My totally frivolous Facebook friend request question

[SnuggleBuggles]

Say your nemesis in high school sent you a friend request, what do you do? Never nice to you but you were in many overlapping activities so tolerated each other most of the time. She'd say mean things under her breath just as we were about to go on stage for plays though... It could be that I was equally unkind to her but I don't think so. I think most of the time we just went our separate ways or at least I did.

*Be mature and say that people change, give her a chance? You can always unfriend if you change your mind.

*Say heck no- You're totally allowed to be petty even if she is totally awesome now?

*Think no way! This is probably a scam to get your personal info and photos!

*Or are you saying, "you're really overthinking this. Just decline." (which is what I did :) well, I ignored for now.)

eta- there is an element of curiosity that makes me want to accept. Hence my quandary. I'd like to see what she is up to.

She's friends with lots of mutual friends, including dh (I was slightly indignant that he accepted that request).

Too lazy to do a poll plus I'm annoyed with polls lately b/c I've been using Tapatalk lately.

[carolinacool]

I just ignore and don't give it a second thought.

[TwinFoxes]

I just ignore and don't give it a second thought.

:yeahthat: If you're curious just use DH's FB account.

[crl]

Ignore.

Catherine

[SnuggleBuggles]

:yeahthat: If you're curious just use DH's FB account.

That, in fact, is my plan. :)

[Kymberley]

Decline and feel great about it!

[smilequeen]

This sort of happened to me...

I had 2 girls who were really mean ringleaders in elementary school. I was the singled out, teased, tortured girl. One I never saw again past 8th grade. The other went to HS with me. The first one, I accepted (reluctantly) a friend request. She HAS changed and I'm glad I did. The other one though, 12 years of her was just too much to erase and I ignored her. We were NEVER friends, and my general (although not exclusive) rule is that we had to be friendly at some point for me to accept.

I think I'd ignore it and use DH's account to satisfy your curiosity.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That was my take too- we were never friends. Why should we be friends now? Thanks for sharing your experience.

[MontrealMum]

:yeahthat: If you're curious just use DH's FB account.

Exactly! Life's too short to deal with mean people. This will sound harsh, but she had a chance with you and blew it. I'd ignore and snoop via DH's account if you really feel the need.

[lalasmama]

My BFF in high school was the *really* overweight kid who was teased incessantly. One of the kids who teased a few times wrote a letter to BFF several years after high school. BFF was uncertain about reading the letter, but, after a lot of thinking about it, decided to open it. The letter was a 2-page apology about every perceived tiny thing the writer did/said to/about BFF. We're all friends on FB now, and the letter-writer has done a complete 180º.

So, that's my way of saying that I would friend her. You never know how she's changed. Maybe she just wants to apologize. And if she's still a witch, unfriend her.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i guess i'm in the minority here but when i got on FB (5 years ago?) i accepted pretty much all of these friend requests (random classmate, haven't talked to in ages, was one of the popular girls who snubbed me, cheated off my homework, or bullied me in elementary school). I figured, people change, we're all adults now, clean slate. And the crazy/coolest thing is, i would say 90-95% of them are the sweetest people ever now. I honestly think it's so amazing how people change, how different people are when they are adults vs. insecure teens. it also helps me to see them in the new light..and know that there was nothing wrong with ME as a kid/teen (i got teased a ton, i was a total nerd, very socially awkward), it was just other kids had their own issues.

[ellies mom]

i guess i'm in the minority here but when i got on FB (5 years ago?) i accepted pretty much all of these friend requests (random classmate, haven't talked to in ages, was one of the popular girls who snubbed me, cheated off my homework, or bullied me in elementary school). I figured, people change, we're all adults now, clean slate. And the crazy/coolest thing is, i would say 90-95% of them are the sweetest people ever now. I honestly think it's so amazing how people change, how different people are when they are adults vs. insecure teens. it also helps me to see them in the new light..and know that there was nothing wrong with ME as a kid/teen (i got teased a ton, i was a total nerd, very socially awkward), it was just other kids had their own issues.
This has generally been my experience as well. I have really enjoyed getting to know some of my former classmates as adults. I fully admit that I'm not always sure why they put in a friend request but overall it has been a good thing.

[american_mama]

Read about her via your DH's account. See what she's up to and keep your own privacy, total win-win.

[lizzywednesday]

The only people who I've blocked on FB have been my college ex-boyfriend (because he is a psycho,) my high school ex-boyfriend, his wife (who I don't/didn't know at all,) and a friend of mine whose untreated mental illness made her a real loose cannon in high school ... and the things I'd heard about her post-college didn't exactly improve my impression of her being a psychic vampire.

While I do not regret having been friends with or dated the folks I knew, I'm not entirely certain I want to invite them into my life now, regardless of the people they've become. Sometimes people change, I'll grant you that, but the degree to which their behaviors caused a rift in our relationships then is still very raw. (Also, one of them attempted to friend me while I was dealing with DD's diagnosis & treatment. I had enough drama in my day-to-day then and didn't need any more, real or perceived, to pile on.)

If I'm being honest, I still have to think about friend requests from "mean girls" who I haven't heard from since high school. I only knew who they were for 4 years and we never/rarely interacted, so I didn't really have any impetus to friend them.

[georgiegirl]

This happened to my mom of all people. The girl who was mean to her in high school sent her a friend request. She ended up accepting and was very happy to learn that her life tuned out much better than her nemesis'. While this woman didn't turn out to be super nice, she's no longer mean.

[hellokitty]

I would ignore AND hide that person on your facebook. Yes, sometimes ppl may change, but unless you see this person IRL often, what is the point of adding them to your fb, when your most recent memory of them were the bad ones from your school days? I feel that in these instances, it's more curiosity, that makes us want to, "friend," ppl like that, to see what they have been up to, not necessary to be their friend (again, or for the first time).

[minnie-zb]

i guess i'm in the minority here but when i got on FB (5 years ago?) i accepted pretty much all of these friend requests (random classmate, haven't talked to in ages, was one of the popular girls who snubbed me, cheated off my homework, or bullied me in elementary school). I figured, people change, we're all adults now, clean slate. And the crazy/coolest thing is, i would say 90-95% of them are the sweetest people ever now. I honestly think it's so amazing how people change, how different people are when they are adults vs. insecure teens. it also helps me to see them in the new light..and know that there was nothing wrong with ME as a kid/teen (i got teased a ton, i was a total nerd, very socially awkward), it was just other kids had their own issues.

This would describe me too -- I think there's only a couple of highschool requests I've ignored and it's because I just don't remember who the person is. Otherwise I've accepted them all and ended up chatting with folks I was not particularly close to. It's kind of nice! Things change a lot when you get away from high school and get some new perspective.

[maestramommy]

I don't friend people I didn't like in my past. Why should I?

That said, there was a girl I was friends with on and off. We sniped at each other on and off in jr high. I was not nice to her many a time. But we saw each other on our alumni page and she requested to be my friend. I thought that was pretty classy and forgiving of her and accepted.

But I still don't friend people if were not friendly at all in the past. I mean, I really don't know anything about them, and I'm leery of friending people I don't know much about.