Working mom bitch

[basil]

Both my husband and I work full time, and we are both invested in our careers. Our son goes to daycare near where I work. Though I only have a 20 minute commute, this is about 1.5 hours away from where my DH works due to traffic patterns, etc., plus when he works he works 7a-7p. So the result is that I'm 100% responsible for daycare pickup and dropoff.

This doesn't bother me 90% of the time. But probably 2-3 times a month my office schedules an after-hours meeting, at 5 or 5:30. So obviously I can't make the 6p daycare closing time. Normally, we just schedule for these days to be one of DH's off days.

Lately, the administrative staff (??!) seem to think it's ok to change the dates of an after-hours meeting like 3 weeks ahead of time. Sometimes they move it without telling me and it just moves on my calendar, and then I get confused as to why I didn't plan for the meeting. Not cool! I guess no one else complains because the majority have grown kids or stay-at-home spouses. But - WTH! So now my DH will be off for no reason some random day, and I have to scramble to find a babysitter ($40 at least). Or worse, if I don't have time to pick up from daycare, drop off with babysitter, and then drive back to work, miss the meeting. I don't WANT to miss meetings because this is part of my career, but it's getting ridiculous trying to rearrange my schedule and my husband's schedule because the administrative assistant didn't get their act together to schedule the meeting appropriately ahead of time.

[boolady]

So when they change the meeting in your calendar it doesn't show until shortly before the date at issue? Can you ask them to email you when they change a meeting date/time?

[nupe]

Not cool! At my last job I would be given notice of ONE WEEK for meetings at 5:30! Not possible if I'm working until 5 and have a 6pm pickup 50 minutes away! Even worse, they would schedule all the social things to start at 6pm! Many of us have young kids and that is not cool either!

[123LuckyMom]

That's really not okay. I know this is a bitch, but would you feel comfortable saying something about it, especially since it's a new behavior? The people scheduling the meetings might just be unaware that there could be a problem. They SHOULDN'T be, but still...

[TxCat]

How much in advance are they rescheduling the meetings? I'm not sure I read the OP correctly. Both my DH and I WOTH FT and it's a hassle to coordinate meetings, late days, etc. Fortunately the admin. assistants at my work know that I have childcare to coordinate and usually give me a heads-up via phone or email if meetings change. DH's work is a different story though.

[elliput]

I'm sorry. That is rude on the part of the team. If I were in your position, I'd be pressing the issue as it is a huge PITA for you and is costing you $$.

[egoldber]

Our calendar software sends an e-mail when meetings get moved or cancelled.

Maybe there is a setting that they or you can turn on?

[basil]

Yeah, they just change them in my calendar without a heads up. But even if they emailed me, it's still a problem because DH's work schedule has already been arranged. They generally do his schedule about a month ahead of time, so the fact that they are changing March meetigns around now is really really inconvenient. I'm not asking for 6 months' notice! (though that would be nice)

I just bitched at my admin about it, though he doesn't schedule the meetings, he should really have removed some meetings he knew weren't actually scheduled but were holdovers from something else. He didn't seem to really get it.

[boolady]

I'm in a similar position in that I do all drop offs and pickups so I understand your frustration. My DH can't change his work schedule and works 1.5 hours from home, so any after hours meetings require me to arrange child care or I can't attend. Sometimes I can attend and still get to DD while she's at the after school program, sometimes not. It's not easy or convenient, that's for sure.

[BabbyO]

That it TOTALLY unacceptable! Not just, not cool!

H's boss is very much like this and un-aware that DH has a pretty hard stop time unless scheduled ahead of time. Luckily, DH WAH and has the flexibility of being able to throw a DVD in when the kids come home with his phone on mute, but it is still not cool as they are hungry AND DH isn't able to concentrate on his work stuff the way he wants to. About 1x per year, DH has to flat our decline something and point out that it was due to poor planning that he couldn't make it. Then the message sinks in for a few months. In 2012, his boss wanted him to get on a plane and head to TX with 5 days notice. I was in a play at the time and it was tech week (1 wk to opening night). There was NO way I could make it work with a 3 yo and 1 yo.

That was the first time his boss realized it could be a problem. His boss' question to DH...."well, can't your nanny take care of the kids." It was the first time he realized we don't have a nanny, we can't afford one. But in his world, that is how things are taken care of.

I know this is the BP, but I'd recommend bringing this point up to them. If they make changes to the schedule it is imperative that they inform you ahead of time. It doesn't even have to be about having kids. What if you had a client that scheduled a late conference call or something work related and you were unaware of the change in the meeting, which could create a conflict? What if you had car repairs scheduled and had to pick up your car, or a dentist appt, etc?? What if you were ridesharing and no longer have a ride home? I'm just saying that it isn't just inconsiderate because you have kids to worry about, it is inconsiderate because it is after normal working hours and people have other responsibilities that could be affected.

[basil]

They feel like we ought to be available for emergencies, which is fine. But steering committee meeting in march is not an emergency that I should need to have to call in favors for! So just schedule them 3 months ahead of time, so everyone can plan their schedules!

I'm sick of being the one who has to claim "kid" when something is scheduled poorly. You're absolutely right it's not just kids that make this difficult, though it does make this a constant pressure rather than just an occasional one. I've heard multiple (older, male) colleagues on multiple occasions make snide remarks about once a woman has a kid, she won't want to work hard anymore, she'll probably quit, she won't come back after maternity leave, blah blah blah. So I hate feeling like I'm always backing out on things due to my child, because others WILL think I just want to get out of doing them.

I can think of one male in my department who has a wife who works very long hours who sometimes has to beg out to pick up kids. And some of the women have nannies or SAHDs. But for the very most part, it's women who always have this problem, and the men couldn't care less.

This came up a few months back when the CEO wanted to have an after work get together at his house with 2 weeks notice. He was telling me about it all excitedly as I was calculating how I was going to juggle things to attend and I guess my face gave it away. I explained to him how after hours things on such short notice were tough for me, and he said he understood. He didn't end up scheduling the thing after all, probably not cause of my complaining though.

[BabbyO]

They feel like we ought to be available for emergencies, which is fine. But steering committee meeting in march is not an emergency that I should need to have to call in favors for! So just schedule them 3 months ahead of time, so everyone can plan their schedules!

I'm sick of being the one who has to claim "kid" when something is scheduled poorly. You're absolutely right it's not just kids that make this difficult, though it does make this a constant pressure rather than just an occasional one. I've heard multiple (older, male) colleagues on multiple occasions make snide remarks about once a woman has a kid, she won't want to work hard anymore, she'll probably quit, she won't come back after maternity leave, blah blah blah. So I hate feeling like I'm always backing out on things due to my child, because others WILL think I just want to get out of doing them.

I can think of one male in my department who has a wife who works very long hours who sometimes has to beg out to pick up kids. And some of the women have nannies or SAHDs. But for the very most part, it's women who always have this problem, and the men couldn't care less.

This came up a few months back when the CEO wanted to have an after work get together at his house with 2 weeks notice. He was telling me about it all excitedly as I was calculating how I was going to juggle things to attend and I guess my face gave it away. I explained to him how after hours things on such short notice were tough for me, and he said he understood. He didn't end up scheduling the thing after all, probably not cause of my complaining though.

I TOTALLY understand. The second thing out of my boss' mouth after I told him I was expecting was, "Will you be coming back to work?" I work in a male dominated field, and my co-workers with kids (all male so far) have SAH wives or nannies. It is beyond frustrating to me, because I get the same comments all the time. I also get the pressure big time if DH is out of town and I'm the only one home. I have an hour commute and it is crazy with daycare pickup/dropoff. I actually got written up 2 yrs ago for taking too many un-expected/un-planned days off by mid Q2. DH had 2 trips, one in early Feb and one in April. Both times one of the kids spiked a high fever and I couldn't take them to daycare. I had to stay home 2 days during the first trip, and again 2 days during the second trip. When we had our meeting regarding this (though I still can't see in our handbook where it defines too many unplanned absences) my boss actually said I needed to have a backup plan for when the kids are sick. When I asked what he recommended, he couldn't come up with anything. His wife is a SAHM. (I desperately wanted to tell him I don't have a SAH wife...or I wanted to ask if HIS wife would be willing to watch my kids when they are sick since she stays home....of course I didn't).

[TxCat]

I think we're in the same situation but opposite partners - I work 7a-7p, and my schedule is typically made 4-6 weeks in advance. DH is a professor, and his teaching schedule is set months in advance, but the meetings can get scheduled and moved around with only a few days notice, and now that he is tenured he has never ending committee work and commitments. It's annoying. I've traded days with colleagues on one occasion (I hate to ask for favors), and otherwise we ask our nanny to stay late, pay her extra, or make it up to her with other days off or getting out really early. DH never complains at his work because he doesn't want to be "that guy". IMO, scheduling issues are what drive so many people to part-time work, "mommy track" positions, etc.

[lovin2shop]

I can totally sympathize, but I will say that in my workplace, getting even a week's notice about an early or late meeting would be a lot! It would never fly here to need a month's notice. My DH travels quite a bit, so I really had to switch from daycare to a nanny so that I have flexibility when necessary. Is there anyway that you could line up a college student or two that could be your go-to pick up person on these days?

It really stinks that family time is no longer sacred, and taking time off for kids is seen as career limiting! But, I've given in to the reality and decided that the extra cost in sitting time is definitely worth the decrease in stress by having someone always at the ready.

[basil]

I think we're in the same situation but opposite partners - I work 7a-7p, and my schedule is typically made 4-6 weeks in advance. DH is a professor, and his teaching schedule is set months in advance, but the meetings can get scheduled and moved around with only a few days notice, and now that he is tenured he has never ending committee work and commitments. It's annoying. I've traded days with colleagues on one occasion (I hate to ask for favors), and otherwise we ask our nanny to stay late, pay her extra, or make it up to her with other days off or getting out really early. DH never complains at his work because he doesn't want to be "that guy". IMO, scheduling issues are what drive so many people to part-time work, "mommy track" positions, etc.

Exactly! Like you, DH wants to save asking for favors for things like "my kid is sick" or "my wife's in labor" rather than committee meetings, and that's totally reasonable. I'd be angry if he was asked to switch his days because of someone else's spouse's meeting, KWIM? This is the sort of thing that makes us constantly consider a nanny, though I really love our daycare and it would be 5x the price. It's also a lot of the reason I'm looking at a job near where my parents/brother/cousins live.

[basil]

I TOTALLY understand. The second thing out of my boss' mouth after I told him I was expecting was, "Will you be coming back to work?" I work in a male dominated field, and my co-workers with kids (all male so far) have SAH wives or nannies. It is beyond frustrating to me, because I get the same comments all the time. I also get the pressure big time if DH is out of town and I'm the only one home. I have an hour commute and it is crazy with daycare pickup/dropoff. I actually got written up 2 yrs ago for taking too many un-expected/un-planned days off by mid Q2. DH had 2 trips, one in early Feb and one in April. Both times one of the kids spiked a high fever and I couldn't take them to daycare. I had to stay home 2 days during the first trip, and again 2 days during the second trip. When we had our meeting regarding this (though I still can't see in our handbook where it defines too many unplanned absences) my boss actually said I needed to have a backup plan for when the kids are sick. When I asked what he recommended, he couldn't come up with anything. His wife is a SAHM. (I desperately wanted to tell him I don't have a SAH wife...or I wanted to ask if HIS wife would be willing to watch my kids when they are sick since she stays home....of course I didn't).

Ridiculous. What if you had been sick?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I TOTALLY understand. The second thing out of my boss' mouth after I told him I was expecting was, "Will you be coming back to work?" I work in a male dominated field, and my co-workers with kids (all male so far) have SAH wives or nannies. It is beyond frustrating to me, because I get the same comments all the time. I also get the pressure big time if DH is out of town and I'm the only one home. I have an hour commute and it is crazy with daycare pickup/dropoff. I actually got written up 2 yrs ago for taking too many un-expected/un-planned days off by mid Q2. DH had 2 trips, one in early Feb and one in April. Both times one of the kids spiked a high fever and I couldn't take them to daycare. I had to stay home 2 days during the first trip, and again 2 days during the second trip. When we had our meeting regarding this (though I still can't see in our handbook where it defines too many unplanned absences) my boss actually said I needed to have a backup plan for when the kids are sick. When I asked what he recommended, he couldn't come up with anything. His wife is a SAHM. (I desperately wanted to tell him I don't have a SAH wife...or I wanted to ask if HIS wife would be willing to watch my kids when they are sick since she stays home....of course I didn't).
thousand hugs to you. this sucks so hard and is just so unfair. i'm sure you know my crazy story of DH traveling an insane amount last year. my commute is only 1/2 hr but it is still hard to make it to daycare on time. and yes, when kids get sick that's when the s--t really hits hte fan. i did have a backup nanny agency but unless it was something crucial i didn't want to use it..i felt bad leaving a sick 2yo home alone wtih something she ddn't even know on top of that paying $100 for it. luckily everyone here was more than understanding, but still..it's hard enough knowing you're one of the very few having to deal with this struggle bc everyone else has either SAH wife or a wife that works only part-time or has only a "supplemental" income that has super flexible hours etc. my DH is not working now (he will start back up in the summer) and it's made a world of difference in my quality of life (of everyone!). I know it makes me feel better bc I know all the struggles I had were just not bc of me , but bc as a woman, a mother working full time, the odds are automatically against me, as they are for other working moms... bc chances are you have a DH who works long hours or travels, and not a SAH spouse who takes care of everything like most other working dads do. It's hard for most men to understand this, I think, bc they've never experienced it.

[BabbyO]

Ridiculous. What if you had been sick?

I don't know. My boss and HR decided it was ridiculous to think that some one could miss 4 days in 4 mos. It is a hard thing to fight or refute when you are dependent on the income.


thousand hugs to you. this sucks so hard and is just so unfair. i'm sure you know my crazy story of DH traveling an insane amount last year. my commute is only 1/2 hr but it is still hard to make it to daycare on time. and yes, when kids get sick that's when the s--t really hits hte fan. i did have a backup nanny agency but unless it was something crucial i didn't want to use it..i felt bad leaving a sick 2yo home alone wtih something she ddn't even know on top of that paying $100 for it. luckily everyone here was more than understanding, but still..it's hard enough knowing you're one of the very few having to deal with this struggle bc everyone else has either SAH wife or a wife that works only part-time or has only a "supplemental" income that has super flexible hours etc. my DH is not working now (he will start back up in the summer) and it's made a world of difference in my quality of life (of everyone!). I know it makes me feel better bc I know all the struggles I had were just not bc of me , but bc as a woman, a mother working full time, the odds are automatically against you bc chances are you have a DH who works long hours or travels, and not a SAH spouse who takes care of everything like most other working dads. It's hard for most men to understand this, I think, bc they've never experienced it.

It sucks, it IS unfair, but there are people out there that don't have jobs, that can't afford daycare, etc. I just have to count the blessings I do have! :) (I'm really trying to be more positive this year)

[TxCat]

Exactly! Like you, DH wants to save asking for favors for things like "my kid is sick" or "my wife's in labor" rather than committee meetings, and that's totally reasonable. I'd be angry if he was asked to switch his days because of someone else's spouse's meeting, KWIM? This is the sort of thing that makes us constantly consider a nanny, though I really love our daycare and it would be 5x the price. It's also a lot of the reason I'm looking at a job near where my parents/brother/cousins live.

With another child on the way, a nanny may be more cost effective for you at this point. But since neither DH nor I want to (or realistically can) stop working, a nanny was necessary with our schedules, for peace of mind to cover schedule changes, traffic, problems at work, etc. We also started pre-school this year, so the cost of pre-school and nanny is staggering, but we weren't able to come up with a better solution around here (there's only one pre-school with work-appropriate after-care hours). I think no matter the gender, it's really frowned upon to use kids or childcare as an excuse for anything work-related, even if it's post-work social functions.

[boolady]

I don't want to hijack, because I do understand your frustration, but are there really jobs where meetings are scheduled 3 months out and not subject to change? Neither my DH nor I have ever had jobs like that. I didn't know that was really common, or doable, for most of the working world. It would be great if it was. I guess since I don't have any options other than to hire childcare for meetings/extended day work commitments, I've never considered that people might have that kind of notice.

[chottumommy]

I don't want to hijack, because I do understand your frustration, but are there really jobs where meetings are scheduled 3 months out and not subject to change? Neither my DH nor I have ever had jobs like that. I didn't know that was really common, or doable, for most of the working world. It would be great if it was. I guess since I don't have any options other than to hire childcare for meetings/extended day work commitments, I've never considered that people might have that kind of notice.

Not to sound insensitive, because I get it, but I wondered about that too. Usually meetings get scheduled here about 2-3 days in advance and mostly I get a few hours notice at the most. Like today - got a meeting invite last night (at 11 pm) for a meeting with really senior exec staff for 4-6 pm. DH is traveling as usual and I had to scramble for last minute child-care today morning since our after daycare nanny is out sick and there's a snow storm tonight.

This happens so often for me. I have a aftercare nanny solely to take care of pickups and last minute meetings. I pay through the nose for the daycare and the nanny but don't think there is any way around it for us.

As it is I work every night till atleast 11:30-12 and I still can barely keep up. I am the only woman in at my peer level at my company and its so hard to take care of it all. Hugs to you.

[mikala]

I don't want to hijack, because I do understand your frustration, but are there really jobs where meetings are scheduled 3 months out and not subject to change? Neither my DH nor I have ever had jobs like that. I didn't know that was really common, or doable, for most of the working world. It would be great if it was. I guess since I don't have any options other than to hire childcare for meetings/extended day work commitments, I've never considered that people might have that kind of notice.

Agree. Part of the reason I'm a Sahm is because dh and I were both in careers where same day notice for after 5p meetings was the norm and travel was often planned less than a week out. This was probably an extreme for my industry but I can't even imagine 3 months notice. That said I was always made aware of changes because I managed my own calendar. It seems totally reasonable to give notice for meeting changes and I'd check to see if there's a way to use a technology setting to alert you to calendar changes.

[BabyBearsMom]

I don't want to hijack, because I do understand your frustration, but are there really jobs where meetings are scheduled 3 months out and not subject to change? Neither my DH nor I have ever had jobs like that. I didn't know that was really common, or doable, for most of the working world. It would be great if it was. I guess since I don't have any options other than to hire childcare for meetings/extended day work commitments, I've never considered that people might have that kind of notice.

Yeah I am in the same boat. Luckily I work in non-profit and they are pretty family friendly. I also keep my calendar really up to date so I mark off days where I know I can't stay late because DH is unavailble, and the admin staff know not to book over my exed out days. But it is hard.

[ellies mom]

I hate that.

I had a doctor do something similar to me last week. They scheduled an appointment with less than a week's notice, I go through all the scrambling to change my work schedule and rearrange my child care schedule (costing me $70+) and then less than two hours before the appointment, they call to reschedule it a month later. If they had scheduled it out a month from the get go, I could have put in a time off request like a normal person rather than having to pull the "mom card" (it was an appointment for DD1). Thankfully, I have wonderful co-workers and a very understanding boss but I was less than happy about the situation.

Neither of our schedules work with daycare childcare. All of the centers in our area close between 6-6:30pm and we just can't guarantee that we can make it there in time. So we have always had someone come to the house. It gives us a level of flexibility that we just can't get elsewhere.

[Leshoequeen]

Definitely say something! I would be very irritated about this too and like you, not wanting to miss an important meeting.


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[basil]

These aren't urgent meetings - that would be completely different.

These are routine monthly or bimonthly meetings that we don't even have an agenda for yet.

[boolady]

These aren't urgent meetings - that would be completely different.

These are routine monthly or bimonthly meetings that we don't even have an agenda for yet.

I understood that. I wasn't talking about urgent meetings. I was talking about routine meetings. I have never worked anywhere that scheduled meetings of any kind three months out, but obviously others may have had different experiences. I get that it's frustrating either way.

[egoldber]

Yes, my experience too is that most meetings are scheduled within a few days of actually happening. The difference for me is that meetings here are NEVER scheduled outside "regular" work hours. Here people often work an early "shift" and leave at 3:30. It is very seldom that I even have a 4 PM meeting.

[basil]

I understood that. I wasn't talking about urgent meetings. I was talking about routine meetings. I have never worked anywhere that scheduled meetings of any kind three months out, but obviously others may have had different experiences. I get that it's frustrating either way.

So that just means your workplace is stupid too! What's the point in waiting?

[lovin2shop]

I understood that. I wasn't talking about urgent meetings. I was talking about routine meetings. I have never worked anywhere that scheduled meetings of any kind three months out, but obviously others may have had different experiences. I get that it's frustrating either way.

I've never worked anywhere that scheduled this far out either, or had clients that it would be common for either. I would be thrilled if we got one month notice on trips, and two weeks for routine meetings. It does suck, and I'm only pointing it out because the request for more notice would be seen as very high maintenance and could be career limiting. I've had similar discussions with people that report to me, and it was truly for their benefit that they know that the higher ups were not going to tolerate a high maintenance employee. Anyway, this is your BP and you totally have the right to bitch! I just wanted to point out the downside of making this known in the most corporate environments.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Yes, my experience too is that most meetings are scheduled within a few days of actually happening. The difference for me is that meetings here are NEVER scheduled outside "regular" work hours.
:yeahthat: same here. even the regulary quarterly meetings for the whole department/site are probably only sent out 2 weeks in advance, MAX. i've never ever heard of a meeting notification going out 1 month in advance, let alone 3 months.

however, we never have meetings outside work hours (past 5pm)...i've never worked anywhere that has done this, so that sounds completely bizarre to me. And i work in an industry where people typically don't leave right at 5, and usually work till 6 or 7. I've been in meetings that start at 4 and sometimes go over till maybe 5:30, but that is it. I cannot imagine intentionally scheduling a meeting, especially one that is mandatory, from 5-7pm or something..that seems so odd. I wonder what the motivation behind this is. I agree it isn't very family-friendly at all.

[Green_Tea]

I've never worked anywhere that scheduled this far out either, or had clients that it would be common for either. I would be thrilled if we got one month notice on trips, and two weeks for routine meetings. It does suck, and I'm only pointing it out because the request for more notice would be seen as very high maintenance and could be career limiting. I've had similar discussions with people that report to me, and it was truly for their benefit that they know that the higher ups were not going to tolerate a high maintenance employee. Anyway, this is your BP and you totally have the right to bitch! I just wanted to point out the downside of making this known in the most corporate environments.

Yes to this, especially the underlined part. I have never worked in a job in which I have had months or even weeks of notice for meetings. It is atypical. If you cannot round up alternate child are with several week's notice, perhaps a nanny or other arrangement would be a better choice for your family.

[basil]

I'm a physician, we don't have staff meetings during the day because we're seeing patients/in the OR/at different hospitals. So meetings are never during office hours, because that would decrease revenue and be extremely difficult to coordinate. Obviously, we don't have clients or anything, it's just physicians and a few administrators. I understand that this is different than many industries, esp coroporate or client-based.

I don't get why people think it's so hard to arrange a meeting for a few months in advance when you know you're having a monthly meeting and it only involves the members of the practice (no clients, etc.).

It's pretty rude to call someone high maintenance in their own BP, BTW. IMO, it's only considered high maintenance by anyone because it's not an issue for most people except working parents with working spouses, which doesn't describe most of the people in my or many other industries.

[basil]

Yes to this, especially the underlined part. I have never worked in a job in which I have had months or even weeks of notice for meetings. It is atypical. If you cannot round up alternate child are with several week's notice, perhaps a nanny or other arrangement would be a better choice for your family.

I'm not getting a nanny purely for the reason my administrative staff can't get their act together. That's the ultimate in waste of resources.

[Green_Tea]

I'm a physician, we don't have staff meetings during the day because we're seeing patients/in the OR/at different hospitals. So meetings are never during office hours, because that would decrease revenue and be extremely difficult to coordinate. Obviously, we don't have clients or anything, it's just physicians and a few administrators. I understand that this is different than many industries, esp coroporate or client-based.

I don't get why people think it's so hard to arrange a meeting for a few months in advance when you know you're having a monthly meeting and it only involves the members of the practice (no clients, etc.).

It's pretty rude to call someone high maintenance in their own BP, BTW. IMO, it's only considered high maintenance by anyone because it's not an issue for most people except working parents with working spouses, which doesn't describe most of the people in my or many other industries.

I didn't realize this was the BP. I am a full time working parent with a full time working spouse, however.

[lovin2shop]

It's pretty rude to call someone high maintenance in their own BP, BTW. IMO, it's only considered high maintenance by anyone because it's not an issue for most people except working parents with working spouses, which doesn't describe most of the people in my or many other industries.

Well, to be clear, I wasn't saying that I personally thought you were high maintenance. I was just saying that where I work, and every client that I have had (including medical practices), requesting months notice would be seen by others as high maintenance. I totally understand that it is hard to arrange child care around, but was just trying to offer an outside perspective so that you wouldn't be caught unaware of how you might be perceived.

[basil]

I didn't realize this was the BP. I am a full time working parent with a full time working spouse, however.

I never implied you weren't. But the point is that the reason this is seen as not a big deal at your office and at mine is because the culture is inherently not family friendly. Because the majority of people who work here are men with stay-at-home wives, in which case it's not a big deal. I think it's awful that someone should be labeled high maintenance because of needing notice to work outside of normal working hours for a non emergency - it's completely preventable! As a PP mentioned, scheduling is what drives a lot of women into SAHM, part time, or "mommy track" positions, which is not a good thing for anyone (moms, women, society in general, etc.) in the long term, IMO.

Getting a nanny is a band aid for a larger social issue. (Nevermind that we paid ~$7k for DS's daycare last year and a nanny would probably run $40k) I don't get why people think it's so freaking hard for a secretary to block a conference room and send an outlook invite a few months ahead! If that's not the culture of your place, and you'd rather tow the line, hire nannies, etc. rather than risk being called high maintenance, that's your decision. It may be mine too! But at the very least I think I have the right to discuss the unfairness of it.

[Green_Tea]

I never implied you weren't. But the point is that the reason this is seen as not a big deal at your office and at mine is because the culture is inherently not family friendly. Because the majority of people who work here are men with stay-at-home wives, in which case it's not a big deal. I think it's awful that someone should be labeled high maintenance because of needing notice to work outside of normal working hours for a non emergency - it's completely preventable! As a PP mentioned, scheduling is what drives a lot of women into SAHM, part time, or "mommy track" positions, which is not a good thing for anyone (moms, women, society in general, etc.) in the long term, IMO.

Getting a nanny is a band aid for a larger social issue. (Nevermind that we paid ~$7k for DS's daycare last year and a nanny would probably run $40k) I don't get why people think it's so freaking hard for a secretary to block a conference room and send an outlook invite a few months ahead! If that's not the culture of your place, and you'd rather tow the line, hire nannies, etc. rather than risk being called high maintenance, that's your decision. It may be mine too! But at the very least I think I have the right to discuss the unfairness of it.

I think that where we part ways is that you believe that three weeks is short notice, and I think that it is a generous amount of time to make alternate child care arrangements.

ETA: Nevermind. It's your bitch. Go to town.

[basil]

Well, to be clear, I wasn't saying that I personally thought you were high maintenance. I was just saying that where I work, and every client that I have had (including medical practices), requesting months notice would be seen by others as high maintenance. I totally understand that it is hard to arrange child care around, but was just trying to offer an outside perspective so that you wouldn't be caught unaware of how you might be perceived.

The whole point is that it's unfair that this would be perceived as "high maintenance".

As I've stated, these meetings have nothing to do with clients. Sure, if a client wanted to meet me after business hours and I told them I needed 3 months notice that would be ridiculous. If my patient had an emergency I'd figure it out to be there for them. But I don't understand why a regular, monthly, recurring, non client based, non urgent STAFF MEETING would need to be scheduled a week in advance? Especially since our bonuses are tied to our attendance at these meetings.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I never implied you weren't. But the point is that the reason this is seen as not a big deal at your office and at mine is because the culture is inherently not family friendly. Because the majority of people who work here are men with stay-at-home wives, in which case it's not a big deal. I think it's awful that someone should be labeled high maintenance because of needing notice to work outside of normal working hours for a non emergency - it's completely preventable! As a PP mentioned, scheduling is what drives a lot of women into SAHM, part time, or "mommy track" positions, which is not a good thing for anyone (moms, women, society in general, etc.) in the long term, IMO.

Getting a nanny is a band aid for a larger social issue. (Nevermind that we paid ~$7k for DS's daycare last year and a nanny would probably run $40k) I don't get why people think it's so freaking hard for a secretary to block a conference room and send an outlook invite a few months ahead! If that's not the culture of your place, and you'd rather tow the line, hire nannies, etc. rather than risk being called high maintenance, that's your decision. It may be mine too! But at the very least I think I have the right to discuss the unfairness of it.

i don't think anybody is saying it's not ok to say how it unfair it is . i think the comments here were from people who commiserate and/or were only trying to help with suggestions. believe me, i get it, i know it's unfair.

now that you say you are a physician i get now why they need to have regular meetings outside work hours (i think teachers have to do the same). instead of trying to coordinate with your DH's work schedule (which you were saying requires weeks planning) I would probably have a few sitters on hand that you can arrange on short notice to pick up your DC on those days. i had to resort to this sort of thing last year when my DH was traveling almost constantly for 6-7 weeks. i have a 30-40 minute commute, daycare closes at 6pm and just couldn't make an 8 hour work day doing it all myself. i found some great teachers at the kids daycare that were willing to babysit, and it really worked out.

i get not wanting to do the nanny route, as i think my kids are really thriving in their current daycare situation (which still costs an arm and a leg but not as much as a nanny). but maybe getting the names of a few sitters that could do part-time sitting in the evening so you can call them at the last minute would be helpful, that way you're not left scrambling when a meeting pops up. at our school most of the teachers are willing to babysit for reasonable rate and several of the moms of other kids have used them, so that may be a first place to look. it also makes logistics easier as she can just pick the kids up right from daycare after she is done with her shift (that is what our sitter did).

and i guess the reason i think it is hard to schedule a meeting that hard in advance is because ultimately things come up and people don't want to be constantly rescheduling. i can imagine that around here, for example, if something was scheduled a few months in advance, it would have to be rescheduled later as a few key people would have travel or something else come up. i get how it's annoying though.

[basil]

I think that where we part ways is that you believe that three weeks is short notice, and I think that it is a generous amount of time to make alternate child care arrangements. Pretty much every job I have ever had has been in a field dominated by women (I have always worked in non-profits) and there have always been meetings that took place after hours. I think that's just the reality of most professional level jobs.

While it would be nice to know about every meeting I am to attend months in advance, I don't think it is a reasonable expectation. I do think getting several week's notice is reasonable.

ETA: I like the way that you framed my willingness to attend meetings before and after hours as me being part of the problem. That was cute. In reality, as a teacher I bend over backwards to be accommodating of the families I work with so they don't have to worry about missing work. If that means that I have to come in at 6:45 am or 6:45 pm to meet with a family, I am happy to do so. And yes, it does require that I arrange for childcare, and yes, that can be expensive.

Oh for goodness sakes, I'm not attacking you.

Meeting with family is entirely different than staff meetings, and I've said that like 16 times, it's more comparable to a patient emergency.

When my mom taught, her staff meetings were after school on first Tuesday of the month or something, every month. You really can't imagine that would be feasible? And besides, since her school finished at 2:45 or something, she still would be able to make 6 pm pick up at daycare. Theoretically. If she weren't retired. With grown children.

[boolady]

Um, no, it doesn't mean my workplace is "stupid." But thanks. It means that there is no way to know the availability of the people running the meetings, or even the need to have the meetings about topics that arise 3 months out. That doesn't make them emergencies, and they're not waiting for anything. You can't schedule a meeting that you don't know you need to have until you know you need to have it. ETA: And if I had only spent $7000 a year on daycare before my DD got to K, I'd consider myself extremely fortunate.

I get that this is the bitching post, but I think that other posters are trying to help by suggesting to you that your workplace isn't as unreasonable as you think it is. I know that some people can't imagine needing to have meetings after hours like yours does, but mine does as well. Mandatory meetings, sometimes. I think that the suggestions to make alternate/emergency child care arrangements are a good one if you plan to stay in your field.

[basil]

i don't think anybody is saying it's not ok to say how it unfair it is . i think the comments here were from people who commiserate and/or were only trying to help with suggestions. believe me, i get it, i know it's unfair.

now that you say you are a physician i get now why they need to have regular meetings outside work hours (i think teachers have to do the same). instead of trying to coordinate with your DH's work schedule (which you were saying requires weeks planning) I would probably have a few sitters on hand that you can arrange on short notice to pick up your DC on those days. i had to resort to this sort of thing last year when my DH was traveling almost constantly for 6-7 weeks. i have a 30-40 minute commute, daycare closes at 6pm and just couldn't make an 8 hour work day doing it all myself. i found some great teachers at the kids daycare that were willing to babysit, and it really worked out.

i get not wanting to do the nanny route, as i think my kids are really thriving in their current daycare situation (which still costs an arm and a leg but not as much as a nanny). but maybe getting the names of a few sitters that could do part-time sitting in the evening so you can call them at the last minute would be helpful, that way you're not left scrambling when a meeting pops up. at our school most of the teachers are willing to babysit for reasonable rate and several of the moms of other kids have used them, so that may be a first place to look. it also makes logistics easier as she can just pick the kids up right from daycare after she is done with her shift (that is what our sitter did).

and i guess the reason i think it is hard to schedule a meeting that hard in advance is because ultimately things come up and people don't want to be constantly rescheduling. i can imagine that around here, for example, if something was scheduled a few months in advance, it would have to be rescheduled later as a few key people would have travel or something else come up. i get how it's annoying though.

We do have a sitter, she's great, but she can't do pick up. So I have to be done early enough to take DS home, drop him off, then drive back. I agree it would be nice to find someone who could, but we had trouble enough finding this one.

See, here everyone's travel schedule is planned probably 6 months in advance. We don't fly out to meet clients, we go to meetings which are usually scheduled at least a year in advance. Our vacation requests (which includes work travel) are due 3 months ahead of time to minimize patient reschedules. So almost everything revolves around the clinical schedule, which is set quite early by industry standards, apparently.

[basil]

Um, no, it doesn't mean my workplace is "stupid." But thanks. It means that there is no way to know the availability of the people running the meetings, or even the need to have the meetings about topics that arise 3 months out. That doesn't make them emergencies, and they're not waiting for anything. You can't schedule a meeting that you don't know you need to have until you know you need to have it.

Yes, you can, if you know you have to meet every month! The agenda is determined a week or so ahead, but it's pretty irrelevant in terms of need to have the meeting.
And see reply above re: travel schedules.

[Tenasparkl]

I think there's no way to compare different types of meetings in different types of workplaces. Obviously some meetings are set way in advance and some are last minute. I do sympathize with others changing a scheduled meeting and not informing everyone that needs to attend.

[basil]

I think there's no way to compare different types of meetings in different types of workplaces. Obviously some meetings are set way in advance and some are last minute. I do sympathize with others changing a scheduled meeting and not informing everyone that needs to attend.

That's a very good point re: different types of meetings and different workplaces. It's super annoying that people don't seem to trust that I understand my own workplace, even if it's different than theirs. And that there is no particular reason these meetings couldn't be scheduled by the year even. Especially since I posted this in BP since I don't want to get into whose job is harder, who is more dedicated, and why I don't have a nanny.

[basil]

I get that this is the bitching post, but I think that other posters are trying to help by suggesting to you that your workplace isn't as unreasonable as you think it is. I know that some people can't imagine needing to have meetings after hours like yours does, but mine does as well. Mandatory meetings, sometimes. I think that the suggestions to make alternate/emergency child care arrangements are a good one if you plan to stay in your field.

I do have emergency child care options. A staff meeting that got switched isn't an emergency, it is someone making a mistake (I would bet $$ the reason the meeting got switched is that the admin forgot to book the usual conference room, then couldn't find another). I would like to resume whining in peace about being forced to use emergency options for non emergencies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[OKKiddo]

I've heard multiple (older, male) colleagues on multiple occasions make snide remarks about once a woman has a kid, she won't want to work hard anymore, she'll probably quit, she won't come back after maternity leave, blah blah blah. So I hate feeling like I'm always backing out on things due to my child, because others WILL think I just want to get out of doing them.


Oh, how I wish I could comment back to these types of @$$holes that all of the workplace problems would be solved if all men would just get their balls cut off when they got married! No kids to pick up from daycare and men won't get fat and lazy (or won't care if they do) and women will be happier because there's less testosterone going around! Not that I really want that to happen, but I get so sick of sexist comments like that. A child was created by two people--not just the working woman. The fact that the woman is normally the one left holding the childcare bag and the ensuing sexist generalizations riles me.

[Mopey]

That's a very good point re: different types of meetings and different workplaces. It's super annoying that people don't seem to trust that I understand my own workplace, even if it's different than theirs. And that there is no particular reason these meetings couldn't be scheduled by the year even. Especially since I posted this in BP since I don't want to get into whose job is harder, who is more dedicated, and why I don't have a nanny.

This is the crux of the issue in your thread: it is a very specific profession, partnership, kind of meeting with specific obligations that other posters probably would never think of since they are not doctors and partners in a practice. I think there are a number of specifics that if known may have otherwise influenced posters responses IMHO.

And yes, I think with all the specifics you've given, that your schedule should be able to be organized that way! I would think it would be appreciated especially as it is tied to the bonus structure.

[anonomom]

Regardless of whether weeks-out scheduling is the norm across all workplaces, it clearly used to be at the OPs and she's structured her child care arrangements based on that norm. Now things are changing, and for no apparent reason. I'd be very annoyed if I were the OP.

Is there any chance that the people at your office are simply clueless? If so, then I'd hope that pointing out the issue would be received with chagrin born not from a perception that OP is high maintenance, but from the idea that whomever is in charge of scheduling these days wasn't thinking about how it would effect the employees.

[AshleyAnn]

It's pretty rude to call someone high maintenance in their own BP, BTW. IMO, it's only considered high maintenance by anyone because it's not an issue for most people except working parents with working spouses, which doesn't describe most of the people in my or industries.

Its NOT only an issue for families where both parents work. Try dealing with all this without a spouse at all as a single parent where EVERY meeting involves arranging the child care army. Three weeks notice for a meeting for me is quite generous in my line of work and my ExHusband does his best to be as unhelpful as possible. I'd reject any meeting request 3 months out because I don't know my workload then and I fully expect the higher ups to change the plan 19 times. I feel your pain but somedays you just gotta slap on some big girl panties and figure out a better plan since youre stressing.

I know this is a BP but your attitude that the admin staff must have been too stupid to arrange a conference room at the original time irks me. Admins are usually over worked and underpaid and clearly under appreciated. Unless you KNOW this is a fact and its a reoccurring problem then you should stop throwing out accusations people are too stupid to book a room and assume there was a legit conflict.

Have you suggested to whomever holds these meetings that they be held at at standard time (like a PP mentioned second Tuesday of every month). If that's a real possibility as you say I'd suggest it. There's a gold chance that person doesn't recognize the issue since as you said youre the only one suffering for schedule changes.

[westwoodmom04]

Not sure if you work in a private practice or hospital, but I would just be upfront about it, and ask if it was possible for meetings not be moved for those that need to handle childcare. I religiously left work at 5 o'clock when I was working with kids and just told people I was unavailable for meetings that started after 4:30. Most of the people I worked with didn't have children, but no one questioned it and it never effected my reviews. I made a few exceptions in true emergency situations. Couldn't you just say that you aren't available for meetings on that are moved at the last minute?

It's clear that you aren't interested in getting a nanny. And it is a lot more expensive. One big benefit, however, is that it takes the whole daycare is closer to you out of the equation and becomes whatever parent can get home first. Just something to think about.

And as for your original bitch, childcare issues makes it very difficult to be a working parent. I think any parent who has WOTH can agree with that.

[abh5e8]

i get it op, i'd be PO'ed if that happened. i'm a physician at an academic teaching hospital. my dh WOTHFT and our staff meetings are the 3rd wed of the month at 4:00. every month. years on years on end. if they changed it and just updated my calendar and didn't tell me, i'd be upset. dh and I plan our work schedules to accomodate our kids school and while I do have a "nanny" (part time, about 10 hours a week but usually has additional avaliability) I do NOT want to use here because admin staff screw up my schedule.

[daisysmom]

I get OP's points. My firm schedules it's partnership meetings (which are internal and not client driven) at the start of every year, for the year. My last firm held them at 7 am so I ended to coordinate with dh. Now they are during lunch. But at my firms, there are 30-70 people at these meetings so honestly, I skip them. Before I had children, I didn't. But now, most of the working mothers skip the "non essential" meetings. I find I have too... There are too many "essential" demands in my day as it is. But OP sounds to me like the office staff is not as big-- so her presence would be missed and noted. And she is dedicated. More dedicated than I am.

I will say that the juggling of whose the go-to parent is what made us decide for me to go part time and my husband to drive his career harder. I am not sure if it is only the legal industry, or even just our lives, but it was not maintainable to have both of us always wondering whose responsibility should it be to deal with child based needs or emergencies. We had a nanny then too... But once dd started private school kindergarten, i wasn't willing to pay a nanny salary plus very high tuition and... I was somewhat burnt out on my job.

Frankly I do think we all need to understand that different offices have different expectations and standards. I often kind of wished that I had gone into medicine and not law because I thought doctors did have predictable schedules. In 20 years of legal practice, I am still at the mercy of clients' needs 24 hours a day. There is no vacation (other than honeymoons) that can't be cancelled or interrupted for work. So I envied doctors. So this thread has taught me something.

[basil]

Ashley - I apologize. You're completely correct that I forgot about single parents in my ranting and raving. I have to give you a huge amount of credit for juggling that all. There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't wonder how I'd survive if that were my situation.

I disagree that calling out the admins was wrong. It's not like anyone knows who they are and I'm harming their reputation. I don't think they are stupid. We've recently had a change in admin personnel. That seems to be when this all started. We used to have a predictable schedule of third Tuesdays, now there are meetings randomly getting moved to Mondays, etc. It's logical that it would be due to the new admin staff. Esp since the one was defensive and vague about it when I asked her why the meeting date had changed, and initially denied it til I showed her the outlook calendar with the old meeting on it.

daisymom - I so wish I could skip. They are really boring and not particularly useful. But they take attendance and cut your bonus, even if you earn it, if you don't sign in or have a valid excuse. Not all medicine is like that, but this is a very big system and a very big organization and you can't change those type of rules.

[twowhat?]

That sucks and I'm sorry:( Both DH and I work FT too but we fortunately work with folks who understand the need to balance work/family (even though I've complained before about my very heavy workload during certain times of the year, people know I'm off the books from 5pm until 9pm because I need to take care of my kids. Then I go back to work after they're in bed but I can do that since I WFH).

Your situation is incredibly frustrating. Would you take less of a hit on your bonus if you miss the meeting only occasionally? So, go ahead and do what you normally do for the meeting in terms of childcare arrangements once it's scheduled, and if it changes, then you simply can't make it anymore. I'm hoping that it happens infrequently enough that maybe that'd be an option (and maybe it would open people's eyes a bit more in terms of scheduling - I mean, if you schedule something 3 months out and then change it, you have to EXPECT that some folks who previously said they could make it now cannot make it! That's common sense!)

Or is it possible to make childcare arrangements less far out in advance to try to mitigate some of the effects of meetings being moved? I know this is the BP so feel free to ignore, but I get how juggling work often feels like aligning planets and stars when you've got kids.

[buttercup]

As a PP mentioned, scheduling is what drives a lot of women into SAHM, part time, or "mommy track" positions, which is not a good thing for anyone (moms, women, society in general, etc.) in the long term, IMO.

Reporting from the mommy-track: everyone involved is happy with the arrangement, save society, whose welfare I'm not taking into account.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Reporting from the mommy-track: everyone involved is happy with the arrangement, save society, whose welfare I'm not taking into account.
Agree.
The comment on the mommy track was the major "huh?" I had. Lots of people very happily made this lifestyle change and it has been the right long term choice. If you're option was solely regarding finances then no one can argue. But, the non financial trade offs can really outweigh that for many people.

[kristenk]

Granted that this is the b!tching post and you really shouldn't have to explain everything, etc., I want to thank you for explaining your situation b/c I understand where you're coming from now. I was envisioning something else at the beginning, but now I'm sort of equating your meeting to my standard exec board PTA meeting - not in terms of what's happening, just in terms of scheduling. The exec board meeting is held the 3rd Thursday of every month. Period. It's set basically at the start of the school year and that's pretty much it. It seems reasonable that your meeting be scheduled the same way.

Do you know why the meeting date changed? If it's a new admin, maybe this is just a bump in the road? It really seems like it shouldn't be too difficult to get it scheduled way in advance. Good luck!

[basil]

If you work pt because u want to, great! If u work pt because it was too difficult to figure out child are w demanding/irregular/last minute schedules and u would have liked to continue in that path had it not been for those things then that sucks. For u, for ur company, for wage inequality, etc. that's the same thing Sheryl Sandburg said in lean in.

[petesgirl]

I understood that. I wasn't talking about urgent meetings. I was talking about routine meetings. I have never worked anywhere that scheduled meetings of any kind three months out, but obviously others may have had different experiences. I get that it's frustrating either way.

Where I work we have a meeting every Thursday. Same time, same conference room. It's been that way for at least the five years I've been working there. It can be canceled if there is not much to discuss but it is never changed. Part of that is because conference rooms are very difficult to schedule so if you don't have a set time way in advance then you probably won't get a room.
I just wanted to throw out there that such companies do exist, although few and far between from the comments on this thread. That's all. :)

[boolady]

Where I work we have a meeting every Thursday. Same time, same conference room. It's been that way for at least the five years I've been working there. It can be canceled if there is not much to discuss but it is never changed. Part of that is because conference rooms are very difficult to schedule so if you don't have a set time way in advance then you probably won't get a room.
I just wanted to throw out there that such companies do exist, although few and far between from the comments on this thread. That's all. :)

I never said that routine after hours meetings didn't exist. I just didn't realize that three weeks out isn't considered a lot of notice for a meeting time/date change. I don't know why this thread is so contentious- people have different experiences and were sharing them. No one's disagreed that the OP's situation, or anyone else's, can be frustrating.

[squimp]

Can you put your schedule on your calendar so it reminds people that you are not available after 5? It might jog the memory of the admin asst if they see that you are not available at that time. In our calendar system my availability is shown to others, so it makes scheduling easier. I also hate having to play the kid card but most people in my office would also not be happy with after hours meetings so I would be one voice in many complaining.

[3isEnough]

I'll admit that for the first several pages of this thread I was with the "3 weeks is a lot of notice" crowd. I'm an atty and for me, notice of meetings is measured in hours or days, not weeks. But then when OP mentioned that she has to provide her vacation requests 3 months in advance I had my a-ha moment. DH is a physician with a large health care provider and he also has to submit vacation requests 3 months in advance. Anything less than that and he's not getting it off since t would be very disruptive to the patient appts. Further, nearly all meetings are scheduled months in advance, again so that patients can be scheduled around those. Fortunately he never has surprise meetings, after hours meetings or short-notice meetings.

So while I cant personally relate to OPs situation, I can definitely understand the frustration and think the 3 month advance notice request isn't unreasonable give the nature of her practice.

[buttercup]

If you work pt because u want to, great! If u work pt because it was too difficult to figure out child are w demanding/irregular/last minute schedules and u would have liked to continue in that path had it not been for those things then that sucks. For u, for ur company, for wage inequality, etc. that's the same thing Sheryl Sandburg said in lean in.

It does not suck at all. It reflect the reality of my particular situation and I feel very fortunate to be able to work part time. I think Ms. Sandberg's view is informed by a very limited set of circumstances which do not apply to the vast majority of women. And, I think she probably has nannies, FYI. As did I when I worked full time

[Philly Mom]

OP you are right. This is a meeting that should be easy to plan ahead. You shouldn't need a nanny for an easily avoidable situation. Even as a lawyer, I think there are lots of meetings that can be planned in advance, like a partnership meeting like OP said. I also think there are meetings that in certain industries that can take place during normal working hours but because no one thinks about it until the last minute, everything is a fire drill. Until there are more dual income households where both parents are responsible for childcare, that won't change. It is truly my pet peeve to watch lawyers I work with procrastinate making things occur after hours when it could have been done during the day. DH and I both work FT and I am primarily responsible for pick up drop off. Yes a nanny would make things easier but I love what day care offers and the cost savings (though I pay a lot more than you) so I would never want a nanny.


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[egoldber]

I never said that routine after hours meetings didn't exist. I just didn't realize that three weeks out isn't considered a lot of notice for a meeting time/date change. I don't know why this thread is so contentious- people have different experiences and were sharing them. No one's disagreed that the OP's situation, or anyone else's, can be frustrating.

Exactly. No one said she didn't have the right to be annoyed.

I absolutely DO understand why this meeting should be able to be scheduled in advance. But I also know that life happens. Sometimes people screw up (if that's what happened) and it messes with my schedule. It is super annoying and OP has every right to be irritated. But with 3 weeks notice, I do think that an employer can reasonably expect someone to be able to make plans to attend an evening meeting, and that doesn't mean hiring a nanny! Maybe a daycare provider will keep the kids that evening. Maybe a friend/neighbor can help out. Lots of college students look for occasional afternoon sitter positions. In this scenario (DH with an inflexible work schedule), if I were the OP, I would try to cultivate a set of back-up sitters who can do occasional afternoon/early evening care.

My personal work schedule does not have after hours meetings, but I have a DH who travels a lot. To do evening appointments, I often have to hire an afternoon/evening sitter. It stinks, but that's life with 2 busy WOTH parents. Even as a SAHM I sometimes had to hire a sitter so that I could attend an event/appointment with one child or something for myself.

We are whole website of compulsive researchers and problem solvers. :) No one was trying in tell the OP she doesn't have the right to feel annoyed. She absolutely does. Many of us were trying to commiserate and/or share solutions that have worked for us.

[daisysmom]

Agree.
The comment on the mommy track was the major "huh?" I had. Lots of people very happily made this lifestyle change and it has been the right long term choice. If you're option was solely regarding finances then no one can argue. But, the non financial trade offs can really outweigh that for many people.
I think she meant (or I took it that) that people were choosing the mommy track nit because they wanted to, but that they were being forced to. Re-read how op phrased that. I do think that all if us are worse off if we are pushing working mothers to stay home just because we secant be flexible in the working world.

[Philly Mom]

I think she meant (or I took it that) that people were choosing the mommy track nit because they wanted to, but that they were being forced to. Re-read how op phrased that. I do think that all if us are worse off if we are pushing working mothers to stay home just because we secant be flexible in the working world.

I agree both with your interpretation of OP's statement and that we are all worse off if women are staying home because we aren't making parent friendly workplaces.


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