Would you say something? (sorry for the long backstory)

[indigo99]

Last year I didn't volunteer at all at DS's preschool/mother's day out. Over the summer I was doing photos for teacher A and mentioned that I will have more time this year because DS2 will also be in the program. She excitedly said that I could be the class photographer, and I joked about maybe not having THAT much free time.

At Halloween, I went to school and did photos of the kids in costume as well as extra pics for the teachers to use in their end-of-year books for the kids Then I took in frames that they decorated and took home with the photos. Everyone was very appreciative so I told them that I would do it again at Christmas if they wanted. Last Monday I went in to do the photos. When I arrived, the class was making ornaments, and the teachers said "We know that you have your own thing planned but wondered if you could take photos for these ornaments for us." Then they told me the requirements, and I said that I would do it. DS goes M,W,F so on Wednesday I went back again to get photos of the kids who had been absent Monday. Friday and Monday, nothing was said about the ornaments, but I figured they plan to send them home next Wednesday since that's the last day of school before the holiday break. DS was in their room last year too, and they did the same ornaments which were wrapped as gifts to the parents and went home on the last day before the break.

So Wednesday I sent the frames that I had purchased and assembled with the photos along with the photo copies resized and prepped to their ornament requirements. That same day, the ornaments came home with the kids. The ornament was wrapped up so I didn't see it until we got home, and they didn't say anything about it to me at pick-up. I was surprised they sent it home already, and it made me wonder if maybe I stepped on their toes somehow by doing a photo craft when they had their special photo ornaments planned for the kids. Maybe they wanted their ornaments to go home first? Anyway, I was further surprised when I opened it and found that they'd used photos they took themselves on Monday.

So I'm feeling uncomfortable now and wondering what, if anything, I should say to them. If they decided to just take their own photos for the ornaments then I wish they had just let me know so I wouldn't have wasted my time doing them. If they were just wanting them sooner then why didn't they ask me about them? If they weren't sure if/when I was doing them then why wouldn't they ask? Did the photos I sent not work for some reason and they didn't want to ask me to change them? Why had they already taken their own photos Monday though if that's the case? It's just odd.

Additionally, this morning DH called me after dropping off DS and said that santa was at school today. He said he asked teacher A if they had someone coming to take photos of the kids with Santa, and she said she didn't know. She said she'd considered asking me but I'd already done so much for them. That sounds a bit like when you don't want someone to do something so you say "Oh no. You've already done so much" - especially when I really haven't done that much.

Ugh. I don't want things to be weird. DS2 will probably have these teachers next year. I'm just not sure what happened. Are they really afraid to ask me to do anything now (if so, why) or do they just not want me doing anything else?

[AnnieW625]

I probably wouldn't say anything as the teacher probably didn't know how to tell you that they had already planned something for the ornaments and didn't want you feel bad for asking to do something and the telling you that they had already completed it, kwim?

[anonomom]

Last year I didn't volunteer at all at DS's preschool/mother's day out. Over the summer I was doing photos for teacher A and mentioned that I will have more time this year because DS2 will also be in the program. She excitedly said that I could be the class photographer, and I joked about maybe not having THAT much free time.

At Halloween, I went to school and did photos of the kids in costume as well as extra pics for the teachers to use in their end-of-year books for the kids Then I took in frames that they decorated and took home with the photos. Everyone was very appreciative so I told them that I would do it again at Christmas if they wanted. Last Monday I went in to do the photos. When I arrived, the class was making ornaments, and the teachers said "We know that you have your own thing planned but wondered if you could take photos for these ornaments for us." Then they told me the requirements, and I said that I would do it. DS goes M,W,F so on Wednesday I went back again to get photos of the kids who had been absent Monday. Friday and Monday, nothing was said about the ornaments, but I figured they plan to send them home next Wednesday since that's the last day of school before the holiday break. DS was in their room last year too, and they did the same ornaments which were wrapped as gifts to the parents and went home on the last day before the break.

So Wednesday I sent the frames that I had purchased and assembled with the photos along with the photo copies resized and prepped to their ornament requirements. That same day, the ornaments came home with the kids. The ornament was wrapped up so I didn't see it until we got home, and they didn't say anything about it to me at pick-up. I was surprised they sent it home already, and it made me wonder if maybe I stepped on their toes somehow by doing a photo craft when they had their special photo ornaments planned for the kids. Maybe they wanted their ornaments to go home first? Anyway, I was further surprised when I opened it and found that they'd used photos they took themselves on Monday.

So I'm feeling uncomfortable now and wondering what, if anything, I should say to them. If they decided to just take their own photos for the ornaments then I wish they had just let me know so I wouldn't have wasted my time doing them. If they were just wanting them sooner then why didn't they ask me about them? If they weren't sure if/when I was doing them then why wouldn't they ask? Did the photos I sent not work for some reason and they didn't want to ask me to change them? Why had they already taken their own photos Monday though if that's the case? It's just odd.

Additionally, this morning DH called me after dropping off DS and said that santa was at school today. He said he asked teacher A if they had someone coming to take photos of the kids with Santa, and she said she didn't know. She said she'd considered asking me but I'd already done so much for them. That sounds a bit like when you don't want someone to do something so you say "Oh no. You've already done so much" - especially when I really haven't done that much.

Ugh. I don't want things to be weird. DS2 will probably have these teachers next year. I'm just not sure what happened. Are they really afraid to ask me to do anything now (if so, why) or do they just not want me doing anything else?

To me, this sounds like the crux of the issue. Taking photos of a whole class and putting them together with frames (presumably on your own dime) is a huge contribution. I could absolutely see a teacher being reluctant to ask a parent to do anything more. And they may well have meant to ask you for the ornament photos by a specific date then forgot to or didn't get the chance to in the regular dropoff/pickup rush and felt bad calling and asking you after that because you'd already done a lot.

I agree that it was handled awkwardly, but under the circumstances I'd believe the sentiment was offered at face value. You can always let the teachers know that you enjoyed taking the photos and would be happy to do more like it in the future.

[123LuckyMom]

I think she felt guilty about the ornament work they didn't use ON TOP of the other photos and frames and really didn't want to ask you to do the Santa pics. I bet they forgot they had asked about the ornaments or else realized the timing wouldn't work and then felt bad that you had done them. They should have said something, but they didn't, and now they're probably embarrassed. If you actually mean it, you could say, "Don't worry about not having used the ornament pictures. Maybe you can use them for something else. Meanwhile, I really am happy to do all your photos if I can. Please don't be afraid to ask me. I promise I'll say no if I don't have time." Of course, if you don't feel that way, don't say so. A response/clarification is not required, but I always believe in being forthright so things don't get weird.

[TwinFoxes]

To me, this sounds like the crux of the issue. Taking photos of a whole class and putting them together with frames (presumably on your own dime) is a huge contribution. I could absolutely see a teacher being reluctant to ask a parent to do anything more. And they may well have meant to ask you for the ornament photos by a specific date then forgot to or didn't get the chance to in the regular dropoff/pickup rush and felt bad calling and asking you after that because you'd already done a lot.

I agree that it was handled awkwardly, but under the circumstances I'd believe the sentiment was offered at face value. You can always let the teachers know that you enjoyed taking the photos and would be happy to do more like it in the future.

:yeahthat: I don't think there was any ill intent. I think they were appreciative and didn't want to make any more work for you. For you it may seem like nothing, but it sounds like a lot to a lay person. I do think they could have found a way to let you know they needed the ornament pics, but maybe they didn't know how to put it without seeming pushy.

[MamaMolly]

Sounds to me like they don't want you to feel taken advantage of. Think of all the photo worthy events in a year!

[indigo99]

Thanks for helping me put it into perspective. I just don't think that they DID need the ornament photos this week so I still don't understand why they decided to do it themselves after asking me to do it.

I don't have a problem saying no when asked to do things I don't want to. When I did the Halloween pics of DS's class, they asked me to come and do pics of their tues/thurs class too, and I just laughed and said something like "ummm... I don't think so". I definitely don't want to do ALL their photos, but I would like to know when there are opportunities so that I can volunteer if I want. I probably would have done the Santa pics if I had known about it.

[TwinFoxes]

Thanks for helping me put it into perspective. I just don't think that they DID need the ornament photos this week so I still don't understand why they decided to do it themselves after asking me to do it.



Well, what do you think the reason could be? There just doesn't seem to be any other logical reason. If you think about it, mailing deadlines are coming up. If any parents are mailing the ornaments to grandma and grandpa, they probably do need them now.


I just laughed and said something like "ummm... I don't think so".


Perhaps that was (mis)interpreted as you being prickly about being asked to use your time? Think about it, if you asked someone for a favor, and that was their response, wouldn't you be careful about asking too often?

[westwoodmom04]

Is it possible that there was a miscommunication and they only expected photos from you (and not the frames)? If so, they are probably feeling sheepish and a bit guilty that you put so much time and effort in the project and they didn't use the final product. I'm sure that will pass with a bit of time (probably will be forgotten by the end of winter break).

[specialp]

Is it possible that there was a miscommunication and they only expected photos from you (and not the frames)? If so, they are probably feeling sheepish and a bit guilty that you put so much time and effort in the project and they didn't use the final product. I'm sure that will pass with a bit of time (probably will be forgotten by the end of winter break).

That is what I was thinking. Maybe last year they were wanting to them home earlier than the last day, but got behind.






Perhaps that was (mis)interpreted as you being prickly about being asked to use your time? Think about it, if you asked someone for a favor, and that was their response, wouldn't you be careful about asking too often?

Agreeing with this. If someone replied to my request with "ummm, I don't think so." I would be very careful when asking again.

[AnnieW625]

I also think that it was smart to do the ornaments this past week so they could be mailed this week if need be. I wouldn't want ornaments coming home next week and needing to be rush mailing them the week before.


....

Perhaps that was (mis)interpreted as you being prickly about being asked to use your time? Think about it, if you asked someone for a favor, and that was their response, wouldn't you be careful about asking too often?

I agree with this assessment as well. If you had said I can't help on T/TH because you have both your boys I think that would sound better than saying something like "umm...no," so I think when said in that manner it can be understood that it is too much of your time or simply am inconvenience.

[egoldber]

Also, since you indicated that you only wanted to do M/W/F stuff and not Tu/Th stuff, it may have been easier for them to just do it all themselves since I would assume they would need the same craft for both groups.

But it sounds like it was just a case of miscommunication all around.

[BabyBearsMom]

I would let it go b

[indigo99]

I also think that it was smart to do the ornaments this past week so they could be mailed this week if need be. I wouldn't want ornaments coming home next week and needing to be rush mailing them the week before.

I agree with this assessment as well. If you had said I can't help on T/TH because you have both your boys I think that would sound better than saying something like "umm...no," so I think when said in that manner it can be understood that it is too much of your time or simply am inconvenience.

When they asked about photographing their other class, I thought that they were joking. We were in the middle of trying to get one child to sit still for a photo when she asked. I didn't think that they were serious until later when she mentioned to someone else that they had asked me to work full time. She still laughed about it, but I realized maybe she was only half joking. Then I did say something about only getting to be a photographer while my boys are in school. Volunteering to do something for your child's class and friends isn't the same as volunteering to just come in whenever needed though, and they apparently weren't put off by it since they asked me to do the ornament photos when I was there to do something else.

I can understand them taking the photos just in case they didn't get any from me. To go ahead and use them without saying anything to me before or after just seems strange. I picked my prints up from the printer right after school on Monday, and I could have told them that if they'd said anything. Monday is when they took the new photos so they hadn't printed theirs yet but apparently knew that they weren't going to use mine.

These ornaments were gifts from the kids to their parents so there isn't much concern about mailing them. They're buttons strung on pipe cleaners with a photo in the middle, and we were told to save them to open on Christmas. Last year they gave them on the last day of school before the break so there was no reason for me to think they'd need them so soon.

I still feel weird about it. I'm guessing they probably do too though so I feel like something needs to be said.

[sunnyside]

Well, what do you think the reason could be? There just doesn't seem to be any other logical reason. If you think about it, mailing deadlines are coming up. If any parents are mailing the ornaments to grandma and grandpa, they probably do need them now.




Perhaps that was (mis)interpreted as you being prickly about being asked to use your time? Think about it, if you asked someone for a favor, and that was their response, wouldn't you be careful about asking too often?


Last year I didn't volunteer at all at DS's preschool/mother's day out. Over the summer I was doing photos for teacher A and mentioned that I will have more time this year because DS2 will also be in the program. She excitedly said that I could be the class photographer, and I joked about maybe not having THAT much free time.

I think there's some miscommunication. I am reading similar to TwinFox, and thinking that they are remembering you saying you don't have THAT much free time, and also hearing the response seeming at the very least unenthusiastic.

[indigo99]

I think there's some miscommunication. I am reading similar to TwinFox, and thinking that they are remembering you saying you don't have THAT much free time, and also hearing the response seeming at the very least unenthusiastic.

Yeah. I get that although that happened before I did the ornament photos so I don't understand what changed. For whatever reason, they decided to do their own photos for the ornaments after I'd already taken the photos for them, edited, and printed. They just weren't delivered yet. I guess they thought I'd get the ornament and realize I didn't need to print them (doesn't explain why they didn't say anything about it earlier), but if that's the case then they probably felt bad when DS showed up with the prints Wednesday morning. I'm just wondering how to fix it so there aren't weird feelings on both sides.