Would you cut off DC's friendship...?

[ha98ed14]

with a child who tells your DC to break school rules and to disobey and lie to you (the parent)? By "cut off," I mean stop contact outside of school. Obviously at school they will still see each other.

ETA: If I could delete this question, I would, but it's not allowed. Thank you Hanna and Green Tea for your feedback. I'm sure there will be others that agree with you. Right now, I am not in a place where I can handle reading the chain of posts quoting your messages with "I agree" messages underneith. I actually feel anxiety about seeing the deluge I know is coming. My request to others- please don't. I get the message and am sure many will agree with you. I'm taking a break, but thank you for your feedback.

[HannaAddict]

No, not based on the toy incident you described in another post. Kids do this sort of thing all the time, even followers, even if the parents aren't aware of it. You seem to be very, very focused on this young girl, for things that really don't seem to be outside normal behavior at all (even some naughty or bad behavior is totally normal), so I would not "cut off friendship" but I would try and figure out why these minor issues (as you have described them, they sound pretty minor i.e. taking a toy to school when not supposed to) are bothering you to this degree and what is really going on. I would really think about counseling for you and issues related to how you feel about your daughter being a follower, not a leader (as you have described it before) or if you are being self-destructive since you said you do like the mom and seeing her six year old daughter as 'deceitful' (a very mean and harsh term to be used for a child I think) and wanting to "cut off" the friendship will definitely make it unlikely you will stay friends with this mom. Honestly, the tone you take towards this child makes me feel badly for her, kids can tell if you like them or not, and I'd gracefully try and make an excuse why you can't keep watching her until you get a handle on why this has become such an issue for you. I am sure this sounds harsh, but based on your recents posts (combined with your past posts about other kids and adults and relationship issues), talking to a professional might help you.

[ha98ed14]

Wow. Well, truth hurts, I guess. Thanks for the feedback.

[Melaine]

if this is happening consistently, then yes, I would back off of social contact probably.

[Green_Tea]

No, not based on the toy incident you described in another post. Kids do this sort of thing all the time, even followers, even if the parents aren't aware of it. You seem to be very, very focused on this young girl, for things that really don't seem to be outside normal behavior at all (even some naughty or bad behavior is totally normal), so I would not "cut off friendship" but I would try and figure out why these minor issues (as you have described them, they sound pretty minor i.e. taking a toy to school when not supposed to) are bothering you to this degree and what is really going on. I would really think about counseling for you and issues related to how you feel about your daughter being a follower, not a leader (as you have described it before) or if you are being self-destructive since you said you do like the mom and seeing her six year old daughter as 'deceitful' (a very mean and harsh term to be used for a child I think) and wanting to "cut off" the friendship will definitely make it unlikely you will stay friends with this mom. Honestly, the tone you take towards this child makes me feel badly for her, kids can tell if you like them or not, and I'd gracefully try and make an excuse why you can't keep watching her until you get a handle on why this has become such an issue for you. I am sure this sounds harsh, but based on your recents posts (combined with your past posts about other kids and adults and relationship issues), talking to a professional might help you.

I agree with Hanna. Your ongoing preoccupation with your daughter's friendships and your desire to micromanage them seem to be putting YOUR relationship with DD in jeopardy. The way you describe this child, as well as other children, is a little worrisome. I think working with a professional to explore why this is such a hot button for you might help you gain some perspective that will allow you to give your daughter the space and opportunity to grow.

[specialp]

Not based on what you described. This sounds really minor and very typical of this age group. If your daughter starts getting in trouble or it was a dangerous items vs. a toy, etc., I might feel differently. Your daughter wasn’t persuaded to break a rule and there has to be some middle ground other than cutting off a friendship. Second, your daughter is doing exactly what she should do. She is following your rules and then coming and telling you about it. It is awesome that she is coming to you!!! If you start cutting off her friendships over minor things now and at this young of an age, chances are she will stop talking to you about them as years go by and the issues get bigger. I think it is best to let her know she can come to you and you will help her navigate these situations, not that you’ll eliminate them for her.

eta: Sorry, OP. I didn't see your edit until after I posted.

[inmypjs]

Oh I'm sorry, I just saw it too that you asked others not to respond. Sorry! Hope you feel better about things soon!