If you would let your ds wear nail polish .....

[JustMe]

If you let your ds wear nailpolish, and he really liked it, would you be okay giving it as a gift?
The situation is ds likes to wear nailpolish. He and dd wear it, not too often, but when one asks the other asks too.
Dc both go to an alternative public school. He has never been teased about this. I have told him that it is possible he may be teased sometime because some people don't think boys should wear nailpolish. He says he is fine with this, although I think his opinion would change if he does get teased (he would be embarrassed and stop wearing it).

At the end of the summer when the piggy paint sale was going on, I was looking at the colors on-line. Both dc came up behind me and pointed out their favorite colors and said they wished they had them. I ordered them secretly and saved them for a Chanukah gift. So, Chanukah starts next week and I was thinking they would each get their piggy paint one night for their gift. For some reason, I don't know if it is good for me to do this.

It is probably relevant that I am a single mom and don't want to feel that I am influencing ds to do things that are more stereotypical girl things.

[Nechums]

That's a tough one. If it was my DS, I probably wouldn't give him as a gift. I wouldn't discourage him from wearing nail polish if he wants to, but I also wouldn't proactively encourage it either which is basically what's happening when you give a gift.

[buttercup]

I would let DS wear it; I would not gift it. I realize that sounds logically inconsistent.

[TwinFoxes]

It kind of depends on where you live. Hippyish town, I'd be more likely to think gifting it is OK. The rest of America where there's a higher likelihood of teasing, I'd be less likely to gift it. It'd be great if we did not have to worry about teasing, but it's the real world.

[citymama]

Personally, I would totally give it as a gift if I thought he would like it - stocking stuffer type item. Why not?

[Aishe]

I'd gift it. I have let my 4yo ds wear dresses (in public) and I have bought him girl pajamas (at his request). So I may be at the far end of the spectrum.

[arivecchi]

No. I would not even let my boys wear nail polish. I would not want them to be teased for it. Then again, I rarely wear polish, so they are not likely to pick up this particular idea.

[ellies mom]

I'd gift it. I guess the way I see it is that my daughters can only wear that stuff for fun, not to school so why couldn't my (non-existent) son wear it for fun?

[Globetrotter]

I admire my friend who let her ds wear dresses, dress up as a princess for halloween, wear nail polish, etc.. Somehow my kids never commented on it, which I thought was cool.

I think I would be okay with letting him wear the nail polish but maybe not encourage it too much outside of the house due to potential teasing. It's just the sad reality, though I personally don't think it should matter and admire anyone who is willing to stand up to the status quo. Hmmm… I don't know. It's not an easy one for me, TBH.

[JBaxter]

I have painted Jack's toenails red He wanted zombie blood on them its not a big deal but I would discourage it on a regular basis and no I would not gift him his own.

[TwinFoxes]

I'd gift it. I have let my 4yo ds wear dresses (in public) and I have bought him girl pajamas (at his request). So I may be at the far end of the spectrum.

Four (preschool) is different than 7 (first-second grade). I think at 4 most people think "awwww". I know plenty of people who let there pre school boys wear dresses.

At 7 I think there's a greater likelihood of teasing at a park, out shopping, wherever for wearing Piggy Painted nails.

ETA: it's interesting that some tiny things are called "bullying" here. But this seems like it could set a kid up for actual prolonged bullying. If I were sure her DS wouldn't suffer because of it, I'd say why not.

[marie]

Personally, I would totally give it as a gift if I thought he would like it - stocking stuffer type item. Why not?
:yeahthat:

Besides - look at the "manicure" on Red Sox catcher David Ross :)
http://www.providencejournal.com/topics/photos/sports/red-sox/20131005-red-sox-7-rays-4.ece?ssimg=1230884

[Starfish]

Four (preschool) is different than 7 (first-second grade). I think at 4 most people think "awwww". I know plenty of people who let there pre school boys wear dresses.

At 7 I think there's a greater likelihood of teasing at a park, out shopping, wherever for wearing Piggy Painted nails.

ETA: it's interesting that some tiny things are called "bullying" here. But this seems like it could set a kid up for actual prolonged bullying. If I were sure her DS wouldn't suffer because of it, I'd say why not.

So, what age would most people say that boys are 'too old' to ask to do these 'girlie' things? 'Cause at 7y, my son is still very much interested in these things...wants to wear nail polish, likes to braid my hair, wants a pink pair of PJ's like his sister. I've explained to him that he might get teased so he's never pushed further, but nevertheless, he still often asks. And except for his 5th birthday when he actually got the AG Bitty twins (because he complained that there was no such store for 'American Boy'), I haven't done anything else to 'encourage' this interest. Just wanted to add that my son also has ZERO interest in sports and roughhousing....he knows that he's different from a lot of other boys in that aspect but he doesn't seem to care one bit. So glad that the Rainbow Loom has been popular for all kids this year!

[sntm]

I'd gift it since he asked for it specifically. Recognizing that teasing is a possibility, I think you invite as much trouble when you say (implicitly or explicitly) that it is something he shouldn't do or should only do at home or should be secretive about.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sure. I let ds2 pick them out. Never bought it as a gift, more impulse buys. But, he'd like it.

[MontrealMum]

I really don't know what to say about the gift thing. DS' nails (toes) are currently a lovely chocolate brown...like bear claws :) (his description) I've been doing his toes since he was about 3 and started asking. Usually in odd colors like fluorescent orange, blue, or brown. He picks his own colors. Mine are too "pinkish". When he was little I didn't really worry too much about it, but now that he's 6 and in First I kind of worry that he'll get teased, though he has not had that problem yet. I don't want to stiffle his personal sense of style and expression, but at the same time, yeah, I totally get that this is not the gender norm for a boy, so I"m not sure how much longer we'll be doing it.

[KrisM]

No. I would not even let my boys wear nail polish. I would not want them to be teased for it. Then again, I rarely wear polish, so they are not likely to pick up this particular idea.

That doesn't really matter. I never wear nail polish. DD loves it and so does DS2. They sure didn't learn from me!


So, what age would most people say that boys are 'too old' to ask to do these 'girlie' things? 'Cause at 7y, my son is still very much interested in these things...wants to wear nail polish, likes to braid my hair, wants a pink pair of PJ's like his sister. I've explained to him that he might get teased so he's never pushed further, but nevertheless, he still often asks. And except for his 5th birthday when he actually got the AG Bitty twins (because he complained that there was no such store for 'American Boy'), I haven't done anything else to 'encourage' this interest. Just wanted to add that my son also has ZERO interest in sports and roughhousing....he knows that he's different from a lot of other boys in that aspect but he doesn't seem to care one bit. So glad that the Rainbow Loom has been popular for all kids this year!

DS2 is 5 and still likes wearing polish. He has a Bitty Twin and is getting accessories for Christmas. He and DD play dolls often. He also likes to dress up and DD has gifted him her outgrown dresses :).

DS1 is in 4th and has a boy in his class that likes pink and sparkles, etc. He has these shoes: http://www.skechers.com/style/83632/twinkle-talls-gimme-4-upz/mlt. He gets teased a little, but also has good friends. Those are 9 and 10 year olds.

OP, I'd gift the nail polish.

[JustMe]

OP here. Thank you for the diversity of replies. At least I feel a little more sane in my confusion. The below is exactly my instinctual feeling.


I would let DS wear it; I would not gift it. I realize that sounds logically inconsistent.

I have no issue letting him wear it. FWIW, I don't wear nail polish (except for a few times when I painted mine along with the kids, just because they wanted me too), so he is not trying to imitate me. I just do feel weird gifting it to him...not sure what I will do because I also feel weird not gifting it to him at this point (plus that means I need to buy another Chanukah present for both dc, as I have decided I will not make it a Chanukah gift for dd if I dont for ds).

As far at they hippy/likelihood of teasing issue, there is quite a good representation of hippy here, with lots of people who are anything but too. Their school is very much on the hippy side. At his age, it is unlikely he would get teased at school and, if he did, teachers are likely to step in and educate the "teasers". Outside of school might be another story. As I said, though, this is less of the issue for me, as I will not stop him from wearing it, but just feel weird about gifting it---and for those who don't know much about Chanukah, there is generally a lot of excitement about opening and receiving the nightly Chanukah present.

[TwinFoxes]

So, what age would most people say that boys are 'too old' to ask to do these 'girlie' things? 'Cause at 7y, my son is still very much interested in these things...wants to wear nail polish, likes to braid my hair, wants a pink pair of PJ's like his sister. I've explained to him that he might get teased so he's never pushed further, but nevertheless, he still often asks. And except for his 5th birthday when he actually got the AG Bitty twins (because he complained that there was no such store for 'American Boy'), I haven't done anything else to 'encourage' this interest. Just wanted to add that my son also has ZERO interest in sports and roughhousing....he knows that he's different from a lot of other boys in that aspect but he doesn't seem to care one bit. So glad that the Rainbow Loom has been popular for all kids this year!

I don't know if there's an age where it's too old to ask. I do think after about 1st kids are open to teasing from other (older) kids. It's kind of like super hero capes. Super cute when preschoolers wear them, but if a first or second grader is regularly wearing them to school s/he might get teased. There's nothing inherently wrong or bad about super hero capes, but you'll definitely stand out if you're wearing them past K (at least in our elementary).

[arivecchi]

That doesn't really matter. I never wear nail polish. DD loves it and so does DS2. They sure didn't learn from me! Well, he may have picked it up from his sister. The thought has never even occurred to my boys. This is not at all common where I live.

[Aishe]

Four (preschool) is different than 7 (first-second grade). I think at 4 most people think "awwww". I know plenty of people who let there pre school boys wear dresses.

At 7 I think there's a greater likelihood of teasing at a park, out shopping, wherever for wearing Piggy Painted nails.


I have a second grader so I know what seven year olds are like. If my ds wanted nail polish at age 7, I'd likely give it to him. I would caution him that he might get teased, but I'm not going to choose all his battles for him.

That said, I can understand coming to the opposite conclusion. I don't think it's oppressive or anything not to get it for him.

[KrisM]

Well, he may have picked it up from his sister. The thought has never even occurred to my boys. This is not at all common where I live.

Sure, but where do the girls get the idea? She doesn't see me, my mom, etc wearing it. I'm sure DS sees it on others as much as DD does. He does enjoy playing with her, so I'm sure that's it. We have a picture of my brother in makeup and nails done, taken in about 1982, so it's not like this is a new thing either :).

[JustMe]

Sure, but where do the girls get the idea? She doesn't see me, my mom, etc wearing it. I'm sure DS sees it on others as much as DD does. He does enjoy playing with her, so I'm sure that's it. We have a picture of my brother in makeup and nails done, taken in about 1982, so it's not like this is a new thing either :).

I think it start when a child sees someone else applying nail polish (sometimes even just wearing it). Kids love colors and they want them! I remember thinking this when my ds first asked to have his nails painted 3 years ago, who am I to tell him that his sister gets colors and he doesn't? Now, I do continue to warn him about the teasing. As I said, the gifting part is where I am undecided personally- I don't think he intends to ban himself from wearing nail polish, at least for now, and I do not intend to either (not that he wears it that often, but he does wear it to school when he does). I know this can change suddenly for him, and that's fine too.

[elektra]

I have let my DS wear nail polish with no problems on my end. He sees DD getting some and then he wants some as well. He wanted black. I think it's cute, and he has always been really into little details about his appearance like accessories or his hair. He is only 4 though.
There are so many other things to get for gifts and so if you are hesitating, I wouldn't get it. One of the great things about having a sibling of the opposite sex is that you can play with their gender specific toys with no hang ups. ;) I never really liked girl toys and preferred my brother's transformers but my parents never bought me any for myself. They had no issues with my tomboyishness. I never felt like they were worried or judging me, and let me wear pants and gave up on pushing dresses on me very early on. However they never really bought me "boy" toys except unisex stuff like skateboards (back then there were no pink skateboards and such like there is now). All that to say that I think you can be totally supportive of your DS and how he wants to express himself without feeling like you have to go out and buy all kinds of stuff for him. I am actually not a huge fan of nail polish for myself or DD either, but if she or DS wanted to buy some with their own money I would let them get some. I probably wouldn't buy it as a gift though.

[waver]

Yes, I have gifted to my DS, in his stocking, along with his DD. This is when he was 6, I think (several years ago). I gave him red, green and blue, and to my DD, yellow, pink and purple. I had purchased a rainbow set of colors, and DS's favorite color is blue, so that is how I split the bottles.

We have absolutely no problem with either kid wanting to paint anyone's finger or toenails, any color. My husband has painted both kids, and both kids have painted ours. In fact, my DD painted my DH's fingernails pink and red yesterday.

Our school is quite progressive. A few boys in kinder and 1st grade will come to school in skirts occasionally, and they do not get teased. There is a boy, in 4th grade, who almost always wears skirts, dresses, has a pink backpack, and long hair. His mom is wonderful and easy going about it, and it goes from there. This kid does not get teased either. He is just accepted by his classmates and schoolmates as this is who he is. My son does not think this kid is strange or different or anything. He is just his school mate, so-and-so. I am grateful that our school is so open-minded and welcoming of kids and how they choose to dress.

I don't know how junior high will be, but the kids all move on to the same jr high. I think it is unfair that girls are more socially acceptable to be "tomboys" but boys can't be "tom-girls" (not sure the equivalent word, IFKWIM).

[larig]

I happen to live in one of those areas where it is not uncommon to see boys with nail polish. I've seen it done in Seahawks' colors, for example.

DS hasn't ever asked to polish his nails, but I would let him and if he liked it probably gift him some polish. DS, like PP's kids above, attends a very progressive school (k-8) and self-expression is encouraged and acceptance of all expected. I feel like it would be a safe space for him to wear whatever he wanted without the fear of teasing.

[jacksmomtobe]

I think as others have said I would not discourage him wearing the polish however I would not gift it to him.

[Globetrotter]

I am grateful that our school is so open-minded and welcoming of kids and how they choose to dress.


Wow, that is amazing. I wish all schools were like this.