Thoughts on ALL class birthday parties? And when do they get smaller?

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi,
I'd love your thoughts. When DD2 was in (a posh) nursery school, the norm was that everyone had all class birthday parties. I liked it at the time - we had birthday parties every weekend and it strengthened our ties with her classmates and families.

Now that DD is in kindergarten, there appears to be fewer 'all' class birthday parties. Though I can't be sure because I don't know when all the kids birthdays are, so this is a guess.

I am torn as to whether to have a class birthday party or not for DD who turns 6 soon.
There are 25 kids in the class.
If we had an all class party, I would not invite her personal out-of-school friends to it. (it feels like too much to have school and non-school friends in one huge party.)

I should add that, as far as I can tell, DD1 is well liked in school, but she does not get to see classmates after school and has few play dates because many classmates come from very far away or have busy schedules. As a result, DD mainly sees classmate out of school at birthday parties - and she really loves when she gets to see them.

The reasons to have an all 25 kid invited class party are:
- it seems like a nice thing to do for the class and I'd like to get to know the other families more and strengthen our class as a whole (nice people, but we are all busy)(this is a big reason);
- I feel uncomfortable only inviting a few classmates because I feel like the kids talk now and I don't want DD to be seen as excluding other kids (this is also a big reason);
- at this point, we have been invited to several so that we would want to reciprocate anyway;
- DD really wants an all class party - I think she views it as feeling 'special' within the class - not the determining factor, but if she didn't care either way, I definitely wouldn't even consider an all class party;
- for those families who are more inclined to reciprocate after coming to DD's party, it would be great for my DD to be invited to other parties and see her friends. I'm not assuming that the invitation would assume reciprocation, but to the extent that my DD got invited to other parties, she would be happy.

The reasons to not have an all class party are:
- it's very (very) expensive here and I just wonder if the money spent is worth it - we are in a small apartment so having a class party in our home is out of the question unfortunately. And we are in a city so space is a premium (and thus the high expense for parties);
- we REALLY don't need any more presents and I almost wince thinking of 24 coming our way - I would consider saying no presents for this one if we have it, even though DD would be disappointed;
- after all the all-class nursery school birthday parties, we really only keep in touch with 2-3 families, and DD only left pre-school 6 months ago! Which makes me think... was it really worth the time, effort, cost to invite everyone?...
- now that I have two kids and increasingly have to do 'the same' for both of them (DD2 is 2), I am wondering whether this is a bad precedent, given the cost.
- my sense is that the parties are about to get smaller anyway so part of me thinks... if they are going to get smaller by next year or the year after generally anyway, maybe we should bite the bullet and just make it small this year and save money.

One possibility is to 'share' a birthday party with another family. DD is not thrilled with the idea, but I might do that. I just don't know when other parties are and would want to do it with another kid DD liked a lot.

Another possibility is to have all girls - problem with that, though, is that she has several really great friends who are boys. And honestly, for some reason, I have consistently found myself loving the parents/families of boys in our classes, so I am usually keen on including boys at our parties and not limiting to gender.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this, from those who have BTDT.
Also, from your experience, when the all-class birthday parties start getting smaller? By 1st, 2nd grade?

Thanks in advance.

[Nooknookmom]

I never did an ALL class birthday. We have an 18 yo and a 6 yo. I asked them what they want to do for their bday and who's invited.

Not every kid likes each other so I find it odd to have the whole class there.

DD1 never ever wanted a bday party till 5th grade. She insisted on sea world, Disney or the zoos. Sometimes we took a friend if she wanted.

DD2 wanted a 6th bday at the park and initially she only wanted boys (bc her preschool BFF was a boy) but we ended up with a couple of girls too.

Every party She has been invited to as of kindy and first are just invite only. We had one class party last year but its bc they are multiples and it was easier to invite everyone. They are quads and their mom is amazing (had to toss that in!)

HTH.

[fedoragirl]

My kids are little but I don't do all-class parties either. Some of the reasons are the ones you've listed:
--I don't want to have to do this all over again for DS
--DD doesn't really socialize with all the kids in her class and those kids wouldn't come to our party anyway (I already asked)
--She has enough playdates outside of preschool now and those are the kids who will be invited
--I don't want an insanely expensive party at this age (or any age) and love home-parties even though I'm a wreck then.
--I definitely want to limit presents (we're having a book-themed party this year)

In your case, if you really want your DD to strengthen ties with other kids and their families, what about playdates on the weekends?

[hillview]

We did all class til 1st grade. After 1st the kids invite a set group of kids and depending on where the party is the # is limited by that.

[nfowife]

We did all-class for DS in pre-k and kinder because the places where the party was allowed 25 kids. For DD we've done both depending on the venue. The last few years hers have been just the girls in her class, or a smaller group than that with a mix of girls (last year was a slumber party).

[TwinFoxes]

In preschool it was all class, but there were only 10 kids in the class. It would have been pretty unkind to exclude someone. (Especially at that age when kids blab). This year in K, it seems to be a mix of all kids, and only some kids. We went to a party last weekend that was girls only, and it was decidedly NOT a girly-type event. There's no way I'm doing all class parties any more, DDs are in separate classes. I'm not even sure where I'd be able to hold a party for two classes plus outside friends, plus relatives!

[georgiegirl]

I've never done it, in part because DD doesn't want a whole class party.

[SnuggleBuggles]

If probably have this year be the last whole class one. K is a great time to do it and meet the other families. Grades 1+ are very rarely whole class parties.

[westwoodmom04]

We did all class parties through first for dd, then one year of all of a gender in her class, then moved to select friends. DS is in K and still wants all kids in his class. We never had an issue with attendance, generally 95 percent plus of the class attended. I never expected everyone to reciprocate, there are lots of reasons not to have a big party. I've heard that a good rule of thumb to avoid hurt feelings is to either invite less than half of class or gender within class, or invite the whole group.

we've always celebrate separately with family.

[AnnieW625]

This past year we did an all class party at a local park because we had it after school got out at 12:30 on the day they got out for spring break. About 14 kids came a mix of boys and girls. However now by in second grade it is definitely all smaller parties (there was a larger whole class summer party for 3 girls at My Gym over the summer) and there is a definite divide in DD1's class of who plays with who and that is dictating birthday party invites I believe. For us depending on what DD1 wants to do for her birthday this coming year we'll either invite all of the girls or limit it to the 5 or 6 girls she is really close with, but tbh with even 16 girls (unless it is a sleepover) it is easier just to invite them all and assume that 3-5 will not be able to make it.

[crl]

Ds had a hard time with big crowds and noise. So we did not do all class parties. Until last year when he turned ten! He wanted a baseball game for his party so I rented a field and we invited his entire little team, his entire class, and some additional friends. It was a lot of fun. :). I did make it a no presents party, but ds is used to those and was fine with it. No way no how was I facing the possibility of forty presents!

I think all class parties are nice, but not necessary and people should do whatever suits their kid and their finances and energy.

Catherine

[Ceepa]

I think first grade is the last grade for all-class parties. By second grade kids have settled on a more narrow group of friends and gender preference in friends is more prevalent. After first, all-class celebration means bringing in a treat for everyone with a separate smaller celebration outside of school.

[JustMe]

I also never did all class parties. Couldn't afford them, didn't have the space, they were never required. Instead, I actually mostly invited non-school friends when dd was younger. I told her the in-class party was the party with her school friends and the home party was for other friends. Of course, that needed to shift when she got older and her school friends became more important to her.

I think in your shoes, I would invite some non-school friends and have dd pick a few friends from her class that she really likes/want to get to know better. It sounds like your dd wants to feel special, which I understand, but I think you can talk about how she has a chance to invite some kids she really wants to get to know better, etc.

[dogmom]

I think by 1st Grade it is the norm to not do all class parties. Some drop out in K, usually those up us with older kids. By first grade you have kids moving around classrooms if you have more 2 classes in a grade, + friends from the neighborhood, + friends from sports/activities, it becomes impossible to do 20+ kids in a class + 10 kids from other year's classes, friends, etc. In K I managed to get some wiggle room by just invited the girls/boys from the class since my kids had zero interest in inviting/playing with opposite sex kids.

[squimp]

Our all class parties stopped in K. For most families, a 25-kid party is just too much. At that age I would just invite the kids and DD wanted to invite. My DD invited several boys to her 1st grade birthday party.

[fivi2]

Must depend on the school. Our school has two classes per grade, and in second grade, we have been to a few all class (or even all grade) parties this year. Usually those are ones that can be held at a park, etc.
I have twins, one in each class, and their birthday is in winter, so no outside. We have done all the girls in the grade since kindergarten. I really agonized over it this year (and posted about it) but it is just what worked for us.

So, our school still has some all class parties, but definitely not all of them are, in second grade.

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi,
OP here. Thanks everyone. Hmmm, things to think about. Not sure what I'll do, but it sounds like there is no one answer so I'll just figure out what feels right for my family, my kid, and my budget. Thanks very much for your views.