NO, I am not abusing my child by not "doing" Santa (warning RANT ahead)

[dogmom]

Talking to a colleague who was loudly complaining she had to work Christmas. I tend to have no patience for this. We are well paid nurses, working in one of the best hospitals in the country. If you don't want to work Christmas, get a different nursing job. Oh, wait, it doesn't pay as much as doesn't offer the same flexible schedule? Yeah, welcome to what all the people who do get Christmas off have to deal with!

But here's the bitch. I mentioned one of the reasons my DH and I decided not to do Santa is as a nurse I didn't want to be trapped into the Christmas morning gift. Also for us, Santa was OK, but we still loved the holidays after we found out Santa wasn't real. Well she went off, with other people joining her. I was ruining the magic of the holidays for my kids. They were never going to enjoy Christmas like her kids were. I was ruining it for them. Uh, OK, is THAT why my DD starts bugging me right after Halloween about what we are doing for Christmas? Is that why they always want to have a Christmas Party because they love having their friends and family over and planning what to give them for door presents? Is that why they now love shopping for their grandparents and just as much as making their Christmas list? Then all these people that were telling me how GREAT Santa was and I was a bad, warped person not like other people for doing Santa started to tell me how "Christmas was never the same after I realized Santa wasn't real and I was mad at my parents." OK, WTF people! You are making my argument for me! Look, if you want to do Santa, fine. But seriously, you don't see why I might not want to go down that road? That something is wrong with me because I don't want to lie to my children for years their dreams dashed? Because you are telling me that is exactly what is going to happen. (For the record, no big deal when I found out Santa wasn't real.) And I'm sorry, that creepy little elf on the shelf thing seems like the NSA to me! I'm always, "Well, I'm don't want my kid to think he wasn't good because we can't get him want he wants for Christmas." And they are all, "No, the kids know there is only so many presents the elves can bring." I'm sorry, I'm know when my kids were 5 they knew their friends with money had nicer stuff than us. I don't really want them to think it's because they weren't "good enough". And, yes, I think the 5 yo will think that no matter how many times you tell them it's some elf output/labor rules things, they are going to think it's their fault. THAT'S WHAT KIDS DO! Then the old argument about "But they behave so well because they know they have to because Santa won't bring them gifts if they don't." Seriously, that's your argument? You get some fat guy in a suit to be a Mafia boss for your kids behavior and you think that is a good parenting technique?

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the one that started this whole thing starts telling me I better make sure my kids aren't "Those kids that ruin it for the rest of the kids." Yes, that is my responsibility. She actually was all, "But I love the music, the trees the cookies and Rudolf." And I was, "Yes, so do we, we have all that. We just don't believe in Santa. In fact I am singing Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer every night for bedtime to my DD." She actually told me I couldn't really sing Rudolf to her!

I don't judge anyone for doing Santa, if it works for your family, great. I realize I'm in the minority here. But the no Santa thing works for us, gives my DH and I lots of satisfaction and removes a lot of Santa related stress. But really, is that is how you are going to judge me? Not if my kids grow up to be great kids, but because they were not told some guy was going to break into their house at night at leave them presents? One of us needs therapy.

[TwinFoxes]

That's crazy. I think this is one of those rare situations where it's ok to tell someone "shut up" to their face.

[elektra]

Hey, no need to knock the big guy, and how he has to get down the chimney! Or the elves! We love the Santa magic around here. I love doing it for my kids. But your co-workers need to butt out. Plenty of children around the world do not celebrate this way and are still very happy.

[BabyBearsMom]

Your co-workers need to chill out and realize that criticizing the way someone celebrates a holiday is a major work place no-no (really an anywhere no-no, but at work it can get you fired). Are all the Jews in the world abusing their children by not celebrating Christmas? Muslims? We do the big guy but as someone who was brought up Jewish, I don't think the lack of Christmas magic negatively impacted me in the slightest.

[swissair81]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

[IansMom]

That's crazy. I think this is one of those rare situations where it's ok to tell someone "shut up" to their face.

:yeahthat: we dont "do" Santa either, and I dont think my parents did either. I never remember really believing in Santa. But we LOVE Christmas in my family. I think its so much more than believing in Santa. I had no idea that some people are so adamant about enforcing the belief (and believing everyone else should too.)

[mommylamb]

What a whack-a-doo! That must have been an awful discussion. There is nothing wrong with not doing santa. Honestly, sometimes I wonder why we do it, and I'm not really sure DS1 believes, or if he would care at all. We don't make a big deal out of Santa. The kids just get 1 gift from Santa (usually the big gift, though not necessarily), but I'm really not sure how long we'll keep up the facade. I grew up Jewish, so I never believed in Santa, and I distinctly remember knowing that I shouldn't tell other kids the truth. I don't think my mother ever even had that discussion with me, but I just knew not to do it. It really wasn't a big deal.

I hope you told your coworker that Christmas isn't just about materialism to you, though it may be that way in her family.

[BabyBearsMom]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

:hysterical: Thank goodness we all have such wonderful and helpful people in our lives who can enlighten us to our parenting mistakes.

[dogmom]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

Yes, I've heard that weird Passover thing your do has not gifts attached. You need to fix that right now! Really, who do you think you are keeping thousands of years of tradition going with the family. Please, find something "magical" to celebrate.

[dogmom]

I hope you told your coworker that Christmas isn't just about materialism to you, though it may be that way in her family.

She shops Black Friday every year and gets almost as worked up by that as Christmas. But, hey, I'm not into the Christmas magic!

[Piglet]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

Now come on, we can always have Hanukka Harry! We are still good parents - don't beat yourself up!

Re: Santa - I have a friend who's mom was incredibly poor growing up and they never got good presents from Santa, which always bothered her immensely. The mom (as a child) would see all the mean kids getting good expensive gifts and she was always trying to be "good" but always got very small gifts and was upset every Christmas by the injustice of it all. She vowed to raise her kids (my friend) without Santa so that they woulnd't have the same expectation of Santa gifts and the whole naughty/nice thing that goes with them. My friend is not at all scarred from this and is raising her kids without Santa as well - different strokes for different folks.

On a personal note, when I was 5 years old, I went to get a haircut a few days after Christmas and the hairdresser asked what Santa had given me. I looked at her like she was crazy and said that he hadn't brought me anything. She then had the ultimate insenstivity to say, "why? Were you naughty this year?"... yeah, that went well! I ran off crying, with only half my hair cut and my mom had to explain to her that we are Jewish!? Duh!

[123LuckyMom]

Wow! Your coworkers were waaaay out of line--and wrong to boot! We do Santa, but in a super low-key way, because our focus is religious, and Christmas for us is less about Rudolph and elves and Santa than about the birth of Jesus. However, we love all that stuff, too! It's fun, but we don't play it up as the reason for the season. My son is 5, and he knows about the real St. Nicholas and the differing traditions of Santa around the world. He believes in the "magic" of kindness and generosity, and I don't really know how much he believes or cares about Santa. I don't think our children will suffer because we don't make a huge deal about the secular trappings of Christmas. Yours certainly won't! Talk about being Grinches! What part of the Christmas spirit encourages them to accuse a coworker of child abuse for failing to follow a purely secular and culturally specific way of observing a religious holiday? Will your children be equally scarred if they don't get turkey and watch football on the fourth Thursday of November? I'm sorry this happened to you, OP!

[lizzywednesday]

That's crazy. I think this is one of those rare situations where it's ok to tell someone "shut up" to their face.

:yeahthat:

I think this person has other issues that need to be dealt with.

Perhaps you could give her the number of a well-recommended therapist? (Wait, sorry, that's too passive-aggressive. But, man, I would LOVE to do that to a lot of people!!)

I don't "do" Santa either ... not because I didn't growing up (we did) but because I'm ambivalent towards the whole thing. Also, DD doesn't know who he is.

And, though we did Santa when I was a kid, I wasn't angry with my mom for telling me about Santa when I was a kid - she dubbed me an "official Santa's Helper" when I was 9 or 10 and I proudly assumed the responsibility for stocking-filling each Christmas Eve from then on. (My dad allowed this to continue post-divorce, but never realized how absolutely anal retentive I am about ensuring each stocking has EXACTLY THE SAME NUMBER of each color wrapper from Hershey's Miniatures & Kisses until he caught me counting out jelly beans at Easter.)

Call me kooky, but I think there's plenty of "magic" around the holidays that it's magnified when you have kids - you get to see their little faces light up with excitement & anticipation on Christmas morning as they race downstairs to check out whatever's under the tree; or you see them admiring lights for the first time with that "WOW!" expression on their faces ... I dunno. It's magical enough without the Claus that I don't think having/not having him detracts at all.

[lizzywednesday]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

I don't understand the things that come out of people's mouths sometimes.

My dear friend and roommate, an Orthodox Jew, and I co-celebrated our traditions in our little post-college, kosher-keeping apartment. Which meant she taught me how to make latkes using her Bubbe's recipe ... and I shared how to bake & decorate lebkuchen from my great-grandmother's kitchen. I also learned basic kashrut and remembered never to use the dairy sponge on the meat dishes - and vice versa.

The most fun I ever had was having her teach me how to fill hamentashen at Purim.

Jews aren't missing out on anything and saying they are is so ignorant.

[anonomom]

Good golly, what kind of rock does your co-worker live under? How did she become the arbiter of who is doing Christmas "right?"

I'm curious -- is she a loon under regular circumstances, or is it more of a seasonal issue?

[elliput]

Call me kooky, but I think there's plenty of "magic" around the holidays that it's magnified when you have kids - you get to see their little faces light up with excitement & anticipation on Christmas morning as they race downstairs to check out whatever's under the tree; or you see them admiring lights for the first time with that "WOW!" expression on their faces ... I dunno. It's magical enough without the Claus that I don't think having/not having him detracts at all.

Exactly this. OP - your co-work has some serious issues. She needs a big serving of MYOB in her stocking.

[BunnyBee]

She's an asshat.

[doberbrat]

WOW when did people stop learning MYOB!! or even basic manners?? I mean, I see plenty of things that I 'judge' to be wrong like parents using threats of Santa is watching etc to get their kids to behave but I keep my mouth firmly SHUT. b/c its not my kid or my family and really, its NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

We do NOT do elf on the shelf b/c we dont tie Santa gifts to behavior for the same reason a PP said - I dont want my kids to feel they havent been 'good enough' b/c they didnt get the latest $300 toy. If it works for someone else's family great but I just cant imagine telling someone they were wrong for doing it (or not).

And, havent you guys heard, Jewish kids are the luckiest b/c they get 8 nights of gifts ;)

[Gracemom]

What is wrong with people??? Weren't we all supposed to learn in Kindergarten that different families have different traditions? So sorry you were the brunt of her idiocy. Sounds like you have a lovely Christmas! And thanks for working during the holidays. My mom was a nurse too and I remember having to wait for her to get off from working the night shift before opening presents.

[JCat]

Gees was your co worker drunk at work or does she just have general poor decision making skills normally?

[AngelaS]

Ugh. Sounds like the exact rant my sister gave me every.single.year about our decision not to do Santa. I feel your pain.

I have come to the conclusion that those that get so angry when we say we aren't going told lie makes them justify what they're doing by bashing us.

[bisous]

I so don't get the ire over this issue! I'm sorry you ran into some really rude people. There are myriads of reasons for not doing "Santa" and I'm totally and completely sure that you are not "abusing" your child by simply not buying into the hype. Yikes.

[Globetrotter]

She should be happy that you are willing to work holidays!

That would be annoying, but she sounds a bit kooky.

[DietCokeLover]

Please don't let that lady ever be my nurse!

[Ms B]

BTW, it's true about the Jews. We are abusing our kids by not celebrating Christmas. Chanukah is just not good enough. I was glad someone told me so I know my childhood and that of my children are lacking. At least, that's what I've been told. Also, I am missing out by keeping kosher.

Love this response!!! As a MOT with a December 25 birthday it is possible that I got the best of all worlds . . . Chanukah (8 nights! And this year, Thanksnukah!) plus much of the planet celebrates MY birthday. I never am expected to work that day, so bonus!

[swissair81]

^^Thanksgivukah :)