Seriously? LET YOUR KID WORK IT OUT!

[lizzywednesday]

So, three days before our annual photo shoot with our children, my sister texts me that our SIL is "mean" and our one nephew is "too rough" with her DS1.

Yes, I admit that our DN is rather rambunctious. It's partially normal and partially, I think, socialization. In that he doesn't really socialize with other children, so he gets overstimulated about our kids visiting. He is 3. Not 10. THREE. And your DS1 is 4 and a freaking wuss. (Yes. I said it. I love the kid, but he is a wuss.)

The DN1 has been rough with my DD, too, but they work it out. She's also a tough little bugger who will give him every bit of what-for if he's rough with her. And I honestly don't think that's a problem. (They haven't killed each other yet!)

And, yes, it's rough when you see him trying to play roughly with your DS2. I would be concerned, too. But your plan of action is to remove DS2 from the area, and you let DN1's parents deal with the discipline.

But being passive-aggressive about it - "please don't repeat what I said about them" - is really effing ridiculous. I really, really, REALLY, want to tell them, but I promised not to and I don't want to lie.

I promised to be on the lookout. And I also told her she really ought to talk to our brother about it.

"Well, I'll give DN1 one chance but if it gets out of hand, I'll talk do DB."

Good. You do that. But don't get me involved for you being such a passive-aggressive wimp. If you have a problem with someone, JUST EFFING TELL THEM and work it out.

[Ms B]

My theory always is to let the little people pound on each other as long as things do not reach the "lord of the flies stage", i.e. intentional hitting or biting. At two or three little kids do not realize their own strength or have perfect control over their gross motor skills, so there will be the inevitable bumps and bruises, especially if they all decide that jumping off the sandbox or pounding each other with wrapping paper tubes is hysterical fun.

On the other hand, I am aggressive-aggressive (as opposed to passive-aggressive), so what do I know? :wink2:

[bisous]

I had a rough guy. DS1 was sweet but just REALLY overdid it when it came to hugging and playing! It was hard because some kids were just really turned off by his behavior but PARENTS were the worst. It made me sad for DS because he was really tender hearted and (unlike some of my kids) never ever tried to hurt others! I try to see it from the perspective of shy kids and that gives me more understanding for where some of the parents are coming from. OP, since it is family, your situation is extra tricky. Here's hoping that everyone in the situation is kind, especially to all the KIDS involved!

[lizzywednesday]

My sister would wrap her kids in bubble wrap if she could. It mostly has to do with the fact that she works with brain-damaged and critically ill kids - she's seen the consequences of those slim percentage freak things that can happen to kids up-close-and-personal, so she parents with a lot of fear and anxiety.

Which ticks me off to no end because I'm the one who had the kid who needed an ICU stay and multiple surgeries ... and I am much more relaxed about letting her get into rough-and-tumble situations. My kid climbs to the top of the play structure and hangs off the edge; hers asks for permission to take a step, KWIM?

My DN1 isn't necessarily "shy" but he is sheltered. VERY sheltered. Because my sister can't let go of her anxiety.

And it's not like our kids have a huge age gap - the older kids are within 10 months, an inch or two in height, and a few pounds of each other. They're at similar developmental stages, though DN2 is a just-turned-3-year-old so dealing with him is more like dealing with a very rambunctious 2-year-old than a 3-year-old.

I'm behind her 100% when it comes to the little ones - DN3 is 15 months while DN4 is 7 months - because the bigger kids need to learn how to be gentle with the babies who can't defend themselves.

But for 3-and-4-year-old kids? Cut them some slack.