD2.

[TwoBees]

He did with DD (I think)...I had a few because of early bleeding. We opted out of the NT scan but did have the anatomy scan.

He has not with this baby and that's ok with me. He really has no interest in medical stuff and gets bored. For the growth checks, I'd rather him not be there than spend the entire ultrasound playing with his phone, honestly. I'm having them every 3 weeks now because of my medical history and it's hard enough to schedule around my work schedule, let alone coordinate with both our schedules. He came with me to the first (especially to ensure there was only 1 baby!), the anatomy, and the most recent one 2 weeks ago. I've had two (? maybe 1?) other that he did not come to and he's not coming to my next one.

It sounds like you want him there, so I think it is fair to ask. But if you are also having the 20-week anatomy scan, it might be fair to ask him to rearrange his schedule to come to one but not the other. It depends on the type of relationship you two have, as well as the flexibility in work schedules and ultrasound schedules (it's very hard for me to get an ultrasound scheduled for a time, day, and location that works well for both of us, so I understand. Why do they only have availibility at such inconvenient times???)

Sorry that was rambling and long!

[basil]

DH will go to the anatomy scan because he wants to be there to find out the gender. This one, he sees as not too exciting.

I wouldn't ask him to go to all if I was having a lot, but I only had 3 with DS and if everything is going well may only have the 2 with this one. I'm just scared the baby might have died and we will find out then, or even finding out about twins without anyone there would be nutso!

Unfortunately, we don't have any family in town so no one else to go along, though my mom would love it if she could.

[SnuggleBuggles]

The 20w one, yes. I had some BPPs at the end of my 1st pregnancy and he wasn't there; we didn't know about them. And with ds2 he came to the BPP at 41w. I wouldn't expect my dh to come to a NT. I'd just prioritize the main u/s, assuming you will be having one. I elected not to have the NT one but I thought that one was a pretty quick test?

[Indianamom2]

No he didn't. Not because he didn't want to come, but because at the time I was pregnant with each child, he was still working at a large law firm and had almost zero flexibility. He came to the gender ultrasounds but definitely not all the others. I understood and was fine with it.

[elektra]

I had what seemed like a gazillion ultrasounds over the years, as I was deemed high risk for both of my full term pregnancies. I know DH was at the 20 week one for DD when we found out the sex and I think he did the same for DS. BUt for most of the others it was just me, with a few exceptions. I would say he was there for 4 out of 20+, including a fetal echo.

[pomegranate]

DH didn't come to the first one (at first doctor visit around 8 weeks), partly because I didn't even know I was going to have one. He did come to the 20-week U/S and I'm so glad he did because the perinatologist suggested an amnio after reading the U/S results. I hate needles and was thankful DH was there to provide support.

[georgiegirl]

Just the 20 week ultrasound. With DS2 I was overdue, so I had an ultrasound and DH came because he was already off work. He didn't go to the NT scans,

[mikeys_mom]

or even finding out about twins without anyone there would be nutso!

That almost happened to me. Twins were my 3rd pregnancy so I was pretty laid back about everything at first. My first u/s was just the dating one at 8 weeks. Asked DH if he wanted to come and he said I should just schedule it when it worked for me and if he could make it fine, otherwise, I should just go on my own as there isn't much to "see" at that point in the pregnancy. I had 2 healthy, uneventful pregnancies previously so I wasn't particularly worried. It just so happened that he decided at the last minute to come with me and go to work a bit late.

Well, that ended up being the most shocking u/s when the tech said - there is the FIRST heartbeat...and there is the SECOND heartbeat. I told DH that it was a good thing he came!

A friend of mine had her first u/s with her twins at 13 weeks. It was her 4th pregnancy and others were uncomplicated so her DH didn't come. She told me she was in such shock that she could barely find her way out of the u/s clinic and had to take the rest of the day off of work. When she called her DH to tell him, he didn't believe her at first.

[Cam&Clay]

DH went to all of the ones he could (I had them bi-weekly, if not weekly). For the months he was in Iraq, he had a good excuse.

[gymnbomb]

I've had 3 ultrasounds -- an early one for dating, the NT scan, and the anatomy scan. DH missed the dating scan due to his work schedule, but made it to the other two. We knew with each one that he'd try to go but that his schedule is unpredictable and he couldn't guarantee he would be there until the last minute. We decided to save his "but my wife is pregnant" favors at work for the most important times, which for us are the anatomy scan, any complications that may arise later on, and the delivery.

[Piglet]

DH didn't go to my 8 week US and I didn't expect him to, though the tech seemed surprised I was alone (like I was a single mom). With the NT, I was a nervous wreck and for my mental health, DH went with me. I am older this time around and I had all these fears due to my age. If I wasn't such a mess, I don't think I would have expected him to come. He will come to the anatamy scan as it is next to his office and I scheduled it for 7:30 AM to give him plenty of time to get there. I guess for me, it is about my mental state, not about the US per se. If I am a wreck for any medical procedure, I need him there, not for the experience, but as support. If I am laid back about things, I really don't care if he comes.

[hillview]

DH went to most but missed at least one maybe 2. I would be ok with it given the situation you described.

[Katigre]

Dh has never gone to a prenatal appointment with me. He's been to two ultrasounds total of our three kids. So is be disappointed but ok with it assuming you'll have another one at 20 weeks he could go to.

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[schrocat]

With my first 2 pregnancies, DH was at every single doctor's appointment and ultrasound. With the second pregnancy, he was at less appointments and ultrasounds because we had DS2 at home. With the 4th, he drops me off at the appointments and ultrasounds and babysits DS3 and whichever other kid needs babysitting. It is what it is.

[flashy09]

He didn't with DD1, but has for DD2. He would have for DD1, but the 6 week one was a surprise to me and the 20 week one he was in surgery.

[kaharris83]

With my DS1 he was at all of my appointments from 5 weeks(IVF baby) until about 25 weeks when I finally felt ok with him not being there, I had u/s at all of those appointments due to my history. We lost 2 babies before, both of which I found out at u/s around 10 weeks. He was there for both of those. DS2 he went to the first appointment around 7 weeks and maybe an appointment or two after. I had my mom come to the NT because she was in town and wanted to come. I went to my 20 week and my day before DS2 was born ultrasound appointments alone. I had my OB do a quick peek at my 16 week appointment and she confirmed he was a boy then without DH being there. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out ahead of time so I did and told him I'd tell him if he wanted to know. I was ok with him not being there though. If you want your DH there you should tell him how much it means to you. Hopefully he can work it out.

[HannaAddict]

He went to all for all three pregnancies and he is a managing partner and crazy busy with hard complicated stuff but made the time, and was lucky he could. We are a team and though he wasn't pregnant, he was involved as much as he could be! I have friends IRL whose spouses don't view it as a team effort, that is what I mean!

ETA. I know some jobs people feel like they can't leave or make time, but if you can and just don't want to ask, I would hope the husband would be there. I'd really want him there for the NT scan and later scan looking for issues versus more routine appointments. My husband didn't go to every routine check up with my OB, but made most of those too. It helps that my OB is near downtown too. I wouldn't want to do the NT alone.

[Tondi G]

My DH came to every U/S with DS1. The first one he was unable to come to, my sister came along. That was the appointment when we learned I had had a missed miscarriage. He still feels terrible about not being there.... to this day. I was thankful that my sister was able to be there with me. He never missed another OB appointment.

[YouAreTheFocus]

My DH went to every ultrasound and every appt/checkup. I know what you mean about not wanting to be there alone. Honestly I think you need to tell him that the bottom line is that you need him there and he'll just have to figure out the work end.

[scrooks]

With dd he did. We had a loss prior to her and I was super nervous. I think I had 4 total for her. Early dating, 12 week NT, 16 week and 20 week. With Ds1 I was a little calmer ...he definitely made it to the 20 week on and I know he missed the 12 week and I was scared to death (FIL had a medical emergency) beyond that I can't remember. Ds1 had a kidney issue they tracked and we probably had 3-4 additional ultrasounds. He probably came to most of those. After ds1 I had a loss at 19 weeks. It was a regular ob appointment and there was no heartbeat. They immediately took me in for an ultrasound and the baby was gone. I was by myself and had to call dh. It was maybe the hardest phone call i had to ever make. He had to drive 30 mins from work to get me at the docs office so we could go downtown for a more sophisticated confirmation ultrasound at the hospital. I was upset and worried about him driving while upset but we got through it. The next pregnancy they found I miscarried at my 12 week ultrasound. Dh was running late and the tech had already started. I knew immediately of the loss when I saw her face and the ultrasound. Dh walked in 2 minutes later :cry: I was glad he was there. With Ds2 we used Clomid and were under the care of an RE so there were a million ultrasounds early on. He went to the first, the 12 week, the 16 week and the 20 week but he skipped the weekly ones in the first trimester. I just felt after the previous losses if there was a loss early on it was meant to be....I know that sounds strange but I was pretty much prepared for a loss. Luckily for me we had a healthy baby who is now 3.5 months old!

[kdeunc]

DH went to most of them with all three kids. With the pregnancy I lost I had an early ultrasound as part of a study 1 1/2 hours away and he was not there for that one (after that one I knew that the pregnancy was not viable). With DD we had a nuchal test and I had to travel about 1 1/2 hours for that one as well. He did not attend that one. All local/anatomy scans he did attend.

[MamaMolly]

Ha. DH went to one with Lula (the older DD) because I made him. That was it. I had well over 20 with her, BTW. And yes, I'm still bitter about it.

[queenmama]

I only had one with DS and DH was with me.

With DD I had to have an early scan (9 weeks, I think?) to confirm EDD, and DH had to work that day. It was lonely going by myself, but I'm thankful everything was okay or I don't know how I would've handled it.

DH and DS (then age 11) were both in attendance at my 20-week scan with DD.

We didn't have NT scans with either baby. They didn't have them or didn't offer with DS and we opted not to with DD.

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[megs4413]

I think the bottom line here is that you want him there, so he should be there, but to answer your question:

DD1: he came to one (the anatomy scan around 17 weeks) but I'd probably already had two by then and had many, many more. We had one later in the process (maybe 22 weeks?) and I don't remember why, but he was there for that one and it was a good thing he was because I did end up getting bad news. DD1 had swelling in one of the ventricles of her brain. I think those were the only 2 he attended and I had probably like a dozen.

DS: he didn't come to a single appointment until we went in for induction. they did an ultrasound first as part of a BPP before the induction but that's just coincidence that he was there for that. I did get bad news at the gender scan in that DS was diagnosed with a cleft lip/palate. My doc didn't know who my DH was when he showed up for the induction and confessed to me that he'd thought I must be a single mom. it was humiliating and no, i'm not over it.

DD2: he has been at every single scan, appointment, etc the whole time. we got bad news again at the gender scan when we found out the baby has a cleft. it was good he was there for that this time.

[JBaxter]

DH went to the 18 weeks scans but I had a u/s every week after 32 weeks with Jack so no.

[BunnyBee]

I agree that if you want him there, he should try to be there.

DH has been to all my planned u/s, but there were some that came up unexpectedly at what should have been routine visits near the end that he missed.

[hellokitty]

My DH was at my 20 wk u/s for all 3 pregnancies and my first u/s for my pregnancy with DS1. Those were the only appts he ever attending. I'm not sure how most husbands would be able to attend prenatal appts if they hold a daytime job. There are just so many appts.

[AnnieW625]

With DD1 he went to the first appt. and they did an u/s with the belly wand, this was at 7 or 8 weeks along. Then he went to the second anatomy scan at 31 weeks I had because my initial anatomy scan picked up placenta previa. I actually ended up having monthly ultrasounds which as a first time mom was cool:bag (I know) because at almost every appointment the machine happened to be in the room.

With Baby 2 he went with me to the anatomy scan. We had no idea there was anything chromosome-ly wrong with Baby 2 until four weeks after that anatomy scan (although my OB had called and said to go the perinatologist within a month because of an ecogenic focile that most of the time healed themselves). DH could have gone with me to the perinatology appointment I had because it was a state holiday (so we were off work), but he didn't, it was just a tiny "normal" hole in the heart that often healed per my OB who had said as long as I got into the doctor within a month for the 3D peri scan we'd be okay. We lost the baby exactly 8 weeks after the anatomy scan.

With DD2 he went to the anatomy scan, but I don't think he was allowed in the room for the Nuchal Fold test at 10 weeks (although he was at the appt.), but at that point I seriously didn't care if he was there or not I just wanted a sign from the RN licensed tech who did the exam that the baby would pass the test, which she did. We only had two ultra sounds with DD2, one was the nuchal fold test and the other was the anatomy scan.

[KLD313]

With DD he went to the 20 week so we could find out the sex but that's it. He didn't come to any with DS, not even to find out the sex because we didn't have someone to watch DD and he didn't want to bring her.

[TxCat]

I had what seemed like a gazillion ultrasounds over the years, as I was deemed high risk for both of my full term pregnancies. I know DH was at the 20 week one for DD when we found out the sex and I think he did the same for DS. BUt for most of the others it was just me, with a few exceptions. I would say he was there for 4 out of 20+, including a fetal echo.
This, almost word for word. I think DH went to at least 2 ultrasounds, possibly 3, for DD1. He only went to one for DD2 - the NT ultrasound, which actually ended up being far more thorough than that since it was done by my MFM. He missed all of the other appointments due to work and other time constraints, including my fetal MRI with DD2.