It's been a year

[♥ms.pacman♥]

exactly one year, since I started working,after being a SAHM for nearly 3 years. While I love my job I just feel sad that by now i'm not where i thought I would be. I thought i'd have it together by now, and be all totally down to the routine. Many days i still feel like i'm a chicken running around with its head cutoff. I make mistakes here and there. Probably few times a month I forget my phone or my badge or my lunch or SOMETHING as I'm rushing out the door and i have to rush back (once, i spilled water on myself as i was drinking..had to rush home to change!). My brain seems to resemble nothing what it was merely 10 years ago when i was in graduate school. I feel like I still struggle to balance and juggle everything. I often feel like I dont' have time to do anything that everyone in the universe seems to have time to do (a social life? what's that?).

just having a rotten day today(AF has reared its ugly, ugly head therefore I'm miserable and am on 2nd day of a migraine..plus I have to give a big presentation tomorrow, and I think I am still "hungover" from Thanksgiving weekend travel). Oh and thanks to construction traffic to/from work has sucked a$$ this week. Bleh. Thanking my lucky stars DH is home this week.

[BabyBearsMom]

Take it easy on yourself. I think you are setting impossible standards for yourself. We all forget things. You have two small children and you WOH FT. You have a lot going on. Give yourself a break.

[boolady]

Take it easy on yourself. I think you are setting impossible standards for yourself. We all forget things. You have two small children and you WOH FT. You have a lot going on. Give yourself a break.

This. When you were in grad school, you weren't responsible for 2 young children and the goings on of an entire household. I have 1 kid, and forgot my lunch so many times in the first two years that now I usually don't even bother. You're doing great.

[wellyes]

Listen, I regularly forgot my badge or cash even pre-kids. Don't be so hard on yourself. You lost 30 lbs and that alone makes you a rock star.

[emily]

You are being too hard on yourself. Whenever I read one of your threads about your DH traveling you juggling everything solo, I think "wow, how does she do it??!!" :bowdown:

[pb&j]

You're doing great. Don't sweat it. And with your DH's travel schedule? You're a mothereffing rockstar in my book.

I will say, as the kids got a bit older and DH was able to rearrange his work schedule to be home more things like socializing and actually connecting with DH have gotten a lot easier to squeeze in. It still takes a lot of intention to do these things, but they're not impossible like they were.

And, I went through a spell where I made a really big effort to have lunch with a friend 1-2 times per month. It was a great way to connect with new friends and reconnect with old friends. Since I was on my lunch hour at work, it wasn't a huge time commitment, and I didn't have to arrange childcare. I've kind of let it fall by the wayside a bit, but it was a great re-entry into the mindset that I *need* social connections.

[twowhat?]

One year is NOT enough time to get your brain back in the swing of things. I remember thinking about this about a year after I went back to work - I was making SO MANY MISTAKES at work. I was terrified that I just wasn't smart enough to do the job that I used to do before having kids and that I'd need to start looking for less brain-intensive work. You CANNOT compare your brain now to your brain 10 years ago. Apples to oranges! 10 years ago you had no kids and basically just yourself to worry about.

It took me much longer than a year to start feeling more confident about my mental ability to handle it all, and it's a works in progress still. But it is MUCH better than it used to be. Kids are older now so things are easier, I've gained more experience/exercised my brain more at work, etc. DH and I have found ways to streamline things over time in terms of housework (that's still a MAJOR works in progress!!).

My social life still needs work though...but that's low on my list of priorities:)

Definitely cut yourself some slack. It takes time, and a lot of it!

[lizzywednesday]

Um, hi, I only have one and there are days when I know I haven't got it all together.

I've been back from maternity leave for almost 4 years … and this year was the first year I really felt like everything was gelling into something resembling a routine.

Cut yourself some slack. I know it's hard in your industry with the whole boys' club and crap, but, jeez! You're doing fine.

You are human. You make mistakes. It's OK.

[niccig]

Take it easy on yourself. I think you are setting impossible standards for yourself. We all forget things. You have two small children and you WOH FT. You have a lot going on. Give yourself a break.

I have to agree. Ease up on yourself. I've learned to do that more this semester and no one notices that there are times when dinner is what can be microwaved or DS buys lunch at school. Yes, crappy school lunch but it's not every day and he eats well other times so he can have their frozen pizza on a very busy day and won't die from it. We (DH and I) forgot to do the laundry, so he wore same jeans to school and played 2 soccer games in dirty uniform. Again, he didn't die from it. Though with the soccer uniform I told him to fall down ASAP so people would think the dirt was from THAT game and not the game 4 days before :tongue5:

I've forgotten my laptop two times this semester. I need it for everything and I just left it on the table. When I was a SAHM twice I did the grocery shop then realized left wallet at home, thankfully TJs staff just put the cart in the cold room while I went home to get it.

If everyone is fed, clothed and LOVED, you're doing great. STOP comparing yourself to others. I would still be recovering from DH being out of town for as long as your DH was gone.

[petesgirl]

I clocked out twice (making the 2nd one a clock in) just last Friday and had to email payroll to get it fixed. :) you definitely aren't alone in feeling like you have less brain power than before.

[AnnieW625]

You are WAY too hard on yourself. I have been a working mom for almost 7.5 yrs. and I make those "rookie" mistakes all of the time. It does get better, but don't stress out about it. I have driven to work without my purse or my wallet or one time I left my wallet on my desk overnight. Things will work out just fine. :hug:

[egoldber]

You are WAY too hard on yourself. I have been a working mom for almost 7.5 yrs. and I make those "rookie" mistakes all of the time. It does get better, but don't stress out about it.

I agree that you're being way too hard on yourself. But I was too, so I get it. :) I think the hardest thing for me personally to learn was that chaos was the "new normal". Every day is triage. I do the best I can and that's really good enough. I took me almost 3 years to get to that point though. I think I was probably at my angriest with my new working life about 6-12 months into the process.

And the days that DH travels are STILL out of control. I try to telework some of the days he is gone because at least it eliminates the commute and makes that easier. For some reason I am thinking that telework is not an option for you?

[Meatball Mommie]

You are WAY too hard on yourself. I have been a working mom for almost 7.5 yrs. and I make those "rookie" mistakes all of the time. It does get better, but don't stress out about it. I have driven to work without my purse or my wallet or one time I left my wallet on my desk overnight. Things will work out just fine. :hug:

Almost 5 years as a working mom here and just last night I left my cell phone at work! I've also left my purse or cell phone at home many a time!

Don't beat yourself up over it. I always joke that I gave each of my kids half my brain when they were born and now I'm left with nothing! I won't say it gets easier because I haven't really found that to be true, but you do go through manageable periods of time! It comes in waves for our family. Hang in there!!!! It will work out somehow :)

[MamaMolly]

Take it easy on yourself. I think you are setting impossible standards for yourself. We all forget things. You have two small children and you WOH FT. You have a lot going on. Give yourself a break.

Well said. You aren't the same person you were 10 years ago. I think I'd be a loony lady if I tried to do all you are doing with my DH out of town. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

[westwoodmom04]

Honestly, I think it is near impossible to have a non-chaotic life once you have kids, whether you work outside the home or not, especially if you have more than one kid. Congratulations for getting the first year of working outside the home under your belt, things will get easier, especially given your husband's planned job change.

[BabbyO]

I'm 2 yrs back at work with just a 12 week leave and I'm JUST starting to feel like I've got half my brain back. I still forget things, am rushed, and make mistakes. I think it is part of life. Whenever I have a down day, I just think about the smiling faces I will see when I get home....and when they are whining and fighting when I get home, I just try to laugh at the silly image that got me through the day. But in reality, when I get home many days, I get two huge hugs and "Mommy, mommy" shouted in my direction.

It'll get better...it has to, right!? :)

[Kira's Mommy]

Same story here. WOHM. My kids are 1.5 and 3.5. I've been back at work for 9 months. My professional brain is on life support, my professional memory is dead. I typically get 5-6 hours max of sleep per night (I work from home after putting the kids to bed). I don't have any social life.

I think if I push myself any harder, I'll break. I choose to be very kind to my professional self these days. I sincerely congratulate myself on not getting fired every single day because I really do find it to be very impressive. I celebrate every minor working success with champagne. I think that if I can survive in this profession now with two toddlers at home, in 15-20 years from now, when my kids are all grown up and independent, working will be a like a walk in a park. I will kick my career's a$$ in 15-20 years! Just wait:)

[twowhat?]

Here's a little laugh to make you feel better:

http://www.mommyshorts.com/2013/12/what-does-the-kid-say.html

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I think if I push myself any harder, I'll break. I choose to be very kind to my professional self these days. I sincerely congratulate myself on not getting fired every single day because I really do find it to be very impressive. I celebrate every minor working success with champagne. I think that if I can survive in this profession now with two toddlers at home, in 15-20 years from now, when my kids are all grown up and independent, working will be a like a walk in a park. I will kick my career's a$$ in 15-20 years! Just wait:)

Best. Post. Ever.

Only I've been a WOHM for ... 9 years!!! OMG. Somehow it hasn't gotten easier. :D

[ahisma]

I agree - lighten up on yourself. I've been in grad school or working since the boys were born - they're now 5 and 7. DS1 was literally born my first month of law school...I should have this down by now.

I don't. Not at all. I know this because, a few weeks ago, I went to a meeting and FORGOT MY BLOUSE. I arrived wearing tights, a skirt, boots, jewelry, a bra and a raincoat. It was a meeting with five 60+year old men and myself, and I was presenting. Topless. I'm sure they think I'm a nut for not taking off my raincoat - but presenting in my bra seemed like a dumb choice;)

Oh - and they haven't fired me yet;)

[BabyBearsMom]

I agree - lighten up on yourself. I've been in grad school or working since the boys were born - they're now 5 and 7. DS1 was literally born my first month of law school...I should have this down by now.

I don't. Not at all. I know this because, a few weeks ago, I went to a meeting and FORGOT MY BLOUSE. I arrived wearing tights, a skirt, boots, jewelry, a bra and a raincoat. It was a meeting with five 60+year old men and myself, and I was presenting. Topless. I'm sure they think I'm a nut for not taking off my raincoat - but presenting in my bra seemed like a dumb choice;)

Oh - and they haven't fired me yet;)

At least you had a bra and underpants. I forgot those one morning and had to go commando all day!

[buttercup]

Same story here. WOHM. My kids are 1.5 and 3.5. I've been back at work for 9 months. My professional brain is on life support, my professional memory is dead. I typically get 5-6 hours max of sleep per night (I work from home after putting the kids to bed). I don't have any social life.

I think if I push myself any harder, I'll break. I choose to be very kind to my professional self these days. I sincerely congratulate myself on not getting fired every single day because I really do find it to be very impressive. I celebrate every minor working success with champagne. I think that if I can survive in this profession now with two toddlers at home, in 15-20 years from now, when my kids are all grown up and independent, working will be a like a walk in a park. I will kick my career's a$$ in 15-20 years! Just wait:)

I love this so much. I am going to start congratulating self for not being fired (or quitting) each day. I further agree that in 13 years or so (not that I'm counting) my career will totally take off in a most spectacular way.

[StantonHyde]

I agree - lighten up on yourself. I've been in grad school or working since the boys were born - they're now 5 and 7. DS1 was literally born my first month of law school...I should have this down by now.

I don't. Not at all. I know this because, a few weeks ago, I went to a meeting and FORGOT MY BLOUSE. I arrived wearing tights, a skirt, boots, jewelry, a bra and a raincoat. It was a meeting with five 60+year old men and myself, and I was presenting. Topless. I'm sure they think I'm a nut for not taking off my raincoat - but presenting in my bra seemed like a dumb choice;)

Oh - and they haven't fired me yet;)

OMG---you are my shero!!!!!!!

[StantonHyde]

I had days BEFORE KIDS when I had to hit Target for undies/bras because I forgot them in my workout bag--its always fun to hand the male cashier the tags and just say "I'm wearing it". Needless to say, they don't ask for proof!!

PS--you can always get your kid a lunchables on the way to school when you forgot to pack lunch. 7-11 carries them. Don't ask me how I know this......

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, thank you for all the replies..it does make me feel tons better!! thankfully the next day was better, headache went away, i finally got my presentation over with and we got our photos from the photographer which turned out great.

and wow that story about forgetting the blouse..that sounds like something i would do!! i'm surprised it hasn't happened to me yet!! and forgetting my wallet - already do that a ton. the day after i was in that car accident i went to do grocery shopping on my lunch break (DH was OOT that week and we had nothing) and i was all proud of myself for managing to get stuff, then upon checking out i realized i had left it on my desk at work (i had taken it out to get license info after talking with an insurance agent). I was SO MAD at myself for that. i guess i feel like if i don't have the kids with me i should have no excuse to be forgetting things left and right. but i seriously think that just the mere notion of having kids, my mind is somewhere else and i just don't have any brainpower left to be checking to make sure i have this or that.

[baymom]

I agree - lighten up on yourself. I've been in grad school or working since the boys were born - they're now 5 and 7. DS1 was literally born my first month of law school...I should have this down by now.

I don't. Not at all. I know this because, a few weeks ago, I went to a meeting and FORGOT MY BLOUSE. I arrived wearing tights, a skirt, boots, jewelry, a bra and a raincoat. It was a meeting with five 60+year old men and myself, and I was presenting. Topless. I'm sure they think I'm a nut for not taking off my raincoat - but presenting in my bra seemed like a dumb choice;)

Oh - and they haven't fired me yet;)

:rotflmao: Thank you for a huge belly laugh!!! You sure did get an awesome story out of it!!!

[egoldber]

and forgetting my wallet - already do that a ton.

I've gone to the store so many times without my purse/wallet that I now keep a spare credit card in my car. :o

And I also keep a spare set of clothes in my desk!

[Philly Mom]

Agree that you are being to hard on yourself. Add me to the crowd of people who leaves clothes at my desk along with $20 locked away. I have also had to borrow money from colleagues before or had a friend pay for lunch or had to meet my DH to get cash from him because I forgot my wallet.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk (http://tapatalk.com/m?id=1)

[niccig]

and forgetting my wallet - already do that a ton. the day after i was in that car accident i went to do grocery shopping on my lunch break (DH was OOT that week and we had nothing) and i was all proud of myself for managing to get stuff, then upon checking out i realized i had left it on my desk at work (i had taken it out to get license info after talking with an insurance agent). I was SO MAD at myself for that.

I've done this twice when I was a SAHM and didn't have DS with me.

I went to pick DS up from school, as I was gone, there was a fire at beginning of our canyon and we were evacuated so I couldn't go home. It got to 5pm, still not allowed home, DS was starving, it was just before holidays and friends I would have gone to were out of town, I was going to take DS to restaurant to eat, but realized I had forgotten my wallet. DH told me to eat very slowly as it would take him 90 mins to get to us. We ordered appetizers, main, dessert, coffee and just kept waiting for DH to get there.

[stefani]

If you ever figure out how to it all together, please let me know :-)
I have been a WOHM for 10 years, and most days I am thankful that I didn't forget to go to work, to get home, to pick up DS when it is my turn and I still have my head on top of my body...

Just this afternoon, I called DH to check whether I remembered to close the garage door or not.

Hugs.

[daisysmom]

Best. Post. Ever.

Only I've been a WOHM for ... 9 years!!! OMG. Somehow it hasn't gotten easier. :D

I double quote this. I have been a woth attorney for almost 7 years, now in my 20th year of practice. My husband is an executive officer for a large corporation so all child, house, dog duties are mine. While I am "only" part time, I regularly leave my cell phone somewhere or am running at 6 pm late to try to grab something for dinner. I too congratulate myself for not getting fired. Heck, I would fire me if I didn't know me!