DH:Why does it take you 25 minutes to poop?!

[elizamom]

Yes, literally, 25 minutes at least, and often twice a day. Whyyyyyyy. I was out running errands and I come home to an unhappy DS. DH immediately passes him off to me and goes into the bathroom. I feel like there really needs to be an announcement on his part because this is a huge chunk of time to just disappear randomly. Especially when I just walked in the door and need to pee!! So irritating. I sincerely do not understand why it would take any more than 5 minutes absolute max.

[BabyBearsMom]

I think this is a fact of all men. I have forbidden magazines, books, phones and tablets in the bathroom in an attempt to get him to speed up!

[trcy]

OP, I think we are married to the same man.

[ArizonaGirl]

It is so funny that you mention this because my BFF and I were just talking about this with both of our DH.

Seriously what could you possibly be doing for that long and he wont go at work so as soon as he gets in the door he heads to the bathroom for at least 20 minutes :32:

BFF and I decided that the reason it doesn't take us that long is because we simply don't have that kind of leisure time. :hysterical:

[ba_mom]

OMG, my DH is the same way...he'll bring in his ipad or phone (Gross...) and sit in there for 30 min. I just want to get my business done in 5 min so I don't understand why he wants to linger in there. What absolutely bugs me the most is when we're about to go somewhere. Right before we step out the door, he goes to the bathroom and makes us wait.... so annoying!

[twowhat?]

I had to laugh at this! My DH doesn't take quite that long but to me it's forever!!! And it takes him forever at a restaurant too!! My kids have even said "What's taking him so long? Oh, maybe he's pooping". My poop motto is "get in, get out, get on with your life".

And YES to going right before we are about to head out the door! DH does this and I'll have the girls loaded and buckled in and we're just sitting in the car waiting! Why anyone would want to sit in there basking in the smell of your own poop for that long is beyond me!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Gosh, I totally do this. It used to be my break back when ds1 was a baby. I'd just sit on the edge of the tub and read. Eta- when someone else was home to be in charge.

[erosenst]

SO glad to know that I'm not alone....and yes, more than once a day. Significantly less annoying now that DD is 9, but still annoying.

[kellyd]

oh man do I hear you on this!!! EVERY SINGLE time I ask DH to help w/ something (drain the potatoes while I'm cutting the meat) put the load of clothes into the dryer, pick up that sock you've stepped OVER 6 times now! I hear ok... and then he disappears! 30 minutes later he appears I ask WTH! and he says well I had to poop! If standing up makes him need to take a 30 minute bathroom break he needs to go to the doctor! :)

[wendibird22]

I totally get this. DH is the same way. Annoys the heck out of me. How did the male species survive the stone ages? How could you be a successful hunter and not get eaten by wild animals if pooping took that long?

[mikala]

I totally get this. DH is the same way. Annoys the heck out of me. How did the male species survive the stone ages? How could you be a successful hunter and not get eaten by wild animals if pooping took that long?

:rotflmao: I've wondered the same thing. Maybe there is something to a caveman diet after all!

[OKKiddo]

I am with all of you and I can't stand it!! My husband will disappear for over 30 mins and the kids are always asking where he's at. And he's the guy who waits until it's time to leave and then, whoops! Gotta go. Annoying! I'm ready to stop making it easier and start making the kids pester daddy by poking hands under the door and looking under the crack at him like they do me. Seriously! I wait until my kiddos are distracted so that I can TRY to get 5 mins to myself to do my business.

[georgiegirl]

My DH is the same way. He sits there with his iPad watching Breaking Bad on Netflix. I'm mean and send DS (4) in to help speed him up. Moms don't have time for a 30 min poop break. Half the time I have to poop while DS2 is sleeping on me in the carrier and DS1 is asking me for a snack.

[barkley1]

Ugh! I thought DH was weird for doing this, but apparently it's common. I know what DH is doing in there....he is dipping tobacco, bc he's not "allowed" to do it out in the open in front of me and the kids. That accounts for at least 1 trip a day to the toilet; the other I know he's on there playing candy crush on his phone while he's actually pooping. GEEZ! Must be nice to have that kind of time/lack of guilt for completely wasting time!

[StantonHyde]

OMG YES!!! Seriously, what the hell?????? Especially when we are already to go in the car--he waits till that moment to go one last time. Seriouslyyy--like it will be another 20 minutes. And they have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clue how long it takes them???????? how is this possible. I could go on and on and on ……..

[lalasmama]

OMG, my DH is the same way...he'll bring in his ipad or phone (Gross...) and sit in there for 30 min. I just want to get my business done in 5 min so I don't understand why he wants to linger in there. What absolutely bugs me the most is when we're about to go somewhere. Right before we step out the door, he goes to the bathroom and makes us wait.... so annoying!

We'd be on time if my DH didn't have this same bowel-moving-while-trying-to-leave affliction. Church expects us late now. At Disneyland, I plan "poop time outs" into our day: get up an extra 30 minutes early, get ready, pretend to leave, let DH poop, and then head out... and then stop again right before getting in line for a great ride. "Where's Dad?" IDK, is the bathroom fan on? Yep, that's where he is, again.

[elbenn]

This thread is making me laugh so much!

[crayonblue]

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to tell DH to poop at work because I did NOT want him walking through the door and then taking 1/2 an hour in the bathroom while the girls ran around yelling for daddy. Poop and then come home.

[mom2beofboy/girltwins]

:yeahthat: to all of this!!

Ex-DH used to do this all the time as well and it was such a sore subject. He'd regularly spend 30-60 min in the bathroom. If I tried to ask him something he'd get angry and tell me not to talk to him while he was in there. I was like, holy cow, then you need to notify me before you walk in there 'cus it's no different then if you left to go somewhere and it'd be nice to know when you're going to be "off-limits."

But here's the kicker, DD & DS only spend time with him occasionally now, often only for a couple of hours and rarely overnight. DS randomly tells me a couple weeks ago that "Daddy always spends a loooooong time in the bathroom." Nice. So during a two hour visit, he spends a chunk of that time in the bathroom. I wonder if he tells my 4 yr olds not to talk to him while he's in there either...... One of many things that will never change. sigh.

[queenmama]

My friends and I discuss this subject frequently!

I'm home all day, every day with DD while DH is at work (especially since we're down to one car at the mo). I literally do not get a break because she can't be left for 10 seconds or she'll get into something, anything.

So what does DH do *the minute* he walks in the door? Yep. It makes me stabby, stabby, stabby. One day, you might hear about us on the news.


Lara

[Melaine]

This thread is hilarious. I have to say, we do not have this problem here. I'm not sure I actually understand.... Are guys using the bathroom as a hangout spot or are they constipated?? Because that doesn't sound healthy!

[specialp]

This thread is hilarious. I have to say, we do not have this problem here. I'm not sure I actually understand.... Are guys using the bathroom as a hangout spot or are they constipated?? Because that doesn't sound healthy!

It's a hangout. DH doesn't have the time anymore so it isn't a problem - the toddler hates closed doors anyway and will bang and cry at one so it isn't relaxing. However, before we had kids he did. It's like the act of sitting down forces one to look at a magazine. Then the job is done, but now one is totally engrossed in Mens' Health or Runners' World or SI and just can't put it down. We once figured out that we actually spend about the same amount of time in the bathroom - mine is putting on makeup and getting ready, his is sitting in foulness reading.

[queenmama]

This thread is hilarious. I have to say, we do not have this problem here. I'm not sure I actually understand.... Are guys using the bathroom as a hangout spot or are they constipated?? Because that doesn't sound healthy!

As a hangout. How nice, huh?

I get that DH wants/needs to decompress when he gets home, but it's not like *I* get to do that, ever! Even my showers are quick, when I get them!

And I really don't understand reading on the pot, anyway. Bloody uncomfortable. The hemorrhoids are karmic retribution.

FYI, he doesn't close the door (none of us does [unless I'm doing lady stuff or taking a shower], and that's a whole other topic) so he's not even "hiding!"

Lara

[sarahsthreads]

Same problem here, only mine DOES announce it, which is super super irritating. He picks up his tablet (ew) and says, "I'm going to go potty now."

Um.

Dude, how old are you? Grown men do not "go potty", they "use the bathroom".

Also, really? If you want the whole family to go to church at 9:30, meaning we have to leave no later than 9:20, do NOT disappear into the bathroom at 8:55 and expect that I'm somehow single-handedly going to get all three kids plus me ready to leave in 25 minutes. Ain't gonna happen.

Sarah :)

[kara97210]

This thread is so funny. My DH just walked in the door, he immediately went upstairs to "hang out" in the bathroom. I guess I should be glad he didn't announce that he was going potty.

[twowhat?]

So I'm torn on the "hang out" theory...because my DH takes forever in restaurant bathrooms too. Unless he is seriously in a public bathroom stall, playing on his phone...in that case maybe I don't want to know...

eta: Also, DH and I have totally discussed this (LOL) and he cannot wrap his brain around how I can go so FAST.

[Twoboos]

:rotflmao: Interesting, I thought my DH was the only one on the post-work poop schedule!

[ArizonaGirl]

So I'm torn on the "hang out" theory...because my DH takes forever in restaurant bathrooms too. Unless he is seriously in a public bathroom stall, playing on his phone...in that case maybe I don't want to know...

eta: Also, DH and I have totally discussed this (LOL) and he cannot wrap his brain around how I can go so FAST.

This is hysterical, because DH and I have talked about this too and he doesn't understand how I can he done in less than 3 minutes and it takes him the entire 25 minutes

[georgiegirl]

I think it's because they have a pooping schedule and they are under the impression they have to poop at the same time every day. I just poop when I need to poop. Sometimes that's in the morning, sometimes it's not. My kids are the same way.

DH used to complain about his co-workers pooping. His office used to be across from the bathroom (a single toilet room), and he was always so annoyed when his co-workers would stink up the room and it would waft into his office. He thought they should be polite and not poop at work every day. Fortunately he was able to switch offices not too long ago, so no more poop complaints.

[jent]

OMG, I just saw this thread now and am laughing so hard there are tears! This is my DH and it drives me crazy! I used to think he was just hanging out, but at times I've tried to interrupt him or get him to hurry up he just gets mad that he's still "in the middle". There is no schedule at our house, unless you count choosing whatever is the most inconvenient time. And yes, he just disappears, and then when I go looking for him, he gets annoyed that I'm interrupting.

Until this thread I totally thought my DH was the only one, and that he had some sort of constipation issue. Funny bc he's a mostly-vegetarian and has a very high-fiber diet.

[pastrygirl]

I thought it was normal to go at around the same time every day? I can't criticize my husband because I've been constipated all my adult life and unless I'm having tummy issues, a bathroom trip takes me forever and I can't even always go.

But, my husband says the car ride does it! He always goes when he gets into work. That could explain the after work phenomenon, lol.

[BDKmom]

So I'm torn on the "hang out" theory...because my DH takes forever in restaurant bathrooms too. Unless he is seriously in a public bathroom stall, playing on his phone...in that case maybe I don't want to know...

eta: Also, DH and I have totally discussed this (LOL) and he cannot wrap his brain around how I can go so FAST.

Honestly, have you discussed the *amount* that comes out when they poop? I don't think my DH is just hanging out, it just takes that long for it all to work its way out! It is a massive amount of poop. And my DS is the same way. Seriously, I don't know where this kid keeps it all! And he goes every day, so it's not like he's saving it up.

[twowhat?]

Honestly, have you discussed the *amount* that comes out when they poop? I don't think my DH is just hanging out, it just takes that long for it all to work its way out! It is a massive amount of poop. And my DS is the same way. Seriously, I don't know where this kid keeps it all! And he goes every day, so it's not like he's saving it up.

This thread just keeps getting better and BETTER.

[queenmama]

Dude, no. It doesn't matter whether DH poops a pellet or a python, he's in there for 15 minutes *minimum!* And no, if he goes in public or at work, he s***s and gets off the pot, just like the saying.

Me? I promise, I take a minute. Whoosh, out, done. You'd never know I was in there by how fast I am but I won't pretend I'm dropping roses...

Lara

[fedoragirl]

Late to the poop party but this thread has me in stitches.
Both DH and DS take 20 min. or so. DD and I are done under 2 min. Too funny.

[specialp]

I had a house full of sisters all day - all of whom have older boys - and sad to say but I had to ask. The consensus was that guys head to bathroom the minute they get the slightest hint of a production notice. Women, on the other hand, wait until it is go time. My one sister who has older boys said she remembered potty training and telling them to go sit on the potty if they even felt like something could happen … and the message didn’t evolve after that.

[doberbrat]

This thread just keeps getting better and BETTER.

Amen!! :)

Not only does dh take 20-30min to poop, he takes 30min to take a shower!

[Nooknookmom]

This thread just keeps getting better and BETTER.

OMG I almost choked on my mint! Rotfl !!

Now if mine would actually cover up the used tissue paper in the trash. I don't want to SEE them and I know u didnt do a great job bc I wash your UNDIES. And there's usually a burnout!

[EllasMum]

...The consensus was that guys head to bathroom the minute they get the slightest hint of a production notice. Women, on the other hand, wait until it is go time. My one sister who has older boys said she remembered potty training and telling them to go sit on the potty if they even felt like something could happen … and the message didn’t evolve after that.

:hysterical: OMG this thread is HYSTERICAL! My sister's DH takes at least 20 minutes. It's obvious when he's gearing up because he will pickup a random magazine and then walk out of the room. My sister tries not to roll her eyes but regularly fails. My sister even once mentioned it to BIL's sister and she rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, mom and I used to refer to this as his 'ordeals'". Now, if BIL is nowhere to be found, someone will invariably ask if he is having one of his ordeals. It is almost always the case. ;)

[twowhat?]

:hysterical: OMG this thread is HYSTERICAL! My sister's DH takes at least 20 minutes. It's obvious when he's gearing up because he will pickup a random magazine and then walk out of the room. My sister tries not to roll her eyes but regularly fails. My sister even once mentioned it to BIL's sister and she rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, mom and I used to refer to this as his 'ordeals'". Now, if BIL is nowhere to be found, someone will invariably ask if he is having one of his ordeals. It is almost always the case. ;)

LOLOL, we call it "The Deed".

[lkoala]

LOLOL, we call it "The Deed".

Here we refer to it as a Hazzie... as in hazmat suit required to go in the bathroom afterwards.

It really sucks because we have one usable bathroom so if you have to go afterward, you just kinda hold it till the smell dissipates...

[chottumommy]

Here we refer to it as a Hazzie... as in hazmat suit required to go in the bathroom afterwards.

It really sucks because we have one usable bathroom so if you have to go afterward, you just kinda hold it till the smell dissipates...

or buy some poop-pourri

[twowhat?]

or buy some poop-pourri

Exactly what I was thinking!! Or implement the courtesy flush (poop, flush first round right away before the stench fills the air, finish, adding flushes as necessary).