Tips for helping DH with the kids?

[hillview]

So DH is a great loving dad in general however specifically he has a bit of a temper (oddly ONLY with the kids, never ever with me or anyone else I've seen) and DH is also very distractable.

Issue is that DH seems to go from 0-60 in temper. For example when it is time to leave in the morning if I am around but say getting ready to hop a cab so not in charge of getting everyone out the door, DH will wait til the last moment, tell the kids it is time to leave and then get FURIOUS in <2 mins if everyone isn't doing as he asks because he will be "late for the gym" or this morning when I was getting out the door at 610 am to go the gym (with his agreement) and DS1 just woke up (as in JUST woke up) DH was ALL over DS1 to get dressed and brush his teeth ... DS1 is not a morning person and they dont have to leave the house til 745 oh and DH had just gotten in the night before from a 3 day business trip. I told DH to take it easy, everyone just woke up and he just got home.

So if you read this far, any tips for DH aside from the talks he and I have had? Books? Um coaching? Ideas for me?

[BunnyBee]

Screamfree Parenting is a great book. I'd ask DH if he wants his kids to remember him yelling at him all through childhood. If he's in therapy for other things, get the therapist to help him develop some coping skills. I think the change has to come from him, kwim? Sounds cheesy, but...

[twowhat?]

I don't know, but we will be calling a psychologist who works with families on "parenting" (he doesn't call it that - he says that he doesn't want to tell people how to parent their children but will work with families to come up with better ways to communicate and work with their kids). Our ped referred this guy to us for DD2's "issues" (which I'm convinced isn't because there is anything wrong with DD2, just that we lack tools for dealing with her and she is a challenging child), and I am hopeful that we will also get some tools for DH to work on his anger issues. DH even said (once I got the referral from the ped) that maybe the psychologist would have some ideas to help him with anger management so I think he recognizes that getting angry like that isn't the best approach (he, too goes from 0-60 exactly the way you describe your DH,without thinking that oh, maybe they're hungry, or tired etc and automatically jumps to the "they're just not listening" conclusion without taking into consideration any of the context around the "misbehavior"). He only has memories of his own dad yelling at him, and I will totally pull this out ("you said you only remember your dad yelling at you. Is that what you want the girls to remember?" It's a good reality check for him). The other thing I've said that has had an impact is "do you want to teach them that yelling is how we deal with problems?"

I'll update once we have some sessions with the psychologist, but unlikely to happen until early next year because we're in the middle of busy season at work - I can barely find time to eat lunch these days and have been working every night. But next year we will make it happen. DH is not the type to read books, etc. I think going to see someone who can help us talk through the issues will be the best and the fact that the pediatrician (who DH really really respects) suggested this made him willing to try (all under the guise of DD2's "problems" ;))

And finally, hugs to you! I know how negatively that affects everyone in the family. Even the dogs get up and go away when DH raises his voice - they never do that with me, even when I occasionally raise my voice!

[Chitowngirl]

I'm following this thread with interest. My DH is the same way only my DS is only 1. I tell him all the time 'how can you get mad at a baby?!?!' I then get frustrated at DH for being so angry and short tempered with our son...not a good cycle.