What do your screen-free days look like?

[pastrygirl]

If your kids are screen-free during the day, what does your day look like when the kids get home from school? And, how old are they? What do your weekends look like if you do allow screen time on those days?

My kids are 7 and 4, and both are away until around 3:30pm (I work until then). When they're home, I just want to do my own thing so it's easiest to let them play Minecraft or watch TV. My 7yo has a behavioral therapist here two days a week from 3:30 to 6:30, and she uses screen time as a reward, but only 10-15 minutes at a time, as a reward (unless he chooses a different reward -- he usually picks computer or Wii, though).

Weekends are screenful. I need to start instituting time limits, I think. But what's reasonable? Do I need to play with them all day? They seem so old to me, like they should be able to go do their own thing while I do my own thing. I grew up in an unsupervised household, so that might be tainting my expectations. My parents NEVER did anything with us. We just played all day on our own, and computers/TV were either not around or extremely limited, so it was all board games, some toys, or imagination.

We have two weeks of Christmas vacation coming up. It's also my vacation from work so I'd like to relax. I need have a plan for the kids, though!

[amom526]

Mine are a lot younger, so a little different. I have a just about 3 year old, and a 13 months old. We are screen free from 830-600. I let Ds1 watch in the morning after breakfast while he gets dressed. And then after supper and baths, he can watch another show. I am a SAHM, but DS1 goes to playgroup 3 mornings a week. I feel guilty because my 13 month old is being exposed to too much tv for my comfort but I'm not ready to cut it out completely.

To answer your question, I think it really depends on the kids. I agree that at 4 and 7 your kids should be able to play by themselves mostly. But if they are not used to it, they might need to be supervised for a while and you can give suggestions. Since mine are toddlers, I really do have to play with them ALL DAY. I do not really get a break unless both kids are sleeping, because my kids are both needy and bad at entertaining themselves. But I think that is pretty normal for my kids ages. When my kids are home and awake, I expect to be playing with them, but again, they are a lot younger.

I don't think it is too much for you to be able to expect some down time even when your kids are home, but it might take some adjusting. It also depends on the kid - how good of an imagination they have, etc.

[maestramommy]

Kids are 8, 6, and 4. DD1 and 2 get off the bus around 2:40. They have a snack, then DD1 practices violin for 15 minutes or so. DD2 does her homework. It takes about 10 minutes if she does it without fuss, but if she does fuss it can take 30 on a really bad day. DD1 does Xtra Math on the computer and sometimes either with play computer game, so that's not totally screen free. Some days though they just don't think of it because they'd rather draw or play pretend something. This semester we had two days rather rushed because DD1 would have ballet or play practice. Next semester though we are down to 1 day of ballet per week.

It can get kinda fraught sometimes, because they start scrapping, esp. when DD3 gets bored and starts picking at her sisters. Also, DD2 can draw for a LONG time, but sometimes she starts to get weird, and she's one trip up away from an eruption.

[mom2binsd]

I don't stress about screen time, my kids can watch tv quite a bit but they don't overdose, with ds he mostly wants to stay open late to watch the 3rd period on a week night of the Blackhawks game... They play pretty independently and seem to find a balance between crafts, gross motor play etc.... I over them, will play a game with them, but as a single woh parent I've got lots of stuff to do too. We like to watch a few shows or movies together too. Mine are 7 and 10.

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[Nooknookmom]

I don't stress about screen time, my kids can watch tv quite a bit but they don't overdose, with ds he mostly wants to stay open late to watch the 3rd period on a week night of the Blackhawks game... They play pretty independently and seem to find a balance between crafts, gross motor play etc.... I over them, will play a game with them, but as a single woh parent I've got lots of stuff to do too. We like to watch a few shows or movies together too. Mine are 7 and 10.

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Ditto I don't know what "screen free time" even is. Our oldest watched tv when she wanted to (now 18 in college). However she played outside, played with her barbies, games, etc and she balanced it all well. SHe had a friend in kindy whose mom REFUSED to let her three kids watch tv during the week. I didnt understand it bc I watched tv when I wanted to as a kid as well. Anyway their daughter, despite the no tv turned into a hell raising party animal so I guess it's not really TV that does the damage lol.

DD2 refused TV ti I left her with dad for a bit at age 2+ he hooked her on Kai lan. Nice. Now after homework she watches tv at will but its mostly "on" while she putters around the house. She is very crafty and mainly does art projects/crafts. My kitchen table runneth over.

Unless there's a health concern over lack of physical movement or grades & social skills are suffering
I don't see he point of being a tv warden.

[doberbrat]

Mine are 8 and 4. After school, we stay at the playground for an hour. When we get home, its time for homework for dd1 and playtime for dd2. Sometimes they get computer time but rarely. After hw is done, they get into pjs, set the table then either play or read until dinnertime. Its pretty rare to have free time after dinner since they are slow eaters.

Weekends, they get way too much tv time but at least they dont get any during the week..... (or so I console myself!!)

Can you send the kids to play outside alone?

If my kids start bugging me, I tell them to go find something to do or I can always assign them chores. That tends to make them disappear to their room pretty quick.

[TwinFoxes]

Like in most cases, I think all kids are different. Just as some can easily regulate junk food, others can't. Some kids won't watch a lot of TV, some will watch it for hours on end. I'm assuming OP has a good reason to regulate.

That being said, I don't have any real hard and fast rules about screen time. But I love it when the girls, of their own accord, don't watch TV. Usually they are doing crafts, homework, or I suggest they play with their magnatiles/blocks. It's also easier when the weather is nice and I can throw them outside. When we had the 2.5 snow days this week, we watched a lot of TV.

[squimp]

My DD is older(10), but since she started school I just make screen time not an option during the week. We have activities and toys and homework. Like a PP if she bugs me about being bored I give her chores or help me cook.

[Piglet]

Mine are 12, 8 and 6. They go to a grandparent's house most afternoons after school, so get about an hour of TV once they are all done their homework (except days where they have after-school clubs). DS1 has a tablet but rarely uses it (weird kids, I know, LOL). We got them a Wii U for Chanuka so since it is new, we also let them play on it after they have done their dinner and finished their chores. Sometimes we all sit down and watch Mythbusters instead. It is pretty fluid in our house and there are no set schedules for electronics because they do not abuse them in the least. They also do all the activities together (for now) so they all have to agree on a show or a video game before they watch it. I don't want to hear the fighting about whose turn it is to choose or whatever - they know that if they fight, the TV time is revoked. I still struggle with getting them to be more active or play more with traditional toys, but I am comfortable with the amount of e-time they get at their ages. I should also point out we are religious Jews and Friday night/Saturday all electronics are shut off (for both kids and grown ups) and they are absolutely off-limits. It gives us a day of visiting friends, playing games, etc. I am also not a fan of the kids running to turn on their e-devices the second the sabbath is done so try to set a good example and leave my cell phone off until Sunday, when possible.

[Momit]

I have a 5-year-old and there's no way he will play by himself from 3:30 until bedtime, do I want him to. We've worked up to about 20-30 minutes a couple of times/day that he plays by himself - other than that I am interacting with him. Games, puzzles, Magnatiles, Legos, crafts. It's not like I'm constantly doing the activity with him but I do need to get him set up doing something then I can make a phone call, unload the dishwasher etc. Sometimes we sit together and each read/look at a book on our own for 15 minutes. My downtime is after DS is in bed, I don't expect much during the day. OP, your older DC is probably much more capable than the younger one of finding things to do on his/her own.

We are essentially screen free at home other than an occasional movie night or game on the iPad. I don't feel like I'm the TV police or anything, I just prefer to direct him to other activities that are more stimulating physically or mentally and we've been able to do that without incorporating lots of TV or iPad time. I did watch TV growing up but there were not the limitless choices and anything on demand whenever you want that there are now. It just seems like once we open the door to regular TV watching we will all end up in front of the TV all day long.

[fedoragirl]

I completely agree with Momit. We all make decisions about limiting certain things and each family has different priorities. Do what suits you best.
I believe the adults are a role model in this and so we have no phones during meal times. If a phone rings, we let it ring and attend to the message after the meal. I do not sit at a computer if my kids are with me. Of course, I am a SAHM so this is easier for me than for WOHMs, for example. I also do not play with my kids all the time. They are 2 and soon-to-be 4. They both play independently for 45-1 hour. It's when they are together that things get tricky. So, I have them do different activities like cutting paper/coloring while DS bangs around in his play kitchen. I focus on things they enjoy doing at this age so I can get some time to do my chores.
Both DH and I watch TV after the kids are in bed. My kids get about 30 min. of TV time 2-3 times a week and that is rarely used. I have never said that that's the time limit but we limit it to one show and then, don't really mention TV. We do a puzzle together or read books. We are currently doing the advent calendar activities after dinner so that takes up some time.
Weekends are usually about being outside and together so we rarely do TV except when we're indoors because of the weather. Then, I let them watch 30-45 min. They don't have the attention span of any more than that so it's a natural conclusion to TV time.
I was also on a limited TV schedule when I was a child and I didn't turn into a party animal.

[123LuckyMom]

My kids are 5 and 20 months. I don't have a problem with DS watching tv, but it became a problem. He can't self-regulate it. If left to his own devices, he would just sit in front of the screen watching episode after episode (he watches PBS shows on the ROKU, mostly, and he wouldn't want to leave the screen to do things like sit at the table for dinner or go to sleep! Trying to limit time to, for example, one program each day, led to tantrums and unpleasantness, so I just decided that there would be no tv on weekdays. It works just fine for us.

Without tv as an option, DS plays independently. He has gymnastics on Monday and swim class on Wednesday. On other days, he comes home from school and does his thing. He engages in lots of pretend play, building play, an occasional art project, physical activity both indoors and out. He usually incorporates DD in his games, and they just have fun. I can sometimes get dinner cooked easily, and often not, because I have to monitor/engage/help with turns and other negotiations and/or tend to wounded feelings or bodies. It would be a lot easier with tv, because they'd both sit in front of it like zombies, but then I'd have to fight to get it turned off.

On weekends, we tend to do a lot together as a family. We go out and see and do things. During the winter we occasionally do a family movie night where we go to my Mom's (usually empty) vacation home in our town. She has a projector and a theater sized screen. That's fun! Today I'm sick, and we're on the tail end of a big snowstorm, so the tv has been on pretty much all day. It doesn't bother me so much, though, because it's an unusual occurrence.

[pastrygirl]

OP here. I need a lot of doing-my-own-thing time to feel sane, probably because my 7yo has special needs. By the time the kids are in bed, I only have 30-60 minutes before I go to bed myself, and I want to spend it with my husband, which doesn't count as doing my own thing.

It sounds like I need to take the approach many of you are taking and initiate play then move on, and repeat every 30-45 minutes. My 7yo was hooked on TV and computers a couple of years ago, but that died down and it was no longer an issue. Now with Minecraft, I worry that it's becoming an issue again and I need to limit it. Mostly because *I* use it as a babysitter.

I need a plan for weekends in the winter when we're indoors. I don't even want to sit around on my iPad all day while they use whatever device. We all need to do something useful, fun, or productive.

[weech]

OP here. I need a lot of doing-my-own-thing time to feel sane, probably because my 7yo has special needs. By the time the kids are in bed, I only have 30-60 minutes before I go to bed myself, and I want to spend it with my husband, which doesn't count as doing my own thing.

It sounds like I need to take the approach many of you are taking and initiate play then move on, and repeat every 30-45 minutes. My 7yo was hooked on TV and computers a couple of years ago, but that died down and it was no longer an issue. Now with Minecraft, I worry that it's becoming an issue again and I need to limit it. Mostly because *I* use it as a babysitter.

I need a plan for weekends in the winter when we're indoors. I don't even want to sit around on my iPad all day while they use whatever device. We all need to do something useful, fun, or productive.

I find that if I don't plan activities in advance, we have a really hard time trying to occupy DS on the weekends. I try to have at least one day of the weekend "scheduled" with a couple different out of the house activities because otherwise we sit in the house and get stir crazy. Can you do museums or the library?

[123LuckyMom]

We have a local paper that comes out on Thursdays and lists all the events of the weekend. There's also a mom in the area who puts together a weekend event list that is a phenomenal resource. I always look at those to see if there's anything special going on. Does your town have anything like that?

Default activities for us in the winter are things like museums, skating, sledding, going to nearby cute little New England towns and exploring. On Sunday afternoons the pool where DS does swim class is open. It's in the same town as a really spectacular modern art museum, so we do the museum for a little exploration and lunch after church and then DS swims while DD naps. There's always something to do. I'm sure you can find things where you are, but it really does help to plan ahead. If I don't plan, we usually sit around waiting to come up with an idea.

[abh5e8]

op, it sounds like you are looking for suggestions on how to transition to less screen time? (so i'll avoid any discussion on if thats good or bad or neutral).

I think it takes kids a while to "detox" from a lot of screen time (ST). ST is very passive entertainment, and thus easier then being entertained by playing legos or doing a craft or making up games outside. so most kids fight it for a while when screen time is cut down. expect some difficulties with transition but know that it WILL get much better. mine are 3, 5 and 6 (and baby is 7 months) and they will play, pretty much all on their own all day. screen time is a couple of episodes of Magic School Bus per month (unless we are taking a road trip). They play with toys, do crafts, make up games or skits or play outside. i would plan some routine for the upcoming time off. get into the habit of some chores in the am, errands/activities, lunch and then maybe some "free time." During free time i would start by getting them set on an activity or toy and then back off and let them go. reset maybe 30 mins later, if needed. and i love the idea of extra chores for bored kids. mine also love to help me, so cooking/dishes/laundry can be fun for them to help with. gradually lengthen the amount of time between interventions and I think you will find the kids start to entertain themselves more.

you might also have a family meeting of sorts, with both dc and discuss what you mean by "useful, fun or productive." get their ideas and do a mini-bucket list for vacation. you can also set a timer for yourself, say 30 mins on ipad/computer then xyz activities and chores, to help you regulate your time. i would anticipate 2 weeks vaca at home could be a big change from mom working FT and kids at school/therapy all day. give yourself and your dc grace...and try to enjoy the time!

[pastrygirl]

^^ Thank you!! I'm going to write that down and have my son go over it with me. I bet he'd love helping me enforce my own iPad limits, LOL. No one has regular chores now, but that would be a good thing to start. My 4yo has a great imagination and will play all day unplugged, so he's been a good influence on my older son. I'll have to keep fostering that.

[jerseygirl07067]

Honestly we are fairly screen free during the week for two reasons... #1 there is simply no time (I work part time, and DH is gone all week so I have so much to do) and #2 my kids get so addicted to it, you would have thought I chopped off their arms and legs when I ask them to turn it off. I seriously can't deal with the tantrums that ensue, so therefore we don't turn it on the first place. :)

Now, I will say they do use the computer to watch Rainbow Loom videos, but that is strictly to be able to the different, more intricate bracelets. I have an almost 10 year old, an 8 year old, who will play fairly well together with some fighting. I don't get involved in that, they have to figure out on their own. I only get involved if I feel someone is really at fault. They also love to play outside with the neighborhood kids which I LOVE!! Honestly, many days it looks like the days I had as a kid playing outside after school. We do live in FL and usually have great weather, so that does help a lot!!!

On the weekends, they can watch in the morning for maybe 2 hours max and I will allow the to watch a movie at night. It's way too nice outside to be watching TV!!! Other than that, no TV really. We don't have tablets....yet. Santa is bringing them, but time on them will be limited. So I'm sure screen time is about to change a bit, but I'm going to try to keep it more educational, with a few games allowed here and there.

To add, my 4.5 y/o plays by herself very independently, but sometimes I do stuff with her too, it just depends. I like her to draw, play with her dolls, play kitchen, etc. She has a pretty good imagination so that is helpful. When I have had a rough day, or honestly need to do something where I can't get interrupted, I put the tv on, but it is waaay less these days. My kids just turn mean when they watch tv, it's like flipping a switch, honestly!!