Playdates for the 2-3 yr old set

[petesgirl]

Please share your tricks for making playdates work with the 2-3 yr old group! We are starting to have more friends over/visit friends at their house, but I feel like this age is kind of tricky. They always want the same toy and we don't have doubles of everything, although usually we have a few of the same 'type' of toy. Also, how do you go about teaching sharing, taking turns, asking for a toy instead of just grabbing, and telling the child not to grab.

This is all a bit easier when I'm watching someone else's child, but when another parent is there too it gets even trickier. I am open to any tips!! :)

[Simon]

We try to keep it shorter (2 hours max). I try to plan so that it will naturally end before lunch, nap time, or some other set activity.
If the kids aren't doing well at just open play, then I will bring out something specific: play dough, water color, markers, marble run, and fort making are my favorites because there isn't usually a yours/mine dynamic to it.
I plan to have a snack or at least water break after about an hour, so I know that no one will melt down over hunger. We often use the transition at end of snack for friends to leave, although not always. After snack we may also transition to playing outside.

When it comes to specific interactions, especially if the kids are new to each other, I will sit on the floor near them and be ready to physically intervene. If one kid grabs a toy, I will put my hand on the child's or on the toy and say something like, "I'm sorry, X isn't done playing with that yet. Your turn is next." Usually, the child will release the toy into my hand. If they don't let go, then I'll repeat that it isn't their turn yet and, if I have to, I'll pry the toy out of their hand saying something like, "Its hard waiting sometimes" or if the turn is over and they have to give the toy to the other child I might say, "Sharing is hard so I'll help you."

If a toy is grabbed but no one seems to care, I'll say to my a kid, if they have already moved onto something else and aren't upset that the toy was taken, "Y wants the red car, can s/he play with it?" IME, the real death of a playdate comes when adults (myself or the other parent) are just talking to the kids and then we can end up with an escalation or stalemate. I try to avoid the scene where you're both sitting on chairs and saying to a kid (who is progressively melting down, "Give Z the toy, you can't grab it like that, its not your turn, give it back. Now." btdt and it just never ends well and it makes for those awkward feelings because someone is embarrassed and a toddler is crying.

[wellyes]

I set up stations. Play doh, toy cars, a dollhouse. Try to go outside for the second half if at all possible.
Most important: only set up play dates with moms you don't mind hanging out with.

[crl]

Depending on where you live, this might not work so well for this time of year, but I am a huge fan of park play dates. It eliminates a lot of the problems you are talking about because most of the equipment is designed for multiple kids to use at the same time and none of it belongs to one of the kids. And it's easy to leave when you want/need to rather than being at the mercy of people who might have a different idea that you do about the length of time a play date should last (I think an hour and a half is plenty for kinds under seven--I find a lot of meltdowns happen in that last half hour if I try to push it to two hours). Plus it gives you a chance to figure out on neutral territory whether you and the other mom are more or less on the same page for behavioral expectations and how to manage them.

Catherine

[AngB]

What Catherine said! My house is messy enough without multiple 2 year olds here! We meet up at McD's, we meet up at the mall, we meet up at "paint something" places, whatever/wherever, through the winter. A lot of the Rainbow play system sellers also let you do "open play" for like $5/a kid around here but we haven't tried that. I like getting out somewhere they can run around and get tired so we tend to only do the mall place as a last resort--it's free but not as much room to play/run/etc. Our libraries also have train tables and a play kitchen set up so we have met up and played there too.We rarely do play dates in homes.

[mmommy]

We've done a ton of play dates and group play dates in our apartment. Sure, sharing is rough, but they learn by doing. I also tell kids visiting our house that if they fight over things, the object goes into timeout and then nobody gets to play with it. Generally play dates at this age are short, a good chance to chat with another parent, and I prefer them around 3pm so the other parent and I can open a bottle of wine at 4 and order takeout at 5. We've made some good family friends beginning with play dates.

[BabyBearsMom]

For the first few dates we try to meet up at neutral territory so there is no "mine" (parks, museum, aquarium). If they want the same thing I usually say "okay you play on that for 2 more minutes and then it is Z's turn". But I also try to let them work things out by themselves.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I schedule in a way that it has an obvious end- nap, meal, activity... I prefer 1.5-2 hours max. I let them have at toys though and only intervene for hitting or such. Have some snacks out. It makes a nice break.

[hellokitty]

I haven't read the other replies, but here are some tips...

-Schedule the playdate in the morning. 9:30-11:30 is a good time frame. Expect that on the dot, an hour and a half into the playdate, there will be whining and crying kids, so that is about the time when things are going to start wrapping up. Two hours is the max time length for this age group of, "togetherness." Both moms and kids are ready for the playdate to end by 2 hrs.

-Have a simple, non-messy snack ready. Why non-messy? I make my kids wash up after they eat, but I notice that most ppl don't. So, unless you want yogurt or peanut butter smeared throughout your house and on your kids' toys, stick to stuff that won't cause a huge mess.

-Don't do a deep clean prior to playdates. It took me until my 3rd kid to figure this one out. These kids will come over and leave a total mess, your kitchen area will look horrible after they eat, and so may your bathroom. Just make sure you place looks decluttered and neat, but seriously don't decide to scrub the floors before the playdate, b/c it will make you cringe when you realize how gross your house is after a playdate. I deep clean AFTER the playdate.

-Weed out any of your child's favorite toys and put them away to avoid fighting. The same goes for any toys that are more delicate, as well as any items around your house that may easily be broken by an excited or curious child. Put away toys with excessive parts. Like that hotwheel set, that's not put together, and is a PITA to keep/put together, or the marble run, etc.. I usually only put out one train track, the kids seem to like the geotrax more than thomas, so I have my older boys set up a nice configuration with as many tracks as possible the night before the playdate, so that the little kids can play with it when they get here and nobody has to set up a track. Make sure that if you have battery operated toys, that they are ready to go.

-If you have a second floor and do not want kids up there, put up a gate.

I personally do not set up stations or any organized activities, it's too stressful and messy (crafts, playdoh, etc.). The kids are all very interested in the toys and free play and have never missed having stations. The snack is probably the most organized part of the playdate. I also like to limit playdates to 3-4 moms max, if possible. In fact, my favorite playdates are 1-1 playdates. If you have a pet, it's usually easiest to put them away if the other child may be too interested in picking up or petting your pet (stresses out your pet), or if you have a pet that gets too excited when guests come over.

[petesgirl]

Depending on where you live, this might not work so well for this time of year, but I am a huge fan of park play dates. It eliminates a lot of the problems you are talking about because most of the equipment is designed for multiple kids to use at the same time and none of it belongs to one of the kids. And it's easy to leave when you want/need to rather than being at the mercy of people who might have a different idea that you do about the length of time a play date should last (I think an hour and a half is plenty for kinds under seven--I find a lot of meltdowns happen in that last half hour if I try to push it to two hours). Plus it gives you a chance to figure out on neutral territory whether you and the other mom are more or less on the same page for behavioral expectations and how to manage them.

Catherine

Yeah... Unfortunately it's 20 degrees out right now. I need to move somewhere warm!!

[fedoragirl]

I wish I had researched this topic a few months ago. My kids are 2 and almost 4 and I have been having a harder time navigating their playdates than them. I never know if I am saying the right thing to other kids or to mine, if I am allowed to chastise someone else's kid when the parent is sitting a foot away from me but their kid is about to launch into a wrestling match with my kid, what snack is appropriate, how to manage my own kids' expectations etc. It's really stressful because I still think most of the parents I have met so far are a lot more permissive than I am.
I have learned from the BBB:
--keep playdates short (1.5 hours is ideal)
--take away all toys that are a potential for WWIII (this involves anything pink for DD)
--have a snack available but don't expect other kids to eat it but do expect your own kids to eat like they've never been fed before.
--physically intervene when things are getting out of hand. I always expected the other parent to step in but that never happened and things got out of hand and I had to do damage control.

I have plenty of my own concerns about playdates but I won't hijack your thread.