Let's play "things I never imagined I would say, but then I had kids"

[georgiegirl]

I never thought I'd say these words, "don't put that crystal in your bottom!" Of course DS (4) is now doing it repeatedly and putting the "crystal", which is a lego gem/jewel, elsewhere. And now I'm screaming, "if something was in your bottom, don't put it in your mouth!" Oh the joys of patenting a 4 year old boy!

Add yours!

[wendibird22]

Hilarious!

The other day while DD2 was fiddling for the 100th time with the homemade advent calendar from my childhood I yelled, "DD2! Stop playing with baby Jesus!"

[MamaMolly]

I have a friend who's DD2 was the type you had to say 'don't lick the doorknobs!' to, quickly followed by 'I mean ALL the doorknobs!!'

I really couldn't relate until I had my own DD2. Now I'm that mom!

One of my favorites was from potty training DD2. Dolly hopped off the potty, and Lula peered inside and squealed about how cute her baby sister's poops were. And started naming them. I heard myself shout 'we don't name poops in this house!'

[Pennylane]

" You need to put your penis away while we are eating breakfast"!

This happened when my DS was 3. We still laugh about it!

Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk (http://tapatalk.com/m?id=1)

[Indianamom2]

I love all of these! I know we have some, but I can't think of any right now....

[elliput]

Some recent random quotes-

"Do not hit people with dolphins!"
"How about you put the sword down, puppy dog." (to the dog)
"You can not play with the light saber and the dog at the same time." (see above, yes both dog and boy each had a weapon)
"Get your fingers out of your sister's drink." (this morning's gem)

[crl]

You have to wear undies to go to a party.

Catherine

[Smillow]

"No, you can't drink water out of the plunger!"

[BabbyO]

"Don't pick your brother up by his head!"
"Don't throw your underwear in his face"
"Please behave like your at Ms. K's (babysitters) house"

[BabbyO]

"No, you can't drink water out of the plunger!"

Oh, now that is priceless!

[lizzywednesday]

No naked butts downstairs!!!

[PunkyBoo]

No tummies at the table!
And our classic house rule: No sitting on blueberries!

I am also that crazy ridiculous mom who has to tell my kids, "you've had enough carrots/fruit, you need to eat your hot dog/ pizza/ chicken nuggets!"

[mikala]

"we don't put Christmas ornaments down our pants."

[Binkandabee]

"I need to take DD#2 to the ER. She stuck a bath crayon up her butt and it won't come out."

[Mikey0709]

Thank God for spongebob!!!! There I said it again!!!!

When my boys are KILLING each other, all I have to do is turn on spongebob and its like immediate quiet. It's like magic. Mesmerizing...

[abh5e8]

stop making racoon noises at the baby! (apparently racoons talk to one another with a cross between a loud growl and hiss...one my older children are enthralled with.)

[BabyBearsMom]

"Stop licking the front door!"
And my personal favorite:
"Even when you are pretending to be a dog, it is not okay to lick strangers in public." The response makes it even funnier because it was "Bark Bark Woof."

[StantonHyde]

"Get your hands out of your pants" repeated ad nauseum to DS when he was little

"You can't be naked in the front yard. You can be naked in the house, you can be naked in the BACK yard. But not the front yard." DD--the 3 yo nudist

"We do not pee off of other people's decks/in other people's yards"

[boogiemomz]

Tonight at bedtime:

"Please keep your fingers out of the holes in my face."

[KrystalS]

"Get your hands out of your pants" repeated ad nauseum to DS when he was little

"

Such a relief to know that other people have to say this ALL DAY LONG!

I can't think of anything off the top of my head but I'm constantly saying to DH 'Now that's something I never thought I would say'

[candaceb]

tonight's gem
"the next time I poop, you can flush it"

[essnce629]

"Please don't put your penis on the cat's head"

"Please take the tv remote out of your mouth"


Both said to 4 year old DS2.

[georgiegirl]

"Please don't put your penis on the cat's head".

It's amazing things you have to tell a 4 year old boy NOT to do with his penis. Reminds me of a case from law school
Involving product misuse with a vacuum cleaner and a penis.

[lovin2shop]

Tonight - "Please stop peeing on your older brother's leg!"

[GoBlue]

Little girls who want to bake cookies need to wear underpants in the kitchen.

Get off your sister!!!

I will pay you $5 to GET IN YOUR CAR SEAT!

There are so many more. Some really good ones lately, since my sister just had a baby and my kids were at the bris. Wow.

[Beckylove]

"Stop putting your ham on your head!"
"At least two bites of pizza before you get more oranges"

[crayonblue]

Why is there brown sugar all over the table??? Brown sugar is NOT a snack!!! (Tonight)

No, you cannot have your own coffee!

Why are there pads stuck to the back of your pants!??? Did you get into mommy's drawer???

No, you cannot wear my underwear around your waste like a tutu to school!

[kmkaull]

My favorite from today:
"Your gingerbread man's what fell off? His penis???"
(Yes, the peppermint penis was too heavy.)

[TxCat]

"Wait, where did that Cheerio come from? No, not in your mouth, stop!"

"Princesses sleep through the night and don't get mommy and daddy up at 4 am." (I was never a princess fan, but of course DD1 is obsessed).

"Don't play with mommy's ovulation predictor sticks!"

[truly scrumptious]

Add me to the group of moms who have told the kids they can't have any more fruit until they eat their hot dog/French frÃ*es/other deep fried food!

The second I said it I did a double take.
Glad to see I'm not the only one.

[Giantbear]

"Get your hands out of your pants" repeated ad nauseum to DS when he was little

"You can't be naked in the front yard. You can be naked in the house, you can be naked in the BACK yard. But not the front yard." DD--the 3 yo nudist

"We do not pee off of other people's decks/in other people's yards"

These are all applicable to me in college as well .........

[lizzywednesday]

These are all applicable to me in college as well .........

LOL

The stories I could tell about my brothers, Gianbear ...

You're the only one I'm sure would understand.

[Gena]

"Please don't wipe your nose on other people's cars." (While walking through a parking lot).

"If you are really good and earn enough stars, we can go to Menards and read the warning labels on the ladders."

"Don't drink from the shampoo cup."

"Don't drink the water in the swimming pool....yes, I know it's a pretty shade of blue, but don't drink it anyway."

DS likes to watch YouTube videos of toy reviews, especially Thomas toys and Hot Wheels toys. Some of the reviewers do a really fantastic job and put a lot of effort into their videos. Usually DS will watch the reviews and then put those toys on his birthday or Christmas list. This year, he put the reviewers themselves on his Christmas list, listing them by their usernames. So I had to say, "No, sweetie, you cannot have YouTube users for Christmas. They need to stay with their own families."

[lizzywednesday]

... So I had to say, "No, sweetie, you cannot have YouTube users for Christmas. They need to stay with their own families."

OK, this one is awesome. I'm trying to think of all the ways why that makes sense ... and I can see a few, so it makes me wonder if I'm getting at what he's thinking.

That said, I really do love the way your DS looks at the world, Gena. Thank you for sharing.

[crl]

"
"If you are really good and earn enough stars, we can go to Menards and read the warning labels on the ladders."



:ROTFLMAO:This reminds me of ds' escalator obsession. We used to go the mall just to ride escalators, especially on rainy days. (But we had to avoid the terrifying mannequins.). I would make up rules that forced ds to walk and walk and walk between escalator rides so he burned off at least a little of his energy on this activity. Oh you should have seen the delight when ds discovered a mall with CURVED escalotors.

Catherine

[wendibird22]

"Please don't wipe your nose on other people's cars." (While walking through a parking lot).

"If you are really good and earn enough stars, we can go to Menards and read the warning labels on the ladders."

"Don't drink from the shampoo cup."

"Don't drink the water in the swimming pool....yes, I know it's a pretty shade of blue, but don't drink it anyway."

DS likes to watch YouTube videos of toy reviews, especially Thomas toys and Hot Wheels toys. Some of the reviewers do a really fantastic job and put a lot of effort into their videos. Usually DS will watch the reviews and then put those toys on his birthday or Christmas list. This year, he put the reviewers themselves on his Christmas list, listing them by their usernames. So I had to say, "No, sweetie, you cannot have YouTube users for Christmas. They need to stay with their own families."

These.are.amazing!

[catsnkid]

I don't care if the poop is dry, you can't touch it
DS age 2 1/2 holding a tampon it its wrapper "what is this, may I have it?"
"no you can't have that it's... for ladies, it's not food.

[bisous]

Awesome hilarious thread! I'm 100% sure I've said some doozies. If only I could remember...

[Sweetum]

"hands out of pants, please!"
"can we please have a christmas tree?" - yep, he doesn't like 'em!
"let's watch a movie, please!" - again, doesn't like 'em!
"let's watch a tv show" - I love that he is able to relate to the kids in the shows and is learning from them. we are in general a no daytime tv household, so, wanting him to watch these shows was not what I was expecting!
"can I just be by myself while I change/shower/use the bathroom!"

[♥ms.pacman♥]

"

"If you are really good and earn enough stars, we can go to Menards and read the warning labels on the ladders."

"Don't drink from the shampoo cup."

"Don't drink the water in the swimming pool....yes, I know it's a pretty shade of blue, but don't drink it anyway."

DS likes to watch YouTube videos of toy reviews, especially Thomas toys and Hot Wheels toys. Some of the reviewers do a really fantastic job and put a lot of effort into their videos. Usually DS will watch the reviews and then put those toys on his birthday or Christmas list. This year, he put the reviewers themselves on his Christmas list, listing them by their usernames. So I had to say, "No, sweetie, you cannot have YouTube users for Christmas. They need to stay with their own families."

OMG, love these!! Especially the warning label one...sort of remind me of my own DS. He is obsessed with "reading" seemingly odd things like biology reference manuals/texts. The other day I heard myself saying "Ok, if we finish our dinner, you can read the Merck Manual." (DH has had to hide it on a high shelf, he keeps grabbing that thing to read it, the pages are really lightweight and i'm afraid dd will rip it to shreds)

Also, i must have the only kid would would think it would be cool to get a piece of (real) coal in their stocking (bc of the train reference).

[Nooknookmom]

DD2 was also a doorknob licker! What's with THAT!
I have said so many things to both girls over 18 yrs and cannot remember!

I do remember telling DD2's preschool teacher not to be shocked when she drew her German Shepherd anatomically correct-he WILL have a "wee-Wah".

He had just died and her way of grieving was to repeatedly draw him in her pics.

[StantonHyde]

These are all applicable to me in college as well .........

bwahahahahahhahaha

[petesgirl]

Add me to the group of moms who have told the kids they can't have any more fruit until they eat their hot dog/French frÃ*es/other deep fried food!

The second I said it I did a double take.
Glad to see I'm not the only one.

My mom was laughing at me just last night for saying this very thing!

Another one that is becoming common around here is 'we don't eat food out of the trash can.'

[Snow mom]

Everyone should check out the illustrated "things I never thought I'd say to my kid":http://m.imgur.com/gallery/4UxgB

[georgiegirl]

My newest one to 7 year old DD: " no you cannot bring my nipple cream to school to use as lip balm."

[randomkid]

Tonight at bedtime:

"Please keep your fingers out of the holes in my face."

This one made me laugh out loud - maybe because I am constantly telling DD to keep her hands off/out of my face!

[JCat]

Please don't touch the TV with your bat.....

[doberbrat]

We do NOT Kiss the toilets!

Please stop touching the dog's bottom

If you behave while we're at the store, we'll stop at the library and get more books.

You need to finish your spagetti/steak/chicken/ etc before I give you more vegetables.

[essnce629]

My newest one to 7 year old DD: " no you cannot bring my nipple cream to school to use as lip balm."

That's hilarious!

[JanBaby]

Stop kissing your brother's butt.

[crl]

Stop kissing your brother's butt.


I hope you took a picture before you said it. :ROTFLMAO:

Catherine

[citymama]

I wouldn't have thought twice of it but after this hilarious thread, I actually took note of something I said to DD2 at the doctors office yesterday:

"Don't put that half-eaten lozenge in your mouth!" (Which she was about to pick up - gag - in the hallway outside her doctors office. The lozenge had been half eaten by someone else, not her.)

Luckily my hysterical shouting worked. ;)

[JanBaby]

I hope you took a picture before you said it. :ROTFLMAO:

Catherine

What's funny is that what I said seemed totally normal at the time - it was earlier today - until I read this thread and realized that my sense of normal has become seriously, seriously jaded.

[bw52]

"Aaah! We don't drink from udders!"

At the farm, with a million kids.....there was a fake cow with udders for the kids to learn how to squeeze to get milk. Evidently my kid was thirsty.

[StantonHyde]

"Well, that's what you get for mooning her in the first place." in response to DS complaining that DD gave him a wedgie.

[KLD313]

I just gave DD the little people nativity. She was climbing all over her dad and asking him to flip her again and he was just over it and told her to go play with baby Jesus.

[anonomom]

Just had one today: "No, DS, the kitty doesn't need to drink Daddy's wine."

[mommylamb]

"Look, DS, you're making the goalie stick his hands down his pants."

(Watching DS playing a soccer game on the xbox and the goalie is doing all the things he is doing.)

[zukeypur]

Please don't sit on the table with your naked hiney.

Don't touch the dog's bottom! No, that's not his tail.

Your hiney can't talk to your sister. Please stop trying to make it talk.

Yes, I have all girls. Yes, this is all in the last 24 hours. Yes, we are potty training. Yes, we are currently hiney obsessed.

[Mommy_Mea]

"please get your head out of my butt." Said just now to DS1...