If you WOHM or WAHM, when do you do playdates?

[elektra]

I feel like my DD might benefit from playdates. I work from home and have flexibility with hours, however I have prioritized other things over playdates during work hours, like activities (ex. I take DD to ballet at 3:15 on Fridays) or dr. appts, or volunteering in DD's class on occasion.
DD has only ever been invited on two playdates- it was a mom that I became a little friendly with at her preschool. And then when we had our nanny, she had set up recurring play dates, with another lovely little girl and her little sister. I got to know the mom a bit and she is so nice. I asked her today at drop off if she would like to try and get together soon.
The thing is, when do I do this?? 2-3 nights a week we have activities. On the weekends?
DD does not really seem to have "close" friends at school.

I think part of the problem is that I do not tend to open up to people or put myself out there to invite anyone anywhere. But then nobody is inviting me or DD either. She was only invited to one classmate birthday party last year for instance. Also, we have family gatherings all the time, and when I might be doing playdates, DD is with her cousins instead. She also tends to gravitate towards much older or younger kids. I don't think she is a natural at making friends her own age.
I am not overly concerned, but I should probably try to set up more for her.

[AnnieW625]

DD1 goes home with friends after school every so often. If we do a weekend play date it is in the AM on Saturday after her choir practice or after church. Sometimes we will do something on a Saturday afternoon, but not normally. Otherwise she spends 40 hrs. at week at school/aftercare so that is play date enough most times.

I am with you I don't go out of my way to set up play dates:bag (?)

eta: I will say that when DD1 was younger I went out of my way to set up weekend playdates for her with local moms and I got the "the weekends are sacred family time" for the crowd of mainly SAHMs in my area with kids DD1's age so I just sadly gave up (it is part of the reason I think that "family time" can be or is a bunch of hooey unless it is a big family event like a birthday or DL trip. I probably get the worst BRF when I hear "sacred family time."). I even joined a weekend working parents MeetUp.com group, but got kicked out of it because the group only did things on the weekends and at 2 pm in the afternoon on a Saturday and they were completely inflexible when it came scheduling things either earlier or later that worked with my DDs nap time. Oh well.

With DD2 she has had one playdate since I went back to work, she is 3/1/2. She had it with some friends of mine from Jr. League whose kids range in age from almost 4 to 5 months at the time. We are meeting again in two weeks, but it has been since late July when we last met. DD2 thinks that going over to DD1's BF's house is playdate so she is happy with that.

[mommylamb]

I don't think you need to worry. She will make relationships with kids in school and in activities. Play dates will either come naturally, or they won't. But if they don't, I don't think it's a big deal unless you think she really isn't getting social interaction. Honestly, most of DS1's play dates are with kids whose moms I'm friendly with. They're mom play dates. We tend to do them on the weekend because I work and most of my mom friends work. I wouldn't take time off from work for a play date. A doctor's appointment, yes, but not for play.

DS1 also plays with the boys across the street sometimes, which is nice. But even so, it's hard to do that during the week. We don't get home until close to 6, and then there's just 2 hours for family time/eating/baths/homework.

We do not do play dates with kids DS1 sees in school really. Over the summer, I would just take him to the pool in our HOA, and he'd always see kids from school there and play. But I never planned it. We do sometimes do weekend play dates with a friend of his from his old pre-K who goes to a different elementary school. But again, I've become friendly with his mom so there's something in it for me.

I do worry about DS2 though because I feel like I have all the IRL friends I can fit into my schedule already, and I imagine it will be more difficult for me to deal with play dates for him as he gets older.

[BabyBearsMom]

We do a lot of playdates with kids from DD1's preschool but always on the weekends. This is mostly because I am hyper-extroverted and since having DD1, I have felt socially starved so I have been actively pursuing social outlets. I didn't know anyone who had kids other than my sister when DD1 was born, so all my old friends drifted apart after I became a mom. I've spent the last almost 4 years having to build a social group from scratch. DD1 ended up falling in with a group of girls at school and we try to get together every other weekend. We also try to schedule them in the same rec center activities, although that didn't work for DD1 this session (they are doing soccer, and DD1 is not interested in soccer). DD1 also has a little "boyfriend" at school, and his mom and I have gotten very close so she and I get together every other weekend as well. Generally, Sunday mornings work for playdates because none of the folks we know go to church and it is before nap. We also will do dinner and a movie at our house with DD1's boyfriend and his family.

I'm not really familiar with older kid, drop off playdates though, which I think is a different world entirely. I definitely could not do something during the week, although I know some of DD1's friends do get together during the week as their moms don't work FT.

[egoldber]

Weekends. There is one girl in after care with younger DD that occasionally I will pick up both girls and we will do a very short evening playdate.

But a LOT of the girls at school do after school week day playdates. And DD definitely feels left out. :(

In some ways, after care is like a playdate every day after school, but she doesn't see it that way.

[janine]

This is what I have always wondered. DD can be shy at school (Pre-K) and they always tell me "have her go on more playdates." My only time is wkends - I manage a few but just not easy. Not to mention IME SAHM's around me like to reserve weekends for family time, so that leaves just other WOHM's and that's not too many....

[carolinacool]

For me, day care is a 40-hour a week play date! I just don't have time and I don't go out of my way to make it happen. That said, DS is has become really friendly with one classmate, so we are meeting up for the second this weekend. We've also invited him to DS' birthday party. Plus, when I hang out with my own friends with similar age kids, DS plays then. Until DS starts asking about it, I'm not really worried. And once he starts asking, we'll still be limited in how much we can do.

[wellyes]

See if there is a girl scout troop in your area. It's organized & scheduled but also basically a song-and-game-and-craft oriented big playdate (at that age).

[elektra]

In some ways, after care is like a playdate every day after school

Problem solved! ;) I just do get the sense that DD is feeling a bit left out at school. It's like history is repeating itself! I was the same way, and my mom was a working mom who just did not socialize with other moms. I was also in aftercare and never had playdates or the 80's equivalent. I met all my closest friends through sports.
Maybe I'll just jump at the first chance if DD suggests anyone for a playdate. So far that has only been a K boy in aftercare. :) But I feel like they can just play there. Who knows, maybe I should just try to get in contact with the mom.

[wendibird22]

Um never. I'm with PP...daycare and before/after care are my DDs play dates. DD1 has been begging to call friend down the street who is in her class for weeks. They even write each other notes in class about it. So I finally caved and let DD1 call DF on Sunday and was so relieved (I know, that's awful) that no one answered and she left a message. I'm so busy on the weekends picking up crap around the house and doing 100 loads of laundry that the last thing I want is another person in my house. But, I know both DDs would have fun so I'm trying hard to make myself more open to the idea.

[BabbyO]

Play date. Haven't had any, really. We try to make friends at the park near our house and near the end of the summer found 2 families with kids our age. When we're heading to the park we try to text the other families to see if they might be able to join us. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I don't stress about it...I can't. There are only so many hours in a day. They get interaction at school. As they get older we'll try to get some Weekend play dates in...

[YouAreTheFocus]

Playdates here (both preschool & elementary) are on weekends. My neighbor is a SAHM and she doesn't even do afterschool playdates. I'm also not good at putting myself out there for myself or for my child (well, I'm maybe a bit better when it comes to him, but not much!). I thought having a kid in preschool, activities, etc would open the door to socializing & playdates...not so much.

[fivi2]

We are in the "after care is a play date " crowd. I am also pretty messy so not good at inviting people over. But sometimes we will invite a friend or whole family to a planned outing. For example they had a friend from summer camp who goes to another school. The girls and I were planning to visit a pumpkin patch (dh couldn't go) . So I emailed this friend's mom and asked if they wanted to meet us there. There was no stress of hosting and we were going with or without the friend. I didn't know the mom at all but it worked out fine.

Sometimes with school friends some parents will let kids hang out on the playground after school (and aftercare) . I usually pick up at 4:00 but if friends are there we might stay until close to 5:00. On occasion - not all the time!

[khalloc]

Honestly I didnt really do play dates that much until DD started to ask for them herself. That was probably in 1st grade and now that she is in 2nd grade she ask for them ALL.THE.TIME. I figured that pre Kindergarten she was with her friends playing for 8-9 hours a day. She shouldnt need play dates after that. Even in Kindergarten she only had a few times that I can try to remember where she went to a friends house or a friend came to our house. Now that she is in 2nd grade she wants friends over all the time. At least once a week and then again on weekends. I dont do them that much, but probably 2x a month I do. I am tired after work and I want some down time usually. and the same goes on weekends.

I wouldnt mind it so much but my DS is 5.5 and he has a problem with the playdates and I usually have to intervene because he is being a PITA to his sister's friends. I'm hoping in another year or so he will chill out and not need everything to be "fair".

[westwoodmom04]

We use to do playdates in the afternoon after morning preschool. Now that my kids are in elementary school, we do play dates on Friday afterschool or on weekends.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

weekends are the only time i can do them. though i must say my kids are 2.5 and almost 4, so at this age playdates are mostly about the parents (read: moms) getting together to chat, not so much about the kids getting together and playing with their friends. So, it is a bit different. Also bc of the age, kids have to go to bed by a certain time (830pm) so there's not as much time in the evenings.

i just joined a moms group for mamas of 2yos at our school, so most kiddos are in dd's class. It is organized so there is one playdate a month (on a Saturday) and one MNO a month (on a Fri night) and people take turns hosting. I LOVED that bc i figured i can totally keep up with that, that is pretty much all i can handle right now, working full time. I was in a very active mom's group when i was a SAHM but i've sort of drifted apart from the group as i can't attend 99.9% of playdates bc they're during the week, during the day. Even the dinner playdates that are at 5pm, i cannot make bc it takes me 30 min just to get home, and i leave at 5:00 at the absolute earliest.

But again, my experience is mostly with mom-based playdates, not so much kids wanting to be dropped off at so and so's house to play. For that i'd imagine i could only do weekends, unless it was a neighbor kid or something and they just wanted to play outside together for a bit.

eta: unless i am friends with the mom, i would so not be setting up playdates for my DC unless my dc asked for them. we get invited to enough classmate bday parties as it is (it seems like there are 2 or 3 per month now!) and it's hard enough to keep up with that. and that seems enough at least right now. also my ds is not really very social, and he doesn't seem to have an interest in them now.

[pb&j]

Might I gently suggest "putting yourself out there" and making the first invitation? We're all super busy, it's not a judgment on you if someone doesn't invite you somewhere. Or if, after a first playdate, subsequent invitations are not forthcoming. It's just, sheesh, I don't have time to put on lipstick, let alone look at my calendar and dig up your phone number, KWIM?

I find that we do more playdates with kids whose parents a)both work and b)DH and I get along with. Families where both of the parents work are much more accommodating of working parents' schedules!

Things also get a lot easier if you're willing to do/host dropoff playdates.

DS does aftercare, but there's something special about having some 1 on 1 time with a buddy at their house or ours.

[arivecchi]

We've met a lot of people through football, so we do after school playdates after school with those kids on the days I work from home (so 3:40-6). DS has gotten to know them very well through sports and the playdates so they are all good friends now. I also do weekend playdates at times.

P.S. I usually become friends with the moms and we are fb friends too so easy to coordinate online.

[TxCat]

I don't. :bag

OP, like you, I'm really bad about putting myself out there. However, I've made an effort to go to all the class bday parties that DD1 has been invited to this year. And, I'm getting ready to email a mom in DD1's class since DD1 talks about this girl all the time. I'm hoping she's open-minded about weekends.

[twowhat?]

Weekends.

We just had one (only our third LOL) classmate one last weekend. Supposed to have another this weekend. Agree that sometimes you just have to put yourself out there but don't take rejections personally because everyone is BUSY!!! If local, it's easier...I'll just shoot an email to the parents asking whether their kid is up for getting together at the park. I word it something like "DDs keep asking whether they can get together to play with your DC outside of school..." It's true, and it doesn't sound desperate:) If the kid you're trying to get together with really likes your kid, chances are the same thing has been brought up in the other family as well.

Since it's nice here right now, the park at a non-meal time is good and I get 1.5 - 2 hours to chat. DH even came to the last playdate and got to chat with the Dad from the other family! It was a total win, especially considering that neither of us are very social people. I'm shy/introverted and DH would just rather lounge at home in front of TV:)

Also agree that it's easier to find a family similar to yours (both parents work FT, for example) as you end up having more in common both socially and schedule-wise.

[egoldber]

Until elementary school, I don't know that it's worth it for the hassle. But in elementary, at least for girls, it seems like playdates are a key aspect of the social scene. And then it becomes sleepovers in grades 3+.

[elektra]

Until elementary school, I don't know that it's worth it for the hassle. But in elementary, at least for girls, it seems like playdates are a key aspect of the social scene. And then it becomes sleepovers in grades 3+.

This is what it is seeming like to me. I haven't really given it much thought until now.

[twowhat?]

Until elementary school, I don't know that it's worth it for the hassle. But in elementary, at least for girls, it seems like playdates are a key aspect of the social scene. And then it becomes sleepovers in grades 3+.

Yeah, I could definitely see this being true. Mine started having a "social circle" at their daycare starting around 3 years old and yes, it seems it was more the girls than the boys.

[goldenpig]

It's hard to find the time to do social activities, which is why my life is so crazy! Trying to do social stuff on top of work and school and activities is killing me. But I really want DD to have good friends. We have two different families who we are close with, who both have kids the same age as our first two (one has twins DS1's age so they also have 3 kids). We get together at our house or theirs once every other week or so, mostly on weekends or Fridays. (Not together, I mean we'll go to friend A's house, or friend B will come over to our house etc). We'll have them come over around 5 or 5:30 after work, and have dinner around 6 or 6:30, and they stay till 8 or 8:30. One lives about 5 min away but they don't go to school with DD; the other goes to school with DD but lives 1/2 hr away. These are the two families who seem to reciprocate most with invitations and it's roughly equal as to who does the invites. I've thought about expanding DD's social circle because she talks about other girls at school and asks me to set up playdates, but whenever I talk to the moms it's like "Yeah, lets get together" but it never seems to happen and I get so busy I forget to follow through. I have a hard time planning in advance so I tend to gravitate toward fewer closer friends who don't mind if you call up on the spur of the moment and say "Hey want to get together tonight?"

We also do playdates attached to her activities. Like she goes to ballet once a week and sees her baby playgroup friends there. I mainly stick with ballet so DD will be able to maintain social ties with this group of friends. Sometimes we will go out to lunch or to the park after, and we usually get invited to their birthday parties. And we do gymnastics with her school friend, so we usually go out to dinner afterward at CPK.

The kids also get playtime with other kids at the park. My nanny likes to take them to the park after they get out of school. She meets up with other nannies that she knows, so the kids get to know each other. I don't really know these families, which is not that great, but the kids seem OK from what my kids tell me. My nanny will also take them to the house of our backup nanny (my nanny's cousin who does evenings and weekends for us), or another family whose kid is in DS1's class and DS1 and he are really close friends at school. Actually that family is my nanny's former employer, and they have a DD one year older than my DD and a 3rd baby the same day as I had DS2! Crazy coincidences! I know this family through school, but we've never gotten together. I really should invite that family over, but I keep getting too busy.

I've also been a mooch and had DD do playdates with SAHM moms on days when they are off school but I am working. The mom will take DD to their house or take them out with her daughter(s). DD loves this. I haven't been able to reciprocate with those types of playdates, but life isn't perfect and I don't think they mind.

Anyways, there are lots of ways to get kids together and I agree, aftercare counts too! I do need to get better at following through at making invitations, because everyone's so busy it never happens if you don't take the initiative. Good luck!

(And if I lived near you I totally would get our kids together--they would have fun playing together I bet!)

[YouAreTheFocus]

Until elementary school, I don't know that it's worth it for the hassle. But in elementary, at least for girls, it seems like playdates are a key aspect of the social scene. And then it becomes sleepovers in grades 3+.

At ds's preschool all the kids started begging for them between 3-3.5. They talk about playdates and going over to each other's houses all.the.time. They are even familiar with the elusive dropoff playdate. And this class is made up of mostly onlies. The teachers have been suggesting that we set up playdates for DS since he was 3.

[egoldber]

Kids definitely do them earlier than elementary. But I think it has a different social impact in preschool vs. elementary. Of course the dynamic of particular schools vary as well.

[ha98ed14]

This is what I have always wondered. DD can be shy at school (Pre-K) and they always tell me "have her go on more playdates." My only time is wkends - I manage a few but just not easy. Not to mention IME SAHM's around me like to reserve weekends for family time, so that leaves just other WOHM's and that's not too many....

I totally agree. Most of the moms in DD's circle stay home, and weekends are definitely family time because their DHs work long hours or have long commutes (or both). It is hard. I feel lucky that I work from home and it's an 8 minute drive to school. I schedule my hours so I can do after school playdates.

I work while DD is at school from 8 AM to 2:30 PM. On the days we have playdates, I pick up the playdate child or the other mom picks up DD. I usually do about 1.5 to 2 hours, so playdate is done by 4:30. DD has Girl Scouts on Mondays at 5 and swimming on Wednesdays at 5. That is it for activities for us. Mommy can't handle more right now.

Since I stop working at 2:15ish, I go back to work after 7:30 PM and put another 2-3 hours. That's how I get in an 8 hour work day. Some days if I don't have pressing deadlines, I will skip the evening work session and just do a 5 hour day. (I'm paid by the hour.)

[abh5e8]

We have them during the day, when dh is home with the dc. But, most of my WOTH mama friends have their kids play dates during the day/afternoon with the nanny or friday nights. we do somthing similar to GoldenPig, with friday nights for playing and dinner. we do this most fridays and try to invite different friends/families over. I also take advantage of any of the "extra" days off, like federal holidays and such, to play daytime playdates.

and my dd LOVES to have playdates over skype with her cousin. (they are 5 and 6). They drag out their castles and princesses and play for an hour or so. my sister and I will sometims chat in the background. we usually do this around 4 or 5pm, while fixing dinner.