Santa, the big question, and little siblings with big listening ears...

[sarahsthreads]

I'm pre-emptively asking this because I think it might come up this year. DD1 is nine. As far as I know, she still believes in Santa, though I truly can't imagine how - she's read so many books where the main characters question the belief and I don't imagine most of her 4th grade peers still believe. I would be OK with her learning the truth at this point, and don't plan to lie if she asks.

However, what do I say if she asks in front of her little sister? Because I would not be OK with DD2 not believing still. And since most of our "harder" conversations happen in the car when we're all together, this seems like the most likely time she'd ask. If I say we'll discuss it later, DD2 will know that something's up. (Keeping DD1 from spilling the beans is even yet another concern because the kid can't keep a secret to save her life, but for right now I'm focused on the more imminent answering the question problem.)

Any BTDT?

Sarah :)

[westwoodmom04]

I'm struggling with the same issue. I really worry DD won't be able to keep her mouth shut (she is in third grade). I'm thinking a preemptive conversation may be best.

[sarahsthreads]

Yes, it would definitely solve the potential problem to talk to her before she asks...but...if she might truly still believe and would for another year, or two, I'd hate to take that away from her!

I guess I could sort of get a read on whether she's questioning when we start talking about making a list or going to see Santa at the mall. She's recently told me that she believes in fairies even though none of her school friends still do (which is probably her indirect way of asking me if they're real) so if I get a similar Santa statement from her it might be worth trying to talk to her alone about it before she outright asks...

Sarah :)

[icunurse]

I am in the same boat. DS is 9 and still believes. DD is six and will probably figure it out before him lol. Anyway, I am lucky that DS tends to ask "serious" questions in private. But if he asked in front of his sister, I would just answer that "of course there is a Santa Claus! You and I will have a talk later all about him" and leave it there. Then, later and in private, I would bring it up again and, if asked again, tell him that the *spirit* of Santa is alive and well in his parents and in anyone who gives gifts out of kindness and not for recognition. Maybe review the story of St Nick. Just because the actual Santa isn't bringing the presents doesn't mean that there isn't a Santa.

DS is horrible at secrets, but I am hoping that if we bring him on board with Santa stuff for DD, he will keep quiet and also learn to enjoy giving gifts for the sake of making people happy. He is the toe of kid that will probably view it as an inside secret with Mom and Dad, so I think we will be okay.

[specialp]

Could you have something prepared to talk about/need their help on to change the subject and then later on bring it up and discuss it with DD1 alone? Like say he is real and then that reminds you, you need them to list what kind of Christmas cookies to make this year, or what ideas for teacher gifts to make this year, what new ornament/stocking should we make for the new baby? Just something to change the subject and get their minds thinking about something else?

[lizzywednesday]

I have a friend who still believes intensely in fairies and we are 35. She never stopped believing, though she did keep quite quiet about it until she was confident enough to embrace it as part of her personality.

As for Santa, if your DD1 begins to ask you about him specifically, you can dub her an official Santa's helper if you think she'd be happy to assist. That's what my mom did for me. Once I was Santa's helper, I was in charge of filling everyone's stockings for Christmas morning - we only got candy & toothbrushes, not little toys and whatnot that other families do.

I was so proud to have this job that it would have spoiled my siblings' magic if I'd told ... and I think that helped me keep it a "secret."

If she asks in front of her little sister, I think that it's fair for you to turn it back to her with the "what do you think?" tactic until you can get her by herself. That's no lying, it's deflecting.

[vonfirmath]

My sister and I are only 2 years apart. But we "discovered" who Santa was together. We confronted our parents together. We talked about it among ourselves ahead of time.

[brittone2]

I'm pre-emptively asking this because I think it might come up this year. DD1 is nine. As far as I know, she still believes in Santa, though I truly can't imagine how - she's read so many books where the main characters question the belief and I don't imagine most of her 4th grade peers still believe. I would be OK with her learning the truth at this point, and don't plan to lie if she asks.

However, what do I say if she asks in front of her little sister? Because I would not be OK with DD2 not believing still. And since most of our "harder" conversations happen in the car when we're all together, this seems like the most likely time she'd ask. If I say we'll discuss it later, DD2 will know that something's up. (Keeping DD1 from spilling the beans is even yet another concern because the kid can't keep a secret to save her life, but for right now I'm focused on the more imminent answering the question problem.)

Any BTDT?
Sarah :)
My 9 yo hasn't asked, but has questioned the physics of how it would all work in terms of time, speed, and # of houses LOL. But he hasn't asked directly. I suspect he may not believe, but I am not certain either way.

My plan for when that time comes is to have him join in with us...basically, once you understand how Santa works, you become part of the behind the scenes magic. That might mean getting to stay up a little later with us to wrap gifts the night before, eat the milk and cookies ;) , chomp some carrots to make it look like the reindeer came (we put carrots outside for the reindeer).

My thinking is that 1) being *part* of the magic sort of eases some of the sadness of "losing" the magic of Santa. I remember the feeling of being a bit deflated in the years following the realization that Santa was not real. I don't have younger siblings, but I think I would have enjoyed helping out with keeping the magic alive for them. I know as a parent, it brought back some of the magic for me. 2) If he's invested in the process of keeping it alive for his siblings, he may be less likely to blab about Santa. I am hoping that if he's part of the behind the scenes magic at home, that he'll have less of a reason to rat out Santa ;)

It is all kind of bittersweet.

[AnnieW625]

Honestly I think you have to pull her aside if you feel she is going to ask, and say something like "if you don't believe in Santa anymore that is fine, but don't say anything around your sister, she still believes." There is a Mister Rogers episode on Amazon Prime that deals with believing in Santa. I am going to watch that this year on my own to prep me for DD1 as I think she is on the cusp of not believing and will show her the ep. as well. I will tell her though that she can't say anything to DD2, who is only 3/1/2.

I was 7/1/2 (Christmas is my half birthday) and it just clicked one night when I saw my neighbor walking up the street to my neighbor's house and then about 20 minutes later after being invited over to see Santa that it was in fact my neighbor that Santa wasn't real. I asked my mom when I got home or the next day and she said I didn't have to believe, but not to say anything to my brother who was 4, almost 5 at the time. Then both my brother and I had to play along because our sister was 10 yrs., and 7 yrs. younger than us so I technically had to believe in Santa again from the time I was 12 until I was 18.

eta: similar to Beth's DS1 my DD1 has been asking me since she was 3 or 4 how Santa gets in the house because we don't have a fire place. We tell her the back or front door, and last year she asked about how many houses does he go to and other random "how does Santa do X?" type of things.

[almostmom]

Just wanted to say that DS, who is 10, still totally believes, even though I'm sure he knows not believing is an option as I can't believe all his friends do. DD, who is 7, has known for over a year, as she demanded we tell her. She hasn't let it slip, and loves playing up to it (even talked to DS this morning about the letter she is going to write to Santa). So it is possible for one to know and not the other!

[wendibird22]

DD1 who is 6yo has started questioning why some people don't believe in Santa, Tooth Fairy, leprechauns, Easter Bunny, etc when she does and then asked me what I thought about them. I told her that I believe there's magical things in this world that bring us happiness and that those things (Santa, etc) must be magical too because they bring so many people such happiness. She was content with that. And this way, when she does come to the understanding that they aren't real we can still focus on believing in the magic that makes believing in them fun.

[sarahsthreads]

Could you have something prepared to talk about/need their help on to change the subject and then later on bring it up and discuss it with DD1 alone? Like say he is real and then that reminds you, you need them to list what kind of Christmas cookies to make this year, or what ideas for teacher gifts to make this year, what new ornament/stocking should we make for the new baby? Just something to change the subject and get their minds thinking about something else?

Actually, this is probably exactly what I should do - thanks! (I should ask them what they think Santa will bring for DS, because I have absolutely no idea. We don't need any more toys, and I seriously doubt they'll think Santa's very cool if he brings a high chair or new clothes!)


If she asks in front of her little sister, I think that it's fair for you to turn it back to her with the "what do you think?" tactic until you can get her by herself. That's no lying, it's deflecting.

Unfortunately, I think if I try this she will so totally come up with a convincing enough argument that DD2 will stop believing. So while this has definitely worked in the past, I'm pretty sure when she really starts questioning it will backfire.

And yes to the "getting to play Santa" bit. I actually kind of can't wait because this kid is a crazy night owl and I have to stay up ridiculously late to make sure she's good and asleep before I can even *start* wrapping the gifts and putting things out under the tree. Every year I'm terrified she'll creep down the stairs and see me!

Sarah :)

[specialp]

We don't need any more toys, and I seriously doubt they'll think Santa's very cool if he brings a high chair or new clothes!)


My mother’s all time favorite Christmas story is when I started crying because I felt so bad for my eldest sister, a 16 year old teenager very into fashion, because santa only brought her clothes. I couldn’t imagine what she did that was so horrible that she didn’t get any toys or why she was pretending to be excited about awful clothes!

[georgiegirl]

I think this may be an issue here too. Dd is beginning to ask some logistical Santa questions. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure I can hold her off until DS isn't listening. And I know for her, she's love to be part of the Santa magic.

[ArizonaGirl]

I still have a little time here as DS is almost 5 and still believes; however, he has already asked me if he is real.

When the time is right I will share this letter with him that someone here shared last year.

Dear XXX,
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.
Mom


HTH

[sarahsthreads]

I loved this letter the first time I saw it, and had it bookmarked for when I need to explain. Thanks for reminding me! :)

Sarah :)

[ArizonaGirl]

Np,

I saw it last year and felt the need to save it and have mentioned it in passing to several people.

[billysmommy]

My 9 yo hasn't asked, but has questioned the physics of how it would all work in terms of time, speed, and # of houses LOL. But he hasn't asked directly. I suspect he may not believe, but I am not certain either way.

My plan for when that time comes is to have him join in with us...basically, once you understand how Santa works, you become part of the behind the scenes magic. That might mean getting to stay up a little later with us to wrap gifts the night before, eat the milk and cookies ;) , chomp some carrots to make it look like the reindeer came (we put carrots outside for the reindeer).

My thinking is that 1) being *part* of the magic sort of eases some of the sadness of "losing" the magic of Santa. I remember the feeling of being a bit deflated in the years following the realization that Santa was not real. I don't have younger siblings, but I think I would have enjoyed helping out with keeping the magic alive for them. I know as a parent, it brought back some of the magic for me. 2) If he's invested in the process of keeping it alive for his siblings, he may be less likely to blab about Santa. I am hoping that if he's part of the behind the scenes magic at home, that he'll have less of a reason to rat out Santa ;)

It is all kind of bittersweet.


This is pretty much what we said to Ds1 when he asked about it this summer and said he was really ready for the truth. He told us that he's even more excited for Christmas this year as he gets to be part of the magic :love5: He's been helping me think of presents for Ds2 and has some great ideas for stocking stuffers for everyone. He said that he can't wait to be the one to have the milk and cookies after Ds2 goes to bed.
He knows he will always have presents from Santa under the tree as my parents still have them for me and my brothers and my IL's have them for DH and SIL.

[LD92599]

My 10 yo said something last year which honestly for me, makes it SO much easier! It's still magical etc. However I've said to him to keep QUIET for DS2 and play along. I find it a ton easier once they know :-)

[fauve01]

There is a Mister Rogers episode on Amazon Prime that deals with believing in Santa. I am going to watch that this year on my own to prep me for DD1 as I think she is on the cusp of not believing and will show her the ep. as well.


Please share a link to this episode.

[BabbyO]

I have a friend who still believes intensely in fairies and we are 35. She never stopped believing, though she did keep quite quiet about it until she was confident enough to embrace it as part of her personality.

As for Santa, if your DD1 begins to ask you about him specifically, you can dub her an official Santa's helper if you think she'd be happy to assist. That's what my mom did for me. Once I was Santa's helper, I was in charge of filling everyone's stockings for Christmas morning - we only got candy & toothbrushes, not little toys and whatnot that other families do.

I was so proud to have this job that it would have spoiled my siblings' magic if I'd told ... and I think that helped me keep it a "secret."

If she asks in front of her little sister, I think that it's fair for you to turn it back to her with the "what do you think?" tactic until you can get her by herself. That's no lying, it's deflecting.

ITA with this! I'd ask what she thinks, then discuss with her once you can do so privately. And I TOTALLY agree on the Santa's helper. My mom did the exact same thing with us. When I figured it out, I filled my younger sister & brother's stockings for Christmas morning (but mom still filled mine). When my sister found out, she filled my stocking and I filled her's and we both filled our brother's. It was fun, we kept the secret because it wouldn't be fun for us to spoil it for our younger sibilings - and we were still surprised when we opened our stocking because we didn't fill it (This helped ensure that we didn't give anything away with our lack of surprise at what was in our stocking because we were just as excited!)