Open presents at the party or not?

[mjs64]

I'm new to my area (East Bay, SF) and don't know what the norm is. I also have only 1 DC so don't have a lot of experience yet with kids' bday parties. We went to one last weekend at Chuck E Cheese, and they didn't open presents (3 yo bday). My DS, the whole time, kept getting his gift (the one we picked) off the gift table and bringing it to the birthday girl. He really wanted her to open it! So cute, but I guess they'd decided not to open presents; just packed them up. Makes sense when you consider toddler attention spans--it must be hard to watch another kid open presents?

So I'm asking, simply, what's your preference: open gifts at the party or not? I'm not asking what's the norm in your area, I'm asking about your personal preference, though feel free to comment on the norm.

I kind of wish they'd opened them, but no big deal. Asking cause DS is having a party this Sunday.

[BabyBearsMom]

We have probably been to close to 20 birthday parties over the past year and gifts were only opened at 1. I think I prefer not opening gifts at parties. 1) I think it isn't fair to expect really young kids to sit there and watch another kid open presents for a long period of time; 2) It avoids the awkward moment of the birthday child opening something and saying something not so polite since we all know that young kids are warrant to do that. We will not be opening presents at the girls' birthday party.

[egoldber]

For that age group, especially in the large party venues, I prefer not. I think it's too chaotic and no one really enjoys it.

IME, as the kids get older, and the parties get smaller, they do open gifts and it is part of the fun.

[California]

After for kids under five, during (if time allows) for five and up. If its just a few kids fine with during for any age. My kids like to stop and play and fully check out toys as they open them- and I don't want to rush that as it seems like a very healthy thing to me that they are so curious. If they did that in the midst of a preschool party it would be too chaotic.

[mackmama]

Open at home. Too hard for other kids to watch esp at that young age.


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[AnnieW625]

We opened presents at DD1's party when she was 5 at our house because it was about 10 girls and I thought it was a nice thing to do, that way each girl could see DD1 opening the gifts and she could tell them thank you (although she did write thank you notes). At a large party venue like Chuck E. Cheese it is just too loud (at least in my experience at the 2 or 3 parties we've been to there) to open presents, but in general I don't have an issue if kids open presents at a party, but sometimes it is mass chaos too so it is better done at smaller parties.

[wellyes]

No, the birthday child opening presents in front of everyone is a tradition that is very rare these days. It was the standard when I was growing up, but I almost never see it now. I don't really mind it when it happens, but it is somewhat awkward. It's a party, not a shower!

I remember my friend Mandy had a skating party when she turned 7 and she got a pound puppy. I had a skating party that year too, and I opened every gift hoping to get a pound puppy, and was so disappointed that I didn't get one. That's all I remember about that party, really. I'm glad the emphasis is not on gifts so much anymore.

I do think it's different with small parties. We had 2 friends over for DD's 3rd birthday and of course we opened gifts there. It would be odd not too. But most parties here tend to be all-class, which is just too much. I also think it's different with older kids who (should) know how to be gracious, and who are also much less likely to have parties with kids they barely know attending.

[ckso]

I also agree with young kids, they rather play than watch another kid open presents. And I would guess that the Birthday child would rather play with his/her friends. It also depends on how big the party is and where it is. DD2 had a party at an indoor playground booked for 2 hours so I would rather use it for play than opening presents.

But if your DS likes seeing the birthday child open his present, then I think it's perfectly fine to ask the mom if his present can be opened. If someone asked me that, I wouldn't have any problems with stopping my child for a minute to open that one present. That's actually happened before where the child got DD something he thought she would really like and he was really excited to watch her open it. It's not a big deal. But opening ALL presents may be too much for all involved.

The other problem with opening presents at the party is that it's really hard to keep track of who gave what to give proper Thank You notes.

[carolinacool]

For that age group, especially in the large party venues, I prefer not. I think it's too chaotic and no one really enjoys it.

IME, as the kids get older, and the parties get smaller, they do open gifts and it is part of the fun.

Both of these. I have yet to attend a party where gifts were NOT opened. Even with toddlers, it's fine if its a small party, but the bigger the crowd, the more chaotic. DS had a double party with a friend a couple of months ago at a bounce house. Twice, I tried to get the other mom to skip opening the gifts, but she seemed to really want to, and it was just the cluster I imagined it would be. Forty-five or so people, two gift piles and a time limit to get out the room. Oy.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Opening is my preference. I don't have big parties so it's not a long, painful experience.

[squimp]

I have done both, and for a big party at a gym or party place I prefer to pack them up and take them home. It's too much hassle and usually time is limited and I'd rather just play. When they're under 5 they generally have more fun playing than opening. For smaller parties and as they get older, opening becomes part of the party.

[mjs64]

Interesting! I had no idea the norm was not opening gifts. I remember opening presents at parties when I was little, but I suppose I don't remember parties before age 5. What you all have said makes a lot of sense--attention spans, chaos, etc.. We will pack up the presents rather than opening them for sure now. (FWIW, 10 kids + parents are attending a party at a nature center with an indoor party room).

This is exactly why this board is so helpful! Thank you.

[Tenasparkl]

Usually I'd say save them for after the party, but if there are only a few kids I don't mind it. My DD skipped a big party this year (and got DL passes instead) but had a few friends over for a "playdate with cupcakes". They all brought gifts and wanted to see her open them.

[IansMom]

When I host a party at a bouncy place or Little Gym, DS does not open gifts there. If there is time left after cake, the kids prefer to play until time is up. The only time DS opened presents during the party was at home with just close friends and family.

Most people here do not have home parties, but the ones we have attended were large and gifts were not opened during the party. At venues that move kids to a party room away from the activities, the birthday child opens gifts. Last Saturday, we went to a bowling party. The birthday child opened his gifts and some of the children watched while other kids continued to bowl.

We have attended mostly parties for preschool and younger elementary children. I prefer that gifts are not opened at the party because it is a challenge to get my son to sit still and watch but I understand that some kids may want to see the gifts opened.

[tabegle]

I think at home is easier. This year for dd, we let her unwrap them at home (and it was easier to make a list of what gift came from each friend). Then, when she wanted to open and play with a new toy, that was when she had to help with writing the thank you's. The thank you's got done in record time! :)

[KrisM]

We've never been to a party that did not open gifts at the party. I have 3 kids and we've been to a lot of parties. It really must be regional quite a bit. We also don't have or go to huge parties, so opening takes no more than maybe 10 minutes at the most. I know my kids are very excited to give their gifts and it seems like others are as well.

[123LuckyMom]

When the kids were younger, most people didn't do present opening at the party. Now that DS is 5, it's been pretty evenly divided. I think here people do what they grew up with, and almost none of us grew up here, so we all have different expectations! The kids take it in stride. I've never seen an upset kid in either scenario.

My personal preference is not to open gifts at the party. I DID grow up opening them, but I don't enjoy that custom. We have a system where DS opens a gift and writes the thank you note for that gift before opening the next one. I find it really gives him time to know who gave what and appreciate each item and the person who gave it. His thank yous are truly heart felt and sweet. Opening everything all at once can lead to the "pile of loot" syndrome where the gifts kind of get lost in too much-ness, if that makes sense. If his parties get smaller as he gets older, which I suspect they will, I think opening gifts at the party could be nice, but for now I really like our system.

[Momit]

Most parties we've been to are no gifts. When gifts were given, they have never been opened at the parties. Makes sense since often the venues have a very tight timeline and there simply isn't time.

DS's last party was a small one with mostly adults, older cousins and only a couple of younger kids. That was the only time DS has opened gifts at the party. I kind of like it that way, so the party is more about fun with friends and not about the stuff. Maybe that changes as kids get older and have smaller parties with closer friends, my perspective is based on the invite the whole class and have 10-15 kids who are not necessarily close friends.

[kdeunc]

We've never been to a party that did not open gifts at the party. I have 3 kids and we've been to a lot of parties. It really must be regional quite a bit. We also don't have or go to huge parties, so opening takes no more than maybe 10 minutes at the most. I know my kids are very excited to give their gifts and it seems like others are as well.

This exactly.

[lalasmama]

We open them at the party, for a number of reasons... First, until joining here, I had no idea that some people *don't* open them at parties. Second, I was taught verbal thank you at the party means a thank you note isn't necessary. Trying to get through thank you notes is torturous for me and my DD with ADHD, so I try to avoid it at all costs. Third, it teaches DD how to be gracious in the face of disappointment (ie, when she said, "I already have that!" it allowed us a teaching opportunity--'Sally' cried, so I was able to say, 'That hurt Sally's feelings! It's one of your favorite dresses that you wear all the time, isn't it? How great to have one in the next size up for your next growth spurt!'"). Fourth, I know our families love watching the kids opening presents, as do I. Fifth, it taught DD some minor patience/delayed gratification when she wasn't the birthday child ("Remember how much you love opening presents? Mikey loves it too, as do most kids! This time, it's Mikey's birthday, so it's his turn to open the presents while we watch. After Christmas, it will be your birthday, and your turn!").

[specialp]

I would MUCH prefer not to open, but sadly that is only in theory as I have never been to a party where the presents remained unopened. I hated doing it as a kid and it is my least favorite part of every party we go to.

[bigsis]

We definitely don't open presents at parties around here.

[magnoliaparadise]

So interesting. We never open parties around here. The ONLY time I ever saw it done was at a very small birthday party - I think there were only 4 kids invited to the party. That felt fine. But a large party - I would hate to be part of that!

[HannaAddict]

.

The other problem with opening presents at the party is that it's really hard to keep track of who gave what to give proper Thank You notes.

But that is the good part about opening presents at the time and saying thank you personally, there is no etiquette requirement to send another, written thank you. Of course, I've done it for some gifts into life, but generally opening a gift with the giver present negates the thank you note.

Bigger parties or parties off site generally don't have gifts opened at the time. Small parties, sure. We just had a 4th bday and 8 or 9 kids came and we opened gifts. But whole class parties, norm is to not open.

[KrisM]

I also agree with young kids, they rather play than watch another kid open presents. And I would guess that the Birthday child would rather play with his/her friends. It also depends on how big the party is and where it is. DD2 had a party at an indoor playground booked for 2 hours so I would rather use it for play than opening presents.

But if your DS likes seeing the birthday child open his present, then I think it's perfectly fine to ask the mom if his present can be opened. If someone asked me that, I wouldn't have any problems with stopping my child for a minute to open that one present. That's actually happened before where the child got DD something he thought she would really like and he was really excited to watch her open it. It's not a big deal. But opening ALL presents may be too much for all involved.

The other problem with opening presents at the party is that it's really hard to keep track of who gave what to give proper Thank You notes.

We usually have 2 chairs set up. One for the birthday child. The other kids are sitting on the floor in front. The birthday child picks a present and when the guest sees it's theirs, they sit in the other chair. I take a picture of them together with the present being opened and completely opened. I find the guest usually says something about why the gift was picked -it's her favorite, she knew DD would like it, etc. The birthday child then thanks the gift giver and picks up another gift.

If we do thank you notes, the birthday child pretty well knows who gave her what and if there is a question, we look at the picture. It's a very personal thing, not just a rip through paper thing.

Takes about 10 minutes to do them all. But, we've never had more than 6 kids come to a party.

[123LuckyMom]

I just want to interject for a minute to say that most people still write thank you notes even if the gifts are opened at the party. In fact, even at no gift parties, it is still customary to write a note thanking people for coming. This has been true in every country, state, and city where I've lived, so I do think it's a common rule of etiquette and a good lesson to teach kids for future social encounters, as is actually responding to an invitation that asks you to RSVP, another dying art.

[IansMom]

We usually have 2 chairs set up. One for the birthday child. The other kids are sitting on the floor in front. The birthday child picks a present and when the guest sees it's theirs, they sit in the other chair. I take a picture of them together with the present being opened and completely opened. I find the guest usually says something about why the gift was picked -it's her favorite, she knew DD would like it, etc. The birthday child then thanks the gift giver and picks up another gift.

If we do thank you notes, the birthday child pretty well knows who gave her what and if there is a question, we look at the picture. It's a very personal thing, not just a rip through paper thing.

I love this tradition.

123LuckyMom, I was also taught to write thank you notes to all the guests at the party. It didnt matter if the guest didnt bring a gift or if the gift was opened at the party. I only remember doing it once though. Generally, I have just sent thank you notes for gifts.

[TwinFoxes]

I just want to interject for a minute to say that most people still write thank you notes even if the gifts are opened at the party. In fact, even at no gift parties, it is still customary to write a note thanking people for coming. This has been true in every country, state, and city where I've lived, so I do think it's a common rule of etiquette and a good lesson to teach kids for future social encounters, as is actually responding to an invitation that asks you to RSVP, another dying art.

:yeahthat:

[KrisM]

I love this tradition.

123LuckyMom, I was also taught to write thank you notes to all the guests at the party. It didnt matter if the guest didnt bring a gift or if the gift was opened at the party. I only remember doing it once though. Generally, I have just sent thank you notes for gifts.

It's my intent, but it doesn't always happen. Sometimes it just gets forgotten. But, yes, we receive many thank yous even when it's opened at the party and we do usually send them.

[HannaAddict]

I just want to interject for a minute to say that most people still write thank you notes even if the gifts are opened at the party. In fact, even at no gift parties, it is still customary to write a note thanking people for coming. This has been true in every country, state, and city where I've lived, so I do think it's a common rule of etiquette and a good lesson to teach kids for future social encounters, as is actually responding to an invitation that asks you to RSVP, another dying art.

Not common here and every single etiquette book says not required. (Love etiquette books and sort of collect them.). Sure it is nice, which is why I do it when it seems appropriate. I love stationery products too and love really nice paper thank you notes. But do you really send thank you notes for all gifts at Christmas when you are with the giver and thanking them at the time? It is not a dying art, though
I agree RSVPing is!

[wellyes]

I was thinking of this thread today because my DD has a party today and another tomorrow. And I got both kids the same gift! My go to gift for kids I don't know well. And both birthday kids will be at both parties. Hope no one opens presents at the parties! It's a good gift, but one is a boy, the other a girl, and kids turning 6 can be sensitive about stuff like that.

[MMMommy]

At all the bday parties DDs attend, gifts are never opened. At party venues, there usually isn't time to open gifts (and the venue employees just put them all in a big bin). I would prefer not to open gifts at a party. Often times, there will be duplicate gifts or gifts that are much more expensive than others. I would not want guests to feel uncomfortable or bad if they saw that others gave much pricier gifts or if they gave a gift that someone else also gave. It is just my personal preference to not open gifts at our parties.

[AngB]

I have lots of reasons for preferring not to open gifts at parties!

My kids are almost 3 and 15 months. It is a PITA to keep them quiet and out of the way while bday kid is opening gifts. The parties we have been to are usually at least 10+ gifts (a few friends, a few family, etc) and takes awhile. There are a huge variety of price ranges and kids aren't always that tactful.

Also, it's easy to regift when we haven't opened gifts in front of everyone if we have a duplicate of something already and no gift receipt. Not that it wasn't a perfectly lovely gift, and I definitely don't regift amongst the same circle, and I only regift things that I have a specific person in mind for and would have otherwise bought for them anyway but we happen to already have 2.

I always write thank you notes whether we have opened gifts in person or not. But my kids aren't at the writing age.

[SnuggleBuggles]

For those that don't open gifts, what did you do as a kid? We always opened. I never remember it being a problem. Probably why we do it w our family.

[wellyes]

For those that don't open gifts, what did you do as a kid? We always opened. I never remember it being a problem. Probably why we do it w our family.

I think everyone opened gifts back in the day. I was surprised to read about no gift parties here, but when my kids got to be party age, I found it was the norm.

[wendmatt]

For that age group, especially in the large party venues, I prefer not. I think it's too chaotic and no one really enjoys it.

IME, as the kids get older, and the parties get smaller, they do open gifts and it is part of the fun.
I totally agree with Beth on this. I was really surprised to see so many people say no as DD loves to see her friends open their presents she has picked out for them and they all open presents at parties. But at 3, and a big party, it would be a bit much.

[jgenie]

It's so funny to see how everyone does things differently. DS1 is 6 and is going to a birthday party tomorrow. This is the first party he is going to that he actually knows the gift we are bringing and had input. I always just pick something out, wrap it and bring it along with us to the party. DS1 also doesn't realize there is a toy aisle at Target. We avoid that section of the store when I shop with DC.

[HannaAddict]

I think everyone opened gifts back in the day. I was surprised to read about no gift parties here, but when my kids got to be party age, I found it was the norm.

I think parties were smaller back in the olden days! At least they were for me, a couple of neighborhood kids, a couple of school friends (I was a summer b-day) and it was all good. No all class parties, no bounce house places or "venues" just balloons, pin the tail on the donkey and cake and ice cream. So, time to open gifts and not so overwhelming as now. But it is a different age and different demographics.

[BabyBearsMom]

I think parties were smaller back in the olden days! At least they were for me, a couple of neighborhood kids, a couple of school friends (I was a summer b-day) and it was all good. No all class parties, no bounce house places or "venues" just balloons, pin the tail on the donkey and cake and ice cream. So, time to open gifts and not so overwhelming as now. But it is a different age and different demographics.

This is totally true. DD1's party is coming up and when I tallied all of the kids it is going to be 30 invitations! But she had 19 kids in her class and her class frequently works with the other 3 yr old class so we invited some of the kids from that class, plus siblings, plus non-school friends....I'm stressed just thinking about it. When I was a kid, I don't remember having a party with more than 10 friends. They were almost all at my house. I remember my dad dressing up in a tigger costume for one. But we also live in a more urban area than where I grew up, so I have a small townhouse instead of an acre of land like my parents. It's not like I could have 10 kids here either. So if I have to rent a place anyone, i feel like it needs to be worth it.

[egoldber]

I think parties were smaller back in the olden days!

Yes, where I grew up, venue parties were really not a thing. They still aren't (vs. here) because the demographic is very different. I never had a "party" like the ones my kids have, just immediate family with cake and ice cream. But I also hated parties as a kid. :o

[SnuggleBuggles]

I remember the parties being venue (Chuck E Cheese, roller skating, mini golf...) and whole class. Presents were always opened. Sometimes I think we've over thought this one. We don't want to worry about people being bored (I haven't seen that), ungracious behavior (that's why you really drum in good manners ahead of time), worry about seeming greedy (I know not everyone sees it as I do but bring on the gifts for the birthday kid!). Maybe the non openers have seen the bad side. Maybe they think it just is gauche to do it bc no one in their circle does it. I say give it a try bc it's pretty fun. :)

Now, a whole class 2yo party? I would be inclined to skip it. So, I'm speaking for older kiddos.

[Gracemom]

We try to open presents if there is time. We often do it one at a time with just the DC and present giver there while other guests are busy doing other things. My kids enjoy seeing what someone picked out for them and thanking them in person. Other kids seem to like it too. We ususally only have about 10 kids at parties though. It would be harder to do with more kids (I'm not a fan of too many kids at a party).

[egoldber]

Sometimes I think we've over thought this one

Well at most of the venue parties here, there really isn't any time. Most parties are a 90-120 minute slot. Allowing 15 minutes for arrivals, 60 minutes of party activity, and then pizza and cake, there would typically be 15 minutes left. Really just not enough time IMO.

And like I said, when kids get to be older, say 6+, the parties stop being whole class and becoming smaller friend parties, often at home. Then presents generally are opened.

[ChristinaLucia]

I strongly prefer not opening presents. All the parties in my area turned into no presents in the last year though.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Well at most of the venue parties here, there really isn't any time. Most parties are a 90-120 minute slot. Allowing 15 minutes for arrivals, 60 minutes of party activity, and then pizza and cake, there would typically be 15 minutes left. Really just not enough time IMO.

And like I said, when kids get to be older, say 6+, the parties stop being whole class and becoming smaller friend parties, often at home. Then presents generally are opened.

That's why we pick non meal times. We choose presents over pizza. :)

[KrisM]

That's why we pick non meal times. We choose presents over pizza. :)

Us, too. We also don't make those who arrive on time, including the birthday kid, wait for late arrivals. Party starts on time and if you're 15 min late, you'll miss 15 min of party.

[TwinFoxes]

For those that don't open gifts, what did you do as a kid? We always opened. I never remember it being a problem. Probably why we do it w our family.

It was very different when I was a kid. Never had a whole class party, just family and family friends. Kids weren't invited to nearly as many parties as they are now. And I only remember two parties I had at a non-park venue or at home (the SD zoo and Farrell's!) As far as I remember we just opened gifts at the home parties and the park parties.

We mostly have venue parties here, so time is limited. I personally find present opening to be mind numbingly boring. :) I wouldn't make my guests sit through present opening x2. My cousin has triplets, I thought I was going to poke my eyes out when they opened all their presents. Around here it seems if the party is at home there's a 50/50 chance the presents will be opened. Never at a venue.

[IansMom]

For those that don't open gifts, what did you do as a kid? We always opened. I never remember it being a problem. Probably why we do it w our family.

As a kid, most of the parties I attended were home parties. It was a REALLY big deal if a party was not at home. I had my seventh birthday party at a roller skating rink, and I remember being so excited. I can still remember which friends had their parties at Putt-Putt golf or McDonald's, because it was so out of the ordinary. The gifts were opened at the venue (my best friend got a Strawberry Shortcake doll at the Putt Putt party!). But the parties were much smaller--10 kids at the most.

[wellyes]

Went to a birthday party today, presents were opened there, kid (turning 6) opened one and said "Oh. A puzzle. I hate puzzles!" :ROTFLMAO:

[SnuggleBuggles]

Went to a birthday party today, presents were opened there, kid (turning 6) opened one and said "Oh. A puzzle. I hate puzzles!" :ROTFLMAO:
Ds2 did that when my sister gave him books. Boy, did he get a talking to! Won't be making that mistake again. Better to learn graciousness at 6 than later and this is a great teaching moment. Kids are funny though- brutally honest sometimes. :)

[123LuckyMom]

I can remember opening presents at my birthday parties when I was a kid, but I don't think my parties were as big as DS's, and I don't think I ever had a venue party. I certainly always sent thank you notes.

[wellyes]

Ds2 did that when my sister gave him books. Boy, did he get a talking to! Won't be making that mistake again. Better to learn graciousness at 6 than later and this is a great teaching moment. Kids are funny though- brutally honest sometimes. :)

His parents were too busy organizing the other gifts, they didn't catch it. But, he's six. Barely! None of the adults minded, and the kids all seemed to take it in stride too.

[specialp]

I didn't like opening presents at my party as a kid, but had to. (I did refuse to have showers for my wedding & pregnancies and opted instead for no-gift fun get togethers. I'm just not a gift person.) I have a nephew and a neice (different families) who never liked it either for different reasons, although their mothers made them. All the others, however, did. So fun to one doesn't mean it is the perfect fit for everyone. It really is okay to do it both ways! There are lots of opportunities to teach kids graciousness so it isn't like the b'day party is the one shot. We do open gifts at the party because it is the norm here, but it is not my preference and we will reconsider when parties are larger and at venues.

About the drilling it into kids' heads: don't forget the younger siblings. We were at our friends' son's party last fall. The birthday boy was gracious, but his baby sister announced "him don't like those!"

[KrisM]

Went to a birthday party today, presents were opened there, kid (turning 6) opened one and said "Oh. A puzzle. I hate puzzles!" :ROTFLMAO:

Yeah, we've had that a couple times! But, we also get the opposite - DS1 for a few years was so happy about everything. He'd jump up and down and say how happy he was about it and it was the best thing ever! It was so fun to see that!