S/O "replacing" engagement ring?

[lmh2402]

would you ever replace your ring without having lost it?

i absolutely loved my ring. was exactly what i would have wanted; it's unique and i get lots of compliments on it.

but we've had some significant marital issues, which we've been working on. working hard. things are much improved, but I feel like there's this line in the sand of before and after. obviously, there are many things from "before," including my kids! that i would never replace

but the ring - that was/is just between us. as a couple. signified our commitment, what i thought was amazing and wonderful and happy and forever-after, etc, etc.

there is something very tainted about that now. i've been thinking about this for awhile, but I'm still not sure what to do.

i am not sure i could/would want to sell the ring i have. it's an antique, hand-cut stone, so one of a kind for sure.

i don't know. feeling a lot of angst over this.

it's a beautiful ring and not low-budget, so to simply "buy a new one," would be a significant spend.

i think H would be extremely upset if i brought this up, so i'm asking here if i'm being crazy. wdyt?

thanks

[Mopey]

Without preamble, I wonder if what a new ring really represents to you is the re-commitment of you two, etc. after all you've gone through and choosing each other and working on it. Would that be a possibility?

We do live in a world/place where girls get "upgrades" or that ridiculous (and fabulous) anniversary cocktail ring, right? So maybe it's normal to think of other rings since we know lots of people who have different rings for different reasons....

And I think it's a big enough thing to bring up at some point. I gather you two are in therapy so that would be the place, no? I think your feelings about the ring obviously are two-fold. Hope it works out there mama :)

[BunnyBee]

What about getting the stone reset?

I "upgraded" my engagement ring. We were young and poor grad students. I guess that makes me silly. Oh well! I wanted a pretty, sparkly ring! I've saved my original (non-diamond) to give to my daughters some day.

[niccig]

Is it just the engagement ring or the wedding ring too? I'm wondering if you just wear the wedding ring for a bit, then wait and see how you feel on the engagement ring. You could also wear a different ring you already have, not engagement or wedding ring, on your ring finger until you decide. You may still want a new one or you may not.

I'd give it some time before deciding. I don't think it's crazy at all to think about replacing it. I would just want to be sure before I went ahead and did it.

[specialp]

Is it just the engagement ring or the wedding ring too? I'm wondering if you just wear the wedding ring for a bit, then wait and see how you feel on the engagement ring. You could also wear a different ring you already have, not engagement or wedding ring, on your ring finger until you decide. You may still want a new one or you may not.

I'd give it some time before deciding.

That is what I would do in your shoes. I don't think your feelings about it are at all crazy, but more like it isn't the best place to focus your energy right now given that it will likely result in upsetting DH. You two are still working on the big issues and I would worry the focus would instead go to the ring instead of the things/trust/forever, etc. the ring represented and which you are trying to repair. Just one of those things I would sit on for a while, not wear it for a while and revisit late. BUT not crazy at all to think about it.

[HannaAddict]

Not crazy at all. If you love your existing ring and what it represents, then great. If you simply have different tastes and style now, and the budget to get something new, then that alone is a fine reason to change it too. But if you also want a symbol of the new start and commitment to your marriage, that is an even better reason. It isn't sacrilege to change rings in my opinion, but I wouldn't do it if my husband was hurt by it. In your case, I can see why you might want a fresh start and new symbol of that.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't see replacing the engagement ring but I also don't wear mine. I have it in our safe bc I prefer the simplicity of my 5 diamond wedding band. I could see stopping with the engagement ring and picking a new ring to wear going forward.