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View Full Version : DS is so hard on himself with school work



niccig
11-10-2013, 10:18 PM
DS swapped to our local school and he's doing very well with the transition socially. Has group of friends, no real complaints about going to school. Academically, he's doing well too - got all proficient on Math and Language Arts tests. Teacher confirmed his mistakes were small mistakes and not ones of not understanding. eg. in math questions he made some small errors. Teacher thinks it's more test taking strategies of checking work, crossing off words used in fill in blank so don't repeat etc. He's never taken tests like this before, so it is all new to him.

It's what I see on his homework. He'll have 8 math problems of multiplying money by single digit. I check and on 2 he made mistake with the multiplication. I tell him to check the 2, he can find the mistake and self-correct. Same with language arts homework, mostly correct 1 or 2 errors, he can self-correct. But DS says he's a failure. He's doing a poster of Harry Potter for a book report and because he can't copy the picture exactly as it is on the cover, he's a failure, he throws his pencils, scrunches up the paper etc. I can't draw at all, I draw stick figures that all look the same, I can't copy that damn picture at all.

I don't know how to deal with the "I'm a failure" and the meltdown. No one is perfect. I've been showing him my exams from grad school. I haven't gotten 100% on anything. We don't expect 100%. We know that he has different academic expectations and he'll take time to get used to the tests. But he won't give himself time.

larig
11-10-2013, 11:05 PM
Poor guy.

Like with the HP poster, maybe he thinks everyone his age should be able to perfectly copy a book jacket? Maybe you could show him some examples of same-age projects? I was and still am a person who benefitted tremendously from being able to see an example of what an "A" project looked like. Maybe his teacher would help with this?

inmypjs
11-10-2013, 11:36 PM
When he melts down I would not try to point out that his standards are not realistic (even though you know they are). I would make a lot of validating statements to let him know you understand. Like "It feels awful when you can't do things as well as you want to." And I'd give him a great big hug. After he calms down, can you talk to him about it? I would ask how long he's been feeling this way, and maybe some questions to find out if he's negatively comparing himself to anyone specific or kids at his school in general. I would just investigate his feelings at this point - not try to change them. Most of the time we all feel better when we let things out to someone who isn't judging us or trying to convince us not to feel the way we do.