Have you and spouse ever seriously considered divorce?

[mackmama]

Title says it all.

[megs4413]

Yes. I've gone as far as contacting a lawyer. I'm glad I did it because it gave me a better understanding of the financials I'd be dealing with if we ever did have to call it quits. We've been briefly separated twice, but not in a legal capacity, just physically.

[mommylamb]

We have not. If I were unhappily married, I would consider it, certainly though.

[BabyBearsMom]

We have not. If I were unhappily married, I would consider it, certainly though.

Yeah that. We are very happy in our marriage. But if I was miserable, I would do it.

[StantonHyde]

nope. I think its part of getting married later (35). We both know what is out there. Its just trading one set of problems for another. We had very mature expectations and we were well settled into who we are. Well, that, and the fact that we both love each other :love5:

[smilequeen]

No. Our marriage isn't always awesome, that's for sure. We've never even close to discussed divorce though.

[georgiegirl]

I've thought about it during some of our difficult times, but we've never discussed it and I never contacted a lawyer or anything. I'd say our marriage is average. Some good times, some bad times, and a lot in between.

[hellokitty]

So far, no. We've been married for 14.5 yrs and dated for 8 yrs prior to marriage. I would say that we are a pretty stable with squabbles, that I think are normal for couples. Our bigger fights have almost all stemmed from mil, but we survived that phase and I feel like dh finally, "got" it a few yrs ago and saw how toxic his mother can be, and since then has been so much better about putting his foot down with her and sticking up for me when needed. I'd like to think that our stable marriage will continue, but the only other couple we know that has been together longer than us from our college days, are in the process of divorce right now. So, I just feel that you never know what will happen. Ppl change, situations/mental illness/stress cause ppl to do things that they might not normally do, etc..

[twowhat?]

It's actually come up in our conversation before, when we're at our wit's end over DD2's behavior. I know we'd both fight to make things work but I won't lie. It's crossed my mind. We've been put under situations of incredible stress (the first one was having twins to begin with) and statistically, the odds aren't great for parents of twins/multiples! That's not an excuse or anything...just sayin' that yeah. I've thought about it.

[lhafer]

I've seriously thought about it. I'm sure he's seriously thought about. But it has never really come up as a true discussion between us before. Usually we get into highs and lows where we are great or feel like we are living with a room mate. I can only think of 1-2 times I have ever seriously considered leaving our marriage, but again...I never brought it up. We've been married for almost 16 years, together for almost 19.

[Mopey]

Honestly, if I had even a smidge of doubt I would have run for it. The saddest thing I've ever heard (well, almost) is that a friend of my sis' literally turned to all her bridesmaids and said, "oh well, if it doesn't work out we can always get divorced..." and then walked down the aisle. :( But as some of you have garnered from my posts the hubby and I really feel the true love. He's my person :heartbeat:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

no. though there's been a few times (mostly when i was preg, lol) where we've had bad arguments and i'd started to pack a bag and said i was going to spend the night at a hotel or something. but, no never actually talking about divorce. i feel like DH is my best friend. like Mopey and other pp, we're the sappy couple. doesn't mean he doesn't do things to annoy the heck out of me though.

[SnuggleBuggles]

no. though there's been a few times (mostly when i was preg, lol) where we've had bad arguments and i'd started to pack a bag and said i was going to spend the night at a hotel or something. but, no never actually talking about divorce. i feel like DH is my best friend. like Mopey and other pp, we're the sappy couple. doesn't mean he doesn't do things to annoy the heck out of me though.

Same here. We've been together almost 20 years now (married 13).

[TwinFoxes]

Never ever.

[hillview]

No although it has crossed my mind a few times.

[arivecchi]

Seriously considered it - no. Thought about it at times - sure.

[ZeeBaby]

We have been together for 15 years and married 11. Yes I have thought about it. We were even separated. Physically not legally. We made it through and things have been better. Still tons of challenges, but much better.

[sweetsue98]

DH and I have been together for 7 and married 4 years. I'm his 3 rd wife so he's had his share of divorce. We have discussed it just because he's gone through it. I've thought about it and even packed up my bag when we've have blow up arguments. It was mostly when I was prego.

[randomkid]

No, but a couple of years ago I thought my life might be easier if I just took DD and moved out. However, DH was going through a really rough time. His Dad had passed away, then his grandmother just a couple months later (his Mom died in 1995). I knew it would take him a while, but it had been 3 years and he still was not dealing with it very well. I thought about leaving, but didn't really want to. We went to counseling for a short time and it really opened his eyes to how much of our lives he was missing out on and how he was not present in our marriage or our family life. I understood to a point, but 3 years was just too long. Things are so much better now and I no longer have any of those feelings. We also married later - I was 35, DH 37. I had been in a long term relationship and DH was previously married. We had already been through a lot together before we married and had a strong foundation, along with maturity and experience in bad relationships that made us realize how good we are for each other. I think that is what got us through our rough patch.

[tabegle]

We were just discussing this over the weekend. However, we were discussing how the financial aspects of divorce would be beneficial for our family at this point in our lives. Our hearts wouldn't "be in it". We would still be committed to each other. Never seriously considered divorce otherwise.

[SASM]

Voted no but HUGE hugs if something that you are considering. :(

[mackmama]

The poll numbers surprise me a little - but that's great to see that there are so many happy and healthy marriages here on the BBB.

[AnnieW625]

DH and I split up a couple of times when were still dating and I cheated on him when I was college with another guy the last semester I was in college, but except for some heated arguments no we have not talked about divorce. We are pretty happy and when we have our disagreements which are usually in the evening we make the other more heated person leave the house so we end up taking the dog for a walk and coming back and calming down. DH has a rule that we shouldn't go to be angry.

:hug: To those who are having a tough go round at marriage or who have been divorced.

In regards to the results there are 49 lurkers who didn't post a reponse in this thread, just voted in the poll, there are 21 people who have responded to the thread (not including the OPs two posts) and I think this thread would be much more balanced if the other 49 people who voted "no" had actually responded. I think it would be fair to say that of the active posters (and not all of the one who have divorced have responded) that we probably have about 5 who are divorced, about 20 who have thought about it and probably about 15-20 who have never thought about it. The amount of lurkers we tend to get in anonymous polls is part of the reason I like non anonymous polls, but then there are regular posters who won't vote in non anonymous polls.

[boogiemomz]

Yes, I've thought about it. We have briefly talked about it but never in terms of really pursuing it.

ETA: I voted yes but we didn't, probably more accurately would be yes but we haven't. I don't consider us in the clear at this point.

[Raidra]

Yes, very seriously. I spoke with several lawyers, settled on the one I liked most. We talked about custody plans, drew up and agreed on a divorce settlement to bring to the lawyers. Then after talking to my therapist and support group, decided to hold off for a while, mainly for the kids' sakes. We would have ended up living in my aunt's basement until we could get into public housing, and that seemed worse than trying to stick it out. I'm glad I did stay.. but I know that if I'd been financially secure, I would have left almost for sure.

[rin]

The poll numbers surprise me a little - but that's great to see that there are so many happy and healthy marriages here on the BBB.

Maybe a little surprising, but given the demographics of this board (older, more educated, and wealthier than the average American) it kind of makes sense. Statistically speaking, those are all "protective" factors when it comes to divorce rates.

[sste]

I would be another yes and would still consider it if certain boundaries were violated. And I have/had a true love affair, high-chemistry relationship with my DH for twenty years, my whole post high school life. In our case, DH fell into a set of behaviors that were damaging to his health and at a high likelihood of putting our family in professional, financial, and even legal danger -- all unbeknownst to me for years due to his deception about them. I won't live with that kind of chaos or raise kids in it and DH had to put things to right and enter into some serious therapy. And they have to stay right. Also, I realized that these alarming health behaviors were part of the reason DH had seemed sort of distant even when he was right next to me the last 3-4 years. I am very clear in my own mind these days that I won't stay in a marriage where I am being neglected and my needs are not a priority. In a weird way, throughout the process what was front and center in my mind was not the potential failure of my marriage (though obviously I thought about it a lot!) but rather uncovering how independent I am at the end of the day. It is easy to think you will leave, it is easy to tell other people to leave . . . but to be truly in your heart ready to leave, financially support yourself and your family, in a place where you have none of your family, experience serious downward financial mobility, and be a 70% single mom to very young children is a serious feat IME.

I can only say that there are cases where things have to burn practically to the ground to regenerate. With some new terms and a new balance of power. And, OP, sometimes they burn to the ground and you need to find a new forest.

[specialp]

.... I think this thread would be much more balanced if the other 49 people who voted "no" had actually responded. I think it would be fair to say that of the active posters (and not all of the one who have divorced have responded) that we probably have about 5 who are divorced, about 20 who have thought about it and probably about 15-20 who have never thought about it. The amount of lurkers we tend to get in anonymous polls is part of the reason I like non anonymous polls, but then there are regular posters who won't vote in non anonymous polls.

Well, I voted "no", but didn't have anything to add. I certainly would under certain circumstances and certainly if we stopped working well as a couple. As is, it is not something we have ever seriously discussed/considered in our 15 years.

[Ceepa]

No. We made a pact before marriage that divorce would be off the table unless something heinous took place and all other options were exhausted. Thankfully, we haven't been anywhere close to that.

OP, I don't know what you're going through, but sending you hugs for having this on your mind. :hug:

[mom2binsd]

The poll numbers surprise me a little - but that's great to see that there are so many happy and healthy marriages here on the BBB.

I did a poll a few months ago asking about whether people were divorced or not, and the responses showed about 90% were still married, which is not the norm.

I do think that the demographics on this board are not typical of the country in general.