more naming angst (sorry, long) UPDATE!!

[boogiemomz]

UPDATE in post 27!! :boogie:

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My c/s is scheduled for one week from today :cheerleader1:. We are so excited to meet our little guy! But unfortunately we are still having trouble narrowing down our list of names. The good news is, it's looking pretty good for scrapping my husband's eastern European naming tradition; we haven't said explicitly that we're not doing it, but the great majority of names we're discussing do NOT follow the tradition and he isn't really bringing it up. So, yay for that. (Please, don't comment that you don't agree with this, no part of me wants to do this and I know it would be a thorn in my side forever if we did, so I'm thrilled, especially if he seems pretty okay with it.)

The trouble is, we have a list of about 10-12 names and DH doesn't feel excited about any of them. Not because they don't follow the tradition necessarily, but because we are just finding boy names really tough. We're running into the dilemma of classic feels boring but unique might seem silly later or somehow won't stand the test of time. I am firmly in the classic/timeless camp, but he keeps suggesting really unusual/trendy names that I'm not feeling at all, he's even suggested a few made-up names, which is shocking to me because he's typically a very traditional kind of guy. But he just keeps saying he doesn't feel great about any of the names we've managed to agree to keep on the list.

I feel some confidence that, even with a long-ish list going into the hospital, we will be able to narrow the field and choose something that suits him when we meet him, and a "boring" (according to him) classic name will cease to be boring when it belongs to our little boy. My DD's name, which i love, was a totally different name to us before it was hers, and it fits her perfectly. But DH said at least with DD we went in with a shorter list of names he actually really liked to begin with, but he doesn't feel like we have that now.

I just really feel like one of these names will feel right when we meet him, or at least we will be able to narrow it down and come to an agreement (and I think the potential for regret is higher with an unusual name than with a classic name). DH is scared though, and it's making me feel scared that we won't be able to choose. Imagining us in the hospital with our 2 day old baby scouring the baby name book makes me feel ill. Any BTDT or words of wisdom about this? We historically have a pretty hard time with co-decision-making and I'm afraid this could really put a damper on the whole experience.

[TwinFoxes]

Can you give us some examples of the names you like, and the ones he likes? Maybe we can come up with something.

No real BTDT. I love baby names though!

[BabyBearsMom]

Give us a list and let us help, maybe we can come up with some options that your DH might like. I really like looking at less common biblical names, that way it can be both classic and unusual. If DD2 was a boy, she would have been Elias (Eli for short, we are a major nick-name family, so having a short option was a must for me).

[Snow mom]

How about coming up with nicknames for names you like? Boy names are tough--lots of the classics seem really common and trendy names seem strangely more trendy than with girl names (like the Aiden phase of 4-5 years ago and the current -ton phase). And then there's the problem of all the boy names that are quickly becoming girl names. But I'm happy for you that the family name thing seems to not be an issue with DH (and I hope it's not too painful when MIL finds out).

[basil]

Ugh, I have no advice but I'm in a similar situation, though I have longer to go.
When we had DS we had picked two names we liked and decided at the hospital. If our second was going to be a boy we could have just picked the unused name.
Now we are having to start completely over on girls' names. My DH doesn't come up with anything on his own, but if I offer something he just says he doesn't like it, it sounds weird, etc.

I keep reminding myself that it's pretty rare to hate your name (if it's not super crazy), so I think most things end up working out. Don't know how helpful that is to you though!

[boogiemomz]

My list has names like:

Philip, Luke, Peter, Simon, William, Frederick, Stuart, Theodore, Thomas, Benjamin, James

With some favorites being Frederick, Simon, Stuart, Theodore… so not even super common ones.

He keeps saying he "needs to come up with a list" but has suggested things like Ziggy, Clarence, Moran. So, so out there, IMO.

One of our biggest challenges is our last name, which I mentioned in my other big thread about this… it's a very unusual eastern European surname, when people see it written they say things like, "Oh, I'm not even going to attempt that." So I am of the opinion that the baby's name needs to be pretty straightforward and not too flashy. It also rules out for the most part any name that ends with an "s" or "z" sound because it begins with a Z sound. Thomas would be okay, esp if it became "Tommy" (we do both like names that lend themselves to nicknames with the long "E" sound at the end like Tommy). We are also considering James as a mn, which also happens to be DH's mn.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so glad the family name thing is out of the picture! What a relief! It's so hard when you and your spouse don't agree. I also would love to hear both your short lists. Maybe we can help.

If you feel uncomfortable sharing, I think the PP's suggestion of finding a classic name with an unusual nickname might work. If the nickname sticks, great! If not, your child will have a classic name.

On our short list of girls' names for our first child, who turned out to be a boy, was the name Arabelle--fairly classic, but we decided we would call her Rebel. That's the kind of thing I'm thinking of when I think of a classic name with an unusual nickname.

[truly scrumptious]

Have you tried a website like nymbler.com? You can put in names you like and it will look for similar ones.
I would suggest trying that with some traditional names and some unusual ones to see if you find any suggestions that appeal to you both.
Name preferences are such a personal thing, and we all have such gut reactions to them, that coming up with a logical way to approach it is really hard.
When DH and I named our kids, we entertained any and all suggestions, but either of us could veto any name for any reason - that way there was no possibility of any "thorns in our sides"

[AnnieW625]

One thing that helped me was nymbler, and then even before I did that I wrote down the names with any potential middle names and our last name and that helped limit choices as well.

When I first found out I was pregnant with DD2 and even though we didn't know the sex I thought I wanted to name a girl Jennifer, but I wanted to use my first name (Anne) as a middle name, but then realized that wouldn't work with our last name because if you shortened it the initials would have been J @ P, an ethnic slur.

With DD2 we ended up playing the alphabet game when she was a few hours old and listed off names for each letter and ended up deciding on Lauren, which we had both said we liked before, but it still took me a long time to get used to it, but the name is so DD2 now that I am glad we named her what we named her. The minute she was born though I instinctly still wanted to name her Jennifer because she looked just like me when I was a newborn baby and my mom had originally wanted to name me Jennifer, but didn't because of the popularity of the name, but I just couldn't think of a middle name to go with it, that couldn't be shortened like Jennifer Jean (JJ) or Jennifer Christine (JC) because my ILs called my DD1 EJ for the longest time and DD1 as well as DH and myself hated it.

Good luck and you'll know the name when you see your baby.

[lmh2402]

i like your list much better than your DH's, though I don't love Stuart.

what about John or Andrew or Owen or Oliver

ETA: we had a short list for both kids going into the hospital, but DS was still nameless for nearly 48 hours b/c we were torn between two. going in we were probably more firmly entrenched on different "sides" but once the baby arrived, we were both just so happy that it was really more trying to decide which one he looked more like, rather than feeling angst between our individual picks, if that makes sense. all that to say, i'm sure it will work out - try not to add this to your list of worries!

[queenmama]

First off, I'm glad that you have more options! I remember this discussion and it was a tricky one! Whoa! So this is fantastic!!!

Second, I love all of your names. Truly. Good stuff.

I actually had Clarence on my list for Henry. He's 13 now and says he wishes we'd used it instead since Henry has become a horribly trendy name. Crazy, huh? His English teacher's name is Clarence and *he* dislikes his name very much, so he goes by his first two initials, a la JK Rowling. Henry adores this teacher, so I'm guessing his name just seems extra cool. ;)

At any rate, Clarence doesn't flow well into the beginning of your surname, so I'd cross it off, considering it doesn't have an easy nickname.

I do think you need to press -- okay, NAG! -- him to work on his list. I speak from experience!!! DH didn't want to discuss names at all once we found out we were having a girl. I think he's terrified of being a "girl dad," and it sort of paralyzed him. We'd chosen Mary as our girl name during our first pregnancy but I was adamantly opposed to using it this time because I thought Henry and Mary sounded dumb together. Not stylistically, just the matching -ry endings. The day we got our BFP we started talking about names and we all loved Felix (my great-grandpa's name, which I thought would be cool since Henry is DH's great-grandpa) and Agnes. But as time went on DH became less sure about it. Again, the whole girl thing.

So... We went to the hospital without a firm decision, or even a short list of contenders upon which we all agreed! After DD's rough delivery, he said I could name her whatever I wanted, but once we were all together in recovery he changed his mind again and decided to push for Mary. Henry insisted it sounded too plain with our last name -- a very common surname which is also a color, begins with W -- and he kept saying, "She just HAS to be Agnes." (He also had a hand in choosing her first middle name, Josephine, which is special to all of us for many reasons, but Henry kind of fell in love with Jo March when he acted in Little Women with his theater group during my pregnancy. He said, "Jo is sooo you!" Is he adorable or what?) Anyway, DH just sort of threw his hands in the air and said, "Whatever!"

He's not 100% in love with her name (and she's 20 months now!) but we TRIED discussing it with him daily for the last 20 weeks of the pregnancy. It's not our fault he couldn't come up with anything better!

You just can't leave that sort of thing until the hospital, because, like PP said, you have a 2-day-old baby and they're saying you should fill out this paperwork and your family is hounding you and it's too much pressure when you're hormonal and exhausted! Trust me!

Lara

[queenmama]

Whoops. I got crazy wordy there. Sorry. As you can see, I am passionate about this subject! Please take my words to heart and beat him over the head with the name books until he comes up with some options! ;)

Lara

[BabyBearsMom]

[QUOTE=boogiemomz;3929946]My list has names like:

Philip, Luke, Peter, Simon, William, Frederick, Stuart, Theodore, Thomas, Benjamin, James

With some favorites being Frederick, Simon, Stuart, Theodore… so not even super common ones.

He keeps saying he "needs to come up with a list" but has suggested things like Ziggy, Clarence, Moran. So, so out there, IMO.

[QUOTE]

Okay, step 1, tell DH that Moran is off the list because every kid on earth is going to call him Moron. Ziggy is off the list because if you call him that, people will think you are obsessed with Ziggy Stardust and David Bowie (unless you are super fans, and then I say "Ziggy it is.").

What about one of these (classic but less common, at least around here): Anthony; George; Kenneth; Donald (Donny is a cute nn); Andrew; Cameron; Isaac (love that with Zack for short); Jude; Nicholas (love it with Niko for short, I know it ends with an S but I love that nn); Reed; Cole; Nathan, Evan; Alexander (Xander for short); Xavier; Maxwell/Maximillian; Jasper and Sebastian.

Simon is one of my favorates as well, but if your last name starts with an S, I would be careful of it. I had a lisp as a child, and my first name has an S in it and my last name started with an S and it was a disaster. I totally wanted to name a son Simon (it is also a family name for us) but my married name also starts with an S and I couldn't put a child through what I went through.

[mommylamb]

Ok, so at first I thought you might not be flexible enough, but you are so right about your DH's name choices! Ziggy is a no-go no-way!!

I love the name Xavier. That was my second choice for DS2.

Other thoughts, that might be a little less classic but still in the non-ziggy category:
Geoffrey (I like it so much better with a G than with a J)
Jonah (This was one I loved that DH nixed immediately)
Avery (I know people use this as a girl's name now, but I love it for a boy)
Gregory
Sebastian
Tristan
Elliot

[basil]

What's your DD's name? Cause it would be odd to have Elizabeth and Ziggy, you know? Or odd to have Apple and Peter..

[goldenpig]

Congrats on the upcoming baby! So excited for you!
I agree with PP that your DH needs to make a longer list. I love the names on your list. Maybe you can find some alternatives to the ones on your husband's list on Nymbler--I entered his top 3 and 3 of yours and it comes up with names like Milo or Miles (which would be much better than Moran--I agree with PP about the "moron" teasing potential), Max, Felix, Alexander/Xander, Xavier (are the X names out of the running?), Henry and Nathaniel--I'm partial to those names :), Ezra, Tobias, James/Jasper/Josiah/Jeremiah (do you like biblical J names?), Julian. If you don't like Clarence, how about other C names like Casper or Calvin or Clyde or Cyrus or Clay? Can you ask your DH what it is that he likes about the names on his list--that might help to give him additional suggestions. Nothing wrong at all with waiting to meet the baby to decide, but it's good to be prepared.

[flashy09]

I played around with the names you like on Nameberry and got these:

Charles
Elliot
George
Henry
James
Oliver
Arthur

[123LuckyMom]

I love your names! I'm not crazy about your DH's. You CANNOT name your child Ziggy or Moran!

The names PPs have suggested are also great! I would compile a list and urge your DH to do the same. Then each of you get to veto the names you dislike. If you have to veto all of DH's names, so be it. You just need to hope he doesn't veto all of yours. I could never wait until the hospital to choose a name. My child would end up being Baby Boy LastName until he was five and could choose for himself! When we had DD, DH's choice won out, and I wasn't as crazy about that name as he was, but a child grows into their name, and it really suits her now. If you like the name but don't adore it, I think it will still be okay. You just can't choose a name that makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it.

[TwinFoxes]

GP mentioned two of "my" boy names, Tobias (Toby) and Caspar (Cap/Cappy).

Your DH's list is like a joke. Clarence is the only normal, albeit not so fashionable, name.

Anton? Hugh? Anders? Willem? Marcus? Nelson? Horatio (ok, the last one may be out there, but I love it!) I think those are classic, but not that common.

[ourbabygirl]

I agree with others, OP, and love your name choices! :) I'm also a fan of classic names in general, but especially for boys, and we named our DS one of the names on your list. Not sure what country your DH is from, but are there certain names/ derivatives of names from that country that you both like and can agree on? You might be able to "slightly" honor DH's heritage that way, by picking a classic, traditional name (for you) with a twist, since it would be a more non-traditional name (or spelling) in the US (for him, and to not be so boring/ by the book). Like how Michael here could be Mikhail/ Miguel/ etc. I'm sure you could do that with all sorts of nice, strong, masculine names. And I guess rule out names starting with S or Z?

[queenmama]

Not sure what country your DH is from, but are there certain names/ derivatives of names from that country that you both like and can agree on? You might be able to "slightly" honor DH's heritage that way, by picking a classic, traditional name (for you) with a twist, since it would be a more non-traditional name (or spelling) in the US (for him, and to not be so boring/ by the book). Like how Michael here could be Mikhail/ Miguel/ etc.

Yes! This!

Or even just one that translates easily would be a start/compromise. Knowing where he's from and your last name, along with your classic style, I came up with a few suggestions or jumping off points, trying to stay sort of mainstream: Gabriel, Ivan, Marek, Elias, Kilian, Dominic, Joseph, Alexander, Cyril...

From your list I saw Simon, Theodore, and Benjamin! Maybe he is aware of some cool nicknames for those?

Lara

[HannaAddict]

Sebastian? I know some Europeans and it fits with many euro last names.

Maddox
Knox
Beckett
Chandler
Oliver
Caleb
Rory
Graham

[Tondi G]

I like Simon James

[wallawala]

So we were the couple that was holding up discharge paperwork with no name!!

My DH gave up and let me pick. I was the one who wanted the "wierd" names, he had no suggestions other than NOT any of those on my list.

I finally when with an UBER traditional first name, and a rarer but not "odd" middle name. I really,really like our choice and our DS is definitely not my first choice "crazy name". I think down the road he can pick either his first name and be traditional (there are like a million nicknames for it too) or choose his middle name and be a little more unique... but it will be his choice.

Would your DH consider having his middle name be a little more 'trendy' and use one of your more traditional names as a first?

ETA: Boy names are very, very hard!

[sariana]

I have never heard of Zack as a nickname for Isaac, but I love that idea! However, I think I remember that the name Zachary was already in use in your family. (??)

I think you also previously vetoed Alexander, but I don't remember why.

Are you religious? Would Ezekiel/Zeke be out of the question?

Have you tried saying James with your last name? It's not too much of the -ZZ- sound?

If your last name is long, a short and sweet first name would be kind to your child. What about Kyle?

[KpbS]

Theodore James Z___________ is my vote!

I went to school with a guy from a large family (lots of boys too) with a long, eastern European Z last name. They had traditionally spelled formal names and used nicknames, eg Theo Z___________. :)

[boogiemomz]

Thanks for all the ideas!! Helps so much to think through this and make sure all our bases are covered. I tried Nymbler and also considered a lot of your suggestions and came across a few new ideas, though we had been pretty exhaustive already (or at least I had!). But I took my brainstorming to my list and came up with some possible fn + mn combinations as well as combos with DD's name, to help him "try them on" a little more fully. He came home last night and looked at my list and we discussed at length, and while he agrees that our last name is very hard to find names that flow and sound good, he said that 4 of my names "flow really well" and sound good, and I think we have landed on a short list! I imagine he will continue to ruminate a bit, but barring any major curve balls from him, I think any of the combinations we have seemingly agreed on would be wonderful choices!!! I feel so much better about it, and feel like we are finally arriving somewhat on the same page. Whee!!! and whew…

[WatchingThemGrow]

such good news! Looking forward to hearing the announcement of his birth! How long do you have?

[boogiemomz]

such good news! Looking forward to hearing the announcement of his birth! How long do you have?

C-section is Thursday!!! Counting the minutes…

[TxCat]

GP mentioned two of "my" boy names, Tobias (Toby) and Caspar (Cap/Cappy).



Hijacking... These are "our" boy names too! DH LOVES the name Caspar, but Tobias was one of the only boy names that we could both agree on, if we had a boy.

[DietCokeLover]

So glad you feel like you are getting closer together on a name.

[goldenpig]

GP mentioned two of "my" boy names, Tobias (Toby) and Caspar (Cap/Cappy).



Hijacking... These are "our" boy names too! DH LOVES the name Caspar, but Tobias was one of the only boy names that we could both agree on, if we had a boy.

Cool! Stylish minds think alike. ;) Tobias was my runner up name for DS2, I really liked that name with the nickname Toby. I was sad that DH didn't seem to like it--he said Toby sounds like a dog's name. :( He had such weird reasons for rejecting some of my name choices. Anyways, I wanted to use Henry for DS1 so I was glad I got to use it for DS2.


Theodore James Z___________ is my vote!

I went to school with a guy from a large family (lots of boys too) with a long, eastern European Z last name. They had traditionally spelled formal names and used nicknames, eg Theo Z___________. :)

:yeahthat: Yes! From your list I like Theodore James, with nickname Theo. That name would be on our list if it wasn't already in use in our family! I like Benjamin and William too. Good luck with the C section and with the name choice! I'm glad your DH is coming around.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so glad you guys are finding common ground!