jammytoast
12-23-2013, 04:07 PM
Not so much as a bitch, but more of a 'need a shoulder' post and only you guys would really understand. What is it about the holidays that make the tension come out, especially with family?
Its been a really really hard year for us... a combination of managing the IL's financial and medical difficulties from across the country, an incredibly intense phase of work for both DH and I, Furloughs, Sequestration, DH gone for 2 months for work twice this year, no family around and, most notably, a huge emotional collapse after a m/c this summer at 9w. We'd been trying for 3 years for our 3rd with no success....we already have 2 DC's (zero conception issues w/ them) and I didn't want to go through the medical/emotional toll that Clomid and Progesterone take so was letting nature take its course. When it happened, I took a few days, off, cried, and then got back into life again. We decided to only tell our parents, and while both were sympathetic, the general feeling was "well, you already have 2 kids" and "at least it was early on!" urgh. But I'm fine now (REALLY!) and yes, a little sad as the due date approaches, but really doing okay day to day.
To multiply this (and get to the crux of my BP), DH and I decided that next summer we'd take the kids overseas for vacation -- we've got family in the UK and France and would like to make new memories next summer vs. dwelling over what happened last summer. We've been trying to make plans for 2 months, and both his closest cousin (basically a brother to him) and my brother keep blowing us off, not willing to really provide any feedback on if times are good or frankly if they even *want* us to visit (and not to flash back to dating life, but I'm honestly doing the 'they're not that into you' talk to myself as there's been nothing but lukewarm communication since this fall). Knowing houseguests with kids can be a pain, I've been researching rentals and houses near their homes so we wouldn’t stay *with* them and trying to do cursory planning just so we can book tickets, but we just get crickets back. We've always gotten along with his cousin and my brother and family before, so not sure what's going on. Flights and rentals are booking fast, and I'm getting such anxiety over trying to get the major pieces settled. Dh is ready to just say screw them and lets all book a trip on our own without trying to visit family, but its been ages since we've seen those living there, and I hate that our DC barely know their relatives. :(
I just feel that we're stuck in this awful middle ground, not able to grow our family while at the same time, being cut off from those we are attached to. Dh has been wonderful through all of this, but has hit his limit with the non-responsiveness of family.
I swear, if Aliens came to Earth, they'd think our mortal enemies were our blood relatives as much as we fight and bicker and hurt each other!
Tell me that I'm not the only one who wants to adopt friends as family!!
Its been a really really hard year for us... a combination of managing the IL's financial and medical difficulties from across the country, an incredibly intense phase of work for both DH and I, Furloughs, Sequestration, DH gone for 2 months for work twice this year, no family around and, most notably, a huge emotional collapse after a m/c this summer at 9w. We'd been trying for 3 years for our 3rd with no success....we already have 2 DC's (zero conception issues w/ them) and I didn't want to go through the medical/emotional toll that Clomid and Progesterone take so was letting nature take its course. When it happened, I took a few days, off, cried, and then got back into life again. We decided to only tell our parents, and while both were sympathetic, the general feeling was "well, you already have 2 kids" and "at least it was early on!" urgh. But I'm fine now (REALLY!) and yes, a little sad as the due date approaches, but really doing okay day to day.
To multiply this (and get to the crux of my BP), DH and I decided that next summer we'd take the kids overseas for vacation -- we've got family in the UK and France and would like to make new memories next summer vs. dwelling over what happened last summer. We've been trying to make plans for 2 months, and both his closest cousin (basically a brother to him) and my brother keep blowing us off, not willing to really provide any feedback on if times are good or frankly if they even *want* us to visit (and not to flash back to dating life, but I'm honestly doing the 'they're not that into you' talk to myself as there's been nothing but lukewarm communication since this fall). Knowing houseguests with kids can be a pain, I've been researching rentals and houses near their homes so we wouldn’t stay *with* them and trying to do cursory planning just so we can book tickets, but we just get crickets back. We've always gotten along with his cousin and my brother and family before, so not sure what's going on. Flights and rentals are booking fast, and I'm getting such anxiety over trying to get the major pieces settled. Dh is ready to just say screw them and lets all book a trip on our own without trying to visit family, but its been ages since we've seen those living there, and I hate that our DC barely know their relatives. :(
I just feel that we're stuck in this awful middle ground, not able to grow our family while at the same time, being cut off from those we are attached to. Dh has been wonderful through all of this, but has hit his limit with the non-responsiveness of family.
I swear, if Aliens came to Earth, they'd think our mortal enemies were our blood relatives as much as we fight and bicker and hurt each other!
Tell me that I'm not the only one who wants to adopt friends as family!!